Read A Part of Me Online

Authors: Taryn Plendl

A Part of Me (8 page)

BOOK: A Part of Me
13.03Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

“You are my family Tom, and I would never turn my back on you, but I don’t understand you right now.”  He stood up and walked out of the room.  I could hear him on the phone with Trevor telling him what he had seen, and as I listened to him describe his interaction with Talia when he walked in, I put my head down and fought to control my own tears.

My heart was breaking, but I still had to believe I did the right thing by letting her go.  I know she was hurt and mad, but maybe that would help her get passed this sooner.  Maybe if she hated me as much as I hated myself, she could move on faster.  If she stuck around, she would continue to take care of me and eventually she would resent it.  I couldn’t give her what she needed—what she deserved.

***

It had been two days since I basically threw Talia out of my life, and I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to feel whole again.

Trevor and Nick had been over to hang out with me and after making it very clear that I didn’t want to talk about it, they had finally let the subject drop, but I could tell they weren’t happy about it.

Ava hadn’t come over, but I didn’t really expect her to, after I had been a complete dick to her best friend.  Part of me wished someone would mention her, so I could know if she was okay, but everyone was tight-lipped and not giving anything away, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask.

In just two days I had managed to slip into a major depression that I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of.  If I thought I was broken before, I had no idea.  I wasn’t just broken, I was completely destroyed—obliterated, with nothing left but an empty shell. 

Who was this person I had become? I wasn’t even sure I recognized myself anymore.  Every time I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I just wanted to punch the glass. 

Some of the boys from the soccer team stopped by to visit, but after sitting with me through a very strained and awkward conversation, they left.

I hadn’t been sleeping well, and I had an issue with the phantom pain again last night and had sat there grinding my teeth and rocking until I finally fell back asleep.  I was a complete and utter mess.

Nick had taken me to the doctor today for a follow up and they put me on an antidepressant.  Apparently I seemed depressed.  They also said it might help the phantom pain in my stump, and at this point I was willing to try just about anything.

Fortunately with school being out now, I had the next three months to get my shit together before returning to school.  At this point I couldn’t even imagine it.  I hated even leaving the house for doctor appointments.  I hated feeling like people were staring at me wherever I went.  I looked pathetic rolling around with this stupid knee walker, and I hated every second of it.

“Hey.”  Trevor walked into the living room and sat down next to me on the couch.

“Hey.”  I tried to smile, but it didn’t reach my eyes.

“I saw Nick on the way out.  He said the doctor appointment went well.” 

I shrugged.  “I guess.”

“Um, Talia called Ava and asked her to let one of us know that you had an appointment on Monday to get your cast removed.”  My heart jumped at the sound of her name and then I felt like crap knowing that she was still looking out for me.

“I forgot about that.  I can’t wait to have it off.”  I smiled slightly at the thought.

“Well, Nick and I can’t take you.  Neither of us can get away on Monday, so I asked Ava and she said no problem.”  I could tell he was studying my response.  I didn’t want him to think I had a problem with Ava.  In fact, I didn’t really have a problem with Talia either.  My problem was with myself.

“Okay.  Thanks Trevor.  Tell Ava thank you.”  I smiled again, but it felt so forced.

“I will.  Hey Tom?”  I looked at Trevor, his face so serious.  “You know you are stronger than anyone I know?”  I shook my head.  “Don’t.”  He held his hand up.  “You have been through a lot, first with the loss of your parents and now the accident, but even through all of that, I never thought of you as someone who would just give up.  You’re better than that.  Courage does not just mean that you possess the strength to carry on, it means that you will carry on when you feel that you no longer even have the strength.”  He patted my leg and stood up.  I heard the door open and close as he left me there alone to think about what he had just said. 

How did my friends always know just what to say to me?

 

 

 

Chapter 13

 

Talia

It was my first day off after being back to work and I was exhausted.  I was working three twelve hour days now and although they were long day, it was nice to have four days off, even if I had to take a shift of call here and there.

I had called and asked to come back early after I’d left Tom’s.  There was no point in me sitting around doing nothing and using what little bit of vacation time I had left.

I had barely slipped my shoes off when my phone rang.  “Hey.”  I answered when I saw Ava’s number. 

“Out of curiosity, I entered the word sexy bitch into my GPS just to see what happened and guess what? Pull the wine out princess, because I'm outside your place.” 

