Charley (31 page)

I took a bite of my salad to give me a minute. Of course, I knew the real reason for the change, but was sure I didn’t want to tell Mildred. With a little hesitation, I started.  “The change is as much symbolic as it is personal. Through high school, I was a blond. But when I met Randle at Tennessee, he was enamored with brown hair and he talked me into changing my hair from its natural blond to brown. So I changed it for him. I’ve worn it this way for a long time, twelve to fourteen years now, and people just got used to it brown. Frankly, I was taken a bit more seriously by business people after Randle died, so I just kept it brown.”

“So now that you’re established in business, you wanted to change it back?” Mildred ventured.

“Not really.” I paused for a moment. “I changed it back for a decidedly non-business reason. Mildred … I’m in love.”

I continued in a stage whisper.

“This is part of the reason I asked you to join me for lunch today. I’ve met and fallen in love with a wonderful man, and, if he ever gets here, I’ll introduce him. Back to your question, I was coloring my hair brown out of faithfulness to Randle or, at least, his memory. When PJ and I fell in love, I needed to change my devotion. And letting my hair grow out natural was my way of telling PJ, I’d made the change. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?”

Mildred was quite clear and emphatic. “Not at all my dear, it sounds wonderfully romantic to me.  Such a bold change indicates a pretty strong love to me. It’s like changing your identity for love.”

“Sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find my bag.” PJ hustled through the Bar to the table.

“Just in time to eat, just like a man,” I responded and laughed gently.

“PJ, I would like for you to meet Pastor John Richards and his wife Mildred. Pastor John and Mildred, this is the young man who changed my hair color.”

Everyone laughed, and PJ looked bewildered.

“I told them I let my hair grow out natural to indicate I’d put Randle behind me because I loved you.”

“So that’s the story. I thought you just ran out of hair color!”

PJ joined in the laughter.

Amid this lighter atmosphere, Wilma finally delivered our steaks. “PJ, I had Lenny cook yours medium rare. If it needs to be cooked more, let me know.”

“Thanks Wilma, medium rare is exactly the way I would have ordered it.”

After lunch, they passed on the dessert, but I asked Wilma to bring coffee for everyone, except Mildred, who wanted some hot green tea. “Charlotte that was the best steak I have ever had. Please pass on our compliments to Lenny, won’t you?”

“I will.”

Pastor John took a sip of his coffee and leaned back in his chair and said. “Now, my dear, what was that problem you wanted our help on?”

For the next hour, PJ and I talked about our relationship, our love for each other and the physical and emotional distance that separated us. We talked about the characteristics we liked and disliked about each other. I voiced my reaction to the Rachel Thomas co-ed affair or, should I say, non-affair. PJ shared his concerns about my friendship with Bobby Wagner. We held back nothing, except of course the details of our lovemaking.

Pastor John and Mildred listened, and had a few questions. When we ran out of breath and details, PJ asked the almost obvious question.

“What should we do?”

Pastor John had been listening intently to us and he paused before responding.

“Let me see if I can summarize the problem. First, are you sure of your love? You’ve only been together such a short period of time. Is this really love?”

I looked at PJ, and together we nodded. “Yes.”

“Secondly, are we talking about you both getting married, or are you just interested in living together? There is a difference you know.”

We had talked about living together, and only assumed we would eventually get married. But frankly, we had not gotten that far. Even though we had briefly talked about marriage on Saturday morning, I was a little apprehensive how PJ would answer Pastor John.

Any doubts I had were wiped away, when PJ spoke up. “If Charlotte will have me … I would love to spend the rest of my life with her … as a married couple.”

I blushed and smiled broadly at PJ. All the cards were out on the table now. Pastor John looked thoughtful and began to summarize the situation.

“Good, now that we have the foundation established, let me see if I have the problem correct. Firstly, you PJ. You’re a successful basketball coach and you feel that you have a bright future in the game. So you want to continue on that career path. One of the characteristics of coaching is the relative uncertainty of a long term physical location. You might move because of a better opportunity, or because you are asked to move on. But you feel the opportunity to be a highly successful coach is worth the uncertainty. You feel you need to maintain the flexibility, to move as the opportunities present themselves. Besides that, you love working with the young men. And, you want Charlotte to be a part of that lifestyle. Fair summary Coach?”

