After The One (The One Series Duet) (3 page)

I must’ve looked sick before I felt the wave of nausea hit me again. Springing to my feet, I bolted to the closest bathroom. I made it just in time to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

After making sure everything was out of me, I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with water. I opened the door to find Julian standing there.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I think I just maybe ate too much earlier and the smell of the food triggered something.”

Julian quietly assessed me, his hands on my face and then shoulders. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“Um...well.” I lifted my shoulders as he scowled at me. “You saw the way things were before you left to go on tour. It only got worse once you were gone. You were my reason to get out of the office at least by ten o’clock. Without you here, I worked until three in the morning and then turned around and got started again around seven, seven-thirty. I wasn’t sleeping and was eating weird food at weird hours.”

“Zoe…” He sighed. “That’s not good. You have to take care of yourself.”

“I know. My mom already lectured me. She said it’s pretty normal on the first big case, but for me to learn from it and not do it again. It’s hard on the body. And now that the adrenaline of the case is over, I know I’m going to crash from exhaustion soon.”

“But have you been throwing up like this?”

I thought about it. “Not really…”

It’s only happened a few times.

And then it hit me.

I gave him a sheepish look. “Don’t judge me… I think maybe after the convenience store dinners.”

“Well, no more convenience store crap for my woman.”

I gave him a small smile. “Yes sir.”

With his hands cupping my face, Julian looked at me long and hard again. “Instead of the baked ziti, let me make you some soup or something light. If your stomach hurts, you shouldn’t eat anything heavy.”

Taking me by the hand, Julian guided me upstairs to the master bedroom. He stripped me until I was just in my panties and then pulled one of his t-shirts over my body. Once I was safely in bed, he left to put the food away, blow out the candles, and make me soup.

I felt like if I moved, I would get sick again, so I hardly moved. I thumbed through the journal Julian filled with thoughts, lyrics, and poems while he was on the road. When my stomach felt settled enough, I got up to go brush my teeth. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the floss anywhere.

When was the last time I had it?
I wondered as I opened drawers I never used. I racked my brain, but I was drawing a blank. I remembered flossing each and every time.
I didn’t use it all. Did I?

“Ah ha!” I said out loud as I found a new container of floss tucked behind a pink box in a bottom drawer.

Pregnancy test? When did he get this? Why did he get this?

Something in me stirred and my stomach fluttered. It wasn’t a huge movement, but it was enough for me to look at the box again.

I grabbed it.

“Do you want chicken noodle or—” Julian stopped in his tracks. His eyes bounced from me to the box in my hand. “I can explain.”

“Yes, please do.” I tossed the box to him and started flossing as best I could with him watching me like a hawk.

“My mom brought it over here as a joke after our Thanksgiving in Maryland last year. Remember when they were all drunk off baby fever and wedding planning? She came by with it as a joke to apologize when we got back in town. I threw it in that drawer and didn’t think about it again.”

“Ah.” I nodded in understanding. “I get it.”

I brushed my teeth, but kept glancing at him as he stared at the back of the box.

I wonder if his mom taped a note to it like she did that book she gave me. She’s so funny. I hope she’s not getting any ideas though. She—

“Have you been tired a lot?” Julian asked.

I spit the toothpaste out to answer. “Yes, but I’ve been working my ass off.”

“Have you been urinating more frequently?”

The uptick of my heart rate made me nervous. “Yeah, but I’ve been drinking more to stay hydrated.”

“Have you… When was the last time you were on your period?”

My hand shook as I put my toothbrush away. Our eyes met before I rinsed my mouth out and turned around to face him.

Shit, when was my last cycle?

“I think it…” My voice trailed off as I struggled to remember the last time I’d had my period. “Um, it was a couple of weeks before you left for tour. But I’ve been stressed and working a lot lately and stress messes with your cycle.”

“You uh—you think you should take the test?”

Shit!

“Um, I mean, I can. Stress can prevent your period from coming,” I informed him again as he handed me the box. I gave him a reassuring smile.

