Broken Bear: Unleashed Passion (2 page)

“Where am I?” Phoenix stared at the woman, unaffected.

“You’re at the Swan Epstein facility in Chestnut Grove. You were transferred here from the trauma center. They felt you were a danger to yourself and possibly others. Because this is not a voluntary commitment, you do not get to choose when you leave. And until you talk to me, I can’t help you. So this brooding of yours will not help. The sooner you work with me, the sooner you get out.”

“How can I talk when all you people do is drug me?” His anger and frustration were apparent.

“You are drugged because you act as if you are an animal. You can’t seem to control your aggression when they lower your dosage,” she warned with an icy stare. She’d been at this job too long. There was no empathy left; she only felt bitter that this was her chosen profession. The money was too good to leave, but she hated the work.

“Funny you should say that,” Phoenix growled. He realized she didn’t know he was a shifter. How could she know? She hadn’t seen his bear. He knew his bear could free him, but the pain inside would remain. It didn’t matter anyhow, he was a broken man. No amount of fixing him would help.

“When you’re ready to speak to me, let the staff know. I don’t have time to just stand around. When you can behave, we will talk in a more comfortable environment. Until that time, you will remain subdued via medication and restraints. Do we understand each other?” Her face was hard, as if her hair was pulled back too tightly. It made her translucent skin taut, but left her looking almost unnatural. Warmth was not her middle name.

“What I understand is that you’re all a bunch of assholes who think analyzing me will change the fact that I killed my mother. Nothing you do or say will ever change that fact. That’s for me to live with. Forever. That fact will never change. Do you understand that? There, I have spoken. Now leave me the fuck alone.” He wanted to roll over and turn away from her, but the restraints made it difficult and kept him on his back.

She simply stared at him. “I’ll be going home at the end of the day. If you’re not ready to talk today, there’s always tomorrow. You, on the other hand, will not be going home,” she snapped.

“I have no home. I can never go home. There’s nothing left for me. My life is over.” The pain was surreal, unlike any physical pain he’d ever suffered. He’d been in many fights over the years, roughhousing with the other bears, getting territorial, and just doing stupid shit. And yet, the pain inflicted in that single moment of seeing his mother’s life pass right before him was the worst pain he’d ever know. It was a pain that would never heal.

Lily sat in the corner of the room, waiting for Phoenix to wake up. She was his only visitor. She needed to see him, but didn’t know why. She wanted to save him. Lily knew he needed her, he just didn’t know it yet. She was drawn to him the moment she saw him, or maybe it was the moment he saw her, squinting into the light. It didn’t really matter. All she knew was that he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She had this silly illusion that they could heal one another. Healing would be nice.

Lily thought back to the day Phoenix tore his hospital gown off. He was a wall of muscle, powerful and strong. Embarrassed, she could barely look away. Her eyes drifted lower as she took in all of him. She knew it was unprofessional and felt ashamed she’d seen him that way, letting her libido take priority over her professionalism in the moment of his nudity. Maybe if things had been better at home...maybe if she wasn’t so desperate...maybe…

Phoenix watched Lily in the corner of his new room.
Why was she there? What did she want from him?
He fell back into a drug induced sleep.
 

She watched as he slept. Even in his slumber, he suffered. He struggled with nightmares and rarely slept peacefully. Awake, he looked wounded, even though there was nothing physically wrong with him at this point.

Phoenix opened his eyes, coming out of the daze. A figure came into focus. It was his angel, back to see him again. She sat quietly reading a book, and only looked up when he stirred. How long had she been there? “Is there water?” His voice was gravely, his tone deep.

Lily knew it was foolish to be there, but it didn’t stop her from coming to see him. She stood and poured him some water from the plastic pitcher, then brought it to his lips. She quietly fed him a couple of sips. He was parched and licked his lips to take in any bit of moisture he could. She fed him more of the water, and then asked if he was finished. “Was that enough? Do you want more?”