“Sounds pretty simple when you say it like that, but that’s about right.”

“Now, Charlotte. You are a successful business woman and actively involved in the social and business community in Nashville. As we used to say, you have roots here. You feel your business is growing into other areas, which will make it even more successful, and you need to be there to take advantage of that growth. You have established yourself. Through hard work, you’ve developed a name and reputation of your own. You’re reluctant to give up this well-earned reputation. Sound right?”

“That sounds pretty much on target, Pastor John.”

“Okay. First of all, you two are not unique. Every couple goes through periods where decisions have to be made that may be good for the couple, but may not be good for the individual. The successful marriage works through those decisions carefully, with consideration for both. Fortunately, you are thinking about these things now, and not after getting married and establishing a family.

There was a brief silence as we contemplated Pastor John’s thoughts, before he continued further. “Secondly, I am not going to tell you what to do. You must each make your decision. That’s just the way life works when you are an adult. But I am going to give you four things to help guide your decision making. One of the guides comes from the secular world, and three from the Bible. First, the Bible. Jesus tells those who want to be his disciples to consider the cost before making the decision. I know that sounds obvious, but I want you to consider the personal cost of any decision you make about your relationship. You must weigh the cost of the decision, against the benefits of the decision. If the costs are too high, the benefits will not materialize. If you ignore the costs and get married, the costs of your decision will eventually catch up with you, and possibly destroy the relationship. Either way, you must not ignore the costs to you personally. Be very selfish!”

He paused for a moment. “Second, the story is told about a man who found a pearl of great value in another man’s field. The first man sold everything he had, everything, and bought the field so that he might possess the pearl he valued. He had nothing left except the pearl, nothing to buy seeds, nothing to buy provisions, nothing.  But he was satisfied with the costs, because he valued the treasure so much.

“Third, Jesus talks about priorities. This is something we old folks think about a lot. In this reference, he is talking about losing a man’s soul. This applies to you two as well, if you substitute the word love. The tragedy of old age comes when we evaluate our lives, and find we have all the honors and physical things the world respects, but we lost the thing that means the most. I hear so many of our senior citizens lament, ‘if only I could start over knowing what I know now.’ The sad thing is we aren’t given a do-over in life. If you gain everything, all your hopes and dreams and potentials are realized. But lose the one thing you value the most? What value are the rewards? When you get to the end of your life, will you regret the decision you made about your love?

PJ and I looked at one another. Pastor John continued more. “The fourth reference is to a short story by one of the most prolific short story writers of the late 19th and early 20th century. His pen name was O`Henry. Among his three hundred and ninety one short stories, he wrote ‘The Last Leaf’, ‘The Ransom of Red Chief’ and, the one I particularly want you to read, ‘The Gift of the Magi.’ You can Google it easily enough, I’m sure. In this story, you will see yourselves. I really do not need to give any explanation, the meaning is obvious.”

He then stopped abruptly. He didn’t ask if we had any questions. It was kind of
that’s what I think, so don’t ask me any questions
. I started to ask something, but Pastor John raised his hand.

 And without taking my question he took a sip of his coffee and pushed away from the table. “I hate to run, but the Deacon has asked for a meeting at 3:30. I can’t be late when they summon me. Charlotte, lunch was wonderful. PJ it was good to meet you. I hope the advice was equally useful to you both. Please let me know what happens and call me if I can help.”

Pastor John and Mildred left the Bar, with both of us standing with a stare on our faces that suggested.
Huh, what did he say?

“Fortunately, I wrote it down so I’ll make you a copy.” PJ began to hurriedly write on a napkin. He looked up and said. “Sweetheart, I hate to say it, but we need to be going if I’m going to catch the 5:00pm flight back to Middletown. We can talk about it on the way to the airport, and talk some more this week as well.”

As we drove we discussed Pastor John’s references. After a few miles, I fell quiet.

