Among the Tulips (13 page)

She closed her eyes and laid her head back. Absently she realized most of her hair had come out of the pins and was loose around her face.

She reached up and touched it.

“I see you and Victor had a…talk.”

Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks.

“I'm so sorry, love,” he said low. “I really didn't mean for this to happen.” He reached across to her hand and pressed his hankie into her hand.

The plane lifted into the air. She held her breath until they leveled off and then she opened her eyes.

“Tell me, Sean. If you didn't mean for this to happen then why did you kiss me?”

S
ean sighed. He looked more serious than she'd ever seen him. “It was because he was lying to himself.”

Annie only blinked.

Sean thought about how to explain this. He knew so much about his friend, Jake, but… “You realize Victor is in love with you?”

Fresh tears spilled over Annie's cheeks.

What a sticky wicket, Sean thought, frustrated.

“You purposely tried to ruin that?” The words came out strained, through a tight throat. Sean took the hankie and dabbed at her face.

She shook her head no, but then accepted the hankie as he slipped it back into her hand.

“I called, planning to come up a few weeks ago,
the day after you'd been in the accident. Something about Victor's attitude sounded strange.

“I stayed away for a few days but decided to come on up. Jake and I go way back to the beginning when I was young in the business. We've been in half a dozen movies together. We're close.”

“What does this have to do—”

Sean clasped his hands in front of him. “Let me explain, please, Annie.”

She nodded and wiped at her eyes.

“He was running from God. I'm not so religious, you understand, but Victor, he is. Only someone who really believes in God could be so angry at God.”

“Is that so?” Annie asked quietly, studying Sean now.

How did she do that? Victor said she'd been looking into his soul the entire time she was there. He shifted uncomfortably. “We're not talking about me, sweetheart. Anyway, he tried a few churches but just couldn't reconcile what happened with his family and his anger at church. He lived wild, which was fine with me at the time because I was a bit of a wild buck too. Eventually, however, it started affecting his work. I felt it my responsibility to take him under my wing. I was the more experienced. And it's been that way ever
since. We're friends, but I tend to play big brother to him, even though he's older than I am.

“I noticed about a year and a half ago a change in him. He started spending more time in Holland—that's where he goes to escape the world. His painting became dark and his poetry searching.

“When I showed up and saw you pray at the meal, I realized then what was different. He'd found the counter to his parents. You weren't bitter and angry.

“His parents were something else,” Sean said and cast a disgusted glance her way. “I've met them a couple of times and they are not happy people. You, instead, glowed whenever you talked about God, and when you took us to that little church…”

She sniffed. “I'm sorry for how they treated you.”

He shook his head. “People get used to it after a while and you find out who are and are not your real friends. Jake knows I'm his real friend. He'll get over this with me.”

At her frown he held up a hand. “Anyway, that afternoon when we were talking, Victor said he didn't date girls like you, he'd sworn off good girls because he didn't believe in forever after.”

She nodded. “He told me that in the limo,” she whispered painfully.

Sean actually hurt for her. He had blown it big-time. He hadn't thought his friend would actually stay behind in London and send the woman he loved back to Holland alone. He had planned for them to be on the plane, not him. He hadn't planned to go back to Holland for a few days, to give them time to work out their feelings.

Boy, had he messed things up. “He may say that, but with you, love, he doesn't mean it.” He reached out and took her hand trying to comfort her.

Amazingly enough, she didn't attack him, but gripped his hand in return. She had to be really hurting to do that, he thought, ashamed.

“One thing is certain, I knew my silly games could make Jake jealous. I was hoping I could prod him into admitting his feelings for you and then you two could go from there. I really thought he'd declare himself, but when he hadn't tonight, well, I wanted him to realize he couldn't lose you, that he couldn't go on without you.”

“By kissing me?”

Sean shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” He flushed a bit.

Annie sighed and released her hand. She wrapped her arms around herself, huddling down and withdrawing from the world around her.

Sean got up and moved into the seat next to her.
Carefully, he placed an arm around her. She didn't fight, so he pulled her closer, but not with any ill intentions this time.

“I am so sorry, Annie. I was a cad, to say the least. I guess there is still something cynical in me that says there really isn't a woman like you out there.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, but didn't change her position. She was still stiff and huddled down into herself.

“I mean a woman who believes in love and happily ever after. All of the women I know have Jake's opinion.”

She loosened up a bit. “You don't, do you?”

He sighed. After what he'd caused, he should be honest with her. “I guess I'm really a romantic at heart. I hope that one day, out there, maybe there will be a woman for me who will love me for who I am, not what I am.”

Slowly, she nodded.

“I thought I'd found that with Victor,” she whispered and fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

He gently pulled until she came over into his arms. She was so trusting and forgiving. How could he ever have doubted that she was a good person and really cared for his friend?

“Shush, sweetheart,” he said and rubbed his hand up and down her back. “I'll find a way to fix
this. The point I was making is that I was trying to get Victor to realize he cared and at least make some sort of move on you to return your love.”

“Well he did that…for all of about two minutes. Then your name came up. I think he was only kissing me because you kissed me.”

Sean considered that. “Maybe, darling, but think about this. It may have started out that way, but Victor never does anything he doesn't want to do. It'll only take him a few days to realize what an idiot he's been, he may have already discovered his mistake, and then he'll come after you.”

She shook her head against his chest. “It's too late.”