He smiled back as he crossed his arms over his chest, nervously waiting for me to take the test.

I made a face. “I need some privacy for this one.”

“Well after you pee on the stick, I’m coming back in here to wait with you.”

“Deal.”

Julian closed the door behind him and my smile fell. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as my shaky hand opened the box. I couldn’t remember being on my period since before Julian left. I was so busy with work that I just didn’t think about it. I was too busy to think about anything except the case and the fact that I missed Julian like crazy.

We’ve had a scare before and it turned out fine.

The stress of the California State Bar Exam made me ten days late. Not just because of its reputation as the most difficult bar exam in the U.S., but because I’d freaked out the first time I’d attempted to take it. I was so stressed and felt like I had a lot riding on how I performed. I felt the same sort of pressure with the case.

Stress was high and my sleep pattern was off and my eating was unhealthy. That’s all it is. I know my body. Sure this isn’t ten days late, but this is only—oh no no no.

I let my head fall back and I pressed my eyes shut, trying to will my memory to remember something I knew in my heart didn’t happen.

If mid-September was the last time, I’m almost ten weeks late. How did I not notice I haven’t had my period for the last couple months?

I followed all of the directions on the back of the pink box and after washing my hands, I opened the door for Julian to come wait in the bathroom with me.

Longest three minutes of my fucking life.

I stared at the ceiling, realizing I’d never truly appreciated how the grey paint combined with the soft lighting created a glow.

I cannot be pregnant. I can’t. Julian has been home once in two months and before then, we’ve always been relatively careful. I mean, as careful as two people who don’t use condoms can be. Oh my God…what were we thinking? We’ve been playing Russian roulette with my body since the day that we met and now… This is not me. This is not at all how we planned it. We were going to get married and then have children…later.
I closed my eyes.
If this test is correct, my mom is going to kill me and then Julian’s grandma is going to resurrect me, only so Julian’s mom can kill me again.

“What are you thinking?” Julian asked, his head perched in his hand as he lay beside me. With me on my back and him on his side, I was sure he had a clear view of all my thoughts as they played out on my face. “Talk to me.”

“Was that second line even there?” I asked, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter.

“Barely!”

I felt the corner of my lip pulling upward at the absurdity in his tone of voice as he humored me.

“And even if that was a second line, people get false positives all the time, right? The test is more than a year old. I just want to go to the doctor and get answers,” I told him as my eyes fluttered open. I cast my gaze across the room, taking everything in.

From the chrome fixtures to the black appliances, the bedroom was sleek with clean lines like the rest of the house. Although his home had a warm feel to it, it was decidedly sparse with masculine and monochromatic features. He said he wanted me to add my touch to it, but I thought it was stunning as it was.

“We can go to urgent care first thing in the morning. Or do you want to wait until Monday to see your own doctor?”

I shifted my head and locked eyes with him. “Hi, my name is Zoe Elise Jordan. Have we met?”

“Tomorrow it is,” he returned with a smirk.

I watched him scan my body and zero in on my belly. The hand holding his head above our pillows was steady, but as his free hand made contact with my belly, I felt a slight tremble. Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I covered his hand with my own. His eyes found mine and even though they weren’t wet with tears, I could feel so much emotion spilling out of them.

“I love you,” he whispered, giving me chills.

“I love you, too.”

“Whatever happens, we’ll roll with it.”

“It’s not how we planned it.”

“Nothing ever is.”

I closed my eyes. “I’m...”

A little scared,
I finished the thought in my head.

After a few moments of silence, I opened my eyes to find him staring at me.

I blinked up at him. “Are you scared?”

He stared at me for a long time before answering. “It was only a matter of time. There is no other woman I’d want as the mother of my children.”

I searched his face and even though he hadn’t answered the question, I knew exactly what he meant. I couldn’t imagine starting a family with anyone but Julian. I’d known from the moment I met him, he was everything I ever wanted. A couple months into the relationship, I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. But we had a timeline. We had goals we wanted to accomplish before we moved to the next step.

