Between Dreams (7 page)

I smiled and nodded in agreement.

“I can’t believe she wasted fifty cents on this song,” I shouted back.

We both laughed together at Chrissy’s lame choice in music. The song ended and another began. It sounded like Etta James at first, but no, that couldn’t be it. Hottie and I were looking at each other, trying to figure out the song. Then all of a sudden the beat changed.

“Black Eyed Peas,” we both said in unison.

I looked over at Chrissy and she was making her way over to me mouthing the words of the song, singing into the beer bottle she was now holding as if it were a microphone and the dirty black-tiled floor was her stage.

As she approached, she put her arm over my shoulder and shouted. “Hey, Sidney, this is your song. You need to sing this to Ray as you dropkick his ass out the front door.”

The song was about a loved one being lied to.
Of course I was mortified.

Her biggest flaw was the inability to keep private matters private. I was praying that cutie didn’t hear her but when I snuck a glance at him, I realized he had. He was standing with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed, looking straight at me. Was it a look of pity? I hoped not.

Then, every ounce of hope drained out of me as I watched him grab his glass of soda and head back to the bar, taking a seat on the last stool in the corner. Maybe he was just giving me space, I reasoned. After all, I’m here with my girlfriend having fun, and he’s just a stranger I don’t even know. He just didn’t want to interrupt, that’s all.

Satisfied with my conclusion, I grabbed a section of Chrissy’s big blonde hair and lifted it up so I could whisper in her ear, “Green Eyes, here and now. Same guy I was telling you about!”

She was slick when I needed her to be. She never let the surprise show on her face. She just continued to sing and then slowly lifted her eyes under her thick lashes and snuck a glance around the bar. She casually did a twirl as she continued to dance to the music, discreetly scanning the room.

Then she looked at me and said, “No can see.”

Dammit, there were too many people in the lounge now and it was impossible to see anyone with all of the bodies brushing against each other in feeble attempts to get around. We were all like a can of sardines, packed so tightly in here.

I guess the alcohol was making its way through my system because I started to feel some of its liquid courage. I pushed through the crowded space and squeezed between two guys sitting on the bar stools. I pounded on the wooden bar to get Jenna’s attention. She came over with a slight look of annoyance. It seemed I interrupted her flirting with a couple of businessmen in suits. I’m sure they were planning on leaving a large tip for their overly-friendly bartender. I threw a twenty dollar bill on the bar to get her attention.

“Two shots please, one for me and another for the hottie at the end of the bar.” I nodded toward Green Eyes McGee. Jenna turned around and looked at him and then glanced back at me with a question on her face. I suddenly remembered I had just told her I was happily involved with Ray and now here I was buying some strange guy a drink.

“I’m just trying to be friendly,” I explained, shrugging as innocently as I could.

Jenna poured a shot of whiskey for me and then headed to the opposite side of the bar. She placed the glass in front of Green Eyes and poured the shot, whispering something to him, and then nodding towards me. He looked at me, still wearing that strange expression on his face. I held up my shot towards him and then drank. What I saw next nearly made me spit the whiskey clear across the bar.

A heavy set balding man who was probably in his mid-30’s picked up the shot intended for my hunk and drank it. Then, he had the nerve to smile at me in appreciation. I didn’t know how to react. I just sat there with a total look of disgust on my face. The audacity of these damned drunks down here. An instant later, Dave and Chrissy made their way over to me.

“I see you’ve spotted my
compadre
,” Dave shouted over the music.

“Well, we haven’t officially met or anything. He just handed me my drink and suggested I don’t play ‘Paramour’
on the jukebox,” I responded, assuming Dave must be talking about Green Eyes. I went to sneak another look at that beautiful face but was disappointed to see the stool was empty.

I frantically looked around the room for that long dark hair but didn’t see him anywhere. The ugly, old fat guy was still sitting there, smiling some perverted smile at me, looking like a hungry dog wanting a bone. My stomach took on a nauseous glow.

Then chubby boy got up and started heading our way. I was getting ready to let him have it, and tell him what a rude cad he was for drinking a drink that was not meant for him when, without warning, Dave spread his wide arms and embraced his pal with a huge hug.

“Jason. It’s been a long time, buddy. I’m glad you could make it tonight. I have someone I’d like you to meet,” Dave shouted.

My jaw must have hit the floor. Picking it up, I rubbed my bruised ego,
Jason
was Dave’s friend, not the mysterious stranger that I desperately wanted to know.

Chrissy and Dave wanted me to meet this brute? Was Ray really that terrible that some older, unfit drunk would be better suited for me than him? This was really what my best friend thought of me. That I was so pathetic, I would actually agree to date some guy that looked like he could be my dad?

I tried to play it off as I fought to contain the rage filling up inside of me. I began to get really angry. I also began to feel claustrophobic. The bar was so small and all of these bodies pressed against each other reminded me of a Chinese fire drill.

“I need some air,” I said, as I grabbed my purse off the bar. Dave, Chrissy, and Jason all were staring at me as I prepared to bolt. I guess the correct response would have been politeness but I just couldn’t play the part. This was too much.

“You don’t look too well,” Chrissy said with more than a note of concern. “Do you want me to go with you?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. I just need to some fresh air. See you guys soon.” I wrestled out a smile but couldn’t bring my eyes to meet theirs as I pushed through them and practically ran for the exit.

The cold night air felt good on my flushed skin. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I looked down at the dirty sidewalk littered with cigarette butts and noticed the running shoes on my feet.

Perfect.

I turned to the right and took off running.

There was nothing more in the world that I enjoyed more than a good run. Especially when I had something to flee from, like the awkward meeting with Green Eyes, the even more awkward meeting with Jason, the low expectations that my best friend had for my dating life, and the real issue at hand, the low expectations I had for myself with Ray.

