Bishop (Political Royalty Book 3) (5 page)

They’d worked through their last dinner break, making sure the national press had access to the senator and handling the local stuff themselves. By the time the bus stopped at the motel for the night, she was starving. Unfortunately, it was too late for room service and aside from a dodgy-looking twenty-four-hour convenience store, there wasn’t anything within walking distance. Justin took a fistful of bills and went searching for the vending machines while she finished up with the voting projections.

An insistent knock sounded on the door to her hotel room. She crossed the room, flexing her bare feet as she went and peered through the peephole. Justin stood in the hallway, juggling drinks and an armload of brightly colored wrappers. Haven let him in, glancing from his laden arms to his bulging pockets and shook her head.

“Not a lot of options in Chester after midnight.” He shrugged his shoulders and dumped his vending machine haul on the small desk.

Not exactly nourishing, but at least she wouldn’t go to bed hungry. She really needed to stop somewhere and grab some power bars or something. It’s not like it was the first time she’d missed a meal. She and Justin, along with the rest of the team, had been going balls to the wall since Florida. Despite the primary reversal in the Sunshine State, it felt like the campaign had real forward movement, liked they’d turned a corner and were charging hard toward the finish line. The race for the nomination was nowhere near over, but every day brought them one step closer and victory was hanging right there in front of them.

Justin sensed it too. She could tell. Everything they did, every interview, every stop all took on an extra layer of importance. It felt like it had in the months leading up to the senatorial win in Virginia, only amped up a thousand times over. It also required every bit of her focus, which was great considering the fact that Sandra had become a daily fixture in the campaign.

Haven gave her all to the candidate and ignored for the time being everything she’d given to the man. If it meant she missed some meals and got used to running on a handful of hours of sleep at night, it was a small price to pay, considering the prize. And in the meantime, thanks to Justin’s skill as a hunter-gatherer, she had sugar. She tore open a package of peanut butter cups, groaning in pleasure as the unadulterated sweetness hit her tongue. Justin glanced over at her from where he sat on the other side of the bed and rolled his eyes.

“You couldn’t at least start with something that had seen a whole grain?”

“Don’t delude yourself. Read the label. Your whole grain options are as nutritionally void as my candy and my choice tastes better. And it’s more honest.”

He raised his Diet Coke in a mock toast. “I’m not reading any of the labels, and you can’t make me. I’m far more comfortable and much less hungry in my ignorance.”

With exaggerated gusto, he crunched noisily on some kind of cracker and she laughed. She popped the last of the peanut butter cup in her mouth as someone rapped softly on her hotel room door. For a moment, she debated trying to ignore it. Aside from Justin, Walker was the only one who showed up at her room this late at night. There wasn’t enough spin in the world to hide what was going on from her partner when he found out the married candidate was waiting outside her door instead of in bed with his wife.

That rap sounded again, and Justin gave her a look that asked a lot of questions she wasn’t ready to answer. She crossed the room and peered through the peephole. Walker stood in the hallway, looking determined and so good, she had to remind herself to breathe. Feeling the train wreck coming and powerless to stop it, she opened the door. He was in her room with his hands gripping her hips, pulling her to him before she could warn him about her partner. She pressed her hands against his chest as he bent to kiss her, but it was too late.

“One of you want to tell me what the fuck you’re doing?”

Haven pulled out of Walker’s grip and turned to face Justin. Her partner looked mad enough to hit something and she honestly couldn’t blame him. Not only had she been lying to him: every risky step she’d taken jeopardized Justin’s future as clearly as her own.

“Justin, I...” she started, but he didn’t wait for her to finish.

“Never mind.” He spat out the words, disgust clear in his tone. “I can figure it out on my own. What I really want to know is how long you thought you’d get away with it. Oh, and is the sex so fucking fantastic that it’s worth risking the presidency for?”

Every word he said hit her like a solid tangible thing, and she took a step back as if she’d been struck.