“How can you say that?” he asked, trying to convince her otherwise. “I'm telling you, he's in love with you. He saw hope in you. The other night after church we spoke while you were in bed. He actually admitted there might be something to Christianity after all. I laughed. I mean, well, that sounded so funny coming from him since he's been running so long, but then…”

He paused. “He has to come to terms with that before he can go on. And he'll be forced to come to terms with that now because his honor won't let him come to you until he does.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Sean rested his chin on top of her head. He could
feel her shudders as she tried to get her tears under control. “He thinks of you as a ‘good girl.' He wouldn't make a move on you because of that. He has now done that and that experience won't leave him. Eventually, he's going to realize how he feels about you as he goes over what happened in his mind and why he was so upset over the kiss he saw.”

She stiffened slightly.

“He'll have to face that you love God. He always told me someone who loved God had to have God first in their life. He knows God is first in your life. If he can't come to terms with that then he won't be able to come to you.”

“But you don't understand, Sean,” Annie said and leaned back to look up into his eyes. “He can't come to God because of
me.
He has to change in his heart because he wants to, regardless of me.”

“But why?” Sean asked, not understanding and already having heard this once from Annie.

She sighed. “Christianity is a relationship with someone. Could you start up a relationship with me and sustain it just because Victor dumped me?”

Sean shook his head. “Of course not. Guilt would probably tear us apart within the first month.”

“It's the same with God. If he decides to go to
church simply because I'm a Christian then he's doing it because of me, not because of God, just like you'd be dating me because of guilt from what happened with Victor not because you were attracted to me.”

Sean was surprised. He'd never thought about Christianity that way. “I've always considered Christianity a church thing.”

She shook her head. “It's an intimate relationship with another person that requires communication and a willingness to obey and give.”

“I don't understand,” Sean said simply. “But we're getting off the subject. What I am saying is that Victor will have to face his problems now. I expected him to do that with you. He's chosen solitude which I should have realized he'd do. And for that I apologize, but please, Annie, give him time. Give him a chance to sort through his feelings.”

She sighed. Finally, she moved to sit up straight. He released her.

“You really care about him, don't you, Sean?”

He met her eyes. “I do.”

“And you really thought you were doing right.”

He nodded. “I can't apologize enough for the outcome.”

“I understand now what you meant about doing
your job. You were hoping to trigger something in Victor.”

“I am truly sorry.”

She nodded and then closed her eyes. “I need a nap. I'm going to snooze while we fly, if you don't mind.”

What could he say?

He reached up and signaled the attendant who turned the lights out for them. He allowed her darkness while he held her hand and debated how he was going to clean up this mess.

Of course, Annie wasn't really asleep. She was wondering how the man who had caused her so much trouble had suddenly become her confidant.

What would Victor say about that?

He'd laughed at the way the two had traded barbs. He'd also been jealous, she now realized, of the way they had traded barbs. The only problem was that her barbs weren't in fun. They were an attempt to deter Sean's attraction. He hadn't been attracted, however, he'd simply been trying to make Victor jealous.

He had succeeded, far beyond his wildest imaginings.

If Victor was jealous, he had to care. But, then, as she'd known from the beginning, he wasn't serving God. He'd told her once that he'd given his heart to God several years ago, but he'd long
ago forsaken him, running as far and fast as he could.

What do I do, Father?
she silently asked.

Peace touched her heart and she heard
Trust in me.

A love she'd never felt burned in her heart for the man, but she couldn't marry him if he wasn't on the same page as she was.

Marriage?

Why was she even thinking about that? He surely wasn't.

Dear God I thought that maybe you had sent me here to change his heart? Was I wrong?

And then, slowly, it dawned on her. She was the one who had changed. She'd been shy and afraid to leave her own home since her husband had died. And yet, here she was on a plane with a man of world renown. Before coming on vacation to Holland, she probably would have fainted dead away if something like this had happened.

Maybe God had a bigger plan than she could see. After all, it was true a person could only see through a glass darkly. Maybe there was more going on that she knew.

She sighed.

“We're nearly home.”

She jumped at Sean's words so close to her ear. Had she been daydreaming that long?

She opened her eyes and realized they were descending.

When they landed, Sean reached over to help her with her seat belt.

“What are you doing?” Surprised Annie pulled back slightly.

Sean smiled. “Watching out for my best friend's girl,” he tried to joke and Annie realized he was trying to cheer her. And his words worked, to a point.

Annie actually laughed. “I don't think so, Sean. I seriously doubt he wants you watching out for me. If he knew you were in the plane, he'd probably disown you.”

“Oh, I'm sure he knows by now, darling. I called from the plane and when he didn't answer, I left him a message with a few choice Dutch words explaining where I would be.”

She groaned as she imagined what Sean must have said, and then thought of something else. Turning to him, she said, “Speaking of Dutch, what did you say to him back at the party?”

He smiled. The door opened and he helped her up and preceded her down the stairs. “I told him he was in love with you when I called him.
Jij bent verliefd op haar,
” he repeated. “And then that you loved him and he needed to get his
head…well, suffice to say I became very British with what I suggested.”

“But what did you say to him when he came out of the hotel?”

He grinned. “I didn't say anything to him, sweetheart. It was directed to you.”

“And that was?”

He shifted. “You won't like it.”

“And that was?” she repeated.

“Just what I wanted to do when we got back to the hotel.”

He was right. She didn't like it. “He said you were driving him crazy with all of the flirting.”

“Oh my dear, I knew that when I arrived. You do know what you said to me, don't you?”

Annie thought back to that day and realized a suddenly bad feeling was creeping up on her. “I said ‘welcome,' right?”

He shook his head and laughed. At the last step he turned and accepted her hand to help her down the last two steps. “You said, ‘I'm his.'”

“I
what?
” Aghast, she simply stared.

“Oh, yes. I knew right then that you were more to him than a simple friend. He'd fooled himself by repeating that bit about friendship over and over.”

“I wonder what else he's taught me in Dutch that means something else.”

“Well, you did tell me a couple of times
Ga weg.
”