I had to escape all of the above.

I turned left down Main Street and passed the market. There were a few cars filled with the local high school kids, meeting up to decide what party they were going to crash. I continued running, thinking about Ray and all of the times he’d hurt me and put his music before me, before my education, before my dreams.

What was it inside of me that loved an obsessively selfish man? I concluded that enabling others in my life was one of my weaker assets. I enjoyed being used. I was too loyal, too giving, too accepting, and far too vulnerable.

He had broken me. Or maybe I was never whole to begin with. How could I possibly be emotionally healthy with the parents God had given me?

Now the tears were spilling down my cheeks but it didn’t matter. I was alone, and this is what I did when I was alone.

I ran.

I pushed myself as far as I could. My lungs felt like they were going to explode but I refused to stop. I refused to acknowledge that my relationship was an absolute failure. I fought off the truth that I was born unlovable; a fact that was proven when my parents so thoughtlessly gave me up. I’d been so desperate for attention that I allowed my thoughts to be completely consumed by a stranger that I’d talked to for a total of two minutes.

Green Eyes’ reaction to the mention of Ray at the bar continued to replay in my mind over and over again. Everything had been fine until Chrissy mentioned Ray, then it was like I was a diseased rag or a pathetic leper.

Finally I stopped running. My lungs couldn’t take anymore. I bent over, resting my hands on my knees, heaving uncontrollably. It was inevitable what was to come next as my stomach began to tighten, spilling all the alcohol I had consumed earlier in the night. Maybe it wasn’t such a smart idea to drink so much liquor and then attempt to run a few miles.

I sat hunched over, breathing heavily with my hands on my knees. After a few minutes of rest, I slowly lifted my head up and began to examine my surroundings. I had run all the way up to the old St. Catherine’s Cemetery. I took a couple steps over to the brick stairs and sprawled across them. I wiped the sweat from my face and took a few more deep breaths, trying to regain my composure.

“Can I pay you back for that shot now?” a man’s voice said behind me.

I leapt so far out of my seat that I ended up on my face in the middle of the street. I kicked my feet out and spun my body around to confront the voice head on.

His thin body was leaning against the brick wall of the wrought iron gates. He brushed a strand of black hair that had fallen in his face behind his left ear and smiled at me, those green eyes twinkling in the reflection of the full moon. In his right hand he held a half-full bottle of whiskey. He held it towards me as some kind of offering.

“Oh what, we’re friends now? We can drink alone together in a creepy cemetery but not at a bar like normal people?” I spat, allowing all of my prior feelings of rejection to resurface.

He gently smiled. “Sorry about that. There were some unexpected matters I had to take care of. That’s why I left so abruptly. I did feel bad, though. That’s why I bought this bottle.”

He held up the jug once more. “I was heading back to the bar to look for you. But then I saw you run past the Market and well…” He struggled for the right words. “I sort of followed you up here. You looked a little upset.” He ran his fingers nervously through his hair. “Looks like you could use a friend.”

I didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t even try. Instead I grabbed the bottle from his hand and poured it down my throat. It burned like hell but I welcomed the fire in my throat. It would numb away all the unpleasantness tonight had brought me.

“I have no idea who you are. You’re a complete stranger to me. You could be a deranged serial killer for all I know. Following me up here in the middle of the night; that’s called stalking, you know.”

I didn’t even know why I was shouting. All he was doing was checking on my well-being. Normally, I would have been flattered by the actions of a cute stranger but tonight, well there was just no repairing the disaster of events that continued to transpire.

I tipped the bottle against my lips and poured more of the poison down my throat. He stood in silence as he watched me chug the whiskey. Finally I gave it back to him and he took a swig out of the bottle.

I liked the feeling the alcohol gave me, it cleared away all of my nervous behavior and allowed me to express what I really meant to say…something that would prove to be difficult sober, while staring into the face of a god.

“Don’t you work at Safeway? I think you helped me earlier this week…$10.81, right?” He noted with uncanny accuracy. I smiled at the fact he remembered me from just from a simple transaction in a grocery store.

But then I remembered that it wasn’t simple at all, it was actually really bizarre. He must have read my expression because he quickly added, “Hey, sorry about the weirdness. I was just surprised to see a necklace like that. I used to know someone a long time ago that had a similar one.”

He extended his hand, “Adrian. Adrian McAllister.”

I shook his hand. “Sidney Sinclair.”

We held on to each other’s hand a little longer than normal, sitting peacefully together in the middle of a cemetery, covered by the darkness of night. Everything about him was perfect, the feel of his hand, even his height, everything. It was an instant attraction that I had never experienced with anyone. Not even with Ray.

It was as if the very essence of his being swirled around me like a wave of ecstasy and with every intoxicating breath I inhaled, I wanted more. Yet he was a stranger. I reluctantly let go of his hand and shook the inappropriate thoughts from my head. Obviously, I was drunk.

“I’ve really got to get going. It was nice meeting you, Adrian McAllister.”

I stood up and immediately lost my balance, feeling as if I was going to fall. Before I could do anything I felt his strong arms around my waist. I closed my eyes and allowed his arms to hold my limp body as I once again inhaled a deep scent of him. He smelled of liquor and cigarettes. Something I should have been appalled by, but instead it filled me with desire. Everything about this guy, the good, bad, and ugly, I was willing to accept.

“You have really pretty eyes,” I said as I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. He felt so soft. I closed my eyes and took another invigorating breath.

He laughed. “You’re drunk. I think you need some coffee. Come on, I live just down the street. I’ll put on a fresh pot.”