Angels Watching Over Me (13 page)

Her mother smiled ruefully, hugged Leah with startling strength, and then straightened. “I owe it to you. And I owe it to her too. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to corner Dr. Thomas.”

Dr. Thomas agreed to redo the bone scan, as Leah’s mother told her with a great deal of satisfaction. The test was scheduled for the following morning. Afterward, Leah would be checked out and sent home for Christmas. Once the holidays were over she would return
to the hospital for reevaluation by a second bone specialist. Although she didn’t want to spend another night in the hospital, Leah very much wanted the test run again.

Late in the afternoon, sensing that her mother was emotionally wrung out, Leah insisted that she and Neil go back to the hotel. “Come back in the morning,” Leah told them. “I feel better about everything now. And I have plenty of stuff to do to keep busy.”

“Are you sure? I will admit that jet lag is catching up with me.”

“I’m sure,” Leah said, waving them out the door.

Neil gave her a grateful look.

Once they were gone, though, Leah felt lonelier than ever. When she heard a knock on her door an hour later, she eagerly called, “It’s open!”

The door opened a crack, and Ethan’s voice said, “Leah?”

Her heart almost stopped. He was the last person she had expected to see. “Yes?” Quickly she raked a hand through her tousled hair.

He entered the room, a serious, questioning look on his face. She swallowed and willed her
hands to stop trembling. “How are you?” he asked.

“Not so good,” she admitted. Her bravado slipped away and tears spilled down her cheeks. Quickly Ethan came to her and held her hands in his, and she sobbed against his shoulder. The fabric of his jacket felt rough on her cheek, but she felt safe and protected.

Haltingly she told him of the diagnosis, adding through her tears, “I don’t want them to cut off my leg and finger. I’ve had them both for sixteen years. I’ve grown attached to them.”

He peered into her swollen eyes. “Of course you are attached to them. But if they have the potential to kill you …” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“My mother thinks the tests may be wrong. Do you think that’s possible?”

“All things are possible.”

She clenched her good hand in frustration. “It’s not fair, Ethan! Why is God doing this to me?”

“God is not the author of illness,” he said patiently.

“Don’t defend God to me. If he’s God, he can do anything, can’t he?”

“Yes—”

“Well, then why did God let this happen to me?” she interrupted.

“We cannot always see God’s purposes—”

She waved his answer away. “I don’t
care
about purposes. What about my life? I don’t want to wear an artificial leg. I don’t want people staring at my hand and asking, ‘Why’s your finger missing?’ People will ask, you know. They’ll see me as a freak.”

“Then that is their problem.” Ethan’s voice rose to meet the level of hers.

She didn’t want pat answers. “It’s
my
problem, Ethan. It always will be. How many guys are going to want to date a girl with one leg? Not everybody in the world is a tolerant, kind Amish person, you know.”

He recoiled at her sarcasm. “Do you think I don’t have questions for God, Leah?”

“What questions could you possibly have?”

His brow was puckered in anger, but his eyes were filled with sadness. “I do not understand why, when there are so many Amish girls, I have to care so much in my heart for an English one.”

His words stopped her cold. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. Then he was holding her face between his large, work-callused palms
and kissing her cheeks, her eyelids, her mouth. She thought her heart would leap out of her chest; she thought she would suffocate from sheer delight.

Ethan kissed her, then abruptly stopped and pressed his forehead to hers. She listened to his ragged breathing. “Forgive me,” he whispered.

“No,” she said.

“I should not—”

She placed her fingers against his lips. “It happened. You can’t take it back.”

“I did not come here for this.”

“Why did you come?” It suddenly occurred to her that he had no reason for being there. And the trip to visit her so close to Christmas probably wasn’t approved by his family.

“I dreamed you needed me.”

“You dreamed?”

His cheeks colored. “The dream was very real. I felt you were in danger, and that you needed me to be with you.”

Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how much she did need him. “Will you get in trouble for coming?”

He smiled. “Yes. But I do not care. I
had
to come.”

“Does Charity know you’re here?”

“She’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me.”

“I will not leave you.”

“Tomorrow, after the test, I’m going home.”

“Then I’ll stay until you leave.”

She felt suddenly shy, awkward. She understood what he was giving her. He was disobeying his community. She should make him leave now, but she didn’t have the strength. She needed him. And she wanted him. “Do you have a photo of yourself?” she asked. “I’d like to have it with me when I go home. And I’d like to have it when I come back to the hospital.”

He shook his head. “The Amish do not like to be photographed. Preserving our personal image is thought to be prideful and indulgent.”

She was disappointed. “But it isn’t against your religion, is it?”

“Not strictly.” He looked pained and anxious because he couldn’t give her what she’d asked for. “I would like a picture of you, Leah.”

“I have my school pictures at home. I’ll mail one to you.” She was glad to be able to give him something tangible of herself to hold on to.

“I will always keep it.”

“So now what?” she asked.

“So now we stay together until your test tomorrow.”

“Ethan, I’m glad you had the dream. I’m glad you’ll be here with me all night.”

He hugged her. “I knew I had to see you.”

They played video games, they snacked on cookies and apples, they talked until very late. Leah didn’t remember falling asleep, yet she awoke with a start and realized that she was in bed in her room. A lamp had been left on, and she peered around the room, looking for Ethan. He wasn’t in the room with her. But someone was.

