Avenge (21 page)

Chapter
Twenty-Four

I quickly changed into my swimsuit and
cover up, and grabbed my goggles. As I tiptoed out the door
carrying my flip flops, Frenchie woke up—tongue and tail
wagging.

“
No, not time for a walk,
sweetie. Stay nice and quiet for me. Don’t wake Adam. I’ll bring
you back a treat, okay?” The puppy licked my face and I scratched
behind her ear. “Back to bed, Frenchie,” I ordered, and I scooped
her up and plopped her down. “Now shhh.” Once in the hall, I
slipped my shoes on and took the back stairs down to the rear
exit.

The pool was located a few hundred
yards passed the Gathering Hall, a large community room where
groups of souls gathered to play cards or chess; sometimes they
held impromptu dances, or simply gossiped about everything under
the sun. I knew it was tempting fate to pass by all those people,
but I kept my head down and jogged passed before anyone noticed me.
The pool itself was an indoor Olympic sized pool that contained two
whirlpools outside of the shallow end and even had a sauna
connected. This was open to be used by anyone and was often
crowded.

Instead, I chose to use the lesser
known and smaller outdoor pool that sat directly behind the pool
annex. It was usually only used for people playing pool volleyball
or those who wanted to lounge on a float and relax. When I walked
up to it today, it was empty. I said a silent thank you and dipped
my toe in to test the temperature. It was a perfect 74 degrees, and
I hurried to place my goggles on my face and jump in.

The rush of cold water surrounded my
skin, reminding me of my new power. The one I hadn’t used since
coming back from New Orleans. The one I couldn’t use since I was
under house arrest.

I kicked off the wall, placing my face
in the water as I used my legs to power my body forward toward the
other side. It came at me much faster than I anticipated since I
was used to regulation sized pools, and I turned my body to head
back to the other side.

As I swam, frustration built that I
couldn’t go all out like I wanted to. Every time I tried, I ended
up in the shallow end in mere seconds and was forced to slow my
body in order to turn again. I wasn’t able to lose myself as I
completed the laps. I wanted to use the regular pool and was angry
that I’d been stuck out back. I pushed myself again, wanting to use
my rage as fuel for this workout, but all too soon I eased up and
turned around. This wasn’t helping. All I wanted to do was let go
of my anger and frustration and instead it was building.

When I got back to the
shallow end again, I took off my goggles and flung them by where I
left my shoes and cover up. “Fuck this! This is ridiculous. I
deserve to be in that pool more than those decrepit old farts.
I
need
to use it
now, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to hide out back like the
red-headed stepchild.” I jumped out of the pool, scooped up my
stuff and pushed open the gate so hard it caused a loud bang as it
crashed into the wall beside it.

A few people on a walking path near me
turned to look, but when I growled at them they quickly hurried
away. I entered the main pool house and dropped my stuff on the
first open chair. There were about twenty people in the area,
either in the pool or one of the two adjacent hot tubs. I needed
them gone.

“
All right everyone, get
out! This pool is now closed! I don’t care where you go, but you
need to be out of this area in the next three minutes.” Stunned and
surprised faces met me, but no one moved. This only further
infuriated me. Did they think I was kidding? “I said
GO!”

Those in the area quickly ran to
gather their belongings. When one old woman had the audacity to sit
and carefully fold her swim shirt, two towels, and the macramé
craft she was working on, I towered over her and growled until she
moved faster.

Finally, after a few minutes the area
was cleared, and I had the pool all to myself again. I replaced my
goggles and dived in, pushing myself to swim as hard and as fast as
I could. My lungs ached from holding my breath for so long, but I
embraced the hurt. I wanted to tire myself out as much as possible.
I kicked until my legs were on fire, only coming up for air after
things started to go fuzzy. I loved this workout.

Until I felt a disturbance in the
water. Begrudgingly, I slowed my pace and lifted my head to see a
man climbing down the ladder to enter the pool. I stopped mid
stroke and treaded water for a second.

