Breathless (33 page)
A Conversation with
Jessica Warman
Breathless
is a work of fiction, but according to your bio it is inspired by personal experience. Can you explain?
About 80 to 90 percent of the novel is grounded in reality. Many of the characters are based on people I actually knew, although names and other elements of their identities have been changed to fictionalize them somewhat. I did get sent to boarding school at fifteen; I was a swimmer; I did take summer classes at Yale. . . . Katie is most definitely based on me; her story is my story in many ways. I’d say the most crucial elements that make it fiction are related to Katie and Will’s relationship. I have an older brother, but he isn’t Will. My brother is a functional, independent adult (not in prison!). However, there’s a lot of metaphorical truth to Katie and Will’s relationship in comparison to my relationship with my brother.
What made you want to write about this experience in novel form in the first place, and then specifically for teens?
I’ve always been a writer. From the time I was sixteen, I’ve spent every summer writing a novel, so that part came naturally. As far as writing for a teen audience, I’m so fascinated by our teenage years because it’s such an intense time of development. We learn so much about the world, about ourselves, and each individual’s experience feels so profound and personal. I hope that
Breathless
is the kind of novel that both teens and adults can appreciate, but it’s definitely for teens, almost an homage to what they’re all going through in their own unique ways.
Was it cathartic writing
Breathless
?
Absolutely. Cathartic, painful—there’s a lot in the novel that was difficult to relive, even though it was fictionalized—but overall it poured out of me. It was a very organic experience, just something that I obviously needed to write.
What is your relationship with your brother like now?
We’re not friends; I don’t think we ever will be. We’re incredibly different people, and our personalities don’t mix well. But it’s funny—I can tell you there’s nobody I love quite as much as my brother, even though we can’t get through a conversation without fighting. I’m certain he feels the same way.
Was it difficult to realistically portray parts of the story based on fact, such as when Katie’s brother attempted suicide in the neighbor’s yard, while keeping the teen audience in mind? Did you feel you had to tone down these scenes for personal or literary reasons?
Both. As a novel for young adults, some of the scenes were initially too graphic. For my own emotional reasons, I wanted to get as far away from the realities of those memories without fictionalizing them too much, because they were crucial to the story. They were very difficult scenes to write; I didn’t want anybody to feel that I had violated or exploited their history, so it was important to shift just enough away from the memories so they stayed intact within the story without infringing on anybody’s privacy.
Are there any events or situations that happened in real life with your family or friends that you wish had gone differently, and through writing this novel you were able to get a “do over”?
Yes! Mostly the boarding school dramas. . . . Don’t we all look back on our teen years and think of all the witty things we would have said, if only we’d thought of them at the time? There are people I knew in high school whom I wish I’d been nicer to, people who weren’t nice to me who I now understand had their own issues. The later drafts of the novel gave me a chance to address those things. And of course all the family issues . . . I wanted to portray a family that had begun with this idyllic country life, an enormous amount of love, and the absolute best of intentions for their kids, and then slowly teetered off course in a sad, unforeseeable way. I wanted to show the disintegration of a family that was not due to any lack of love or effort on anyone’s part but the facts of life and how they can wear people down, and how different people choose to respond to those pressures. Katie’s mom, for instance, chooses to basically shut down, while her father retreats into his clinical persona and buries himself in work. My goal was to make each character almost a dissection of their real-life inspiration, to look back and say, “This is what happened (either factually or metaphorically), yet there was always so much love. We just couldn’t see it at the time because we were so wrapped up in ourselves.”
You are a runner, not a swimmer like Katie. Was there a reason you chose an athletic outlet for her, and why swimming as her sport of choice?
Katie certainly needed some kind of outlet, something that made her feel safe and set her apart from her peers. I swam in high school, but I was not good at all. From a literary perspective, swimming was a more appropriate sport than running; it’s just an absolutely loaded metaphor on so many levels: birth and rebirth, purification, suffocation, etc. I knew enough about swimming to make it accurate, and I know how it feels to lose yourself underwater while you’re swimming. It was a perfect fit for Katie’s character.
At first, Katie was emotionally estranged from her father, but after going away to school, seeing other family interactions, and distancing herself from her own situation, she gained perspective, and with it came a new understanding of her dad. How important was it to you that Katie learned how to redefine this relationship? On a scale of one to ten, how autobiographical was this dynamic?
It was crucial to me that Katie come to understand how loved she and her brother were. This was one of the most autobiographical elements of the story—a definite ten.
Before going away to school, Katie came across as a loner. After arriving at Woodsdale, she was wary of friendships but soon gained confidence in herself and formed solid relationships. Mazzie was in a similar situation, yet didn’t open herself as widely or as fully as did Katie. Do you see more of yourself in Katie or Mazzie?
