Beyond Doubt (26 page)

“Sir. Sir. You have to calm down. We can’t help her unless we can get to her.”

“He was helping me,” I shouted.

Everyone ignored me.

I watched Aaron fighting the medics, trying to get a glimpse of me, and I didn’t understand why. I was fine. I had my helmet on, my protective gear.

A strange hand ran down my back, near the pool of liquid that was now turning chilly. I liked it better when it was warm.

“Please don’t,” I said, turning to the man next to me. He was dressed in a white short-sleeve shirt and navy pants. He looked official, but he, too, ignored me.

“Her pulse is dropping,” a female hollered right next to me.

“Jesus! Where’d you come from?” I glanced at her severe demeanor and wanted to reprimand her for looking so stern.

Aaron was being led back to the ambulance. He was holding his head in his hands.

“We’ve got a limb through the lower lumbar region of her…”

“Wait. Are you sure?” I asked.

Again no one responded.

“She’s gonna need a medevac.”

I heard Aaron frantically calling someone. Why wasn’t he over here with me?

Please come back.

“ETA on chopper?”

“Fifteen,” the female said.

“I don’t know that we have that kind of time,” the man muttered, who was pulling apart a paper bag.

“Heeelllo. I’m right here. I can hear you. And that type of negative thinking will never get a person very far.”

“The limb is half embedded in the subcutaneous…”

They’re moving me.

Please don’t move me.

Please don’t move me.

Oh my God.

The pain.

Please stop.

It hurts so badly.

Two very strong hands gripped under my armpits as someone else grabbed my ankles, scaring me as I looked around. They quickly moved me to some sort of hard platform and kept me on my side as they continued pressing against my lower back. I spotted Aaron coming toward me as two medics attempted to keep him away. He pushed through them and knelt right in front of me.

“Can she hear me?” he whispered.

“We don’t know. It’s always better to proceed as if she can,” the female said.

“For the last time, I can hear all of you. I can see you too.”

I felt a quick pinch on the top of my hand and glanced at the IV that the medics ran.

I hate needles.

“Baby, I’m going to be with you the entire time. I called Gabby and Jason. They’re on their way to the hospital. Your brothers too.”

“Hospital? I’m not at a hospital. I’m in the middle of nowhere.”

“I’ll be in the chopper with you,” Aaron’s voice trembled as I looked into his eyes. “Just give me some sign you hear me, baby. I love you so much.”

“Her blood oxygen level is dropping. We need to intubate,” the female’s voice was almost a whisper. Everything was almost a whisper. What was happening now?

They turned me on my back and a drilling pain shot through my spine. Two hands pressed on my forehead, bringing it toward them as my mouth automatically opened. I felt several fingers unstrap my helmet and switch it for something that they fastened around my neck.

“What’s that?” Aaron asked.

“It makes her muscles relax so she doesn’t fight it.”

Fight what?

A man was unwrapping some sort of tube, a long tube. Aaron didn’t take his eyes off the clear plastic and once they opened my mouth, positioning my head so my throat would open up wide, I understood why.

I tried to swallow as they snaked the tube down the back of my throat, but I couldn’t. Every second that ticked by felt like an hour as my chest deflated more and more with every shove of the tube deep inside my body. Why couldn’t I breathe? What had they done to me?

Just when I felt I was running out of air, they attached some sort of blue pump to the end of the tube and began squeezing it.

“Aaah. I’m alive. I can breathe again.”

Aaron turned away, wiping away the tears, and all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him everything was going to be all right.

“She’s fully restrained,” the woman whispered.

“No, I’m not,” I said, whipping my head to face her.

A thumping began pounding through the air, and I saw Aaron put his hand up to shield the increased wind. I craned my neck to see what was going on and that’s when I noticed a helicopter on the road.
Now that’s something you don’t see every day.

I felt whatever platform I was on swiftly being moved toward the chopper. I also noticed that the woman was NOT keeping very good track of squeezing that little pump. I needed air. I needed air more than I needed this damn helicopter.

Give this pump to someone who can count, please!

Three men dressed in red jumpsuits were now hovering over me. One of them finally taking over the blue pump from the woman, giving it a quick squeeze.

Thank God!

“Sir, unless you’re family, we can’t allow you on the chopper.”

“I’m her fiancé,” Aaron said, his tone convincing. He pressed his fingers along my cheek and bowed down to my ear. “That’s right, baby. You’re mine forever.”

I heard the slamming of the chopper door and felt Aaron’s touch fall away. I looked around, but everything was dark…everything was quiet. There was no chopper. There was no Aaron. I no longer knew where I was, but for the first time since the accident I was afraid.

I was alone.

“I can’t imagine he’s the type to stay by someone’s side when…” my voice trailed off as I looked at all the tubes leading from my body to make my point.

My head was pounding, but that was nothing compared to the rawness in my throat. It felt like it was sliced open and with every swallow, a pound of salt was ground freshly into the wound. The nurse had assured me that was normal after the ventilator tube was removed and that it would feel better soon.

Yeah, right!

