Endless Love Letter (Love Letter Duet Book 2) (9 page)

BOOK: Endless Love Letter (Love Letter Duet Book 2)
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“Weston,” she murmured.

I kissed her neck, her cheeks, captured her soft lips with mine. Our foreheads rested together as each thrust brought us closer to a climax. “You’re perfect,” I moaned.

Emilia whimpered in pure ecstasy and I felt her tightening around me. My own release was approaching, and I knew she was right there with me.

“Fuck . . .” I moaned.

Emilia wrapped her legs around my body, holding me closer. Loud, untamed gasps escaped her mouth as I drove deep inside her. Emilia held tightly to me as she climaxed. Her body shook and I kissed her furiously. Once her body stopped trembling, I grunted, thrusting deeper, harder, and faster, and found my own release.

My heart was hammering.

Her eyes were closed.

We were numb with bliss.

Sated with love.

Emilia kissed my shoulder, her hands slid up and down my back. Shifting off her body, I kept her in my arms.

Her deep brown eyes peered up at me and a smile grew on her face.

“What?” I asked.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.”

I brought my lips to her neck. “I’ve forgotten how good we are at this.”

“Thank you.” She threw her leg over mine and nuzzled close to me. “You make me forget the bad. And because of nights like this, and a man like you, I want to fight harder. Not only for Lyra, but for us.”

I turned to get a better hold of her. Kissing the top of her head, I brushed her hair back, showing her that I loved her with every fiber in my body.

13

I
had spent
the night holding her close to me. The sun peered into the bedroom letting me know that soon reality would set in. I had been up most of the night watching each second pass. My eyes were glued to the digital clock on the nightstand. I counted the times it blinked before changing to seven. I hit the off button and sat at the edge of the bed, my head hung low. Exhaling slowly, I rose to make breakfast.

Today Emilia started chemo.

I didn't know how to prepare myself for this. Emilia lay peacefully on the bed, her bare skin flawless in the dim lighting of the sun. She must have known that I was staring at her because her eyes peeled open.

A sideways grin grew on my face. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”

She yawned and stretched her hands above her head. “I've been up for hours now. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Are you scared about today?” I brushed my hands over her shoulder. 

“A little.” Her eyes pooled with tears. “I'm afraid to see what I'll look like with no hair.”

“You'll look just like you do now—beautiful.” I leaned and kissed her cheek.

“You think so?” 

Yes, haven't you seen
GI Jane
? Demi was hot with a buzzed head.” 

Emilia giggled and slapped my arm. “You're such a man.”

“I'm going to hop in the shower and then make breakfast. Why don’t you wake up Lyra?” I said before kissing her neck.

Emilia nodded and I left to get ready. According to Emilia's oncologist, she needed to focus on eating a lean and well–balanced breakfast. Foregoing the bacon, I prepared a veggie omelet with toast and freshly squeezed orange juice. 
Lyra and Emilia joined me in the kitchen. Lyra, as always bubbly and loving, greeted me with a big hug and we sat to eat. We sat to eat around the table. Emilia’s eyes wouldn’t meet mine. She barely touched her omelet and constantly found a reason to reach over to Lyra and touch her.

“Did you pack your item for the letter M?” I asked Lyra. Each week she was given a letter, and had to bring something to school that started with the letter.

“I did!” She beamed up at me. “Yesterday, I glued macaroni to a poster board.”

“Good job, princess.”

After breakfast we drove Lyra to school. Through the entire ride, I kept the radio volume low. Lyra explained how her best friend Dena had been given a ‘yes day’ while I traced invisible love letters on Emilia's hand.

“Daddy?” She questioned but didn’t wait for me to answer. “Do you think I can have a yes day, too? Dena’s daddy is giving her a yes day this Saturday. For the whole day, he has to say yes to everything! Everything!”

“Oh…”

“Can I have a yes day, Daddy? Please.”

