0373659458 (R) (23 page)

“Oh, honey...” Mallory breathed when he was done. Angry and heartbroken—but mostly angry—she opened her arms for him to come sit on her lap, where she wrapped him up close like he was Liam’s age again, realizing her time here—in Whispering Pines, with Zach—was up.

And
heartbroken
edged out the anger.

Chapter Twelve

S
hortly after ten that night, Zach’s cell rang. Setting his cup of coffee on the table in front of him, he frowned at the display...until he realized who it was.

“Sorry to call so late,” Mallory said quickly, whispering. “I had to wait until Landon passed out.”

“No problem,” Zach said, almost as quietly, since in the tiny house voices carried as if they were amplified. He could go outside, but if the way the juniper branches scratched at the window was any indication he’d never be able to hear her. Not to mention he’d freeze. “What’s up?”

“Landon talked.”

Asleep beside him on the sofa, Benny grunted when Zach leaned forward. “Oh, yeah?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful—so grateful—that whatever you said did the trick. But now I feel like a complete idiot.”

“Why—?”

“Most of the time, I like to think I’m a reasonably aware person. And it’s not as if I didn’t know I was the more involved parent. After all, I wanted a baby, and Russell conceded, but...” She pushed out a breath. “I thought—or maybe I just wanted to believe—that after the accident he’d step up his game. Because for a while there I couldn’t be Mom. In my heart, yes, of course, but... I simply c-couldn’t.
Any
way—”

Zach could almost see her slice the air in front of her, making herself regain her composure. “It was Russell’s suggestion, actually, that I take a break, let the paparazzi find some other target to circle. So I figured Russell would, you know, pick up the slack? Be the kid’s frickin’
father
, for God’s sake? But, no.”

The old retriever shifted to lay his head on Zach’s knee. “What on earth happened?”

“Apparently the new Mrs. Eames isn’t all that into being a stepmom. Not full-time, anyway. Nor was Russell into being a full-time father, apparently. The duties of which he handily relegated to our old housekeeper. Who’s fabulous, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not our child’s
mother
. Turns out, most weekends, they were gone. Most
nights
, they were gone.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope. Russell would check in on him for a few minutes at breakfast, and then Landon was lucky if he saw him again that night.”

Anger heating his face, Zach glanced down the hall, where his own two little boys were safely tucked in their beds. “I assume you’ve handed your ex’s head to him on a platter?”

“Working up to it. But the way I feel right now? The man’ll be lucky to get it back in a Walmart bag.”

Zach almost smiled, then sighed. “Why on earth didn’t Landon say something to you?” Although no sooner were the words out of his mouth than he knew the answer.

“Because—get this—he didn’t want to worry me. Because I’d been through enough and he didn’t want to pile on top of it. Can you believe it? The kid’s
eleven
.
If I’d had
any
idea...”

“But you didn’t, honey,” Zach said, wishing he could see her. Touch her. “If Landon didn’t tell you—”

“And while we were in Corrales,” she said, her voice strained, even as he could
feel
her shaking through the phone, “my
child
was basically left alone in some huge house eight hundred miles away.”

The guilt and torment in her voice shredded him. Zach thought of Heidi, how fiercely she’d loved her babies, and how much that love had made him love her more. Now, hearing Mallory, all he wanted was to wrap his arms around her, reassure her she’d done nothing wrong.

Even as he realized he’d never get that chance.

“So you’re going back with him.”

A long pause preceded, “We may as well stay out the week. I still have places I want to show him. And I’m not giving up the house. Or the horses. I don’t think. But...yes.” He heard her pull in a breath. “I can handle it now. All of it. It’s like...” He heard a dry chuckle. “I found my footing again. Thanks in no small part to you.”

Zach tried a laugh. “And there you go again—”

“Because it’s true. I honestly believed, when I came out here, I was thinking primarily of my son. Now I realize...it wasn’t Landon I was trying to shield nearly as much as I was trying to protect myself.”

“From?”

“The truth,” she said after a moment. “That I had no idea what my purpose was anymore. A fact only confirmed with every camera flash, every pathetic pic that showed up on some supermarket rag. I still don’t know, frankly. What I do know is that I need to be with my son. And the paparazzi can go screw themselves.”

Even as he smiled, her words slammed into him like a sledgehammer.