“That’s enough,” said Walker, positioning himself between them.

“No, Senator, I don’t think it is. You see, when the press finds out about the two of you—and they will, eventually they always do—you’ll get off with a mea culpa and some time out of the spotlight at home with your family. I seriously doubt Mrs. Walker would divorce you for cheating on her. Surely this isn’t the first time. In a year, you’ll be back in front of the voters, no worse for the wear. Hell, they forgave Anthony Weiner once, and he sent dick pics out into the world.” He pinned Walker with his gaze, staring holes through him, but the senator held his ground. “But Haven? She’ll be ruined. There’s no coming back for her. An affair with her married client will torpedo her career and take mine down with it.”

She could see the betrayal etched in his face and it sliced at her heart. It was exactly what she’d known he would say, and she had no argument. His words were indisputable. It didn’t stop her from wanting to explain herself, to try to make him understand that it was more than just sex. But none of that mattered now. She opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out. Walker spoke for her.

“It’s more than just sex. I love Haven.”

Her stomach tightened the way it did every time she heard him say the words. Justin turned his attention from her to Walker.

“If that was really true, you’d stay away from her. Before you destroy her.”

This time when he looked at her, there was still pain in his expression, but she also saw something else, a softening around his eyes as he watched her reaction to the senator’s words.

“You have to decide what you want,” he said, starting toward the door. “You have a chance to make history. I thought that’s what all this was about.” He sounded like he was talking to Walker, but he was looking at her. “Or were you just passing the time until something better came along? Don’t wait for someone else to make the decision for you.” Hand on the doorknob, he turned back to face them. “And don’t fuck me over. I deserve better than this.”

“Justin, wait,” she pleaded.

He flinched but didn’t hesitate. He left the room without looking back. The sob caught in her throat as the door closed behind him.

“I’m so sorry.” Walker came to stand behind her, resting his hands on her arms. “I didn’t realize he was here.”

His palms felt warm and steady against her skin. More than anything, she wanted to believe the lie his touch told. That he was strong enough to hold the world at bay. Steady enough to quiet the crazy. She wanted to lean into him and let him take the wheel for a while. Give over control and relax into his love. But Justin took something with him when he left. The man who’d been more of a brother than a partner held up a mirror, and she couldn’t ignore the reflection.

She loved Walker. He was a good man, the real thing, and he had a chance to make a difference in the world, to help build a better future for millions of people he’d never really know. It was a once in a generation kind of thing; the kind of thing that could change the course of history. Loving her screwed that up for him. Loving him screwed things up for her and for Justin.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Finding the one person she couldn’t live without, the man she could give herself to body and soul, was supposed to lift both of them up. Not tear them down. Not threaten to destroy them.

“Stop it.” He gripped her arms, shaking her gently. “I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. I don’t know why it worked out like this. If I could take it back, I wouldn’t get married. I’d stay single so when you showed up, I’d be ready. I’d change it in a heartbeat if I could.” He spun her to face him, and she turned reluctantly, knowing refusing him when they were face-to-face would be a thousand times harder. He tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. Faced with the certainty—with the love shining in his eyes—something deep inside her relaxed and she could finally take a full breath. “I love you, Haven. And it’s messy and risky and worth it. Loving you is worth it. I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, using every bit of strength she possessed to pull free of him. “None of it matters if we ruin everything and everyone around us. Loving each other can’t destroy everything we’ve worked for. It’s not supposed to be like that.”

“I don’t care how it’s supposed to be.” He closed the distance, wrapping her in his arms. She breathed in the rich scent of his cologne, warm from his body, and desperately hung on to all the reasons why she had to say no. “This is how it is. I love you. I can’t stop loving you. I don’t want to try. Now that I know what loving you feels like—what being loved by you feels like—I’m not willing to go back. I will protect you and I will protect Justin, but I will not give you up.”

“What about Sandra?”

“What about her?” he asked, holding her fast, her forehead pressed to his chest.

