The Scarlet Derby and Midnight Jay - Volume 1: Gallery of Rogues (12 page)

“But what do you gain from putting us out of the way?” The Jay asked.

“I have everything to gain!” The Duchess chortled as she stepped back and unfurled a silk fan, demurely covering her face. “The decree that has turned the two of you into criminals is only the beginning. One parliament takes my decree into law, The Royal Court of Nodont will receive jurisdiction over all of London and the entirety of the police force. I will become the lawful arm of the entire British monarchy, answerable only to The Queen herself!”

“Without us or heroes like us to keep the citizens from opposing your power,” The Jay said coldly.

“Really, dear, you should be thanking me. Now you can live a life free of this mask,” The Duchess reached a hand, nearing The Jay’s face.

Suddenly, The Jay tipped over, landing on her side. She yelped, not expecting the fall. She looked back at her husband. “What was that?”

“Sorry, dear. I had to tilt us on our side to prevent her from unmasking you.” The Derby replied.

“That’s all well and good, but I’m afraid I have little practice escaping from this position.” The Jay sighed.

The Duchess clicked her tongue at the duo, “Just look at the two of you, rebellious to the very end. Even if you were loose of those ropes, we’re all locked in this room until the police arrive, and I’ve already overpowered you once.”

“I think she has us there.” The Derby said worriedly.

“Not quite.” The Jay replied. Twisting her head as far as it would turn in the other direction. “Silas, what are you waiting for? Help us out of these ropes so we can thwart The Duchess.”

“I can’t,” Silas said. There was a strange look of fear and concern crossed his deformed face. “I-I can’t go back on my end of the deal!”

“The deal has been altered,” The Jay replied. “I know you want us out of the way, but it can’t be like this. If you don’t act now, she will turn your beloved London into a self-serving police state. So go on, stand up to your big sister!”

“Don’t listen to her, Silas!” The Duchess shouted back. “The outside world thinks you’re nothing but a villain and a monster. Just let me have my way and you’ll be a respected citizen by my side.”

Needless to say, the once-and-future most reviled villain in all of London suddenly found himself at a complete moral standstill. After all the potential to be recognized for his royal blood and the right to rule over a significant part of her majesty’s land was honestly what he’d hoped for all along. The pair of do-gooders who always thwarted him were naturally going to talk him out of it, and by the end put him in the same place as he was before.

He glanced up, startled at the sight of his sister fitting a pair of brass knuckles. She was ready to swing her armored fists into The Derby’s temple when Silas met her blow with an open palm, stopping her assault. “Sorry, Sister, but I’m afraid they’re right: I can’t let you do this.”

“You’re a hypocrite for saving them,” The Duchess said venomously, struggling to get her hands free of her brother’s brawny grip.

“I am not!” Silas chided. “You’re not improving on my methods. You’re not interested in sharing your rule. You’ve been coercing me so you can have dominion of London to yourself. I’m not keen on being your secondary ruler, especially while dressed in this frightful parody of fashion.”

As the two argued, The Derby and Jay remained tied to a pair of sideways-turned chairs. The Derby glanced in the direction of the squabbling and groaned. “They’re certainly a spirited pair of youngsters, aren’t they?”

“One wonders where their parents are in all of this,” the Jay added, rolling her eyes.

“So, I assume you almost have us out of these ropes,” The Derby stated.

“You assume right,” The Jay replied. “I’ve managed to slowly budge my umbrella nearby with my fingertips, and I’m currently using the switch blade in the hilt to saw away at the rope.”

“Aren’t you glad I suggested you add that switchblade?” The Derby said with a hint of gloating in his tone.

“Not now, dear...” The Jay said sternly as she flexed her shoulders, popping the ropes loose.

The Jay stood up, her hands balled into fists making a bee-line towards the offending duchess, “Stand aside, Silas! This is a fight between us women!” She lunged for the Duchess and as soon as the two began brawling, Silas let go of his sister’s hands and casually strolled over to stand at the side of the Derby.

“I’m assuming The Jay took that attempted unmasking a bit personally,” The Derby said, as he dusted off the lapels of his outfit.

Silas replied, “It seems so, but I’m glad The Jay is here. Otherwise I may have had to resort to hitting a lady.”

“You mean that’s actually a concern for you?” The Derby said, a bit of snide prying in his voice.

“Of course it is,” Silas scoffed, and straightened his lapels. “I may be the villain-de-jure in this city, but I do have some standards. I hope that, should I actually accomplish my wicked ends, I would actually rule London with a sense of benevolence.”

“Oh sure, your methods tend to just reek of benevolence,” The Derby replied sarcastically.

The two sat in, if it weren’t for the struggle between The Jay and the duchess in the background, total silence. After a few moments Silas spoke up again. “You have a very rigid sense of right and wrong, don’t you, Derby?”

“I take pride in it,” The Derby said confidently.

“I’d be a bit more careful about that, if I were you,” Silas replied.

