Becoming Lady Thomas (Becoming Her Book 1) (2 page)

It’s him.

My William.

“Shhh, pretty girl,” his voice soothes me. “I’m here.”

He presses a soft kiss on my chilled-from-the-night-air flesh. This time, a shudder for a whole other reason wiggles its way through me. The moment he releases me, I turn in his arms to face him.

“Miss me, Lissa?”

Instead of answering him, I run my palms up the lapels of his jacket and grin at him. He dips his head to mine and softly kisses my lips. I’ll never tire of his taste—a hint of lemon and mint leaves. Something ignites from within me and I deepen our kiss.

“Let me make love to you, sweet girl,” he begs between kisses.

God, how I want to. But I’m a little frightened. My older sister, Edith, tells me that it hurts. She says that it feels like a metal poker has been warmed in the fire and pushed forcefully into your body. I’m not sure if she knows this from experience or if she’s protecting me much like a mother would.

Our mother died from cholera several years ago, and ever since, Edie has treated me as if I’m a child.
Her child.
Thank goodness she leaves for university soon as well.

“Please,” he whispers as he slides his hands to my hips.

My body aches, especially in my midsection, almost as if the emptiness could be cured by his touch. Could tonight be the night? The night I lose my virginity to the love of my life?

“Yes,” I murmur back. Even though my words are approval, I’m still terrified.

He rests his forehead to mine and stares at me with eyes as blue as the sky. “Lis, I love you.”

As he says his words, he pulls my hips closer to him and I feel his hardness poke me in my belly. A nervous giggle erupts from me.

“I’m scared,” I finally manage to tell him.

He takes hold of my hand and guides me toward the barn. “I know you are, darling. But I promise you I’ll take care of you. I’m going to marry you when you turn eighteen. You will drop the Merriweather name and become a Benedict. This—our making love—will only strengthen our bond until then.”

His words make sense, and I mentally clutch on to them as we walk.

Not even ten minutes later, we’re lying on the bed on the loft of the barn. Long ago, we made this our place.

“Your lips, Lissa,” he groans and sucks one between his teeth before continuing. “Your lips are like the finest of delicacies. I could feast upon them for hours.”

A whimper escapes me as he pushes my dressing gown up at an agonizingly slow pace. My mind screams at him to hurry, but my lips quiver in silence.

“I’ve wanted this for so long.” His voice is needy, and I want to please him.

My mind blanks as he drags my knickers down my thighs and to my knees. It’s as if he’s going slowly to drive my mind to the brink of insanity.

“Just hurry,” I rush out as I kick out of them.

He flashes me a handsome smile and my pounding heart gradually returns to normal. This boy, only two years my senior, has stolen my heart. His hand slides up my bare thigh, and when his pinkie barely flutters over the thatch of hair between my legs, I begin to cry.

I’m not ready.

I want to be ready, but I’m not.

“William,” I murmur with a wobbly voice.

His mouth steals mine and he kisses me in a way that coaxes me—makes me yearn for more again. But when he breaks away to unfasten his pants and drop them, the anxiety threads its way back through my veins.

He seems so large, and I’m unsure how he’ll fit into the space that barely seems to hold just my middle finger. But he appears to be so happy—so thrilled to be doing this with me. Surely I can endure it long enough to please him.

His hands find my knees and he parts them. Even though the barn is enclosed, I can still feel the chill of the night air on my sensitive flesh. At the sensation of the tip of his penis dragging along my opening, though, I sob harder.

“W-William. S-s-stop.”

Blazing, blue eyes meet mine and his brown eyebrows pinch together in confusion. “Lissa, I thought you wanted this. Us.”

I do. God, how I do. I just don’t want it right now.

I finally find my voice and tell him firmly, “Not now.”

A growl bursts from him, and my usual playful William seems lost behind the eyes of the angry one before me. Smashing my eyes closed, I wait for the inevitable loss of my virginity.

But it doesn’t come.

“Bloody hell, Lissa!”

I open my eyes to see him yanking his pants up over his erection. His eyes aren’t ones of love; they’re ones of disapproval. My heart aches to think I ruined our moment.

“William,” I sob, “I’m sorry. Please, let’s try again.”

The look in his eyes is one I cannot bear to ever see again. I’ll do anything wipe it away.

He shakes his head in disappointment. “Maybe when you’re older. Besides, I’m not aroused anymore. The moment is gone, Lissa.”

Will we ever get it back?

Four years later . . .

“PUT THE KETTLE ON, ELLA. They’ll be here soon,” I instruct as I peer out the window. Father’s coach is nowhere to be seen, but I know they’ll be here at any moment.

A clatter in the kitchen draws my attention from the window to my younger sister. Her pale-pink frock is the fanciest she owns, saved only for special occasions. And today is most certainly a special occasion.

Our sister is coming home from university.

My William will be home from university.

I watch her slender hand turn the faucet on as she begins filling the kettle. My sister is beautiful with her long, blond hair always elegantly twisted into a perfect chignon. She reminds me so much of my mother.

