A Knight In Cowboy Boots (35 page)

“You can’t tell the difference?” He kissed the side of her neck.

“That’s a pretty big gun.”

“It’s only got a seven and a half inch barrel.”

“Really? It looked bigger.”

“Oh, there’s the confusion.”

“You’re enjoying this,” she accused in a harsh whisper when he rubbed his groin against her pelvic bone.

His voice rumbled against her temple. “Just a little.”

“Well, I’m not. I’m scared, Zach. I can’t see what’s coming. Neither can you.”

He stopped rubbing against her. “I know. But Daddy and the boys are watching our backs. We ain’t gonna to let him hurt you or Jesse.”

“It’s not just Jesse and me I’m worried about.”

“We’ll be fine, too. Now shut up and act like you enjoy kissing me.”

For all his talk, his kisses were chaste, even when he worked his way down her neck and across a bare shoulder. Even between them, where no one could see, his hands didn’t wander as they normally would have.

Maddie’s stomach felt like it was tied in knots, and she feared she’d throw up on Zach before it was over.

“You’re afraid, too, aren’t you?” Maddie whispered after a few minutes.

“I’m more scared of what Daddy would say if he could read my mind,” Zach murmured. “Even when he’s only half paying attention, he’s pretty good at it.”

It was late enough to be cool out, but between the hay at her back and the thermal front Zach put out, Maddie was comfortably warm. She still had bouts of shivering when she let herself think about what might happen.

More time passed.

“He’s not coming,” she whispered.

He tilted the hand he’d wrapped around her neck, so he could see his watch. “It’s only been fifteen minutes.”

“It feels like it’s been an hour.”

“He could just be looking things over.”

“What if he takes out Jeb and your brothers?” She gripped Zach’s shoulder hard to keep her hands from shaking.

“You’ve seen too many scary movies.”

“But what if he does?”

“You think he could get them all without giving himself away?”

Her fear answered him. “Maybe.”

“He’s not Freddy Kruger.”

Maddie was less convinced than Zach about that, but she fell silent.

His kisses weren’t enough to distract her. Another few minutes passed.

“Maybe he’s not buying our act.”

“You want I should toss your blouse out behind us? Or should I just throw you down and have my way with you?”

“What would your father think?”

“I thought he was already dead and mutilated?”

“Now you’re just making fun of me,” she said, trying to fight of the vision of Jeb lying bleeding behind the next stack of hay bales.

“No, I’m trying figure out what you’re really scared of.”

“I’m scared we’re going to die and Derek will get Jesse.” Maddie could hear the fear hiding behind the sarcasm in her voice. “But mostly, I’m afraid of dying.”

“There you go. I knew you’d see the humor in this.” Then his voice got serious. “You’re letting your fear ride you. Killing you won’t get him Jesse.”

“He doesn’t need you though.”

“You think I won’t fight him?”

“Vince fought.” Her fists were suddenly clutching the sides of his shirt. “He could kill you.” Fear put a lump in her throat. “Just like he did Laurel. And Vince. Vince died … because he loved me.” Hot tears ran down her face.

“Shh. Hush, sweet Maddie.” He kissed the tears from her cheeks then wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “Is that why you won’t let me talk about how I feel? You’re afraid if I start loving you, you’ll lose me like you did Vince?”

Maddie couldn’t swallow past the lump of fear and guilt in her throat, much less answer him.

“You’re not going to lose anyone else to that son of a bitch. I promise.”

As the minutes passed, turning into half an hour, then three quarters of an hour, Maddie thought she understood how prey felt hiding in the bushes, knowing a hungry wolf stalked the forest. Waiting to see if the wolf would walk past or turn its glowing eyes toward them was nerve wracking. It was also exhausting. As much as she feared Derek’s approach, she started wishing he would just come and get it over with.

When Zach jumped, it scared a thin scream from her.

Zach blocked her view, so she couldn’t see that it was Jeb until Zach turned away from her.

“A mite jumpy, ain’t you?”

“You scared the hell out of me, Daddy.”

“Don’t see no sense standing out here all night. He either ain’t here, or he ain’t falling for it. Folks’ll be headed home soon. Let’s head back.”

Maddie felt a childish desire to ask, “Now what?” but she knew they couldn’t answer that any better than she could. Of course she knew the answer. She had to go back to plan A and start running again.

Chapter Twenty-Six

It was late when the last of the McKnight’s guests left. Sol and Gideon began extinguishing the tiki torches while the family headed into the house. As Zach put a foot on the porch steps, Jeb caught his arm. “Why’n’t you step over here with me a minute, boy.”

Zach’s breath hitched. Like a poker player with a tell, anytime his daddy called one of his sons, ‘boy,’ the very least they had coming was a talking-to. He reminded himself he was too old for the belt. Letting Maddie go on without him, he followed his father to the corner of the house.

