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Authors: D. D. Scott

Tags: #actionadventure, #women sleuths, #humorous fiction, #mystery series, #humorous mysteries, #dd scott, #mysteries and humor, #cozy cash mysteries

Carats and Coconuts

BOOK: Carats and Coconuts
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CARATS &
COCONUTS

 

(Cozy Cash Mystery
#3)

 

By D. D. Scott

 

Includes the following Bonus
Material:

 

HULLABALOO & HOLLY
TOO

 

(A Cozy Cash Mystery Christmas
Novella)

 

A CUT ABOVE CRAZY

 

(The Prequel to CARATS &
COCONUTS)

 

A Sneak Peek Excerpt Of

 

STUCK WITH A
SCHMUCK

 

(The Prequel to STUCK WITH A
STIFF)

 

Copyright © 2012 by D. D. Scott. All
rights reserved.

 

This book is a work of fiction. Names,
characters, places and incidents are either products of the
author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to
actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely
coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this publication can
be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the
author or publisher.

 

Smashwords Edition: March
2012

 

 

PRAISE FOR D. D.
SCOTT’S BOOKS:

 

“…
one of the top Romantic
Comedy/Humorous Mystery writers out right now.”

 

—ENT (Ereader News Today)

 

Praise for The Bootscootin’
Books (BOOTSCOOTIN’ BLAHNIKS, STOMPIN’ ON STETSONS, and BUCKLES ME
BABY):

 

“Wow! I loved this…The descriptions are
so vivid and colorful it really feels like the reader’s going
through the same wild rollercoaster ride…It’s a funny, sexy, sassy
attitude of a read, and I can’t wait to get stuck into the next
one.”

 

—Sibel Hodge, author of The Amber Fox
Mysteries

 

“I laughed from page one on…The author
has a way with twisting phrases. Bootscootin’ was a delight. I’m
loading up on her other books. She’s a shoe-in for one of my
favorite chicklit authors.”

 

—Barbara Silkstone, author of The
Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland Age 42 and
Three-Quarters

 

“Are you ready for a really fun read? I
hope so…So sit back and get ready to laugh.”

 

—Karen Cantwell, author of Take The
Monkeys and Run

 

“…
who doesn’t need a laugh?
Laugh ‘til you (you fill it in) with D. D. Scott’s BOOTSCOOTIN’
BLAHNIKS, and more…”

 

—Steve Windwalker, Kindle Nation
Daily

 

Praise for The Cozy Cash
Mysteries (THUG GUARD and LIP GLOCK):

 

“As soon as I read her first book,
“Bootscootin’ Blahniks,” I put all her books on my Kindle. They
have it all … romance, high fashion, adorable animals, feisty
women, gorgeous guys, quirky characters, good food, great dancing
…. The ultimate escape without spending a fortune on a
vacation.”

 

—Pj Schott

 

“WOW…What an Adventure…Zoey, Roman,
Fashion Week in Europe and the bad guys chasing them. Makes for fun
light reading. Great read for me after some heavy and deep murder
mysteries. One needs a break and this is it.

 

—Older but Wiser

 

“Who Needs Bourne When You’ve Got Zoey
Witherspoon…Everyone in Hollywood packs a hyphen; you’ve got your
writer-directors, your agent-producers and your actor-parking
valets. Well, Zoey Witherspoon is a completely different kind of
Hollywood Hyphenate. She’s a studio stylist-interior designer-P.I.
Picture Stephanie Plum here, but with a tall, dark and brooding
Bond-type as her sidekick. Together, they’re hot on the trail of a
Ponzi-scheming con man who makes Madoff look like a Filene’s
bargain basement mark-down. Their trail takes them from Rodeo Drive
to the Riviera, butting heads with everyone from crown royalty to
the Russian mob. This is one fast and furious, funny as H-E-Double
Hockeysticks caper story, and I literally found my abs aching from
laughter by the end of the first chapter. With books like
Bootscootin’ Blahniks and Stompin’ on Stetsons under her belt, D.D.
Scott is already a master at wise-cracking characters and action
that moves as fast as any Ludlum flick. In fact, think of Zoey
Witherspoon as Jason Bourne – with a good set of French tips and a
designer holster for her Glock. The difference is, D.D. is a master
at making you laugh while both you and Zoey are hanging by your
fingernails, over the edge of her latest cliff. Like a lot of the
characters in D.D.’s latest book, Thug Guard just plain kills. Buy
it. Read it. Laugh your hindquarters off. And don’t say I didn’t
warn you.”

 

—Jeff Lee, Author of The Ladies
Temperance Club’s Farewell Tour

 

“I thoroughly enjoyed Thug Guard and
instantly took a liking to lead protagonist Zoey Witherspoon. She’s
sassy, witty and she’s also feisty and one tough chick. I also
happen to be a big fan of The Rachel Zoe project and part of the
reason this story appealed to me is because it has it all -
mystery, suspense, humor, a HAWT hero (Roman was delightful) and
Fashion Week! I’ve just hopped on board DD.Scott’s Cozy Cash
Mysteries train and I’m enjoying the ride! Next stop - Lip
Glock!”

 

—Lisa Lim, Author of Confessions of a
Call Center Gal

 

 

 

 

NOTE FROM D. D.
SCOTT

 

Before I take you deep into the gem
mines of Brazil, the setting for Cozy Cash Mystery #3, I thought
I’d treat y’all to both the Cozy Cash Mystery Christmas Novella –
HULLABALOO & HOLLY TOO – as well as the CARATS AND COCONUTS
PREQUEL – A CUT ABOVE CRAZY, the latter of which was featured in
THE WG2E ALL-FOR-INDIES WINTER WONDERLAND ANTHOLOGY.

