Curses! (10 page)
Chapter 20
O
utside the palace, I fingered the Devil's Eye in my pocket and contemplated the future. The one Asia would see once she gazed into the jeweled looking glass. Sure, her curse would be broken. But I feared my head would be as well. Asia didn't strike me as the kind of girl to ignore a tiny thing like my total and complete villainy.
utside the palace, I fingered the Devil's Eye in my pocket and contemplated the future. The one Asia would see once she gazed into the jeweled looking glass. Sure, her curse would be broken. But I feared my head would be as well. Asia didn't strike me as the kind of girl to ignore a tiny thing like my total and complete villainy.
Even if, by some godmother's magic, she accepted my occupational choice, what did I have to offer her? I was impotent, for fuck sakes. I had no money, a pilfered apartment, and one dead ex-wife. A real catch if you happened to be a wicked witch, but Asia was far from wicked.
Oh, why couldn't she be a little more wicked? Not Natasha evil. No, been there. Done that. But maybe a nice “poison Snow White's apple” sort of depraved. Someone I could spend the rest of my villainous days living in fear of. Just like dear old Mum and Dad.
“You ... could ... have ... waited ... for ...” Asia stumbled to my side and paused to catch her breath. “... fuck ...it.”
She grabbed my arm and hustled me inside the palace, not even stopping to offer Winslow a friendly hello. I gave the butler a small wave, nearly tripping on the rug as Asia ushered me up the stairs.
By the time we reached Cinderella's pink room, I was as out of breath as she was. That didn't stop Asia from kicking the bedroom door open, clapping fairy sconces to life, and tossing me on the bed like a Frisbee.
“Whaâ” was all I got out before Asia's tongue buried itself in my mouth. Interesting. It seemed my princess was a little more wicked than I first suspected. I wrapped one hand around the back of her neck and deepened an already tonsil-cleansing kiss.
My other hand found its way into the folds of Asia's kimono. I stroked her soft flesh, my heart racing like a hormonal teen on prom night. I wanted her like I never wanted another princess.
Asia pulled away and stared down at me. “I'm a bad, bad girl.”
“Do you need a spanking?”
She laughed and threw her legs over mine. The warmth of her against my jeans drove me over the edge. Her hands fisted in my T-shirt, nearly ripping it from my body. My fingers gripped her waist, kneading her yielding flesh. I wasn't sure how long I could last. My body felt as hard as steel, and just as red hot. If I didn't have Asia soon I'd go insane.
Or maybe I already was.
With the way Asia's fingers roamed the button fly of my jeans, that line wasn't all that clear. I ran my hand across the plane of her stomach, enjoying the nooks and crannies like one does with an English muffin. My mouth went dry at the feel of her velvety skin against my calloused palm. I paused to regain a shred of controlânot a smart move when dealing with a half-naked, self-conscious princess.
“You do want me?” She bit her lip, tears welling in her jade eyes. “I'm not wrong about that.”
I bit out a harsh laugh. “What gave it away?”
She shifted her weight, pushing her lacy panties against my rigid erection. I groaned, my breath coming in gasps. My fingers groped for the strap of her kimono. I had to have her. Now.
She raised her hand. “Wait.”
“I don't think I can.”
Her index finger ran up my naked chest and she leaned over me. Her breasts pressed against me, silk and skin. I nearly came right then. Asia clapped her hands. The fairy lamps winked out.
I clapped my hands.
The fairies sprang to life and again the room lit up.
Asia raised an eyebrow.
“I wanna see you.” My hands once again pulled at her clothes. She shook her head. I nodded. For once in my life, I'd be the victor or die trying, which wouldn't be a bad way to go.
Tears sprang into Asia's eyes. “I'm fat.”
“You're perfect.” I lifted her butt in my hands, enjoying the weight of each fleshy mound of princess. “Thin, fat, wicked or not, you are perfect. Don't ever think you're not.”
For a second Asia said nothing. She simply stared at me, her bottom lip quivering. Finally, she glanced at the palms of her hands and then at the brightly lit fairies overhead. “If any of you laugh,” she said to the tiny blondes locked in their lightbulb cages, “I swear to God I'll barbecue the lot of you.”
I grabbed her face and kissed her like a princess deserved, all tongue and teeth. One taste of the princess in my arms would not be enough. Never enough. I blinked away that girlish thought to focus on the woman now licking my navel. Our clothes disappeared, and we made love to the horrified gasps of the prudest fairies in all the land.
