Beautiful Lies (5 page)

We work a lot with Alfred as he is very well known in the world of art. He was Rick’s grandfather’s best friend and he looks after Rick as if he were his own grandson. Much of our paintings come from artists that he has sent our way. He is invaluable to the gallery and such a kind hearted man.

“They are beautiful. I want to see them, in real life I mean.”

“I have a meeting with him and his agent next week. I take it you’ll want to join us?”

“Absolutely,” I smile.

“Good, then I’ll set it up.”

“Perfect,” I grin.

I watch Rick as he goes through his paperwork and I smile. The very passion that we share for this beautiful expression of life is what led us to one another in the beginning. The way that his eyes light up when he sees a beautiful painting or the way that he smiles when he stands and gazes at the art gallery downstairs. It all led to the steps to my heart. The passion for creativity is amazing. I love that he understands that words are not always a factor in life, sometimes the loudest voice is heard without the use of words. He understands that and so do I. He understands me. That’s why I have to fight for us, because
us
works. It works so well.

* * *

The day goes by pretty quickly. It’s filled with a few clients, meetings and a lot of paperwork. I didn’t get to see Rick much today since we were both so busy. I prefer it that way. It means that we appreciate each other more when we go home.

“You ok?” Rick asks as he locks the door to the gallery.

“Yeah,” I smile.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he says, taking my hand.

“Rick, it’s right there,” I laugh, pointing directly in front of us.

“I would walk any distance with you, Paige. Come on,” he smiles.

“Have you been reading romance novels again?” I tease.

“No, but a Nicholas Sparks’ movie was on the other night and there was nothing else to watch.”

“Mmm, and did you learn anything from it?” I raise my eyebrows and try to contain the smile on my face.

“Nothing that I didn’t already know,” his lips touch mine gently before he moves away again. “See you at home,” he says, turning away in the direction of his car.

I stand still and just watch him go with a silly smile on my face.

“Paige, get in your car,” he says with his back to me.

I chuckle to myself before unlocking the car door and getting inside. I wish that things were always this good. When things are this good I almost forget about Taylor.
Taylor.
If only I could take back the half of my heart that belongs to him. If only that love didn’t exist, then life with Rick would be so easy, like it used to be. Yet, a small part of me fights that sentence away because the truth is, I can’t imagine a life without Taylor. I want Rick, but sacrificing Taylor seems like more than I can bear, even
if
I knew how. I push the thoughts out of my mind and try to focus on what is real...
Rick
. I twist the dial on the radio, turn up the volume and drive home.

CHAPTER THREE

PAIGE’S STORY

I
’m standing, staring at the front door. Today has been great. Rick and I have made up and we are moving forward but I know that once I step through that door, the hours will fade away and I will begin dreaming again. I hate seeing that look on Rick’s face. I can deal with the anger and frustration but it’s when he looks hurt. I can’t deal with that. I didn’t tell him about the dreams at first. I took one look at him when I woke up in the hospital bed a year ago and I knew that on top of everything else, he couldn’t handle finding out about Taylor. How could I tell the man that had sat at my bedside every day for a month that I had been dreaming about another man...a man that didn’t even exist? And how could I tell him that even after I woke up, those feelings still felt real? It’s
crazy.
How could I have ever expected him to understand something that I was still desperately trying to figure out myself?

When Rick wasn’t in the room I questioned one of the doctors about the dreams that I’d had when I had been in my coma. She said that she’d known patients to find a safe place when lost in the unknown. She said that sometimes that safe place could even be somewhere that we don’t know...it was just a way to detach from reality. What she failed to mention, is that those dreams would continue well into the next year of my life, or that when I was dreaming, that I would believe it to be 100% real. She didn’t warn me that every morning that I woke up, I would have to go through the pain of realizing that the world I’d just been in was make believe, or that I would have to suffer guilt every time that I returned to reality. And she most definitely neglected to tell me that my feelings from the dream world would become transferable, finding their way into the real world. That those feelings would become
real.

I didn’t say anything to Rick up until six months ago. It wasn’t by choice, but he had heard me calling out Taylor’s name a few times in my sleep one night. He finally confronted me. I remember the day so clearly...I felt sick having to tell him the truth. He says that he understands but he has this
look
. This way of watching me differently and I know that he is looking at someone else. He’s no longer looking at the woman that he loves but instead a woman who is betraying him. I know this because I see it too, every time that I look at myself in a mirror. I feel sick.

What saddens me the most is that no matter how wrong I convince myself that it is, I always look forward to the time that I get to be with Taylor. I didn’t realize that I’d fallen in love with him until Liv pointed it out one day. It was an embarrassing conversation, admitting that you had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t real. It was wrong -- I knew that -- but I couldn’t help it. It’s not that I don’t love Rick, it’s just that...I love Taylor more. I know that I can’t have him, that what we share in my brief dreams is make believe, but I still
feel
it. Every morning that I wake up, I try to battle with my conflicted feelings...those that are left behind in the dream world and reality. It’s emotionally exhausting.

A gust of wind wipes away my thoughts and I slide my key into the door. I take a deep breath and put a smile on my face. I tell myself how much I love the man inside of this house and it’s the truth. It’s just not the whole truth.

“Hey, you took a long time. You ok?” Rick asks as soon as I walk into the living room of our apartment.

“Yeah, I guess I was just driving slowly,” I lie.