I giggled at her.  “You’re crazy.  Come on up.”  I hung up the phone and went to unlock the door.

Ava came in with Chinese take-out and I could have kissed her.  “You see, this is why I keep you around.”  I grabbed some plates and carried them to the table, as well as a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Wow Talia, you look like crap.”  Ava stared at me in horror.  I knew I looked like shit.  I felt even worse.  I had dark circles under my eyes.  I hadn’t felt like even putting on any makeup, so I looked gaunt and pale.

“I’m fine Ava, really.”  I tried to convince her, but she wasn’t buying it.  She knew me too well.

She raised her eyebrows at me.  “Look at you. Aren't you cute with all that happiness, pouring right off of you! Oh wait...you got a little bullshit by your mouth there, you might want to wipe that off.”  She reached toward my face as I slapped her hand away.

I couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, you poor naïve soul...You can't out-bitch the Queen Bitch.”  I challenged and we both laughed.  It felt good to laugh.

Ava poured me a glass of wine.  “So, are you ready to tell me what happened?”

I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t hold this off forever.  I told her about Tom’s pain and how I helped him the first time.  I went on to tell her, in not so many details, how I took care of him the next time, and couldn’t help but chuckle at the wide-eyed look on her face.

“It’s weird Ava, one minute we are making out and the next minute he is pissed off at me.  I couldn’t keep up.”  I shrugged.

“Did you call him out on it?  You were never the one to let someone treat you like crap Talia.”  She scooped some fried rice onto her plate.

“I know I’m not, but it was different with him.  It mattered more.  I didn’t want to wash my hands of him just because he was frustrated, you know?”  I didn’t know how to explain it.

“Oh shit.  You’re in love with him aren’t you?”  Ava whispered and I couldn’t keep myself together anymore.  I put my head in my hands and cried. 

I felt her arms come around me and she pulled me to her, letting me just get it out.  I did love him, and I was so angry with myself for letting my guard down.  I had allowed him to hurt me.

“Does he know how you feel Talia?”  Ava sat back down in her seat when I had myself under control.

I shook my head.  “No, and it doesn’t matter.  He doesn’t feel the same Ava.  You should have seen him that day.  He was such an asshole.”  I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a long drink of my wine.  “I’ve never let anyone talk to me that way, and I just stood there and took it.  He didn’t just hurt my feelings Ava, he freaking destroyed them.”

“I’m so sorry Talia.”  Ava squeezed my hand, and sat back.  She could tell I was done talking about it.

“So, have you and Trevor set a date for the wedding?”  I smiled as I took a bite of my sweet and sour chicken.

“As a matter of fact we did.  August 31
st
!”

“What?  That’s like only three months away Ava.”  I was shocked.  “Are you pregnant?”  I accused.

“Uh no.”  She deadpanned.  “We just didn’t want to wait any longer.  We are going to have a small ceremony with just family and friends, and a reception afterward.”  She grinned.  “Also, I really wanted to get married at the Valley Green Inn, and they just so happened to have a cancelation on that day, the only free Saturday left this year, so Trevor put down a deposit right away.”  She was so excited that she actually clapped.

“That’s great Ava!”  I was so happy for her.  Ava was my closest friend and I loved her like she was my sister.  She deserved to be happy and I knew Trevor loved her immensely.

“So, with that said, do you think you can pencil me in that day to be my Maid of Honor?” 

This time I actually clapped.  “Absolutely! We have a lot to do!  We need to go dress shopping!”  It felt good to be excited about something.

She told me that she was going to ask Chelsea from her work to be a bridesmaid and that Trevor was going to have Tom and Nick stand up with him.  My heart stopped for a moment with the thought of having to spend time with Tom during all the wedding stuff.  There was no doubt that we would be put together and I was going to have to just put my big girl panties on and suck it up.  For Ava, I could do that.

***

I ended up picking up extra shifts at work.  I was finding it hard to sit around.  My mind wouldn’t stop and my heart hurt.  When I was working, at least I was busy and didn’t have the time to sit around thinking about Tom.

The only problem was that I was being a total bitch. “Talia, can I talk to you for a minute?”  Sara smiled at me, and I knew I was getting a talking to.