Â
The next morning, I yawned, stretched, and cracked an eye open. Then I screamed like a little girl.
Dru lay on the bed next to me, her unibrow looking even furrier in the bright morning light. I scrambled from the bed, suddenly aware of the crispy air on my balls. I dove back under the covers.
“Do you wax?” Dru asked.
“What?” I lifted the covers and glanced down at my boys. Still there. Still hairy.
Dru shook her head and tapped the space between my eyebrows.
“Oh,” I said. “Nope. I'm all natural.”
“Charming uses wax.” Dru rubbed her unibrow. “He said he'd show me how.”
“Figures,” I said under my breath. “Listen, Dru. Your prince will come, and he'll love you no matter what.” The poor bastard. “Don't settle for less.”
She nodded.
I waited.
She just continued to stare at me.
I motioned to the door. “Did you need something else?”
“No.”
“So do you mind?” I again gestured to the door. “I'd like to shower before Asia gets back.”
Dru bit her lip. Tears welled in her eyes, traveling down her pale cheeks like raindrops against a Ford Pumpkin. Dread filled me. I wanted to run, run from the words pouring from Dru's tongue. “Asia's not coming back,” she said.
“What!?!” I threw the covers back, searching the floor for my jeans. I found them half hidden under the bed. Pulling them on, I hopped toward the door. “Asia!” No answer. I tried again. “Asia?”
“I'm sorry, Rum,” Dru said.
“But why?” It took a moment for her words to settle in. “What did you call me?”
“Rum.” She paused as if unsure. “Rumple Stiltskin, right? That is your name.”
“Who told her?” I pictured Prince Rotten tattling on me, and Asia's face as the ramifications of fucking a villain like me settled in. The horror and shame my poor princess must feel. Not only had I lied to her, but I'd probably ruined her only chance at finding her sister's killer. Or ending her curse.
“No one told Asia.” Dru folded her hands together. “She saw it.”
Oh shit! I dug into my pocket. Sure enough, just like my future, the Devil's Eye had vanished. I ran out of the door and down the stairs. Winslow opened the front door, and without stopping, I burst through it.
“Wait,” I yelled to Asia's Ford Pumpkin as it bounced down the cobblestone driveway. “Let me explain.”
I wasn't sure if Asia could hear me, but I had to try. I couldn't lose her. I ran faster. My ankle, weakened from yesterday's adventure, threatened to crack in two. “I didn't mean to deceive you,” I cried.
Halfway down the driveway my ankle snapped and I fell to the dirt. “Please.”
The Pumpkin vanished around the bend.
My head drooped and my shoulders followed. I'd lost her. I'm not sure how long I sat grief-stricken in the morning sun. Maybe minutes, maybe an hour. Time no longer mattered. I'd lost my princess.
“What the hell are you doing?” a woman screeched.
I lifted my head to glare at whoever dared to intrude upon my heartache.
Asia.
She stood a few feet away, her hands on her newly slim hips. “Well?” She motioned to my sprawled form. “What have you got to say for yourself?”
“Iâ”
Her fist smashed into my nose.
Blood exploded from my flattened nostrils. I didn't bother to wipe it away. Instead, I jumped to my feet and gobbled Asia up in a hug. She continued to punch me, but her blows felt like kisses in comparison to the pain in my heart when I thought I'd lost her.
“Let me go!” She went limp in my arms. “Please.”
I released her and stood back to examine my ladylove. She had changed overnight. Literally. Gone were the extra rolls of fat and her double D-cup breasts, her chubby arms and swollen feet, the cleft in her backside where I'd spent plenty of time last night. Apparently, three hours of adventurous sex burned trillions of calories. Either that or my pretty, ugly princess had broken her curse.
Damn.
“Why, Rumâ?”
“RJ,” I corrected. “My name is RJ.”
She nodded, her eyes growing wet with tears. “Why'd you lie?”
I hadn't, but now wasn't the time to bring up my own curse, as “nice” as it was. “I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” For a second, she looked uncertain. My heart beat faster. Maybe there was still a chance, a chance to solve Cinderella's murder, thereby restoring Asia's faith, and ultimately her love, for me. I could make things right. I just needed her to listen. To understand. I cleared my throat. “When I saw you drive off this morning ... Myâ”
“What?!” Her head spun to the empty parking space where her Ford Pumpkin once sat. A dark oil stain was all that was left of her vehicle. “Son of a bitch. Call the sheriff. Someone stole my car.”