Standing beside her bed was Gabriella.

“W
hat do you want?” Leah reached for her call button.

Gabriella looked surprised. “Leah, why are you afraid of me?”

“I—I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes. I did not come to harm you.”

Leah’s fingers touched the call button, but she didn’t push it. “Where’s Ethan?”

“He went down to the lobby. He’ll be back soon.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“No. But I know where he’s gone.”

Leah told herself to call for the night nurse, but she couldn’t make herself do it. “You’d better
go away before the hospital finds out you’re here.”

“Is that what you want?”

Suddenly angry, Leah snapped, “Listen, I know you’re a fake!”

“A fake?”

“Yes. Molly found out about you visiting me and Rebekah and she’s really upset about it. She says she doesn’t know who you are or why you’re here. But she says you don’t belong here.”

“Molly said that? But I know Molly well.”

“Stop lying!” Leah balled her fist around the covers. “I’ve got enough trouble without you hanging around. I have cancer, Gabriella. The doctors want to cut off my leg and finger.” Leah was shaking with emotion and glaring at the young woman.

Gabriella shook her head. “I know. I didn’t come to upset you, Leah. I came to help you.”

“Then leave.” Leah fought to regain her composure. “You’ve been nice to me. I don’t want to have to turn you in to hospital security.”

Gabriella stepped closer to the bed. “I will not see you again, Leah. But I would like you to do me a favor before I go.”

“What?”

“There’s something in the library for Molly.”

“What is it?”

“A gift.”

“What kind of a gift?” If Molly didn’t know Gabriella, why would Gabriella give her a gift?

“A very special book.”

“I don’t know …”

“She will be very glad to have it.”

“How do you know?”

Gabriella smiled. “I just know.”

Leah wanted to shout that she was sick of the mysterious smiles and enigmatic conversation. Instead she asked, “Will she really want this book? I don’t want to upset her, and she’s pretty upset already about you sneaking around the hospital pretending you’re a nurse.”

“I never said I was a nurse.”

“But you acted like one. What else was I supposed to think?”

“I cannot help what you thought. I never pretended to be anybody except myself.” Gabriella’s voice was soft. She held Leah’s gaze, and inexplicably all Leah’s fear and anger vanished. She saw a beautiful woman with gentle brown eyes. “You have many questions,” Gabriella said.

“Yes,” Leah answered, her voice barely a whisper.

“It will take a lifetime to answer them.” Gabriella reached out to Leah. “I have a gift for you too, Leah.”

“What?” Gabriella took Leah’s hands in hers and placed them on Leah’s wrapped knee. Then she tenderly covered Leah’s hands with her own. Warmth from their combined touches spread through her sore knee.

“Do you want to be well?”

“Of course.”

“Then
believe
.”

“Believe what?”

“Believe in the power and goodness of God.”

“I—I believe …” Leah stared into Gabriella’s eyes, and suddenly she
did
believe. She believed in a power higher and stronger than what could be seen or explained. She closed her eyes, and a feeling of peace enveloped her. When she opened her eyes, she was alone, still clutching her knee. All she saw was the darkened corners of her room and the lamp glowing on the table. Nothing remained of Gabriella.

Leah told Ethan everything, but he could make no sense of it either. “Perhaps you fell asleep and dreamed this,” he suggested. “How does your leg feel?”

She rotated it. “I’m not sure. About the same, I guess.”

“Did she frighten you?”

“A little. She’s strange. And after what Molly said about—” She interrupted herself. “Ethan! Help me to the library.”

“Why?”

“Gabriella said there was a book in the library that would mean a lot to Molly.”

“What book?”

“I don’t know, but I need to find it.”

He helped her with her crutches and walked with her as she hobbled down the dimly lit hall. In the library, Leah peered around at the shelves.

“How will you know which is the right book?” Ethan said.

Leah didn’t know what drew her to the right side of the room, to the third shelf, halfway over. But that was where she instinctively went. She leaned against the bookcase, handed one crutch to Ethan and gingerly tugged a small book off the shelf. The book was worn,
bound in green leather, and fastened tightly with an old-fashioned clasp lock. The lock wouldn’t budge. “This is it.”

“How do you know?”

“I just know.”

Ethan swept his hand over her hair. She looked into his eyes and forgot about the book, forgot about everything except his nearness. “You are beautiful, Leah. And I know that you will be all right.”

Her heart pounded crazily. “What makes you say that?”

“Because it is Christmas.” His smile almost lit the room. “And because I do not lie.”

Leah was taken down to X ray first thing in the morning. She introduced her mother to Ethan as “my guardian angel,” and when he looked startled, she patted his hand and said, “It’s just a figure of speech.”

She endured the radioactive injection, sat and talked to Ethan and her mother while it was absorbed into her bones, and lay perfectly still on the table for the scanning camera. Then she returned to her room and started to pack. She was almost finished when the X-ray department sent for her a second time.

Again she went down to X ray, where a very agitated technician said she had to repeat the procedure.

“Why again?” her mother demanded. “Can’t you get it right?”

“Look, lady, I know how to do my job, but whatever her doctor’s looking for didn’t show up clear enough, so I have to do it again.”