We definitely didn’t plan to have a kid before getting married. He’s trying to tour and promote his album while still writing and producing for others. He travels a lot. I know we planned to one day have a family, but once our lives start to actually change, will he feel the same?

As I looked into his eyes, all doubt cleared. I felt so overwhelmed with love. His look, his touch, his kiss told me that whatever happened next, we would be okay. And I believed him.

I have to believe him.

“No matter what, it’s me and you.” He leaned down and tenderly kissed my full lips. “It’s me and you.”

With my eyes still closed from the kiss, a smile played on the corner of my mouth as I thought of Julian as a father. “If we were to have a kid, that would be… It would be a commitment and it would completely change our lives.”

“Look at me.”

I opened my eyes to find his handsome face inches from mine. I sucked in a sharp breath.

“I’m already committed. Fully.” He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and ran his fingers across my bare skin. “With or without a kid, I’m not going anywhere.”

My heart fluttered and I took a few seconds to bask in the glow of his words. “You’re perfect, you know that?”

“Yes,” he answered, playfully nuzzling my neck with his nose.

I giggled at both the fact that he agreed that he was perfect and the way his nose tickled my skin. When my laughter faded, I was still anxious and a little more than scared, nevertheless, I found myself staring up at him all moony-eyed and love struck.

“This is crazy,” I commented softly, placing my hand over his hand underneath my shirt.

“We could be parents.”

As much as I wanted to remain in the safety of his arms, in the bed we shared, hearing the word ‘parents’ heightened my anxiety. Unable to see the clock, I sat up on my elbows and asked, “What time is it?”

Glancing at his watch, he answered, “Almost eight.”

“I can’t go another minute without knowing for sure. Get dressed.” I swung my feet off the bed and stood up. “We’re going to urgent care now.”

He chuckled to himself. “I was surprised we weren’t on the way after you took the test.”

I slid open the doors to the walk-in closet and grabbed a pair of jeans. “I think I was in shock.” I worked the stretchy denim up my thick thighs and round ass before adding, “We’re here getting worked up over what could be nothing when we should be there getting answers. We can’t even have a real conversation about anything until we know what’s going on.”

“Yeah. It could be nothing,” Julian repeated as he slipped on the jacket that matched his jogging pants. “Or it could be something. Once we know what we are dealing with, we can make a new plan.”

After pulling my dark, tightly coiled hair into a ponytail, I stepped into my leather flats. “A new plan that involves condoms.”

Julian laughed. “We can pick some up on the way back.”

Putting his hand on the small of my back, he guided me out of the bedroom, down the steps, and out the door. We climbed into his black Maserati and before pulling away, Julian took my smaller hand into his larger one. For the fifteen-minute drive to the urgent care medical center, he didn’t let go of me.

We talked the entire way, but as soon as we turned into the parking lot, we both fell silent. He backed into the parking space in the very back of the lot like he always did, constantly worried his car might get hit. I stared at the brightly lit building and watched the people milling around the waiting room.

I’m going to walk in and find out if I’m pregnant or not. Either way, it’ll be okay.

I clasped Julian’s hand back. “Let’s do this.”

We opened our car doors and climbed out simultaneously. While he was looking for something in the backseat, I headed to the double doors of the building. There was a chill in the air and even though it wasn’t cold, I knew I should’ve put on a jacket. I hugged myself as I crossed the parking lot and rubbed my arms in an attempt to generate heat.

Once I’d made it to the sidewalk, I glanced over my shoulder for Julian. I tilted my head to the side and grinned at the sight of him jogging toward me.

Holding a leather jacket in his hand, he smirked. “I picked this up for you, but I left it in the car. I figured now is as good a time as any since the temperature dropped and you need to wrap yourself up. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but let’s say this is just a cold. You aren’t doing the things you need to do to make sure you’re staying healthy.”