“Of course, Lyra.”

“I can’t wait to tell Dena!”

I looked over at Emilia. Her gaze met mine and a soft smile grew on her face. Thank you,” she mouthed. I brought the back of her hand to my lips.

We drove in silence after Lyra’s drop off. The twenty–minute ride to the chemo center seemed to take hours. I pulled her car into the parking lot and cut the engine.

“What are you doing?” she asked when I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Taking you to get chemo?” My eyebrows furrowed as I responded. 

“You don't have to come in too. I'm okay by myself.” She pulled her purse high on her shoulder.

I scoffed. “If you think I'm not going to be here through all of this you're out of your mind.” I reached over and took her hands in mine.

“But I'll just be sitting there. I brought a book to read, and I'll most likely get nauseated and puke.” Her nose crinkled with disgust. “You must have something better to do.”

“Well, it's a good thing I have my laptop and a whole album to write. I have all the time in the world.” I kicked the car door open and looked back at her. “Besides, who will hold your hair back?”

Emilia didn't argue. She smiled as she crawled out of the car and laced her hand with mine. Together, we walked toward the front door.

I'd like to believe that I was a smart man who’d properly prepared myself for this day. But there was no way I could have been prepared for this. Walking into the large, cold room with bright lights and black leather recliners scattered around in a circle, I felt a pinch in my chest. This would be our home for three and half hours every three weeks for the next four months. 

I tried not to stare at the other patients as Emilia checked in, but it was harder than I had thought. A little boy no older than Lyra sat on the far right playing on an iPad. He looked so small in the massive chair. A child should not have to go through this.

An elderly woman sat with her husband. He lay with his eyes closed, and an oxygen cannula rested above his lips. Cancer didn’t give a fuck who you were. It saw no age, race, or religion.

Cancer was the mother fucking devil.

A nurse guided us to an empty chair. Emilia smiled and greeted the two patients on either side of her. She reclined the chair back as the nurse explained what they would be doing.

Chemo kills cancer because it kills you in the process. You get fatigued, nauseated, your body is in tremendous pain. You lose your hair and your control of your bladder and bowel movements. I’d read that people complained their mouth tasted of battery acid.

I held Emilia's hand when they inserted the needle into her port. “One down,” Emilia said when the chemo began to drip into the IV. “Seven to go.” A lone tear dripped down her cheek.

I closed my eyes and hoped for a better day when this would be behind us.

14

E
milia
and I left the cancer center the same way we walked in.

Hand in hand.

She felt a bit tired so we decided we would stay in bed until it was time to pick up Lyra from school. The television was on for only twenty minutes before she was sleeping in my arms.

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and sent a text message to Jeremy.

Me: She just finished her first round of chemo. She seems okay.

Emilia had cut Jeremy off from her life. It was a subject she refused to discuss. She blamed him for the cancer—not that it was his fault, but she needed to put her blame on something. That something was Jeremy.

The day after I left his office, he sent me a text message asking if I’d talk to Emilia. I told him what I knew and kept him in the loop. I explained to him the prognosis and the treatment plan. It was wrong to go behind her back, but at one time he was the person who helped her out the most. I hated to admit it, but he loved her like I did.

Jeremy: Thanks, man. If she needs anything, please let me know.

Emilia stayed in bed while I went to pick up Lyra from school. She was in such a deep slumber that she didn’t budge when I kissed her good–bye. I called my mother to confirm her flight from Seattle to LA. She would be staying at my house for a week at a time throughout the next few months. Emilia and I had decided we would need her help the most the week right after her chemo treatments as that was when the doctors said she would feel the worst.

“Hello?” my mother answered.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Weston, sweetie, how’s Emilia?”

I exhaled, massaging the back of my neck. “She’s okay I think. We got home, she wasn’t hungry, but has been sleeping ever since.”

“And how are you?”

“You know, staying strong for her.”

My mother sighed. “I’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you again for coming.”