Zach fidgeted while Jeb pulled a tin of Copenhagen from his breast pocket, dug out a small plug, and put it inside his lip. Another tell. Zach could read nothing in his father’s face, even though the porch light reached them easily.

“I know I told y’all to be all friendly-like,” Jeb said, “but your mamma thinks maybe you was overdoing it a bit.”

Zach grimaced. Knowing she wouldn’t approve of the way he pulled Maddie against him at the dance, he had carefully kept himself from thinking about his mamma, afraid he’d tense up and act unnatural.

“I might have overplayed my role some. I was worried about being convincing.” Would his father buy that load of bull?

Jeb nodded slowly. It seemed he would at least pretend to. “You gotta be careful, playing at this sorta thing, son. We always tried to raise you boys to have respect for women.”

“It ain’t always easy these days, Daddy.”

“I know. A big piece of the world’s forgot their morals, and it ain’t always easy to remember where to draw the line when your blood heats up.” His daddy spit to the side. “You been taking liberties with this girl?”

The direct question caught Zach off-guard. He dropped his head, but not before guilt burned his face, answering for him.

“So what are you gonna do about her?”

“If we can end this … when Derek don’t threaten her nor Jesse anymore, if she’ll have me, I intend to marry her.”

Never one to be rushed, his father thought that over for a minute. Finally, he said, “Well, Paul did say it was better to marry than to burn. Your mamma’ll be pleased.”

Cautiously, Zach released his breath.

Inside, Zach’s mother, Maddie, and Daisy were putting the kitchen in order. Hannah had faded off more than an hour earlier and was already in her bed. Zach and his father walked in the back door just in front of Sol and Gideon, in time to hear Ruth say to Maddie, “You look plum tuckered out. Why don’t you just let Jesse stay in the crib in our room tonight?”

Zach was surprised when Maddie agreed, but then he looked closer and saw how much the tension of waiting for Derek had taken out of her. She looked exhausted. As he watched, she yawned so hard her whole body shook from it.

“And Sol,” Ruth said as she gathered up the empty fifths, “I know the trailer ain’t far, but you just sleep on the porch tonight anyway.”

Behind her back, Sol shot an amused look Zach’s way. “Yes, Mamma.”

Before long, they all headed off to bed. Zach crawled between his sheets and let his muscles relax for the first time in hours. A few resisted, but with a little concentration, he forced them to stand down. It had been a long, emotionally grueling night, and he expected sleep to come quickly. Instead, thoughts about whether Maddie would think she needed to start running again spun in his brain.

He’d meant what he told his daddy, but the crucial part of it all was whether she’d have him. She would never have agreed to the risk his family had taken on her behalf if Jesse’s future hadn’t been at stake. Now that their plan had failed to flush Derek into the open, she’d think she had to run again. Could he talk her out of it?

After a while, he knew he wouldn’t sleep unless he could shake his mind off that circular track, so he got up and went downstairs to sit in the quiet house.

*

Not wanting to wake Hannah, Maddie and Daisy changed for bed by the dim light that whispered across their door sill from the hallway. Daisy flipped the switch in the hall as Maddie crawled into bed. Maddie fluffed her feather pillow as they exchanged soft good nights in the darkness.

She was exhausted and should have slept immediately. She tried, but her arms ached with the need to hold Jesse. As badly as she wanted him, she couldn’t wake Jeb and Ruth to claim him.

Maddie thought about the fifth of Jack Daniels that hadn’t been quite empty. If she was quiet, maybe she could pour a shot without waking Sol. Maybe then she could sleep. She slipped out of bed, pulled a pair of sweatpants over her bare legs, and tiptoed downstairs.

As her bare foot stepped off the last step between the kitchen and the living room, a dark form moved in the shadows. Her throat closed, and her scream emerged as a dry gasp. She tried to backpedal up the stairs, but her foot slipped off the edge and she sat down hard on the step.

“Maddie?”

“Christ!” Maddie said, recognizing Zach’s voice. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry.” Zach offered a hand to pull her to her feet. “What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

“I thought a shot of whiskey might help.”

“Let’s see what’s left.”

They found the bottle in the trash. Zach poured Maddie a belt in a rocks glass. A couple of fingers worth remained in the bottle. He took it for himself.

“There’s a glass here, if you want it.”

“Mamma won’t say nothing about a glass you leave in the sink smelling of Jack, but I won’t get off so easy.” Zach led her back through the living room and out the front door the family rarely used. He tugged on her hand, pulling her down onto the cold, concrete steps beside him. Their view took in the lane that lead to the county road. An occasional yard light glowed in the distance. Above them the wide sky was sprinkled with stars.

“You’re really scared of your mother, aren’t you?”

“Not scared so much as respectful.”

“It’s respectful to sneak around behind her back?”

