Collateral Damage (From the Damage) (7 page)

“Shame?” he asked, confused. “You never did anything wrong.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but I just can’t get myself to believe it.” She was quiet for a minute. “Seth visited me in the hospital.”

“What? Seriously?”

She nodded. “To tell me it’s my fault. That this,” she tapped the cast on her leg, “is punishment. For seeing you. Or, for not wanting him, is more like it.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe the nerve on that guy.”

“You and me both,” she said. “He said a bunch of other things, too, but I don’t believe him. I can’t believe a word he says.”

“What’d he say?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said quickly. “Because it’s not true. I know it’s not.”

He let the silence linger for a minute. “I know you told me what he did…but you never told me how it happened. I mean…did he hurt you? Obviously he hurt you, but I mean…was he…was it…” he didn’t know how to word his question, mostly because he felt morbid even asking it.

But she seemed to understand, anyway. “It was nothing violent,” she explained. “Not at first, anyway. I mean…he slipped something in my drink, so I was asleep. And if I wasn’t, then I don’t remember it. I just remember talking to him at the party, being flattered that someone, who at the time I thought was cute, was paying such close attention to me. But then, I started getting really tired. I wasn’t much of a drinker back then, so I didn’t know how the alcohol would hit me. It was just…” she laughed a little, but it sounded like she might cry. “Just one stupid wine cooler. It never dawned on me that it shouldn’t have hit me like that.”

He was quiet, listening, wondering how to comfort such a wound.

“Anyway, when I started getting sleepy, I went looking for Trevor. But I couldn’t find him. And I just kept getting sleepier and sleepier. Until finally, I came across Seth again. When he offered to drive me home, I was relieved. I mean, I’d seen him with Trevor. He’d been in my house a dozen times. I thought I could trust him.” She paused to take a shaky breath and let it out. “I must’ve passed out in his car, because the next thing I remember, I’m waking up in his bed. And he’s next to me, and we’re both naked and he had these…these scratches on his cheek. I started freaking out. He said that we’d had sex, but it just didn’t feel like I was getting the whole story. I don’t do that, you know? Just get drunk and have sex with some random person. That’s not me. But that’s what he said.”

Her lips quivered and she reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek. That’s when he noticed her hands were shaking. He scooted closer, taking her hand. “It’s okay…we don’t have to talk about it,” he said softly.

“No, I need to,” she whispered, nodding as if to reinforce the decision. After taking a minute to steady herself, she began to continue. “I called a cab to get out of there, but when they picked me up, I had them take me to the hospital. I just went there to get the morning after pill, but once I started talking to the nurse, she said Seth’s story didn’t add up, that the wine cooler shouldn’t have hit me so hard and left me with so much time I couldn’t account for. She suggested a blood test, and the results came back positive for GHB. She tried to talk me into doing a rape-kit, but I was too upset. I just wanted to get home, sleep away the nightmare. But I never could. Over the next few days, bruises started showing up. On my legs and my wrists. I went back to the hospital, but it was too late. All they could do was document the bruises. They called the police and his dad was the one who responded to the call. I was so scared, and for some reason, instead of just asking to talk to someone else, I told him I’d changed my mind. That I didn’t want to talk. So he left.” Her gaze had turned bitter when she finally looked at him again. “Still want to tell me I didn’t do anything wrong? Because I didn’t stand up for myself. I never said, ‘I know what happened and he’s not going to get away with it’. All I could think was…maybe he was right. You know? Maybe someone else put the drugs in my drink and he didn’t know. Maybe it was all a huge mistake. I should’ve trusted my instincts, but they were so…so clouded with the lack of knowing what really happened. So clouded with all of the questions.”

“Hey,” he said, barely able to choke out the words past the turmoil of emotions he was feeling. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared, or having doubts. You didn’t remember…so how could you know for sure? I’m sure he didn’t introduce himself as a psycho. He probably seemed pretty normal. Charming, even.”

She nodded, wiping away a tear that slipped down her cheek.

“And yes, I still think that you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean…what’s the right way to react to a situation like that? There isn’t one.”

***

Kelly

***

Kelly sat in her car, parked in Alex’s driveway. Hands drumming the steering wheel, she looked up at the Tudor home, with its perfectly manicured lawn and neatly trimmed shrubs. Through the small windows on the garage door, Kelly could see a glimpse of Alex’s sports car and his mom’s sedan. She wondered who would answer if she rang the doorbell.

“Don’t be such a chicken,” she said to herself, locking eye contact with her reflection in the rear-view mirror. “You’ve done this a thousand times. Just go ring the bell.”

Following her own orders, she got out of the car and went up to the door, ringing the bell.
Then she waited awkwardly. After a minute, Mrs. Walker answered the door.

“Kelly,” she said, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw her. It took her longer than usual to finally add, “Hi, honey, how are you?”

  It wasn’t the question that threw Kelly off, it was the gentle tone she used, the way Mrs. Walker studied her as she waited for the answer, like she was really listening, genuinely wanting to know and not just asking out of social etiquette.

“I’m doing well,” she said, trying not to squirm under that steady, penetrating gaze. “How’s Alex? Is he home?”

“Yes, of course. Come on in.” She stepped aside to let Kelly in the house, and then closed the door behind them. For a second, Mrs. Walker stood by the door, her hand on the knob, looking toward the staircase nervously, and turning an awkward glance to Kelly. “I…I’ll go get him.”

“Thanks,” she said, as Mrs. Walker hurried over to the steps, her six-inch heels clicking rapidly across the tiled floor. She started up the staircase, tossing a glance back down at Kelly about half-way up, before disappearing at the top.

Kelly wrapped her arms around herself, wondering why Mrs. Walker had acted so weird. She shrugged it off as a grown-up thing and looked around the foyer.

