Big Girls Don't Cry (2 page)

Anthony sighed. “Lexie, a day hasn’t gone by in the last six years that I haven’t thought of you. You’ve been at the heart of every prayer I’ve said.”

Anthony smiled. If it wasn’t so sad, he’d laugh. It was the way she looked when she was eight--furious when he took her bike or wouldn’t let her tag after him.

He agreed. “You are right about that, Lexie. We both have. But, honey, the path you’re on is a steep one and it goes straight down. It doesn’t get any better.”

She tossed her head. “You’re wrong. I’m a good dancer. Moses says I am. If you hadn’t barged in and ruined it for me.”

Her voice rose and she glared at him.

“You spoiled everything. They thought I was eighteen. Some people even think I’m twenty. But, oh, no. You had to ruin it, didn’t you?”

Anthony’s voice was firm.

“You’re not eighteen or twenty or thirty-five, Lexie. You are barely sixteen. And, honey, those assholes didn’t give a rat’s ass how old you are. They’d have kept you until the drugs and the pimps took you down. Then they’d throw you back out on the streets and find another gullible fifteen or sixteen year old with big tits.”

He frowned, trying to squelch the anger rising in him.

“Do you think I don’t know all the stuff that’s happened since I left you? That I don’t have nightmares about it every damn day of the week? Do you think I’m that stupid, Lexie? That I don’t know what happens to girls and boys who run away from home, who live on the streets?”

When she looked at him surprised, he continued. “Yeah, Lexie, it happens to boys, too.”

She peered out the window and wouldn’t meet his eyes. Her face glowed pale in the flashing neon lights of the shops they passed. His heart clenched. The garish makeup smeared on her face couldn’t hide the vulnerable girl beneath.

“Lexie, let me tell you something, honey. And you better listen to me. If I do one goddamn thing right in my life, I’m going to make sure that from this minute on you’re safe. Do you understand?”

She sneered. “Kind of like you told me when you let the cops take you away. That you’d be back? That you wouldn’t let anyone hurt me?”

“Lexie, I meant those words. It’s taken me six years to find you. Ever since the army helped me get my head out of my ass, I’ve been tracking you. I’ve ploughed through child protective services in four states and finally got a bead on you.”

He continued, his voice stern, intense. “You understand, Lexie? I never stopped looking for you. But I’ve found you now and I will never let you go.”

When they turned the corner, Anthony pulled into the driveway of a small house. It looked like it was connected to a low building that had a sign in Chinese.

Anthony’s voice was gentle. “Listen to me, Lexie. Wan Li is a master martial artist. He is proficient in seven different forms of hand to hand fighting. He saved my life. He and his wife have offered to let you stay here until you are old enough to be on your own. All you have to do is help clean the dojo and not run away. Will you do that?”

Anthony returned his grin. “Yes, she will, if she wants to breathe.” His grin faded. His expression was solemn. “Teach her to protect herself, Master Wan.”

The Chinese man smiled. “The way I taught you, Anthony?”