“More respectful than openly defying her.” Zach tipped the bottle up and took a sip.

Maddie followed his example. The whiskey burned warm on its way down. She set the glass beside her. Clasping her hands between her knees, she looked up at the stars.

A dog barked in the distance. Maddie wondered idly if anyone had thought to turn the dogs loose after the dance.

“I loved Vince.” Maddie was sure that this wasn’t what Zach wanted to hear, but she thought he deserved to know. “And he loved me. I’ll never be sorry for knowing him. You need to know that.”

“I understand.” Zach stared off into the distance as though what she was saying wasn’t something that could affect their lives.

“Do you? Do you understand how responsible I feel for his death?” Her voice cracked on the last word. Trying to swallow the emotion hurt her throat.

“It wasn’t your fault, Maddie.”

“That’s what everyone kept telling me. Sometimes I even believe it. It doesn’t change that he wouldn’t have been at Laurel’s that day if he hadn’t known me. If he hadn’t loved me, he’d be alive now.”

Zach was silent for a long time before he said, “You think if you stay, history is gonna repeat itself. You think, if I love you, I’ll die, too.”

Maddie couldn’t answer around the sudden lump in her throat. She was glad he wasn’t looking at her.

“Do you know how it’s been for me, being jealous, not just of some guy who’s dead, but of a guy who was like a brother to all of us? I hate that Vince is dead. If he was alive, I’d think you were a great gal, and I’d be happy for both of you. I’d never have thought about taking you to bed. I’d sure have never found myself sitting beside you at the supper table and having an extra piece of dessert, so I can stay at the table after you’ve left coz if I stand up too soon …”

Maddie buried her face in her hands, unable to stifle herself. She would have bet nothing Zach could have said would make her laugh.

“You women always think that’s so damned funny.”

“I’m sorry.” When she looked up, he was looking back at her, but she couldn’t read his expression.

“You wanna feel guilty for something, you can feel guilty for that. That
is
your fault.” He sighed then tipped the bottle up again. When it was back between his hands, he said, “Since the night we met, I’ve been falling—”

“No!” Maddie almost fell off the step, getting her hand to his mouth. “Don’t say it! Please.”

He folded his hand around hers, holding it so he could kiss each fingertip in turn.

“It don’t change nothing, Maddie. Not saying it don’t change how I feel, just like it don’t change how you feel.”

“You don’t know how I feel. I just … If something happened … If it was my fault—”

“I ain’t gonna die, Maddie. If you can’t stop worrying about that, so be it. I won’t say what you don’t wanna hear.” There was something mournful in his voice.

Maddie took a deep breath and swallowed hard. He wasn’t just a way for her to hang onto Vince’s memory. He deserved to know that. Whether it would help him or just hurt him more when she left, she didn’t know, but he still deserved to know.

She couldn’t give him what he wanted, but there was one thing she could give him. Pulling her hand out of his, she straightened on the steps. She couldn’t look at him and say what she needed to, so she stared up at the stars. “I loved Vince. I probably always will. But there’s something we never did. Something I never let him do. But I’ve let you do it. Not just once, but over and over.”

Maddie risked a glance at him, but he just waited, expressionlessly, for her to continue. She swallowed again, as though she could swallow the fear saying the words aloud would crystallize. “We never, ever risked me getting pregnant. I’ve never even been tempted to let that happen. Not with anyone. Not until you.”

She couldn’t stand the silence that followed. She dropped her head but watched him from the corner of her eye.

A slow smile pulled at his lips. “If I can’t say I’m in love with you, can I at least say I want you?”

Maddie shook her head, but not in negation. “Zach, you’re—”

“A sex maniac? I can live with that.” He leaned over and kissed her. Then in her ear, he whispered through smiling lips. “I want you. And not just at the supper table.” He paused. “I want you on it. And under it. And—”

She shut him up with a whiskey-laced kiss.

*

Whether it was fear of his mother—or respect, as Zach claimed—or the exhaustion that the whiskey finally let them feel, they did little on the steps Ruth would have disapproved of.

The cold from the concrete step seeped up through Maddie’s sweats as though they didn’t exist, at last driving them inside.

Zach took her empty glass. “Go on up to bed. I’ll leave our empties in the kitchen.”

She was three steps up when she heard him say, “Christ!” followed a second later by his yell. “Fire!”

Maddie turned and leaped over the bottom steps. Zach nearly ran over her in the kitchen doorway. Through the windows beyond him, she saw flames licking up the north side of the barn. Adrenaline dumped into her system, expelling every remnant of exhaustion.

“Fire!” Zach yelled again. “Everyone up! The barn’s on fire!”

Within seconds, Gideon and Jake pounded down the stairs as Zach’s parents emerged from their bedroom with Jeb cursing the carelessness of smokers.