“Where does your
wife
think you are right now?” She knew the word would cut him. It cut her, but faced with Justin’s mirror, she couldn’t pretend what they were doing didn’t have consequences that reached far beyond the two of them.

“I’m sure she assumes I’m with you.”

She pulled out of his grip so she could meet his gaze. “You told her about us?”

After Sandra found them together in the stairwell, Haven assumed she’d figure out something was going on. Their position had been compromising, but not completely compromised. His wife might suspect, but unless Walker told her, there was no way for her to know how far things had gone between them. Sandra could think they were lovers, but she wouldn’t know. Haven had been hanging onto that truth every time she’d been in the other woman’s presence.

“I told her I didn’t want to lie to her. She won’t ask questions she doesn’t want me to answer.”

“Your own
don’t ask, don’t tell
policy?” asked Haven, hoping Walker’s worked better than Clinton’s.

It was the wrong thought to have. Sandra was no Hillary and she sure as hell wasn’t Monica, but the images playing in her memory of the impeachment trial reminded her of exactly how much they had to lose and how it usually worked out for the wife and the other woman. Needing to put some distance between her and the man she loved beyond reason, she pulled away from him and went to sit on the swivel chair in front of the small desk. The remnants of her and Justin’s makeshift dinner lay scattered across the surface of the desk like a brightly colored reminder of all the ways she’d failed.

“Listen,” Walker said, closing the distance between them and dropping to his knees in front of her. He gripped her hips with his hands and wedged himself between her knees. Her hands automatically went to rest on his shoulders, her fingertips brushing the bare skin of his neck. “I’m not pretending to have all the answers. Hell, even any of the answers. I don’t know how any of this is going to work out, but I love you, Haven. I’m not turning away from that. I won’t let you turn away either.”

She didn’t have the words to answer him. Talking didn’t alter things or give them a new understanding of the impossible situation. She didn’t know what to do either and discussion wouldn’t change that. But she believed him, and she believed
in
him, so she did the only thing she could. She pulled him closer because she couldn’t push him away.

Walker rested his forehead against her solar plexus, and she curled her body around him, holding him, no closer to an answer than she had been when he walked through her door. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t be in his arms or hold him in hers and deny that she was exactly where she belonged. She’d have planned it a thousand different ways, none of which would have included falling in love with a married man.

But it just didn’t matter. She hadn’t fallen in love with her married client or the politician or the white knight. She’d fallen in love with the man—flawed, beautiful, broken, and whole. Walker held her heart. She couldn’t reject him any more than she could reject herself. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

“Hush, beautiful.” Gripping her ribcage with both hands, he pressed a kiss between her breasts. “Let me take care of you. Just for tonight. Tomorrow we can figure out what comes next. For now, let me hold you.”

Not waiting for her answer, he stood and reached for her. There were a million reasons for her to resist him, but none that could stop her from taking the hand he offered. Tugging her to her feet, he pulled her into his arms and held her safe against his chest. They stood for a moment, breathing together, and she let the warmth of his body and the spicy scent of his aftershave surround her. Somewhere along the way, he’d lost his suitcoat and tie and she pressed her cheek against the polished cotton of his dress shirt. She felt his heart beat, and let the rhythm lull her as he held her.

There was no demand in his touch, simply the solid, reassuring presence of his love as immutable as gravity. He tipped her face up to meet his and swiped away her tears with his thumbs.

“You’re exhausted. You’ve been running for days.”

She had. Away from him and toward the future she’d always wanted. Orchestrating the campaign gave her energy in the same way she imagined the crowds fed him. But distancing herself from him—or trying—stole as much as she’d gained.

“So have you.”

He smiled a wry smile, but he didn’t bother trying to dispute her claim. Instead, he slid his hands down to her hips and reached for the clasp at her waist. With a firm, gentle touch, he stripped off her slacks, helping her step free of the puddle of fabric. He made quick work of the buttons on her blouse, leaving her standing in her camisole and panties.