Obviously our ideas of ‘soon’ differed greatly.

“Well, you better start believing it because Aaron hasn’t left your side from the moment the accident happened,” Lily explained, touching my hand. Her touch didn’t actually feel nice. My nerves were on end, and the slightest contact seemed to set off a nerve-ending revolution. But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I stayed still, focusing on the flowers surrounding me.

“I made him leave to clean up…about ten minutes before you woke up. We have all tried to get him to sleep at home, but he wouldn’t hear of it. See that chair? That’s where he’s spent his days and nights. He’s probably been away from you two hours at the most and that counts this little excursion.”

I squinted at the object in the far corner that Lily was pointing at, but I couldn’t bring it into focus. It just looked like a light beige blob. Everything looked like a beige blob. And I felt like a beige blob.

“Really?” I whispered, hoping that would lessen the pain in my throat.

It didn’t.

“Yeah, really.”

“Where are my parents? Are they back from Ireland yet? They didn’t cut their trip short, did they?” I asked. “My brothers, do they know?”

Thoughts were flooding through my mind at a rapid pace, and I felt like I couldn’t sort them quick enough.

“They’re on their way,” she assured me. “They’ve been here with Aaron most of the time, but they’d at least go home to sleep and eat. Your parents were here this morning but left to take care of their dogs.”

“How dare they,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

I looked around the hospital room and even though everything was fuzzy, I could tell that I had been here too long. There were flower arrangements on every surface that was available, along with balloons, stuffed animals, and chocolates. I also spotted three of my favorite blankets, two folded over the chair and one across my hospital bed. I shifted in the bed and my body ached all over. Maybe more meds would be on the way.

“What day is it? Shouldn’t you be at work? I need to get back to class.”

“It’s Sunday.”

I caught tears surfacing in her eyes as she squeezed my hand once more.

“I’m going to be okay,” I told her.

Truthfully, I had no idea what okay was at this point. I had several specialists in and out of my room, and I didn’t think they expected me to be able to hear or comprehend anything. But I did. And it scared me. Their idea of okay and mine were vastly different. I was reminded of this as I attempted to move my legs.

“How’s our girl?” Gabby asked, entering the room. I moved my head slowly, in an effort to make the pounding lessen. Jason was with her, holding her hand and guiding her through the maze of tables and chairs.

“Spectacular. I can’t wait to try to ride again,” I said, smiling.

Jason laughed. “I’m not sure Aaron would love to hear that.”

I noticed Gabby taking in the extent of everything from tubes to cords to casts before Jason’s hand moved to the small of her back, interrupting her trance.

“I was so worried,” Gabby said, releasing Jason’s hand. She placed both hands on the railing and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

“I thought Aaron would be here,” Jason said, looking around the room.

“I forced him to go home and change,” Lily explained.

An overwhelming feeling of anxiousness began to waft through my body. The room felt extremely stuffy, and the tubes and cords anchoring me to this bed made me want to scream. Was this normal?

“Brandy, what’s wrong?” Gabby asked, brushing my hair from my face.

“Would one of you guys take a pic of me on your phone and let me see it?” I asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lily answered, shaking her head.

“It probably is a horrible idea,” I confirmed, “but I still want it done. I want to see what you all are seeing.”

Lily and Gabby traded glances before I saw Gabby slowly remove her cell from her purse. She let out a deep sigh and went to the foot of the bed, trying to hold the phone just right.

“I’m not tall enough,” she said, glancing at Jason.

His jaw tightened as he looked at her and then looked at me. He was over six feet tall so I knew he’d be able to get the angle just right.

“Please, Jason? It was me who helped you in the beginning with Gabby. Remember the bikini accident? You wouldn’t have gotten such a wonderful image to forever hold dear without me.” I turned my head to Lily who was chuckling lightly. “Don’t you think he owes me?”

Lily nodded in agreement and Jason’s face lit up.

“You’re right. Definitely right,” he said, grabbing the phone from Gabby.

He took a quick pic and showed it to Lily and Gabby, who nodded slowly.

“Let me have it,” I said, moving my arm to clasp onto the phone. A slight tug of the IV in my hand reminded me not to move too quickly.

“Here you go, hun,” Jason said, smiling.

Grabbing the phone, my curiosity turned to shock. I imagined what I might have looked like lying here, but it never looked this bad. My left cheek was scraped, but a scab had lightly formed across the new flesh, and my other cheek was bruised, but it wasn’t purple. It had now made it to the yellow-green phase. Instead of seeing all of my hair, I saw some of my hair and a white strip of gauze wrapped around my head. I spotted a few of the strays that Gabby had pushed away. Seeing this puzzled me considering I didn’t feel any pressure around my head. It didn’t feel like there was a wrap there at all. My head pounded, but that was an internal sensation not an external one. There was also a tube leading to a bag, which no doubt explained why I didn’t have to get up to use the restroom since I awoke.

Lovely!

I looked tiny in the narrow, white hospital bed for the most part, but the large bulge around my waist was a dead giveaway. The blanket from home was laid on top of my feet, but that didn’t account for the large mound.