“Never mind, here let me take that for you,” he says, gently peeling my coat off my body.

“Thanks,” I breathe. He pecks me on the lips and smiles before walking away to hang it up. I slip my heels off my feet and wiggle my toes. They are stiff from standing on them most of the day.

“So, I picked us up a Chinese on the way. You hungry?”

“Not yet, I think I’ll jump in the shower first. You eat though, I won’t be long.”

“I’ll wait,” he smiles.

I return the smile and nod. I walk toward our bedroom. Once inside I shut the door, sit on the edge of the bed and close my eyes. My head is resting in my hands and I am taking slow, long breaths. I hear my phone ping and retrieve it from my purse. It’s a message from Liv.

Hey Sis. Sorry I couldn’t speak properly earlier, Lilly’s death just shocked me and Gavin is going to be at the funeral, so I heard. I’m not sure I can deal with it.

I look down at her text and instantly understand why she seemed to be hiding information earlier. Gavin was her ex that broke her heart probably worse than I’m breaking Rick’s.

Aww Liv, are you sure you’ll be ok? I can come with you if you want?

Now I know for sure that she is not really going to take Nate. Our older brother isn’t exactly known for behaving himself and if he catches sight of Gavin, I can’t imagine what he’ll do. Just as I contemplate the thought she replies.

Yes, I’m fine. I just had to let it sink in. No, I need to face him alone. Who knows, with any luck something will come up and he won’t even be there.

Ok, well you know where I am if you need to talk and just in case you change your mind, my Friday is yours ;) x

Thanks Sis, love you xxxx

Ditto x

I smile down at my phone before getting ready for my shower. The bathroom is opposite our bedroom so I go and set the water before returning to the bedroom with my towel. I strip down my clothes, throw on the towel and head back in. It’s steamy inside; I can’t see my reflection in the mirror. I’m happy. I hate looking into my own eyes. That’s where my story is told the best...in my eyes. I hang my towel on the rail before stepping into the cubicle. It takes my body a moment to adjust to the heat but when it does, it feels great. I let the beads of water wash away all of my sins. I close my eyes and step completely under the sprays of water. I run my fingers through my hair and let my head fall back. I stand still, enjoying the heat of the water and letting my mind get lost in my thoughts. Ten minutes pass by easily and I’m in the same position.

I jump when I feel a pair of hands wrap around my body, then I relax into his touch.

“Hey,” I whisper, stepping back with him, slightly out of the water.

“Hey,” he replies, kissing my shoulder. He leaves his head there, pulling me closer. “You were taking a while so I thought that I’d join you. You ok?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not still upset with me about last night are you?”

“No, Rick. You apologized. We’ve had a great day.”

“Good,” he kisses my shoulder again. He spins me around. Our bodies slip past one another easily. I look up into his eyes as he smoothes back my hair. “You’re so beautiful,” he smiles down at me. I smile. He lowers his lips to mine. My eyes close instinctively. The kiss is desperate. I know that he’s fighting for the half of my heart that I have given away and I feel the guilt consume me. I try to push it away and ignore it but as the hunger of the kiss grows, so do the images of Taylor flying through my mind.

I don’t want him to think that he has to compete or fight, so I kiss him back. I don’t push away the images of Taylor. I embrace them. I enjoy them as though it were his lips on mine. I find myself lost in the moment. My hands grab at the back of his neck and I pull him closer. I hear myself groan and his grip tightens. I want to say his name, tell him I love him but it would be the wrong name. I suddenly pull back. I can’t do it, not like this. He deserves better than me pretending. I feel sick that I let it happen even if for just a minute.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I look away from his disappointed expression. “I can’t...not tonight.” I turn around slowly, facing the water again. I feel the tears but the water masks them. I wait for the moment that he leaves but it doesn’t come. Instead, he steps closer. My back is flush against his chest again. His arms encase my waist and I feel his breath against my neck.

“Tell me what to do, Paige?” He whispers.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Rick...don’t.”

“Please, just tell me what you need me to do. I can change.”

I shake my head.

“I don’t want you to change, you’re perfect. It’s me with the problem.”

“Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Something that...
he...
does right.” I spin around. My stomach is spinning. I slowly take his face in my hands and look into his eyes.

“Don’t ever compare yourself to
him.
I don’t want you to be like him. I fell in love with you because you are
you
.”

“And then you fell in love with him. I don’t know how to compete with that.”

I look at him and I know in that moment that I love him. Even with everything, I still love him.

“I don’t want you to compete,” I hear my voice break.

“Then just love me...
only
me,” he whispers.

I can’t say yes because it would be a lie so I smash my lips against his and this time I try hard to forget about Taylor. I forget about which half of my heart is beating and I just focus on Rick. I focus on the man that I fell in love with first. The one that is real. “I’m sorry,” I repeat the words over and over in between kisses until all that can be heard is the sound of water mixing with our breaths.

* * *

“Hey, wake up,” he leans over me in bed. He has that playful look in his eyes and I can’t help but smile.

“What time is it?”

“Early,” he chuckles.

“How early, Taylor?” I raise my eyebrows.

“Six in the morning.”

“What? Why do you insist on waking me up so early?”

“Because a day goes quick, babe and I want to get in as many minutes with you as I can. And, I cooked breakfast,” he kisses the tip of my nose and then jumps to his feet. “Come on, baby.”

“Ok, I’m coming. Although breakfast in bed would have been way more romantic,” I moan.