“
What the hell do you think
you’re doing? Didn’t you hear me tell you go get out?”

“
Is that why no one’s here
any longer? Gee, I thought I lucked out. Why’d you tell everyone to
leave?” He took the final step, submerging himself into the water
and swam up closer to me.

“
It doesn’t matter why I
told them to leave. What’s important is that everyone needs to
leave. This includes you. So get out!”

The man didn’t make a move to leave,
but tilted his head quizzically at me. “You know, when I was alive
I worked as a youth councilor and ran a psychiatry practice
specializing in teens and young adults. You seem really upset about
something. Would you like to talk about it for a little
bit?”

Was this joker for real? I ducked my
head under the water and let out a scream in frustration. When I
emerged again, he hadn’t moved. “No! I don’t want to talk to you.
Now leave!”

“
Are you sure? It would be
confidential. There’s no one around but the two of us. You can say
anything. I’ve heard it all, trust me. Nothing you can say would
shock me. I think it might help you feel better.”

“
You are seriously dense,
old man.”

“
Hey, I’m not old! I’m only
57. I woulda had a lot of time left if my arteries weren’t clogged
thicker than an all girl’s college dorm shower. I so should have
listened to my doctor when he told me to cut back on the chili
cheese fries. Never saw that heart attack coming. Died right there
in my office, sitting at my desk. I’m Terry Crow, but my friends
call me TC.”

He swam directly up to me and offered
his hand, but in that moment, all I saw was red. The fog overtook
me and I was powerless to stop it. I took the man’s hand, pulled
him closer to me, and shoved him under the water, holding him
there. I knew I couldn’t kill him (he was already dead after all),
but I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to suffer and beg and scream
for mercy. I wanted that control over him; I needed to feel
powerful over something after having it ripped away from
me.

His arms wrapped around me and he
squeezed. At first, I thought he was trying to take me down with
him, or make me let him go. But it was neither of those. He was
trying to give me a hug. Here I was, trying to inflict pain on an
innocent man who did absolutely nothing to me, and he was giving me
a hug.

I flung my arms away from
him and kicked to the wall. My hand came to cover my mouth, but
couldn’t contain the cry and guilt replaced the fog and washed over
me.
What have I done?
I thought. Oh lord, what kind of monster was I turning
into?

I pushed myself under the water and
screamed as hard as possible. And when no air was left in my lungs,
I stayed under and screamed some more. TC’s hands came around me
once more, but this time he pulled me up. I gulped in air in
between my sobs and let him hold me. We sat on the steps to the
pool and he rocked me like my dad used to, soothing me and running
his hand over my back gently.

When my breathing evened out and the
sobs quieted, he pulled me back to look at me. “You know, it’s not
our situations—or even our actions—that define us. It’s how we
overcome adversity. That’s the real key to everything.” He cupped
my face and made me look him in the eye. “I forgive you. I know you
don’t think you deserve it, but I do. I don’t know your situation,
but I’m willing to bet that your actions today aren’t who you
really are, or you wouldn’t have that pretty gold bracelet, now
would you?”

I shook my head as my bottom lip
quivered. “I’m so afraid. I don’t know how to stop it.”

“
You know what they say
about fear. The only thing you have to fear is—“

“
Fear itself. I
know.”

“
No, spiders. Those things
are creepy!” I laughed despite myself as TC tugged at my arm. “Be
stronger than it. Your will is the strongest part of you, don’t
forget that.” He let go of me then, and I shakily stood up and
walked out of the pool. I didn’t even bother to pick up my stuff, I
just headed out the door.

I didn’t know where I was going. I
couldn’t head back to the Dwelling. I needed to be alone, and
honestly I was too afraid of what I might do if the fog took over
again. I didn’t think I could handle it if I hurt one of my
friends. That just wasn’t an option, so I stayed as far away as
possible and slinked into the densest part of the wooded
area.