“Anything wrong, Charley?”

“No, just thinking.”

I know we are compatible sexually, Lord knows we are compatible, but will he like me at night when I have had a tough day and am cranky. And I don’t really know how he is with the little things that need to be done around the house. Will he be as romantic in five years as he is now? I hope I haven’t jumped the gun.

Finally I voiced my concern. “Pastor John took you by surprise when he asked about getting married, didn’t he? I know we haven’t discussed it much, but I just assumed that was what you wanted. Or at least I hope that is what you want, because I love you and really do want to spend the rest of my life with you. PJ, we just never seriously discussed marriage. I want to get married someday and I love you. I’ve been so intent on getting us together that I haven’t considered our status. I guess I assumed we would live together first, and eventually get married at some time. I’m sorry. Here I am just babbling on of course. I will marry you at anytime. We’ll just have to work things out, right?”

“Slow down, take a breath. Don’t worry, sweetheart, I was being truthful when I told him I wanted to marry you. Hey, together we will find a way.”

I know we will.

I leaned over the center console and messed up his hair. Oh how I wanted to hold him and be held just now. Knowing that PJ wanted me, as much as I wanted him, gave me a good feeling worth more than any present he could have given me …

It was 5:15 Friday evening, and the cocktail crowd began trickling in for a drink before heading home. Some would stay for an early dinner, before heading out for one of several high school football games, or catch a movie. Wilma was busy directing her waitstaff, scrambling to create the special Jimmy’s Bar friendly atmosphere.

I could hear the activity, and I knew I should be down there mixing with our customers. But … truthfully … I just didn’t feel like it tonight. PJ hadn’t called and I was afraid something was wrong. So I sat on the comfortable old blue sofa, my legs curled under and a throw wrapped around me, thinking about PJ and me. I was lost in my thoughts when there was a knock on the open apartment door.

“Mind if I come in?”

“No, come on in, Wilma,” I answered, out of reflex.

“Charlotte, we need you downstairs. A lot of the regulars are asking for you.”

“I’ll be down in a little bit, Wilma. I’m just not feeling my usual self tonight.”

Wilma came to sit next to me on the old flowery sofa.

“Charlotte, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“Wilma, I’m worried about PJ and me. He hasn’t called since he left Sunday night. I thought everything was going pretty good when he left, but … well, now, I don’t know.”

“Tell me about it, honey. Maybe I can help?” 

Wilma quickly switched from head of customer service to mama and friend.

I started out relating PJ’s conversation with Bob Wells and the offer Bob had made. “I thought it was a great deal, certainly more money, and PJ would move here and live in the condo. Sounded perfect to me.”

I went through our breakfast conversation.

“He said he probably wouldn’t be interested in Bob’s offer. He loves coaching and doesn’t want to change. I thought it was a perfect chance for us to be together; but, well,
he
didn’t. I don’t know if he really loves me. He says he does, but I don’t know now. If he really loved me, he would have jumped at Bob’s offer. Wouldn’t he?”

Wilma was uncharacteristically silent. She took a couple of deep breaths. I could tell Wilma had something on her mind.

“What do you think Wilma? You look like you need to say something.”

Wilma was slow to answer. I always watch her face and body language to get a clue, but she gave nothing away. Finally she said it out. “Charlotte, you know I love you like my own daughters, don’t you? Well, I need to be frank with you, and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Wilma, I love you. If I need to hear something, for goodness sake, tell me.”

“Honey, most men think ‘I love you’ are the magic words to get into your pants. I’m not saying that’s all on his mind, but you haven’t disappointed PJ on that front, have you?”

Wilma was blunt and rather crude, but I understood what she meant.

“Well, not really, I guess.”

“Charley, you are like my two girls, and most of the young women who come in here. I see it in the Bar almost every night. You all think you can flash a set of boobs, purr sexy to a man and he will do anything you want. When I saw you the night PJ first came in, it was obvious what
you
had in mind. That wrap around skirt that just happens to flap in the front, and the silk blouse, the hair, the makeup, even the perfume. The whole package sent him a message few men could resist. Am I right?”