Ash (6 page)

“Dax, that better be you,” Link shouted, interrupting my thoughts. “You’re late.”

“Coming,” I hollered back, forgetting one annoyance and remembering another.

I hoped he hadn’t heard about what happened with Madden. For reasons that continue to baffle me, my brother took it upon himself to fall for her a couple of years ago when he was a junior and she and I were freshman. He has a soft spot for her even now. I mean, don’t get me wrong—the girl is pretty. Even I could admit that. But her whole superiority complex kind of negated her looks if you asked me. Whatever the case, today’s courtyard performance was just the sort of thing that tended to get back to my brother. I took my time wandering to the kitchen, rehearsing possible defenses.

My parents and Link were sitting around our kitchen table. The plastic extender had been placed in the center of the table to open it to full width. I had to turn sideways to squeeze past as I walked in. My dad was, as usual, distracted by a book—sonnets by the look of it—while my mom and Link were fixated on the cube in the center of the table. My mom looked up as I came in. “Where have you been?” she demanded, scrubbing one hand through pale blonde hair the exact same shade as mine.

“It was Laira’s Destiny Day today, remember?”

“That still should have put you here ages ago,” she said.

“I know. It’s a long story.” I really didn’t want to get into what had happened at school. Fortunately, my mom didn’t want to hear about it either.

“Never mind,” she replied, waving me off. “The race is in two hours, and we need to get there early to support Aldan.”

My dad looked up absently, rubbing his hand over the few wisps of hair still clinging to his balding head. “As the bard says, ‘
better three hours too soon than a minute too late’.”

“The Tempest?” I asked, grabbing a box of Rice Puffs from the counter. My dad loved quoting Shakespeare. It was a fascination I’d never shared, though I did try to humor him.

“The Merry Wives of Windsor,” Link corrected me.

“Very good,” my dad said to Link in approval. “Nice try all the same, honey.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I replied and nodded to the beer he was drinking. “One of Carlen’s?” My oldest brother, Carlen, worked for a brewery in NoPur, the dividing line to the north of the Purple zone, right where it transitioned to Crimson. His destiny had been to make a commemorative beer for the inventor of the destiny system, and one of the founding ministers, Dr. Jebidiah Og. He completed it two years ago when he was twenty-six. If rumor could be trusted, the brew was still a ministry favorite. On special occasions my dad could usually be found with one of Carlen’s brews in hand. I could even talk him into a sip when Mom wasn’t around.

“You bet,” he answered. I could see the pride on his face as he turned once more to his book.

“So what’s the number up to?” I leaned over Link’s shoulder to look at the cube’s screen.

“He just broke five million,” Link said, clearly oblivious to my Madden run-in.

“Not bad,” I said, plopping down in the chair next to him. I shoved a handful of puffs into my mouth. “Any good mail?” I asked between chews.

“Somehow they keep managing to top the last ones,” Link replied, turning back to the screen facing him. “This one comes from our very own New City.
Dear Aldan, watching your dedication to loop racing has been truly motivating. Anyone can fulfill a destiny, but the way you’ve prepared for yours with such grace and commitment has been an inspiration. You’ve taught my children how important it is to work hard, even if destiny has already paved a path for you. You’re a true role model. A true hero.”

“Aaaaldan,” I yelled in the direction of his room, “You’re a true hero. And role model. And inspiration.”

My mom looked up and shook her head. “Dax, don’t yell at the table.”

Link punched the screen again and snorted.

“Let me see,” I said, spinning the cube in my direction. I clapped a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing as well. “Here’s one from New Vegas.” I raised my voice an octave.
“Dearest Aldie, you are the most handsomest, smartest, nicest loop racer the world has ever known. Every night I go to sleep looking at a cube filled with you doing your greatest tricks. I even named my stuffed clock tower after you, so that I can say I kiss Aldan every night. One day I hope to do it for real. But we can’t tell my daddy. The last boy I kissed he—”

“Dax, I was using that screen,” my mom said, exasperated. She spun the cube back around. “I’ve got our tickets pulled up,” she continued. “We have three spots in the Box. Link will take one. Your father and I will take the other two.”

She tapped the top of the cube so that all of the sides now showed the seating chart. “We’ve got spots for the rest of your brothers here.”

“Where are they, anyway?” I asked. Link and Aldan were my only brothers living at home, but the others still lived in the Yellow zone on the opposite side of town. I’d thought everyone would be at the house in preparation for Aldan’s race, but so far I’d only seen Link.

“Ald’s in his room,” Link replied. He rolled his eyes. “Talking to
her
.”

We exchanged a grin. Aldan had been spending more and more time chatting with a mystery girl, but neither one of us could pry any details from him.

“Strom, Pel, and Kai are already at the loop making signs or something,” he continued, ticking our brothers off on his fingers. “Carlen is at the brewery getting ready for the after-party tonight. And Shay is running late at work. There’s some emergency at the park he had to take care of. They’ll meet us there.”

I nodded my head as I looked at the chart again, steeling myself before I spoke. “Where am I sitting?” I knew what the answer would be, but I still had to ask.

“Yeah, Mom,” Aldan said, appearing in the doorway. He was already wearing his purple jersey with the number “1” stitched onto both sides. While it was crisp and ironed—my mother had seen to that—his hair looked like an overturned bird’s nest. “Where’s Dax sitting?” He readjusted one of his signature purple arm cuffs as he waited for her response.

My mom sighed, and with that tiny exhalation of air I had my answer.

“It’s alright.” I shrugged. “I already made plans. I told Laira I’d sit with her.”

She gave me a bright smile. “Well, there you go,” she said.