“You’re saying goodbye.”

“We both knew this was coming, Zach,” she said gently. “That this...was an interlude. One you’d better believe I’ll never forget. But my place isn’t here. Not now. And your place isn’t anywhere else. Even if...even if you were free. Which you know you’re not.”

That he couldn’t refute her words nearly killed him. But she was right.

“Will I see you before you leave?”

Silence yawned between them. “The polite Southern girl in me says that’s up to you,” she finally said. “The control freak, however, doesn’t think that’s a good idea. I will say one thing, though, because I promised myself to be more honest. To be better about saying what’s in my heart instead of what I think people want to hear. So from my heart, Zachary Talbot—thank you for letting me love you. Even if only for this little while.”

Then she disconnected the call. Zach stared at his phone for what felt like an eternity before finally heaving himself to his feet and pocketing it. Feeling like he was in a dream, he found his way to his kitchen to warm up his cold, nasty cup of coffee. He opened the microwave, set the cup on the turntable. Told himself this was all for the best, really. That Landon had opened up and Mallory had figured out how to fix her broken child before it was too late...

That she was leaving before Zach could break her. Or at least her heart.

He slammed shut the microwave door so hard the poor dog looked up at him with a
What the hell, man?
look on his face.

* * *

The slight creak in the hallway by her bedroom door made Mallory turn her head. Mama stood there, her expression one big question.

“Guess I’ll call Josh in the morning,” Mallory said, “about boarding the horses. At least until I can figure out whether to bring ’em out to board someplace closer to home—” the word caught in her throat “—or sell ’em.”

“You don’t have to decide anything right away, baby.”

“True.”

“You okay?” Mama said softly.

“I will be.”

Her arms folded across her ribs, her mother simply stood there for a long moment before at last she nodded. “I’ll be up for a while yet, if you need me.”

“Thanks. But I’m good.”

“’Night, baby.”

“’Night.”

Finally alone again, Mallory blew out a huge sigh, then went about the tediousness of getting ready for bed. Usually she didn’t even think about her old life, where going to bed meant simply stripping off her clothes and climbing under the covers. Tonight, however, every labored movement, every stretch and push and pull and grunt reminded her of what she’d lost.

What she’d almost had.

Finally, nightgown on and teeth brushed, she transferred to her bed, where she propped pillows behind her back, and a book she knew she’d never be able to concentrate on on her dead legs.

Time. That was all she’d wanted.

To give Zach the room he needed for his brain to catch up to his heart. Or whatever it was that made him look at her the way he did. Make love to her the way he had. Yeah, he was a nice guy and all, but the things he’d done for her...the way he’d made her feel...

She wasn’t that delusional. Was she?

Even though nobody knew better than she did—these days, anyway—that you couldn’t simply
will
things to work out the way you wanted them to. That sometimes, dedication to a goal wasn’t enough, if timing and luck and other factors outside your control weren’t lined up in your favor.

That loving somebody, even with all your heart, wasn’t enough to break through the fear holding theirs prisoner. Not to mention give up their life to make a new one with you.

The book slammed shut and thunked onto her nightstand, Mallory twisted around to turn off the light, then shoved herself down underneath the covers and over onto her side, stuffing a pillow between her knees to keep the pressure sores at bay. She knew she was doing the right thing, that Landon came first. That wasn’t even a question. But for a little while she’d allowed herself to live in a dream world of her own making, one where the heroine absolutely got her happy-ever-after.

Too bad she couldn’t pull a spoiled-actress hissy fit and demand the ending be rewritten.

Seriously.

* * *

“Hello? Where is everybody?”

Sudsed up beyond all recognition, Jeremy twisted around in the bathtub, sending a tsunami crashing over the edge and across Zach, on his knees beside the tub. Not to mention his little brother, who blinked, gasped and broke into a belly laugh.

“In here, Gran!” the kid bellowed. So much for Zach’s eardrums. A second later—because none of them had a lick of shame—his mother appeared at the bathroom door, draped in some blanket-like thing and sporting what Zach guessed were the world’s oldest pair of lined boots. She held first one bulging, reusable tote. “Clothes we’ve accumulated over the past month—” then another “—and food. Because I’m your mother, that’s why, so don’t argue.”