 

So here’s the scoop on how Zoey and
Roman and the entire Cozy Cash Mystery Cast and Crew ended up in
Brazil for much more than Rio’s Carnival…

 

It all started…along the fabulous
shores of Lake Michigan…

 

 

 

 

Dedication

 

This one’s for you Steve Rush, and the
ornery, bowl full of jelly laughs you left in the hearts of those
who knew and loved you.

 

 

Table of
Contents

 

HULLABALOO & HOLLY
TOO

 

Chapter One • Chapter Two • Chapter
Three • Chapter Four • Chapter Five • Chapter Six • Chapter Seven •
Chapter Eight • Chapter Nine • Chapter Ten • Chapter Eleven •
Chapter Twelve • Chapter Thirteen • Chapter Fourteen

 

A CUT ABOVE CRAZY

 

Chapter One • Chapter Two • Chapter
Three • Chapter Four • Chapter Five • Chapter Six • Chapter
Seven

 

CARATS AND
COCONUTS

 

Chapter One • Chapter Two • Chapter
Three • Chapter Four • Chapter Five • Chapter Six • Chapter Seven •
Chapter Eight • Chapter Nine • Chapter Ten • Chapter Eleven •
Chapter Twelve • Chapter Thirteen • Chapter Fourteen • Chapter
Fifteen • Chapter Sixteen • Chapter Seventeen • Chapter Eighteen •
Chapter Nineteen • Chapter Twenty • Chapter Twenty-One • Chapter
Twenty-Two

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

 

SNEAK PEEK EXCERPT OF…STUCK WITH A
SCHMUCK

 

Chapter One • Chapter Two • Chapter
Three

 

 

 

 

HULLABALOO &
HOLLY TOO

(A Cozy Cash Mystery Christmas
Novella)

Chapter One

 

A
nd
here I thought livin’ in a castle was gonna be rough.

Want to know what’s worse?

Or at least has the potential to be
worse?

Goin’ home for the
holidays.

That’s my current crazy trip…and when
that trip includes your new fake husband, who has yet to meet his
crazy-ass in-laws, the threat to your sanity ratchets up to unheard
of levels.

But wait…there’s more.

And no, that’s not a line from my
favorite infomercial, no matter how much I wish it was.

This is reality.
My
quirky-crazy
reality.

So what happens when your pretend
spouse finds out his in-laws are not your average
in-laws?

What if…and I’m just gonna toss this
idea out there.

What if…they’re Mr. and Mrs.
Claus?

At least that’s who they think they
are.

I know, I know…it sounds like
something from a Tim Allen Santa Claus movie, right?

Well, it ain’t.

It’s my hullabaloo of a Whoville
life.

Think of my world as a for-real Dr.
Seuss Whoville, but one with a cast of characters makin’ it feel
very Christmas with the Fockers…all year long.

And I know what you’re
thinkin’…

More egg-nog, please.

And cheers to that…’cause y’all are
gonna need it.

Chapter Two

 

I
’m
Zoey Witherspoon, Duchess of Caserta, and I’m about to take my
pretend husband, Prince Roman Bellesconi Umberto-Vittorio Emanuele
Vanvitelli, the Duke of Caserta, home for the holidays.

We’re Italy’s version of Will and
Kate.

And we’re headed to the States and my
childhood home - the Midwestern suburbia version of Whoville - for
one helluva holiday hullabaloo!

I’m about to tell my prince about my
parent’s mental issues, and it ain’t gonna be easy. But that’s
okay. ‘Cause, for me, life has not been easy since the age of five,
when my parents stopped being the Witherspoons of Lakeshore
Drive.

That’s when they decided they were Mr.
and Mrs. Claus, who lived in a new version of The North Pole along
the fabulous shores of Lake Michigan.

My parents, George and Suzie
Witherspoon, suffer from a delusional disorder.

Well…that’s not exactly correct
either.

They
don’t suffer. They have no clue their beliefs are
delusional.

I’m the one who suffers. I’m the kid
who’s always simply smiled and shrugged off their
eccentricities.

I mean really…what’s not to love about
living Christmas all-year-long?

Okay. So maybe our family elves and
reindeer have been a bit much to reconcile with John Q Public. But
other than that, life in Santa and Mrs. Claus’ workshop ain’t all
that bad, as long as you’re on “the nice list”.

I thought about all this and how I was
gonna break it to my prince while I snuggled up to our pot-bellied
pig’s cozy warm snout. Soaking in the love that his squirms and
happy-go-lucky ouff-ing noises stirred in my soul, I did find some
comfort. But I could use a bunch more.


We’ll be landing in about a
half hour,” Roman said, as he returned his cushy seat to its
upright position aboard our private jet.

Thank goodness he was tired from our
stop-over in LA. We’d been there just a few days - long enough to
help-out Lily Vaughn, one of our Mom Squad Members, and her
brother, Wayne, deal with some Hollywood film industry
thugs.

Thanks to their predicament, I’d
managed to prolong the obvious for as long as possible. But my time
had now run out.

When Dad came to pick us up from the
private airstrip near our home in one of our reindeer-drawn
sleighs, I was gonna have some major explaining to do. I might as
well get a jump on our out of the ordinary greeting
committee.


So, yeah…about meeting my
parents,” I said, deciding to just go for the gusto.

It’s not as if I could somehow get out
of the spectacle Roman was about to become part of.


Are you finally going to
tell me about them?” He asked.

The genuine kindness I’d come to
expect and adore from him lit up his eyes brighter than the lights
on all thirty-nine Christmas trees my parents had in their
home.


Have you ever heard of
delusional disorder?” I asked.

While I tried to explain my parent’s
condition, the age-old knots in my stomach tightened in a very
familiar way.

BOOK: Carats and Coconuts
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