“No way,” Aldan said. He walked to the table and jerked a chair out, flipping it around backward before sitting down. He propped his elbows on its back and fixed my mom with a steady look. “I thought you asked for a family pass.”

Her smile fizzled. “Honey,” she said. “I’ve got the rest of your brothers all together, which was hard enough. I’d like Dax to sit with the family as much as you, but this is a very visible event. I hardly think this is the kind of publicity you want today.”

Or any day, I thought. My mom and I weren’t exactly close. She tolerated me at best. If I just had a destiny—any sort of destiny—she probably wouldn’t hate me so much. But I don’t. And whether I’m out in New City, or in my own home, I will never forget that detail. Neither will she.

“I don’t care about publicity,” Aldan said. “What I care about is my family feeling like they’re part of this event. The
entire
family. Dax, how about it? You want to sit in the fourth row?”

“Sure,” I said, doing my best not to get excited. I know better than that. Getting excited just means more disappointment in the long run.

“Aldan, be reasonable,” my mother said, exasperated. “Bill, tell him to be reasonable.” She turned to my dad, who was once again absorbed in his book and ignoring everyone around him. Nothing shocking there.

“Hmm?” he asked, looking up. “What’s that?”

“Aldan’s got some preposterous idea of seating Dax with the rest of the family tonight. Could you please talk some sense into him?”

“Actually,” Link interrupted, “I’ve got a better idea.”

We turned to him in one motion.

“Why don’t you take my seat, Dax? In the Box.”

My mother was speechless. It was unheard of for someone like me to sit in the Box. I just stared at Link, dumbfounded. It might have been the only time my mother and I have ever had the same reaction to anything. It didn’t last, though.

“Are you out of your mind, Link Harris?” my mother exploded. “Of course Dax isn’t sitting in the Box. And she’s not going to sit in the fourth row either, Aldan. I refuse to let our family turn into some kind of media spectacle. I can
not
believe we are having this conversation.” She looked at me, her lips pressed together in a thin line. “Dax, do you want the entire country focused on you, or where the attention belongs—on your brother?”

For some reason, I wanted to laugh, but I knew that was the wrong response. I kind of specialize in saying the wrong things, especially where my mom’s concerned, so instead I cleared my throat and waited.

“Dax? I’m asking you a serious question.”

“Jacqueline.” My dad interrupted my mom. He put his book down and looked at her in surprise. “Let’s all calm down please.”

“If it’s my day,” Aldan replied, “it should be my decision.”

Before things could get any worse, I held up my hand. “I’ll sit with the other Ashes. Mom’s right. It’ll turn into a thing if I sit with you all up front.”

My mom glared around the table, head high in victory.

“But Dax,” Aldan said.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Really.” Even though it wasn’t. But you get used to these things when you’re a Blank. It wasn’t like I had a choice.

“Then you’ll wear this,” Aldan said. He took off one of his cuffs and grabbed my arm, repositioning the stretchy material around my bicep. Where it had been, the naked skin now made a natural white band against his suntanned arm. He squeezed my hand before letting it go. “If you’re not going to sit with us, then you can at least wear my colors today.”

I studied the band of purple circling my arm. It’s not like I hadn’t tried the color on before. At home. In the privacy of my bedroom. Without anyone else knowing about it. But this was different.

My mother stood, her chair screeching against the floor. “Boys, really, enough. The way you two are carrying on you’d think your sister was Madden Sumner.” She turned to me and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You and I both know you are not wearing that band out of this house. The fine would be exorbitant.”

My mom stalked off, leaving my dad to smooth things over. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said, his tone apologetic. “Your mom doesn’t realize how her words sound sometimes, and today she’s especially anxious.” He stood and walked around to me, kissing the top of my head. “I wish you could sit with us, but we’ll celebrate at the after-party as a family, okay?” I could see the concern etched over his face.

“Sure,” I replied.

“Okay, then,” he said. “We really all do need to get moving now. Time waits for no man.” He squeezed my shoulder before walking down the hall.

“Dax, I’m sorry,” Link said.

“What is wrong with her?” Aldan muttered. “Don’t let her get to you, okay? She doesn’t know anything.”

One of the things I hate about being a Blank is that I’m constantly forced to lie about how it feels to actually
be
a Blank. “It’s okay, guys. Really. It would be fun to sit up front, but you know she’s right.” And she was. I could count on my mom for two things—the unsweetened truth and general annoyance at my existence.

“Dax, it’s not alright. There’s no reason she should treat you like that,” Link said. “I’m going to talk to her.”

“No,” I said. “Let’s just get ready, okay? It’s Aldan’s day, and we all need to get to the race.” I laughed. “Seriously, you guys. I don’t care, and if I don’t care then why should you?”

Link looked unsure and I punched him in the shoulder. “Knock it off. Our brother’s got a race to win, alright?”

He grinned back at me. “Fine,” he said.

That’s the other thing I hate about being a Blank. People feel so sorry for me that I’m always having to cheer them up. Well, people in my family at least.

“And you should probably take this back,” I said, pulling off Aldan’s cuff.

He stopped me. “It’s yours.”

“You know I can’t wear it out of the house, Aldan.”

“Sure you can,” he replied. “Wear long sleeves. Who’ll know the difference?”

I smiled. A real smile. The dress I had borrowed from Laira had three quarter length sleeves. I
could
actually wear his cuff and no one would know.

“Thanks,” I said, trying not to choke up. I wouldn’t trade my brothers for any destiny, no matter how big.

Aldan stood up. “Good,” he said. “Now let’s get ready.” He and Link got up to leave, but Aldan stopped at the doorway. “For the record, you’re better than Madden Sumner.”