“Have you told Lyra?” My mother’s voice held a hint of concern.

“Emilia and I plan on telling her tonight.”

“Tell them both that I love them. And I love you too, of course.”

A smile grew on my face. “Thank you again, Mom. I love you.”

I hung up the phone and was greeted with a cheerful Lyra running toward me. Her grin was ear to ear.

“Daddy!” she shouted.

I squatted and captured her in my arms.

“How was your day, princess?”

Lyra squeezed her little arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. “I helped Mrs. Carol during story time.” Lyra explained her day to me as I fastened her into her booster seat. “Where’s Mommy?”

I kissed the top of her head and gazed into her eyes. “Mommy isn’t feeling so well. She’s home resting. But Granny will be coming to spend some time with us.”
Lyra’s eyes widened. “Can we go to the movies on Saturday with Granny?”

“We can ask her when she gets here.” I tried to seem interested in what she was saying, but my mind was with Emilia.

“I can even share my popcorn with her.” Lyra continued with the conversation. I checked her seatbelt and closed the door. Pulling back the driver’s door, I stepped into the car. She continued to plan her weekend with my mother as I drove us home.

Lyra skipped up the steps as I grabbed the mail from the mailbox. The house was quiet, just as I had left it. “Mommy!” Lyra skipped from room to room looking for Emilia. The lights were off, but the house was bright with the sunlight that poured through the skylights.

I walked through the house and down the long hallway to where Emilia's bedroom was located. Stepping closer to the open door, I heard her in the bathroom heaving.

“Em?” I rushed to her. Lyra followed behind me. Emilia knelt over the toilet, her hair pulled to the side as her body convulsed.

“Mommy?” Lyra's voice was weak, her hand reaching for mine.

Emilia flushed the toilet before looking back at us. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she stood walked over to the sink. “It's okay, sweetie,” she said to Lyra.

Lyra released my hand and ran to her mother’s side, hugging her leg. Through the mirror, my gaze met Emilia’s. It had only been a few hours, but she had already changed so much. Her eyes were heavy and exhaustion haunted her features.

After she had rinsed out her mouth, we followed her back to bed. Lyra kicked off her shoes and climbed into bed with her mom. “Did you eat something that upset your tummy?”

I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Emilia to tell Lyra.

“Can Mommy have one of those special hugs?” She opened her arms for Lyra. Lyra giggled and hugged Emilia. Emilia's eyes closed as she held on to Lyra for a few seconds longer. “Lyra, we need to talk.” She brushed Lyra's hair away from her face.

“Okay.” Lyra looked back at me then at Emilia.

“Mommy is sick,” Emilia said softly, “and she is going to be sick for a few months.”

“Why?” Lyra sat up on her knees. “Why don't you take medicine?”

“I am.” Emilia ran her fingers through Lyra's hair. “Mommy is going to be really sick some days and I don't want you to think that I love you any less because I won't be able to play.”

“What's wrong with you?” Lyra sat on her knees.

“Mommy has cancer.”

Like Grandma Lucy?” Lyra's eyes filled with sudden tears.

“No, sweetie.” Emilia shook her head to reassure Lyra. “The doctors were able to take it all out and now I have to take this medicine, but I'll be all right.”

“Will you lose your hair?” Lyra reached up and entwined her finger with a strand of hair. “Penny's mother lost all her hair when she had cancer in her boobies.”

Emilia laughed. “Well, mine will fall too out but it will grow back.”

“You're going to be okay?”

“I'm going to be fine.”

“Is that why Jeremy left and Daddy moved in?”

Emilia's eyes pulled away from Lyra and looked over at me.

“No, princess,” I spoke up. “Sometimes people stop loving each other. But it's not your fault. Jeremy still loves you very much, but he and your mom are better off as friends.”

Lyra crawled into her mother’s lap. “Promise me that you're going to be okay.”

“I promise.”

