Read Big Girls Do It Married Online
Authors: Seth Clarke
Big Girls Do It Married
BIG GIRLS DO IT MARRIED
© Copyright 2012 Jasinda Wilder
All rights Reserved.
www.jasindawilder.com
To all the awesome ladies of Team Wild, you rock my socks!
CHAPTER 1
Chase proposed to me.
Holy shit
.
What was I supposed to do? Jeff had proposed to me the day before. Two proposals of marriage in two days. Seriously? Who does this happen to?
Me, apparently.
I shoved open the door and ran out into the night, sobs ripping from my throat. I heard voices behind me, Jeff's and Chase's. They both called my name, told me to wait.
Then I heard Jeff's voice again, deeper, harder, growling. "Back off, pretty boy. You had your chance."
"Who the hell asked you?" Chase, angry.
I stopped, sensing trouble. Jeff had sounded threatening. Chase had sounded equally threatening. Two proposals, and now the two men were about to fight over me. I'm sure some girls might find that sexy or something, but not me. There's nothing hot about the two men in love with you making each other bloody over you. Two men in love with you is messy, period. Flattering, yes. But it's complicated and difficult, and I don't recommend it.
I turned in time to see Chase push past Jeff, who was trying to keep Chase from coming after me. Jeff shoved Chase, spinning him in the process. A fist flashed, and Chase went down with a grunt, bleeding.
"Stop!" I ran over to them, pushed Jeff away, knelt down beside Chase.
Jeff backed away, fists clenched, eyes narrow and angry. "Anna?"
That single word, my name dropping from Jeff's lips, held a thousand questions, a thousand recriminations. I looked up at him. He wasn't just angry at Chase.
"Jeff, I didn't know he would do this. I haven't seen or spoken to him since I left New York." I stood up and met Jeff's eyes. "I promise, I didn't know he'd do this."
"Okay, then." The anger faded from his eyes, but the hardness didn't. "Leave, pretty boy."
Chase stood up, angry. "Fuck you. I'll leave when I want, cowboy. I have a right to talk to her. She doesn't belong to you."
Jeff pushed forward, but I stopped him with a gentle hand to his chest. "Jeff, no. Please. Let me talk to him. Go in, run the shift. I'll be there in a few minutes."
He hesitated, looking from me to Chase and back again. I realized I was the one he didn't entirely trust.
"Jeff, please. I'll be fine, I swear. I mean, don't worry, okay? It's not like that."
He grunted, his lip curling in a frown, but he turned on his heel and went back into The Dive.
Chase waited till Jeff was gone and then turned to me, wiping the blood sluicing from his nose on the back of his arm. "Anna, listen, I—"
"Chase, what the hell were you thinking?" I turned away from him, because looking at him made my head and my heart and my body all go in different directions. "You can't just show up where I work and propose to me in front of hundreds of people."
"It's not hundreds," Chase pointed out. "There's maybe seventy people in there."
"What fucking difference does it make how many people there are, Chase? You embarrassed me!" I turned back to him, my face flushed hot with anger. "Putting me on the spot like that isn't the way to win me back, if that's what you're going for."
"Embarrassed you? I asked you to marry me!"
"Yeah, but I wasn't ready!" I was yelling loudly, but I didn't care at the moment. "You can't just show up after a month of silence and propose, Chase. It doesn't work like that."
Now it was Chase's turn to yell. "I tried for weeks to get a hold of you, Anna! You ran without giving me a chance to explain. I sent a million texts, called and left a million voicemails. You never so much as acknowledged me."
The hurt in his eyes made my heart clench.
"Chase, I can't have this conversation now. I have to work."
He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his knuckles. "Fine. When, then?"
"Tomorrow, lunch. Call me and we'll meet." The hurt on his face turned to hope, forcing me to backtrack. "Look, I'm not agreeing to anything. I'm just saying I'll meet with you and give you a chance to explain. That's
it
. Okay?"
He nodded and stepped into me for a hug, his arms sliding around my waist. I was disoriented for a long moment, feeling the anger and embarrassment and confusion warring with my physical desire for and comfort with him. I managed to push him back and step away.
"Chase, stop." My voice was small; I couldn't meet his eyes. "Stop trying to confuse me."
"I wasn't—"
"I have to go." I turned and walked away without a backward glance.
The bar was buzzing. No one met my eyes or spoke to me. Jeff was setting up the song queue when I got back to the karaoke stage; the glance he shot my way was equal parts worry, anger, and resignation.
I waited until the song was under way, a big blond man doing fair justice to "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band.
"Jeff," I said, leaning close to him, my hand on the back of his shoulder. "I know what that must have seemed like to you. But please, please believe me, I had nothing to do with it. I haven't seen him, texted him, emailed him, called him, nothing, since I left New York."
He shrugged, not quite looking at me. "Okay."
"Goddamn it, Jeff." I picked up a Keno pencil and snapped it between my fingers, toying with the halves. "I need you to believe me. I didn't know he would do that. I didn't want him to."
Jeff blew a long breath out, puffing his cheeks and rolling his shoulders. "All right, Anna. All right." He put his hand on my knee and squeezed lightly. "I'll make the choice to trust you."
I had to tell him I was meeting Chase for lunch tomorrow, but now wasn't the time. It'd have to wait until after we were done working.