Straight ahead there was a tall, glass display case housing the Walker men’s football obsession. It was where Mr. Walker
strategically placed every cherished trophy and nostalgic team photo from his glory days—and from Alex’s—so everybody who entered the house could see their achievement through sparkling, smudge free glass.

Remembering some of the pictures housed there, she found herself drawn to it. Unable to resist
the quick trip down memory lane, she edged over to the display case and looked over the shelves.

Beside the team photo of Alex was the one of him solo. She could remember every detail of that picture without even looking—it’d hung in her locker for over a year. Decked out in his red and yellow football gear and knelt on one knee, his hand on his helmet. Showing two rows of perfect teeth, he smiled at the camera with stunning charm that, even now, made her feel lightheaded.

The next picture took her breath away. Taken on the same day, probably just minutes after the last, it showed Kelly and Alex, standing with their bodies so close there wasn’t any space between them, looking at each other with broad smiles and eyes that gleamed with the secrets and passion of young love. Kelly didn’t recognize that girl, with her perfect blond pony tail, the uniform and pom-poms and her undying devotion to Alex.

She heard Mrs. Walker’s heels clicking across the floor, followed by Alex
’s quick shuffle. They came down the stairs together.

As they landed in the foyer, Mrs. Walker looked from Alex to Kelly and back again, like she wanted to say something. Finally, she took a step back. “Do you guys need anything?” she asked, her voice soft and unsure like that wasn’t what she’d been planning to say. “Water or tea? I think we have some soda…”

“I’m okay, thanks,” Kelly said with a nervous smile.

“Me too,” Alex said.

“Then I’ll just…” she motioned to the other room, then gave the two a fake smile and left.

Once they were alone, Alex looked from Kelly to the display case and back again, surprised to see her fighting tears, and losing the battle. Her lips were quivering, her eyes were filling up, and she couldn’t form a complete sentence. Seeing him this way, with
his face all bruised up and his arm in a cast and sling, was too much to take in.

“Hey,” he said softly,
then he looked around the room for someplace more private. “Let’s go outside.”

She nodded, moving toward the door. She reached for the knob, intending to hold it open for him, but he reached it first. It was the last straw, that he would be nice to her, even after how horribly she’d treated him.

Stepping outside and onto the porch, he closed the door behind him. And she couldn’t hold it inside anymore. She turned to him, burying her face in his shoulder, the unwounded one, and cried. Remembering the special place he held in her life, wanting to keep him in the equation, even if only as a friend.

“I’m so sorry,” she said around sobs, “If you hadn’t tried to run after me…if I wasn’t always walking away, this might not have happened.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” He gave her a reassuring, one-armed squeeze. “I wasn’t watching where I was going. Even four year olds know to look both ways.”

Wrapping his free arm around her, he cupped the nape of her neck in his hand and held her, murmuring indistinct but soothing words of comfort. 

The tears slowed as his words eased her guilt and blame. She took a deep breath of his fresh, sporty cologne, reveling, just for a moment in the familiarity of being in his arms, smelling him and feeling the warmth of his embrace, hearing his heart beat, steady and true. It felt like she’d just returned home after a long, painful journey. Her voice came out in a low whisper, “I thought I’d lost you.”

“You didn’t,” he said. “You won’t.”

She closed her eyes, taking his promise and tucking it inside her heart, relinquishing the bitter feelings she’d harbored for too long. “I’m sorry for everything I said. Every time I blamed you for what happened…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said, twisting his head to look down at her. “I don’t hold grudges, Kelly. And you have nothing to apologize for.”

Looking into his eyes, she knew he meant it. She pulled back a little, wiping her tears away. Letting the emotions pass. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

He smiled at her.

“I know we’ve had our differences,” she said, but she didn’t really feel like it encompassed everything they’d been through, everything they’d put each other through. “I mean, I know we haven’t always gotten along…but can we just call it water under the bridge? Because I really miss you.” 

His smile widened, relief filling his features. “That would be great,” he said, with a kind of disbelieving laugh.

His smile rubbed off on her, had her lips curving. “Really?”

He nodded, reaching out to give her a fist bump.

“So, how are things going, anyway?” she asked, stepping back to sit on the porch steps. “Has your dad been on your case for missing the game?”

“He tried,” Alex said with a chuckle, sitting down beside her. “But my mom, she’s
like one of those mother bears. Won’t let Dad get a word in.”

Kelly giggled. “That’s good. It’s about time he gave you some peace.”

He nodded, his smile fading into that look she recognized. It meant he wanted to tell her something, but was wary of her reaction.

“What is it?” she asked, giving him a reassuring smile so he’d know she’d listen.

“I…I told her. My mom… she knows everything.”

She was surprised at first, and felt a little exposed. It definitely explained the way Mrs. Walker had greeted her, but overall she was relieved Alex had told his mom.
“How’d she take it?”

“She cried a lot,” he said. “But, she doesn’t hate me like I thought she would, so that’s good.”

“That is good,” she said. “I’m happy for you.”

He raised an eyebrow.
“Really? I thought you might be…”

“I’m not mad. It’s your secret to tell, too.”

They fell silent, and in the stillness, she found herself wondering about Kay. Her mind filled with confusing and jealous thoughts, like
had they kissed yet? Just how much, exactly, did he care about her?

“Now you’ve got that look,” Alex said
, giving her shoulder a playful nudge to keep the mood light. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

She didn’t want to bring it up, but she was dying to know. “I was just…” taking a quick breath, she snuck a glance at him. His blue eyes on hers, he waited patiently for her to spit it out. “I was wondering about Kay. Well, you and Kay, really.”

His eyes widened a little in surprise, then he glanced away, looking a little awkward. “Yeah, we should probably talk about that.”