15

F
uck Cancer
.

There were days I sat by Emilia's side because she couldn't get out of bed while she cried from the burning sensation that coursed through her body. Food was the least appealing thing to her. When she did eat, she puked up everything.

The bad days were bad. Horrible really. There was no other way to say it. I carried Emilia out of bed because she physically couldn't move. It was changing her. Completely dark circles had formed under her eyes; her cheeks were beginning to sink in.

Watching the person I loved suffer this way was excruciating. I hated that I was helpless. I hated that I couldn’t do anything to take away her pain. I would never be able to forget the agony she was in. Her cries would forever haunt my mind.

Cancer, how I fucking hate you.

One day, one really bad day, we sat outside as Lyra played in the yard, running with a bubble wand in the air. Emilia sat with a soft blanket draped over her body, her eyes focused on the ocean. She hadn’t said much that morning. Every once in a while she would moan, and I knew something inside of her was hurting.

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, look!” Lyra twirled and a cluster of bubbles popped from her wand. She danced around, trying to pop every bubble she could.

I looked over at Lyra and then to Emilia. “Em?” I questioned when her gaze hadn’t strayed from the ocean.

Emilia didn't respond. 

A few minutes passed, and Lyra’s infectious laughter bellowed across the yard. “Mommy, come see what I can do!” Lyra giggled and slid down the slide.

I again pulled my gaze away from Lyra and looked over at Emilia. She exhaled, her eyes glassy with tears.

“Are you feeling okay?” I whispered. Emilia slowly nodded and closed her eyes. A lone tear dripped down her cheek.

“Mommy, did you see that?” Lyra asked.

“Lyra!” Emilia shouted, her voice roaring through the yard. “I physically can’t do this right now! I am tired, I don’t feel well, and the last thing I want to do is run around with you, so give me a few minutes of peace!” The second the words were out of her mouth, she hunched forward and began to cough.

Lyra ran inside the house, hiding from the chaos. I rushed to Emilia’s side. “I didn't mean to yell at her, Weston, but I’m tired, weak, everything burns. It hurts to breathe, to swallow, to fucking
think
. I just . . . I just need five minutes. Just five minutes, where I can just ignore every single thing because right now I honestly feel like walking off that ledge and never looking back!” Covering her face, she wept.

I rubbed her shoulder. “It's okay. Lyra will understand.”

She looked up at me, her eyes drenched with tears. “I'm a horrible mother.”

“Em,” I whispered and draped my arms over her.

“Get off of me!” She tried to push me away, but she was so weak I didn’t move an inch. “Lyra needs you. She needs you to tell her that I still love her because I can't chase after her. Tell her that I didn't mean to yell at her. Tell her that I’m sorry God gave her such a crappy mother.”

These were the bad days. The days I couldn’t do anything but listen. When we were at the mercy of cancer and dropped down to our knees and prayed for a better day. This was a terrible fucking day.

“She knows you love her.” I brushed her hair away from her face.

“Leave me alone!” Emilia exhaled. “Go, Weston. Please go hug her because I can’t.”

I left Emilia and walked inside the house. I retrieved the key Emilia had placed over the door of Lyra’s room and unlocked her door.

“Lyra . . .” I pushed open the door and heard her snuffling on the bed.

“Go away!” She cried.

I sat on her bed and brushed her hair to the side. “Mommy loves you very much, Lyra. She didn’t mean to yell.”

“I know.” She turned to face me. “I miss her. I miss how she used to play with me and braid my hair.”

I patted the bed and Lyra sat up. “Mom will have bad days, and then she’ll have good days. Today is a bad day, and I’m sorry.”

“I don’t like this cancer.”

“I don’t either, princess.” I kissed the top of Lyra’s head.

Holding Lyra to my chest, I closed my eyes and prayed for a better day.

BOOK: Endless Love Letter (Love Letter Duet Book 2)
11.37Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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