“Do you think he’ll ask for your hand in marriage? Tonight?” she questions.

A smile plays at my lips as I think about his last letter.

Dearest Lissa,

I cannot wait until the day I see you again. The letters have not been able to fully express how much I have missed you. But I promise you, as soon as I return, I am going to make you my wife. I love you until the end, sweet girl.

Your William

“I don’t know. Gosh, what if he doesn’t think I’m pretty anymore?” I ask as I bite my lip.

My sister, who’s now taller than I am, envelops me in a hug. “You’re the most beautiful of them all,” she giggles. “I mean, I’ve never seen anyone with your shade of red hair—the color of the finest cabernet. You’re like royalty.”

I roll my eyes but secretly revel in her compliment. The last time I saw William, I was but a young girl. My breasts hadn’t even fully developed, and I was timid.

Now?

Now, I’m more than ready. I spent four years touching myself in the dark, imaging that it were him. Four years mentally and physically preparing myself for him. That night before he left for university, the dynamic in our relationship changed. A wedge that had never existed before was suddenly there. And even though we’ve spent four long years writing letters that professed our love back and forth, I knew that it would take a physical union to fully eradicate that wedge.

It is long overdue.

“I see them!” Ella shrieks as she points out the window behind me.

My heart does a flop when I see my father’s coach bouncing along the gravel path down the hill. I know that Ella is thrilled to see our sister Edith, whom we haven’t seen either in four years, but I don’t have room to be excited for her. My heart pounds around in my chest with the need to see
him.

God, how I’ve missed him.

Nervously, I wipe my palms along my jade-colored petticoat. Edith used to tell me that green complemented my scarlet hair. Ever since, I’ve always been drawn to the color.

“Ella, hurry and set out the cakes. They’ll be famished from their journey,” I instruct.

Thankfully, she heeds my direction and begins placing the plates on the table. I’m lost in my thoughts of hoping he’ll still find me attractive when I hear my father’s booming voice in the front room.

“In the kitchen,” I call out.

Moments later, my father’s robust frame fills the doorway. “Lissa, sweetheart. How thoughtful of you to organize this for our return,” he praises as he waves a hand toward the table.

Grinning, I bask in his praise and lift my eyes only to lock eyes with
him.

My William.

Words fail me as my gaze skitters down the tall, filled-out form of the boy I fell in love with, who has now become this—
this man.

“Sweet girl,” he murmurs before stalking toward me and pulling me into his arms.

Lemon and mint fill my nostrils as tears burn my eyes. Oh, how I’ve missed this man. When his lips find my neck, I suppress the moan that threatens to rip from me. It wouldn’t be appropriate to allow him to do the things that are running through my head right now, in front of my family. But later?

Later, I want him to do them all.

“I’m going to make you mine,” he promises against my ear before leaving me to stare after him.

My eyes follow him as he hugs Ella. Age was good to him. Through his trousers, I can see that his thigh muscles are broad and hard. I want to run my tongue along them and—

“Good afternoon, sister.” Edith’s prim voice snaps me from my wicked thoughts.

I attempt to cool the crimson that burns my cheeks and greet her with faux joviality. “Good afternoon, Edie. You look stunning as always.”

My words are the honest truth. Where Ella is gorgeous in her innocent beauty and I’m different with my unique appearance, Edith is regal and exquisite. My older sister has silky, dark-brown hair that she keeps in a loose braid down her back. Her eyes are wise and knowing.

Both of my sisters outmatch me where beauty is concerned. But as my William turns and gazes at me so hungrily that I nearly melt into a puddle on the kitchen floor, I know that it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters aside from how he feels about me.

“You’re mine,” he mouths to me.

“Ella, this cinnamon cake is delicious. You’re an excellent cook like your mother always was,” Father praises with a smile.

Ella grins back at him and pride fills me. At seventeen, she’s grown into such a wonderful woman who will make a nice young man happy one day.

“So, Lissa,” Edith says with a narrowed gaze. “Now that I’m back from university, do you think you shall enroll? Or do you have plans to be a homemaker with no home?”

An annoyed grumble comes from William as I scramble for something to say. Thankfully, he steps in.

“Actually, Edie, I came here tonight to ask for your sister’s hand in marriage. I’ve loved her since we were children. Franklin has known of my intentions because before I left for university, I asked his permission to marry her. Now that I’m a man with a degree, I can finally take care of her as my wife.”

My eyes fly up to his and he winks at me. This. It’s finally happening. Ella lets out a squeal of delight, but Edith seems agitated. Lifting her nose in the air, she reaches a hand over and squeezes Father’s hand.

“Do you want to tell her, Father? Or shall I?”

He curses under his breath and both Ella and I gasp. Everyone’s attention falls to my father.

A frustrated sigh rushes from him as he quickly stands and storms over to the liquor cabinet. I send William a confused look, and his jaw clenches angrily. I’m not sure what’s happening, but it doesn’t appear that it is going as planned.