He watched her eyes and nodded. She didn’t want to hurt him. She was here to help. Lily filled the small cup a second time and helped him drink. His hands were still restrained. She knew he could break through the restraints if he wanted to; she’d seen him do it before. He had strength she’d never seen, and she’d witnessed a lot in her days as a nurse. It was his spirit that was broken.

“How are you feeling?” She didn’t know if he would actually answer. He rarely did.

Phoenix looked away from her, making it clear he wasn’t ready to speak. He didn’t want use harsh language with her, and at this point he was afraid that was all that would come out of his mouth. He wasn’t angry with her; he was angry with himself and the entire world, but not his angel. She was the one who soothed him for some reason. She quietly sat by. Being there was enough. He felt better when he saw her sitting in the corner of the room, quietly reading. She didn’t demand answers, she didn’t ask him to talk, she simply appeared by his side to watch over him.

The ache grew from within as his clarity came back. The vision of his mother was fresh in his mind. It was too much. He wanted to be free of this living hell. Phoenix started to cry. He sobbed like a child, his body shaking as his mother’s face haunted him.

Lily’s heart broke, shattering in two. She wanted to take away his pain, but there was nothing she could do. After a moment’s hesitation, she placed her hand on his shoulder. She wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know how. The vibration of his sobs shook his body as he released the pain.

There was nothing to say; the struggle was inside. She had no words to comfort him and make it all better. Her eyes welled up with tears. She cried for him. She cried for his sorrow, and then cried for her own sorrows. Leaning forward, Lily gently hugged him. She placed a small kiss on his forehead. She stepped back and went to her chair to read. If he wanted to talk, she would be there for him.
 

The pinched doctor saw the girl who visited him regularly. When she asked her relation to Phoenix, she had a scathing response on learning she was a nurse from the trauma center. As a professional, she knew better than to get attached. She shook her head with disapproval and told her it was a mistake to keep visiting.

Lily said nothing, but continued to visit. Over time the doctor saw that he would only respond to this one girl. Nobody else came to see him, and he rarely spoke. When he did, he would only address Lily. He wanted nothing to do with the doctor.

His being there wasted her time and the hospital’s money, but she couldn’t unleash him into the world. She didn’t know if he was dangerous. Until he was willing to talk to the doctor, the court order kept him in place.

Lily dozed off in the corner chair. When Phoenix spoke, she was startled out of her sleep. He didn’t mean to wake her like that, but he had something to say. He wanted to say it before he fell into another slumber.  

“Can you convince them to take off these restraints? I’m not going to hurt anybody.” He sounded like a broken man.

“They’re worried you’ll hurt yourself, too.” She stood and rubbed the back of her forearm across her eyes. “Or that you’ll try to leave.” She hated telling him the truth, but honesty was the best choice right now.

“Isn’t my word enough? I won’t hurt anyone. I won’t leave. I’m not going to hurt myself.” He sounded more like a boy than a man.

“I can talk to them, but it would probably be best if you said that to the doctor.” Lily wanted to tell him it would be okay, but maybe that was a lie. She had no idea if he’d try to take off or hurt himself, and truth be told, she felt safer with him tied down. Or maybe she was afraid he’d leave her. She pushed the thought from her head. Truth was so overrated. Lily excused herself to get a cup of coffee.

Phoenix wanted to shift into his bear and break free. He wanted to run in the meadow. He wanted to live his life. Instead, he was tied to a bed, left to relive the nightmares over and over again. He couldn’t shift if he wanted to. All the drugs running through his body were messing with his metabolism and thought processes. He felt stuck, caged in his man form.

When his brother showed up, Phoenix didn’t know what to say. Carter leaned against the doorway and looked in. “They wouldn’t let me in to see you. I tried to visit earlier, but they locked you away. When they moved you to this hospital, I wasn’t informed. I only just found you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

Phoenix watched his brother’s body language. “What are you doing here?”

“They have you tied down.” Carter frowned. “Do you want me to get you out of here? I can fight this…and you know I can break you free.”

“What’s the point?” He lowered his gaze. “My hell will follow me.”

“Dad is having a hard time dealing with it all.” Carter looked away. He hated admitting his father begrudged him, but Carter understood it was an accident. He knew how much Phoenix loved their mother. He’d never intentionally cause her harm.

