Cleaning Up New York (9 page)

I am cleaning Kathy's cupboards with Clorox to remove or counteract the build-up of radioactive acidity. I think it probably works. Kathy says she wants to take some photos of me. This is a coincidence because I want some photos of me in my uniform before the shoes wear out and the t-shirt falls apart. Kathy takes an entire roll. A few close-ups in the apartment and then, when I'm done cleaning, we go outside in the brisk March wind. She shoots the rest of the film in front of the school. My t-shirt has holes in it so I shiver. Kathy says, “You're too stiff.” I relax by looking at Kathy's legs. Romance is ever a key to unlock the door. “That's good!” Kathy calls out. Before we part, I ask Kathy something about next week. She mishears me and answers, “Where am I going now? Just going home.”

Anything that pretends to be good or is good can be ruined. Too much praise of my work would ruin me because I may feel inclined to raise my rates or go on to bigger and better cleaning jobs. Most people are considerate enough not to overpraise my work. Making love with a customer would ruin the cleaning. My employers and I create a relationship with a void in it. That void is the work to be done. I am afraid of ruin for I feel unruined. These are my pretensions. Evelyn Berkson straightens me out. I am finishing up mopping the hallway. Evelyn is distraught from many sides, she turns to me and says, “How come you are so relaxed?” “I'm not really relaxed.” “Yes you are, compared to me.” “I guess I'm sort of a loner. I know how to be alone.” “That's good.”

A few minutes later Evelyn says, “You really are nice.” I stop mopping and look at her. She looks away and says, “I envy Shelley, I really do. She is very lucky.” “I can be ruined.” I say.

“What? Oh I know that but you don't seem like the kind of guy that goes around hurting people.” I say, “Yes, uh, I try not to.” I am left holding the mop; everything is confused except that I heard Shelley's name. I have never heard it while cleaning before. Evelyn seems to be pointing the way home. Love is what always points the cleaning man home.

Now the thing is complete. Every room stands connected. Everything in the house follows a clean line. There you are! You don't have to think about cleaning house. If muddy feet walk in, it makes you indignant. The house is just cleaned, it stands in its full kinetic potential. The goof is that the potential is only towards getting d_____y. But the moment is blinding and all of its aspects are glowing. The clean house is exciting.

The clean in the house is what rubbed off you. It is your effort. There was you then there was the house, you added energy and one plus one make two. Clean is the number 2. You aren't lonely; you are on stage.

Cleaning house means coming together. Applause. Take a bow quick before the curtain. The clean house is a jumping off point. I can't tell you more.