I found a flat, moss-covered spot
underneath an old oak and took a seat, bringing my knees to my
chest and wrapping my arms around them. I rocked slightly as I
fought back more tears.

I sat there silently for at least an
hour. I replayed everything that happened to me over the last two
months and tried to think of a way out of the hole that was dug for
me. TC was right, my will was stronger than the evil growing inside
me. I simply needed to fight it harder.

One thing I knew for sure was that I
couldn’t be around my team and friends until I had this under
control. I was too dangerous. The likelihood of hurting something
or someone precious to me was too high right now. I had no idea
where I would go, but at this moment being alone under this tree, I
was at peace knowing I wasn’t able to hurt anyone.

I thought back to why it felt so good
to hurt that guy. It was the most intense feeling I’d had since
this whole thing started. It was euphoric, but why? I closed my
eyes and put myself back in that memory. I remembered the feel of
the cool water around me, splashing at my skin and the smell of the
bitter chlorine as it tingled in my nose. My pulse raced at the
memory, but I pushed further. I needed to get to the source of the
feeling.

I could feel my hand, gripping TC’s
thick head of hair as I pushed down, imagining his pain. Suddenly
my eyes flew open and I realized why the feelings in the memory
were so strong. I wasn’t alone while it happened. I could feel Max.
When I was doing something so horrible, I could feel my connection
to Max again. It was like he was right next to me, cheering me
on.

That thought frightened me. The Max I
loved would never want to inflict pain on others. Instead, he would
gladly take on others’ pain if it meant they didn’t have to suffer.
I knew in that moment that Max was for sure still a
vampire.

As horrible and painful as that
thought was, a smile still slid onto my face. Not only could I feel
Max, but I also knew where he was. I wanted to jump out of my skin
with giddiness. I was going to find him! He was going to be okay,
because I was going to bring him home. Nothing else in the entire
universe mattered more in that moment.

I laughed at the elation. I giggled
and gaffawed until my sides hurt. Tears of happiness replaced the
tears of frustration, and I rolled onto the ground, clutching my
now aching stomach. I only quieted when leaves crunched around me.
I stood up and hurried away, not wanting to be caught by anyone. I
may have had a major breakthrough, but I was still very dangerous
to anyone around me.

I ended up at the sports storage shed
that all those months ago I’d been attacked in. The irony of that
wasn’t missed, but at least it was a good spot to sit and formulate
a plan. I couldn’t run to Max, as much as my body wanted me to. I
was one person, and he was now a vampire. He wouldn’t come with me
willingly anyway. I needed to think of some other way for them to
turn him back and then bring him home.

Would I even want to? Or would the fog
become stronger the closer I was to him? Would I be able to fight
it? It was already so hard, so exhausting to fight against it. I
wanted to give up an accept it, be with Max any way I could, but
every time that thought entered my mind, my gut and chest would
hurt, like I was betraying everything I truly believed in. I was
being torn in two, and I didn’t know how much longer I could stay
in the fight for my soul.

It also crossed my mind that wherever
Max was, there was a good likelihood that the vampire who used
Jessica’s soul was there too. Was it possible for me to save them
both? I couldn’t bring myself to imagine that outcome yet. I’d been
burned by too much hope in the past. I needed to be cunning and
strategic. I needed to be smarter than them.

I would have liked nothing
more than to go to James or Elizabeth with this new development. I
knew they would have some good ideas, but I couldn’t. First, I was
too afraid of hurting them somehow. But most important, I was
afraid they would say no. That they wouldn’t let me go and get him
back and I
needed
to go. I had a lock on him now. And if he moved, I’d know
about it. But after the stunt I pulled today, there was no way
they’d let me out of their sight again. And I couldn’t risk being a
danger to them. This was all my fault to begin with, so it needed
to be me who fixed it. I paced as I weighed my options and came up
with a plan.