Chapter 21
T
wo hours later, Bruce, the pointy-eared sheriff of Maledetto, waved good-bye as his patrol pumpkin disappeared from view. I stood next to Asia on the palace lawn. My princess turned around and glared at me.
wo hours later, Bruce, the pointy-eared sheriff of Maledetto, waved good-bye as his patrol pumpkin disappeared from view. I stood next to Asia on the palace lawn. My princess turned around and glared at me.
“What?” I asked.
Asia pulled the Devil's Eye from the pocket of her jeans. It shone in the sunlight like the Hope Diamond, beautiful and just as cursed. “You had it all along?”
I held up my hand. “No.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Okay, so I found it two days ago.” Shut up, shut up, my brain screamed to my treacherous tongue. “But that was before I knew what it was.” I slapped my hand over my mouth, but my lips kept moving, spewing mumbled secrets until Asia looked ready to scream.
“Charming had it?” Asia yelled. “That's why we broke into his place?”
I nodded.
“It's all been a lie,” she said. I wasn't sure if her comment was rhetorical, but I decided, in my best villainous interest, to remain silent. “Did you even mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“That you wanted me. Or was that part of your devious plan too?” She shoved me, and I stumbled back a step. “Is that how you get your jollies? Making cursed girls fall in love with you?”
“Heck no,” I said. It took a moment for her words to fully register. “Wait. Do you love me? That's what you said. You can't take it back.” Happiness swelled inside me, which made me a bit queasy.
“Love you? A villain? Never!” She glanced over her shoulder to the front door of the palace. The king, queen, and Dru stood in the archway, their faces pinched and judgmental. A look every villain this side of New Never City was familiar with.
Happiness turned into pain, a pain so intense my entire body ached. Sure, I had my fair share of bitter breakups. I married Natasha, after all. But I never experienced a pain so deep. So cutting. I wanted to curl up and cry like that kid with Tourette's who kept saying “wolf” at the most inopportune times.
“Tell me what to do.” I grabbed Asia's shoulders, digging my fingers into her flesh. “How to make this right. And I'll do it. Just don't give up on me.”
“You've done enough.” She peeled my fingers away and spun on her glass slipper. Over her shoulder, she tossed the very words that damned me. “Just go. Forget me. Forget us.”
As soon as the words left her lips, my memories of our time together started to fade. My cursed mind did as she requested, erasing Asia from my memory bank. A part of me wanted her to disappear, to ease the pain of losing my ...
What did I lose again?
For the life of me I couldn't remember.
The annoyed yet beautiful red-haired woman standing in front of me shouted something. Then she rammed her fist into my nose. Pain shot through my head. I grabbed the crazy chick's fist before she planted another punch. As soon as our hands touched, my fading memories stormed back. The ache in my heart returned, but I was thankful for it.
“Asia,” I whispered.
Her rigid body relaxed and she slumped against me. “You promised me,” she whispered.
“I'm sorry.” I sounded like a broken country-western record, but what else could I say?
“Sorry doesn't find Cindi's killer,” she said.
“But I will.”
“I'm supposed to buy that?” She let out a bitter laugh that sounded much like bluebird talons on a chalk outline. “You're a villain, why would you bother? Hell, for all I know you killed her yourself.”
Anger, like a flash fire, swept through me. I'd be damned if a demented princess would question my word. I was a villain, after all. We kept our promises, when we felt like it. “I had the same thought about you,” I said.
Asia gasped. “Are you accusing me?”
I hadn't been. Not really, but suspicion niggled in the back of my mind. Asia would've done anything to rid herself of her curse, and yet Cinderella, Asia's very own stepsister, had the power to do so, but didn't. Why? Did Asia murder Cinderella to get the Eye? Was her decision to hire me nothing more than an elaborate smoke screen?
“Why was Cinderella really in New Never City?” I asked. “Did she come to rub the Devil's Eye in your face? Did she laugh at you? Call you names?”
“You're wrong,” Asia said. “I loved my sister.”
“Stepsister,” the king, queen, and Dru shouted in unison.
I shot them a frown.
Asia grabbed my chin, yanking my eyes to meet hers. “I had no idea Cindi possessed the Eye, or that there even was an Eye until a few days ago. Why would I kill her for it?”
She had a point. That or my princess was an Oscar-winning actress. For some reason, I suspected the latter. “So why was Cinderella there?”
Dru answered for Asia. “To apologize. Cindi went to New Never City to apologize to Asia.”
“Apologize for what?” I asked. Before she even said the words, I knew I wasn't going to like it.
“For stealing Asia's fiancée.”
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