“And you?” Phoenix dared Carter to answer truthfully.

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, losing her, but I don’t blame you. The police report said what I needed to know.” He drew a deep breath. “How are you doing?”

“You need to ask?” Phoenix spit out. “They keep me tied up here, and my mind torments me constantly. I’m a caged beast.”

Carter walked across the room. “When you’re ready to be set free, you say the word and I’ll undo this. But maybe while you’re here, talk to somebody. You can’t live with this trapped inside of you. The doctor says you won’t talk to her.”

“I don’t trust her. I only talk to my angel.”

“Your angel?” Carter arched an eyebrow, confused.

“Lily. She’ll be here soon,” Phoenix reassured.

Carter scratched his head. “Are you hallucinating, too? Phoenix, man, you need to get help while you can…”

Lily came around the corner and through the door. “Oh, you have company.” She looked up at the large man, intimidating in size, and noticed how much he looked like Phoenix.
 

Carter spun around. “And you are?”

“Lily.” She stuck her hand out and introduced herself.

“Ah, his angel. Got it. I’m Carter, Phoenix’s brother.”

She didn’t know enough about Phoenix to know if his brother being here was a good thing or not. She said nothing else, and then took her spot in the corner chair. She slipped a book out of her tote bag and went back to reading in her usual post.

Carter looked back and forth between them. He saw the ring on her finger. “Are you two married?” He scratched his head. “Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

“No.” Phoenix never noticed the ring.

The nurse covered her ring with her other hand, feeling funny. “It’s not like that. I was his nurse at the other hospital. I’m watching over him.”

“Does your husband know?” Carter quizzed.

Lily got up and left the room. She chose not to answer.

“What the fuck was that?” Phoenix growled at Carter. “She’s the only one who has been here for me, day after day. She’s my angel. Go make it right. Bring her back, and then get the fuck out.” As his voice rose, the hospital attendants came rushing in.

“What’s going on?” They were ready to sedate him if necessary.

“Nothing. It’s fine, just a family tiff.”

The attendant looked at the visitor. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you’re upsetting the patient.”

“He has a name,” Carter growled.

“Sir, you’ll need to back off or you’ll be asked to leave.”

“I’m okay,” Phoenix said.

The guard looked at the two brothers and left them with a stern warning.

Carter read his brother’s face and went to fetch Lily, if it wasn’t too late. He turned and ran down the hallway. Phoenix heard a nurse calling out after his brother, “Sir, no running in the hallway.”

He almost ran past her. She was sitting quietly in the lounge. She caught his eye. Turning around, he went back to her.

“Don’t judge. He needs me,” was all she said.

“That’s what he said.” Carter didn’t like the idea of her being married, but decided to keep his mouth shut this time.

“I need him just as much. I know you don’t understand. I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to simply accept the situation as it is for now.”

Carter nodded. Whatever helped his brother, he’d agree with.

Lily collected herself and went back to Phoenix’s room. She wondered if he’d noticed her ring too. He never asked. She never said anything. It’s not like they were having an affair. She was simply sitting with him.

The ring. That was a joke. Her marriage was a joke. She just wished she had the courage to leave. Truth be told, she was afraid of her husband. He’d never hit her, but he’d threatened to. He was verbally abusive, and shoved her a time or two. There was never any evidence, never any bruising. If she had evidence, she might have the courage. Then they could lock him up. For now, it was her word against his. And he made it clear that leaving him wasn’t an option. He’d track her down. He promised.

Work was her safe place. She could forget her home life for a while. She could focus on her patients. And when she started spending extra time visiting Phoenix, she simply claimed she was putting in extra hours. He never questioned it. He didn’t like her all that much anyway. He just saw her as his property. He treated her that way, too.

It wasn’t always like that, but after a couple of years, one bad moment turned into many. Now there were more bad moments than good ones. And yet, as powerful as Phoenix seemed to be in that one moment of tearing his restraints off the bed railings, she wasn’t afraid of him. She didn’t think he’d hurt her. He needed her. She was his angel.