I had completely lost it on one of the other nurses earlier over something that really wasn’t a big deal, but I was miserable, and it seemed to creep out lately in the form of anger.  My bitch switch was toggled regularly these days.

“Listen.  I know you have a lot going on in your personal life right now and we are all trying to be understanding of that, but you totally went off on Meg for something that could have happened to anyone.”  I knew she was right, but I couldn’t seem to snap myself out of it.

Sometimes I just wondered how much jail time I would get for knocking the stupid out of someone.  I shook my head.  “Fine Sara, but if I am required to manage my anger, then stupid people should be required to manage their stupid. Either that, or I should be allowed Margaritas at work.”

Sara sighed and shook her head at me.  “Talia, maybe you should talk to someone.  You are so on edge and frankly, it scares people who don’t know you well.”

I groaned.  “You’re right.  I’ll reel it in.”  She smiled at me and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it before walking away, leaving me to wallow in my self-pity for a few moments before an incoming trauma was announced.

 

 

 

Chapter 14

 

Tom

I grabbed onto the handle above the door as Ava switched lanes suddenly. She smirked and looked at me out of the corner of her eye.  “Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving?”  She giggled.

“I’m just on edge.  It’s not really you.”  I shrugged as I let go of the handle and put my hands into my lap.  I had gotten my cast off a few weeks ago and slowly my arm was feeling somewhat normal.  I was doing physical therapy for it, but they had released me to continue on my own.

Ava had taken me to another one of my doctor’s appointments today, and I was happy to finally be able to move from using the stupid walker to crutches now that I had the use of both of my hands.

“Tom, we are going to the club tonight and I think it’s time for you to come out.”  Ava spoke softly, not really looking at me.

“I don’t know Ava.”  I shook my head.

“Tom, you haven’t been out with us since the accident.  You are much more mobile now with the crutches, so you really don’t have an excuse anymore.  It’s not like we are asking you to cut it up on the dance floor.  Just come hang out with us.”

I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t put it off forever.  “Okay.”

Ava pulled up outside of my building.  “Great!  Do you need help getting inside?”  She asked.

I shook my head and smiled.  “No, I’ve got this.”  I pulled myself out of the car with the use of the handle and reached into the back seat to grab my crutches.  I couldn’t help but grin at Ava as I put them under my arms and shut the door.  It felt good to be able to move more freely for once.

“I’m not sure I’m up to it Nick.”  I sat on the couch.  I had gotten dressed to go out and at seven o’clock, Nick had shown up to get me, but I changed my mind when he let it slip that Talia would be there.

“Shit Tom, you’re being ridiculous!   You’re right, why don’t you grab a pair of panties, change your maxi-pad, pop a Midol, and grab a heating pad you little pussy—man up and grow up!”  His frustration was over the top right now, and I knew he was tired of coddling me.

“Fine.  Let’s do this.”  I stood up, grabbing my crutches and moved to the door.  Nick stood up shaking his head.  He slapped me on the back as he walked through the door and waited for me to lock it up.

***

Nick offered to drop me at the door and it just irritated me. “This isn’t
Driving Ms. Daisy
Nick.  Park the fucking car.”  He laughed.

We made our way into the club and I noticed Trevor and Ava in the back corner at a table.  We maneuvered our way through the growing crowd, which was not very easy with crutches.  I got the occasional stare, but for the most part no one really paid me much attention.  I was relieved. 

The club was dark and the music was pumping.  I slid into the booth where our friends were waiting and they were all smiles, making me feel much better about my decision to finally make an appearance. 

I couldn’t help but look around for Talia.  My heart was beating so fast at the thought of seeing her again.  I didn’t need to talk to her; I just wanted to see her.  She was all I thought about.  I was completely and utterly obsessed.  I still thought I did the right thing for her by giving her an out, I’d just wished I hadn’t been so cruel, but at the time I was desperate, and I knew she wouldn’t leave me otherwise.

BOOK: A Part of Me
13.03Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Booked for Murder by Val McDermid
Magic Gone Wild by Judi Fennell
Fire Licked by Anna Sanders
Galaxy of Empires- Merchant Wars Episode #1 by United States Publishing, LLC
(1992) Prophecy by Peter James
ELEPHANT MOON by John Sweeney
The Three Edwards by Thomas B. Costain
Run by Gregg Olsen
Criminals by Valerie Trueblood
Bound by Tradition by Roxy Harte