Anthony bowed low. “Yes, Master Wan. The way you taught me.”

~~~

The next morning, Anthony slipped into the living room. Lexie was huddled in the chair she’d slept in all night. He wanted to say good bye. To reassure her that he would be back in six months, that he would e-mail every chance he got. Looking at her tousled hair and lovely face lined with fatigue, his gut clenched. She looked like the little golden sprite that had chased after him adoringly until their lives had gone to shit. Once again, he made a silent promise that no one would hurt her again. He wouldn’t allow it.

He tucked the blanket around her, careful not to wake her. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek and whispered, “Love you, Lex.”

The door closed softly behind him. Lexie swallowed hard and tugged the blanket tight up under her chin. No one had told her that they loved her for six years, since the last time she saw Anthony.

Chapter 1

10 Years Later

San Francisco, Ca.

Fists and feet pounded the heavy bags. Flying bodies crashed against the floor and walls. The high pitched shrieks of the fighters ricocheted through the dojo. Lexie breathed in deep. These were the sights and sounds she treasured. She focused on the young Chinese girl standing in front of her, her worshipful eyes wide with admiration and excitement. Lexie smiled at her and motioned her forward. “This is it, Ming Su. One more week and you will get your black belt, yes?”

The young woman smiled tentatively, then frowning in concentration, she assumed a fighting stance. At Lexie’s signal, Ming Su shrieked a warrior cry and aimed a fierce kick at Lexie’s shoulder. Lexie feinted to the side and blocked the kick. But Ming Su spun in a circle and caught her on her hip. Lexie grinned and shouted, “Right on, girl! That’s the way to show up your sensei.” The young woman followed the kick with a flurry of strikes, all of which Lexie parried while grinning in delight. She allowed herself a moment of triumph at the young girl’s skill. Two years ago, Ming Li had been a frightened fourteen year old, a shadow of a girl cowering in the corner of the dojo. Now she faced her acknowledged master with determination and skill.

Ming Su ducked to the left and in a flying leap drove her heel into the side of Lexie’s head. The kick wasn’t hard, but Lexie was lost in her thoughts and didn’t see it coming. A blinding pain reverberated through her head and she fell to the floor. A wave of fury swept over her. Red haze blurred her sight. She rose from the floor with a shriek and aimed a ferocious kick at the startled young girl, knocking her to the floor. Lexie spun in a circle, her fists raised, preparing to launch a vicious attack, when a stern voice rang out.

“Jai Li. Stop.”

In a stupor, Lexie heard Master Wan’s warning and pulled back, her body shaking with the effort. Stunned, she focused on Ming Su, who crouched on the floor, her eyes wide with fear. The silence in the dojo was deafening. Fighting the wave of panic threatening to overwhelm her, Lexie broke through the fog and rushed to the young girl huddled on the floor. Ming Su’s eyes were wide, her lips trembling.

Lexie fell to her hands and knees and reached for the young fighter.

“Damn, baby, are you okay? God, Ming Su, I’m sorry, baby. I…I don’t know what came over me. Are you hurt? Tell me if you are hurt?”

Ming Su shook her head no. With a valiant effort she mumbled, “No, no. I’m okay. You just surprised me.”

Lexie helped her to her feet and frantically checked the young girl for injuries, murmuring apologies. Over and over, she said, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

But she did. Even after ten years of concentrated effort, she still had flashbacks. If an uninformed fighter made the mistake of driving her to the floor, without warning, the strike could trigger a wave of panic. But she’d gotten better, she reassured herself, so much better.

Master Wan placed a firm hand on her shoulder. His voice was calm, but concerned. “You are okay, Jai Li?”

Lexie nodded. “Yes. I…I lost my concentration. I…I…thought she was…” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t need to finish her sentence. Master Wan knew only too well the demons she’d faced over the years. She leaned into his knowing comfort.

Master Wan pointed to the young girl, who had picked herself up and was smiling shyly at Lexie, “You see. Ming Su is fine. Okay. If I am not mistaken, she seems proud that she dropped Jai Li, the super star, to the ground, toppled the master.”

Lexie gave him a shaky, grateful smile, memories flooding her.

Ten years ago, a few months after Anthony brought her to Master Wan’s, she entered her first tournament, confident that she was now a martial artist. Her opponent was a young Chinese boy who came to Lexie’s shoulder. Before Lexie got off her first strike, the boy whirled in a circle, capturing Lexie’s feet and pinning her to the floor. Lexie struck out in a blind rage. It took three fighters to pull her off the terrified young man.

Master Wan carried her in his arms from the tournament. Over the years, his uncompromising belief in her extraordinary talent and his skill as a teacher helped her overcome the terrors that would have cowed a less indomitable fighter. Her trophies and awards lining the dojo wall testified to the determination of them both. Two years ago, Master Wan made her a full partner, adding the Chinese name they gave her to the dojo masthead. Most of her students called her Jai Li. It meant strong leader.

~~~

Later that day morning, Lexie corralled all the women for the final rehearsal.. Little girls from the age of six to elderly women seventy-five years old had practiced for weeks, excited to showcase their fierce moves and valiant spirits.

The celebration started at three. Anthony’s flight was due in at one p.m. and she wanted to be ready when he arrived. Once again, she breathed a grateful sigh. Two years earlier, Anthony had decided not to reenlist, choosing instead to join the Yuma Police Department. For the first time in their lives, Anthony was a regular presence. They saw each other at least once a month. He attended every one of Lexie’s tournaments, was her most ardent fan. He built the shelves and cases to hold Lexie’s trophies, groaning in mock dismay when he had to add yet another shelf. Master Wan laughingly said that they would need to build a larger dojo just to house her awards.

Lexie looked over the thirty women standing in front of her. Most of the women came from homeless shelters or safe houses and brought their daughters with them. In a life filled with uncertainty, they never missed their five times a week practice. For many, it was the only sane times in their lives.

Lexie smiled in delight, watching each group perform. The women came in all sizes, shapes, and levels of ability. Even in their stark white uniforms, few looked like martial artists--until you saw them spar. Whatever their ability or physical condition, they all shared the same fierce determination.

Shouting to Maribel, a corpulent woman who nine months ago could barely hoist herself from a chair, Lexie hollered, “Don’t hold back, Maribel! Punch! Kick! Punch! Sadie can take it.”