“Why is that?” The Derby asked.

“I am the exact same way,” Silas chortled.

Suddenly, there was a hard knock on the basement door. A voice from the hallway called out “Open up! It’s the police!” The Derby and Silas looked at one another, wondering exactly what to do, but before they could act, a thud and a smash leveled the door. The police piled down the stairs in some sort of Keystone comedic menagerie. By this time, the Jay had finished her ruckus with the Duchess and was standing, out of breath, over her royally befuddled person.

“Stand aside! Stand aside!” A voice called from the back of the police pile. Working his way past what seemed to be every single man in his division was Chief Constable O’Gratin. When he reached the bottom, he looked at the scene and clicked his tongue. “Well, I guess I would have been a fool not to assume it would come to this. Men, arrest The Scarlet Derby and Midnight Jay.”

“Wait!” Silas spoke up. “The Derby and Jay are not at fault. This was my own scheme!”

The Constable was aghast, “Silas Monstrosity, are you actually confessing to a crime?”

“I’m afraid so,” Silas gave a crooked smile and a shrug. “I forged the birth papers, and I coerced The Duchess into posing as my sister so I could trap my arch enemies and have them put behind bars.”

“I see, but still: why confess when the whole scheme would well have worked?”

“I was hoping that all this would succeed without The Duchess being hurt. Now that she has, well, it’s just not cricket,” Silas affirmed. His irrefutable reputation as a liar was obviously being put to good practice at this point.

The Constable nodded in understanding “Well, I’d anticipated this as well. Trevor, bring me the extra-large cuffs.”

Seeing nothing else to do in the moment, The Derby and Jay helped pull The Duchess’ ample body off of the floor. Surrounded by cops, they watched as an officer wrapped Silas’ massive wrists in heavy chains, clapping the mass shut with a large padlock.

“Do me just one favor, Constable,” Silas said pleasantly. “I’d like just a few moments with The Duchess to apologize.”

“You have me at a soft moment Monstrosity,” The Constable affirmed. “All-right, but we’ll have the place surrounded in case you try anything funny.”

There was silence besides the shuffling of police officers’ feet as The Constable’s division returned upstairs. Once they were out of earshot of the law, the Jay asked. “Why didn’t you tell him the truth, Silas? He would have taken our word as a witness.”

Silas’ crooked smile widened a bit “While I admit, my sister surprised me with the brilliance of her scheme, she is in no way a hardened criminal like I am. Her place is here in the cozy aristocracy.”

“You’re a strange one, brother.” The Duchess said, holding her tattered gloved hand over a particularly tenderized part of her cheek.

“You knew that since the day this family disowned me,” Silas mused.

“All the same,” The Derby interjected “You will now be going to jail for her crime.”

“Oh, I didn’t say I was staying. For one, I have already picked the lock on these cuffs.” Everyone heard a clatter as Silas dropped the length of chain and brought his hands forward to rub his tender wrists. “Wilhelmina, may you show me an exit?”

“Gladly,” The Duchess walked over to a bookshelf. Swinging it open like a doorway, she revealed a tunnel which led underground to who knows where.

“You know as lawmen ourselves we can’t permit this!” The Derby declared.

“Come along, dear. One good turn and all that,” The Jay coaxed.

“We can however,” the Derby gave a reluctant sigh “give you a solid fifteen-minute head start.”

“You won’t regret this, Derby!” Silas rapidly shook The Derby’s hand before dashing rapidly into the dark corridor.

“You have no idea what I wouldn’t regret,” The Derby said in a bewildered tone.

O O O

A moment later, The Scarlet Derby and Midnight Jay returned up the stairway to meet up with The Constable.

“I thought that Silas would be with you,” The Constable said, taking a puff of his pipe.

“No, I’m afraid that he overpowered us and escaped.” The Jay explained. “We were hoping that, with your men surrounding the manor that you would have caught him.”

“No such luck with that either. It’s a real shame, how he does such despicable things and always manages to get away with it…” The Constable paused as he turned his pipe upside down and clapped the burnt embers onto the walkway beneath his feet. “You must at least be happy that, in light of this new evidence, the two of you will no longer be treated as outlaws.”

“Indeed we are, Constable,” The Derby affirmed, “Doubtless we’ll catch up to that repulsive reprobate sooner or later!”

“How soon do you suppose?” The Constable asked.

“Oh, if not in fifteen minutes than by next month,” The Jay replied coyly.

About the Author

Mike Cervantes is a graduate of creative writing and communication from The University of Texas at El Paso. He's been a lifelong fan of comic books, pulp novels, and early 20th century television and radio serials. He considers himself a humorist, a cartoonist, and a steampunk enthusiast. In addition to regular updates of The Scarlet Derby and Midnight Jay on thescarletderby.com, he's written short stories for
Steampunk Trails Magazine
(now known as
Story Emporium
) and the
Penny Dread Tales
series of steampunk anthology books.