Oh, I’m definitely Katie. But there’s a real Mazzie out there, too, just as wonderful as her fictional counterpart. Mazzie is many of the things that Katie wishes she could be: more assertive, less self-conscious. At the same time, Mazzie has her own issues that this book only begins to address. I definitely have plans for her in another novel. . . .
What advice do you have for teens who are being bullied in high school and feel like they don’t fit in anywhere, the way Katie felt before going away to boarding school?
I can’t imagine what a terrible experience that must be. High school might be the toughest four years of your life, or it might be the best four years. It’s absolutely true that, in the adult world, nobody’s going to judge you based on whether or not you were popular in high school. And if they do . . . they’ve obviously got some issues to deal with. It’s funny; when I look back on what I was like in high school, I think, “Oh my goodness, I was so awkward! If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I’d be much cooler.” But I think that, if I were to be magically transported back to boarding school (not that I’d want that!), I’d be just as insecure all over again. Adolescence is such a bizarre time. Everybody is insecure; everybody is scared; nobody knows what they’re doing. It can be the most thrilling and most difficult time in a person’s life, but hopefully it’s a little bit of both. If you’re dealing with serious bullying issues, though, you need to reach out to someone who you can trust. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid to find help. Nobody deserves to be treated cruelly, and those who find their self-esteem through bullying also need to understand how destructive and hurtful their actions are.
You started writing
Breathless
when you were eighteen, and you’re now in your late twenties. What took you away from the story and what brought you back to it nearly a decade later?
I never really left it. A few days after I graduated from high school, I sat down and wrote the first draft in about six weeks. It was a gush; I had to get it all down. I tinkered with it a bit in college, but was too busy to do much more than some minor editing from time to time. Then, when I got to graduate school (for my master’s in creative writing), I had a whole new perspective: I’m an adult and a parent myself now. There was finally enough distance between the true story I’d written for me to transform it into something meaningful that was still based heavily on fact. So, the novel evolved as I grew up, and I couldn’t be more pleased with how it all turned out.
You now teach writing. What was the best advice you were given as a young writer, and what advice do you now give to your students?
I teach writing very part-time on a graduate level. It’s my absolute dream to teach creative writing to high school students or undergrads. But the best advice I’ve ever heard is to write what you know, what comes naturally, and what you feel passionate about. Everything else will fall into place. And of course . . . never, ever, ever give up.
What do you hope people will take away from their reading of
Breathless
?
A deeper understanding of the phrase “the best-laid plans of mice and men”. . . As I said earlier, the story begins with a young family that seems to be heading nowhere but up in life: a loving marriage, two bright kids, success in every way imaginable. And then it starts to unravel, and every character finds a different way to deal. I hope this is a story that everyone—both teens and adults—can relate to. At one point in our lives, we all see things teeter off course, for better or worse. It’s how we choose to deal with the unexpected that eventually defines us as individuals.
Would you ever send your daughters to boarding school?
Yes. Not until high school, but boarding school was such a positive experience for me. Obviously, it’s something that has impacted me well into my adult life. I got a wonderful education, made some of the best friends of my life, and wouldn’t trade a second of it. I would love the opportunity to give my girls a similar experience, if they’re interested.
If you had to choose a favorite kind of pie, what would it be?
Pecan.
JESSICA WARMAN
has an MA in creative writing and studied at prep school and Yale. Her poetry and short stories have been published in
Stirring: A Literary Collection
,
The Stickman Review
,
Penguin Political
, and
Redivider
.
Breathless
is her first novel. She is a marathon runner and a mother of two young girls. Jessica lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
An ALA Best Book for Young Adults
A Texas Tayshas Reading List selection
“Katie Kitrell’s journey through her high school years at an exclusive
private academy is at once profound and petty, savage and gentle,
predictable and utterly unexpected. The story exudes authenticity
and is told with depth, intelligence, humor, and affection.”
—Todd Strasser,
New York Times
–bestselling author of
Give a Boy a Gun
“Warman’s achingly realistic scenes and characters transcend cliché,
and with rare, refreshing honesty and flashes of wry humor, she writes
about the intimacy of boarding school, the anguish of family illness,
finding a sense of self in sports and in life, and the small, mysterious,
imperfect moments that add up to love in all its forms.”
—
Booklist
, starred review
“Warman treats Will’s schizophrenia with stark honesty as seen
through his sister’s eyes. . . . This novel provides an important look at
an extremely difficult illness and its effects on a family.”
—
SLJ
, starred review