The shift dragged on forever. Each song seemed to take an hour, and each performance was worse than the last. Finally we finished, loaded up, and went home, once again not staying for a drink. I could use one, but I'd rather wait until we were home so I could get Jeff relaxed before pissing him off all over again.
We got back to his place, carted the equipment back into his garage, and plopped down on his couch with beer and a bag of pretzels. Jeff sat down and propped his legs up on the coffee table, waiting. I curled up next to him, feet crossed underneath me.
We drank in silence for a few minutes, and then Jeff nudged my thigh with his beer bottle. "You got something to say. Spit it out."
I bit my lip, then let my head flop back onto the couch as I answered. "I told Chase I'd meet him for lunch tomorrow, give him a chance to say his piece." I held up my hand to stall his objections. "I was very clear with him. I told him it wasn't for anything but to give him a chance to explain. Nothing is changing."
"The hell it isn't," Jeff said. "I asked you to
marry
me yesterday, Anna. You said you needed time to think about it. Then pretty boy shows up and asks you, too. What am I supposed to think?"
"His name is Chase," I said. "Not 'pretty boy.' I know you don't like him, and I don't expect you to. But don't be a dick about it, okay?"
"So should I just take the ring back, then?" Jeff asked.
My heart throbbed at the tone in his voice, despair tangled with anger.
"No, Jeff. Please, you're not being fair. I know how this must seem to you—"
"I don't think you do, Anna." Jeff set his beer bottle down and turned on the couch to face me. "I've been in love with you for six years. You know that? This isn't just a sudden thing for me. I've loved you since the very first song we sang together. Remember what it was?"
"'I'll Be' by Edwin McCain."
"Yeah. You acted like you didn't notice I was in love with you, so I didn't push it. I liked being your friend. I liked working with you. I wanted you in my life any way I could get you, even if that meant never saying anything about how I felt." Jeff looked down and scratched at the couch with a fingernail. "I love you, Anna. But I'm not waiting around anymore. You gotta choose."
"You're making this something it's not, Jeff. There's nothing to choose. I love you. I had no idea he was even here. You think that's the kind of proposal I'd like? In public? A complete surprise?"
Jeff shook his head. "He's an idiot. He doesn't know shit about you if he thinks that would work. But that's not the point. I don't think you're over him. I think you still wonder about him, about New York. I saw your face. You hated the shock of it, but the fact that he'd shown up and was doing something to get your attention, that hit you hard."
I couldn't answer for a long time. I stared at the carpet until the pattern wavered.
"Maybe you're right," I said, finally. "What the hell am I supposed to do? I would have been fine if he'd just stayed in New York. I would have wondered every once in a while, but I would've been fine. Now? I don't know."
I was talking to myself more than Jeff, but he answered anyway.
"Well, go and talk to him, then. I'm not gonna say I don't care, 'cause I do. Do what you have to do."
"I'm just meeting him to hear what he has to say. That's it."
"And what if he says he loves you, and he wants you to go to New York with him?
What if he kisses you, and begs you, tells you that you were wrong about what you saw? What if he has proof he didn't do anything? What then?"
I couldn't answer. Those questions were banging in my head, too. I shrugged. "I don't know," I whispered. "But...don't leave me, okay? Give me a chance. Please?"
Jeff drained his beer. "Do what you have to do." He stood up and looked down at me sadly. "We'll take things one step at a time."
He poured the suds at the bottom down the drain and set his bottle on the counter, then reached into his shorts pocket. He took out a black ring box and set it on the table, turned without looking at me or the ring, and went into his room.
I sat on the couch, staring at the ring box, drinking my beer and wishing the answer would strike me like lightning. It didn't. I moved to the table and sat down in front of the little black box, but I didn't touch it yet. I set my beer down, wiped my damp fingers on my shirt, and opened the box.
The ring was as breathtaking as it had been the first time I saw it. I lifted the ring out of the box and held it between my finger and thumb. The light refracted on the myriad facets, glinted from the platinum. My eyes burned, my sight wavered, and then a single tear dripped to the glass surface of the table.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
No answer came.
I stared at the ring for a long time, trying to sort out what I felt for Jeff and what I felt for Chase. Sitting there alone, all I could think was that they were both important to me. They both said they loved me. They both wanted me.
Me.
Me.
Anna Devine.
How was I supposed to make this choice?
I couldn't.
I put the ring back, closed the box, and shut off the lights before going into Jeff's—our—bedroom. I lay down next to him, afraid to touch him.
Sleep was a long time coming.
*
*
*
Jeff was gone when I woke up. He'd left a note:
Anna,
I need some time. Went to the gym to work out, then to the shooting range with some Army buddies.
Just know, whatever happens, I love you. I want you to be happy.
Jeff.
I stared at the note, written in Jeff's all-caps scrawl, tersely worded. Those last six words haunted me: "I want you to be happy." I knew Jeff. I knew what he was saying. He loved me enough to let me make my own choice. He'd made his feelings clear, and that was that. He'd let me go, if that's what I wanted.
It would have been easier in some ways if he'd recriminated with me, fought for me, stayed angry. But that just wasn't Jeff. He would fight for me, though. He'd punched Chase, after all. Although I suspected the punch was more about his own jealousy than protecting me. I hadn't needed protection, after all.
The morning passed slowly. I ended up back at my apartment, which was sans Jamie again. I showered, changed, and tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. Like the night before, no answers came.
Eventually I texted Chase rather than waiting for him:
Meet me at National Coney Island in Royal Oak in twenty minutes.