Zach gave her a wan smile. “Wasn’t going to.”

“Look what I can do, Gran!” With that, Liam grabbed his nose and disappeared under a foot of froth floating on six inches of water. A second later, he came up, grinning, dripping red curls sparkling with a million tiny, iridescent bubbles.

“Just like your father,” Zach’s mother said, chuckling. “You all wrinkly yet?” she said, grabbing a towel off the rack, and the toddler frowned at his pruny fingers.

“Yep.” He held out his hands for inspection. “See?”

“Then come here, baby, let me dry you off.”

Zach steadied the dripping, slippery little boy as he climbed out, then handed him to his grandmother before wrapping Jeremy up in another towel, briskly drying the boy’s hair as his teeth chattered.

“This was always one of my favorite times, you know,” Mom said behind him, sitting on the closed toilet and doing the same buffing routine with his youngest. “Partly because it meant at least some of you would be asleep soon.”

“Yeah,” Zach said, smiling into Jeremy’s eyes. “I know how that goes.”

Although truth be told, he didn’t look forward to the boys’ going to bed the way he once did. Because that meant being alone. Missing the sound of Mallory’s voice, her laughter. The sparkle in her eyes right before she delivered a zinger.

Missing
her
.

“What I wouldn’t give to be inside your head right now,” Mom said, and Zach sighed.

“Trust me, that is not someplace you want to be.”

After a long moment’s stare, she stood, heaving Liam up with her. “Come on, you two—let’s get your jammies on.”

But Jeremy wrapped his still-damp self around Zach’s neck and said in his ear, “C’n I play a game for a little while?
Pleeease
?”

Zach grabbed his son, making him tumble into his lap, a giggling tangle of towel and limbs. “Only for fifteen minutes. You have school tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Jeremy said, wriggling free and dumping the wet towel in a heap behind him before running naked down the hall to his room, yelling at the top of his lungs the whole way.

“That, I don’t miss,” his mother muttered, then tickled Liam, igniting another giggle fit. “How about I put you to bed tonight?”

“Only if you read me books.”

“Deal. How many?”

The baby held up both hands, fingers splayed. “This many!”

“Two,” Zach said, straightening out the bathroom.

“You heard the man,” Mom said, starting out of the room, only to turn around and say, “And you, I’ll meet in the living room after.”

Of course.

He’d actually dozed off sitting on the sofa when he felt his mother’s not-so-gentle prod. Jerking awake, he blinked at her as she plopped in the chair across from him. “Liam’s passed out, Jer’s reading in his bed.”

“Thanks,” Zach said, yawning, trying not to notice she’d crossed her arms in her now-we’re-gonna-talk position.

“So I ran into Dorelle in the grocery store today. She said they were all going back to LA on Saturday.”

Not looking at his mother, Zach leaned forward to link his hands between his knees. “Apparently Landon’s dad isn’t exactly hands-on. Which Mallory didn’t fully realize until the kid told her.”

“So I gather.” His mother paused. “You know, they need vets there, too. For all those frou-frou little dogs and what-not.”

Zach laughed. Sort of. “I can’t move to California, Mom.”

“Because...?”

“Because my life is here?”

She snorted. “And half a life’s no better than none. It’s time you stop making excuses and accept the damn gift, already. Don’t you look at me like that, you know as well as I do you’re crazy about that sweet woman. And from what Dorelle tells me, she’s pretty crazy about you, too. Or maybe just crazy, I don’t know.”

His heart was beating so hard it hurt. “Except...” He blew out a breath. “Dammit, Mom, I don’t want—”

“What? To be loved again? Or to let yourself love? Because either way that definitely makes you the crazy one. And in any case, it’s too late.”

“To stop her from going back? Like I don’t know that?”

And judging from his mother’s sly smile, he’d definitely played his hand there.

“No, goofball. Too late to convince me or anyone else you don’t love her. Not after everything you’ve done. And I’ll leave you to fill in the blanks on that one. And please do not tell me you were only being neighborly or friendly or whatever the hell excuse you plan on throwing out there. I
know
you, honey,” she said, her voice softening. “I know what you look like when you’ve lost your heart. What I’m afraid of this time, is that if you don’t go after this? You’ll lose your soul, too. And for your boys’ sakes, if nothing else...don’t let that happen.”