Authors: Peter Bently
Damsel Disaster! (6 page)
“Just takin’ Her Highness some lemonade, ma’am,” said a familiar voice.
It was Peggy. My heart missed a beat. With all the excitement, obviously.
“Ah, very good,” said the High Steward. “Have you seen any
males
?”
“Males, ma’am?” said Peggy.
“Yes, males,” said the High Steward. “The head gardener says she saw some
males
lurking in the trees near the kitchens. And one of them was a knight!”
Uh-oh
.
“D’you think it was that big one, ma’am?” said Peggy. “The one who looks like a bear?”
“No. It definitely wasn’t him,” said the High Steward. “From the gardener’s description it sounds more like the
pompous
one.”
“Charming!” muttered Sir Percy.
“Oh, then that means his squire’s still here, too!” said Peggy cheerfully.
My face went a bit warm again.
“Yes, and that jester fellow,” said the High Steward. “The gardener said there were
three
of them. I will tell the guards to search the grounds. Then I must inform the princess. When we catch them we’ll have all three locked in the high tower!”
At that moment a thunderous knocking echoed through the castle.
“Now what?” sighed the High Steward.
“Sounds like the front door, ma’am,” said Peggy. “Shall I go and answer it?”
“Yes, please,” said the High Steward. “I hope it’s not that big hairy knight
again. He’s
so
impatient. Keeps asking if Her Highness has made up her mind yet!”
We heard Peggy and the High Steward leave the kitchen. Then we slipped out of our hiding place.
“Look!” said Patchcoat, as we crept along the corridor. “The servants’ stairs! I bet they lead straight to the princess’s private quarters.”
“Hold on,” I said suddenly. “I’ve just thought of something!”
I dashed back into the kitchen and returned with the tray of lemonade.
“Really, Cedric,” said Sir Percy. “This is no time for refreshments!”
“It’s not for us, Sir Percy,” I said.
“I thought we could put the love potion in it.”
“Ah … indeed!” said Sir Percy. “The very thing I was about to suggest myself.”
Yeah, right
. “On we go, then. Cedric, I shall give you the honour of leading the way!”
We tiptoed up the narrow servants’ stairs and came out on a grand, oak-panelled landing. It was lined with rich tapestries and paintings of formidable women wearing tiaras and old-fashioned dresses – the princess’s ancestors, by the look of them.
Patchcoat pointed to a large door decorated with a gold crown.
“Her Highness’s private quarters, I reckon,” said Patchcoat.
“Can you hear anything, Cedric?” whispered Sir Percy.
I put down the tray and stuck my ear to the keyhole.
“All quiet, Sir Percy,” I said.
But I spoke too soon. At the far end of the landing was another set of stairs, much grander than the ones we’d come up. And someone was climbing them in a hurry!
There was no time to hide. Patchcoat and I just managed to swivel Sir Percy round so that he was facing the other way when the High Steward appeared at the top of the stairs.
Patchcoat and I bobbed hasty curtsies and looked firmly at the ground. I guessed we had five seconds at the most before the High Steward called for the guards. So we were surprised by what came next.
“Your Highness! Your Highness!” the High Steward said breathlessly, looking towards Sir Percy. “Ah! I see you’ve changed for dinner. Are you all right?”
Sir Percy had the sense to say nothing and just nod vigorously.
“I’m glad to hear it,” the High Steward said. “There appear to be several intruders loose on the island. And
male
ones at that! The guards are searching for them. Has Your Highness heard anything?”
Sir Percy shook his head wildly.
Any more overacting like that and you’ll definitely blow our cover!
I thought.
And then Patchcoat did something completely crazy.
“I knows where they is, ma’am!” he cried in a squeaky girly voice.
I felt Sir Percy flinch. What was Patchcoat playing at?
“Really, girl?” said the High Steward. “Where?”
Patchcoat ran across the landing and pointed to the servants’ stairs.
“Down there, ma’am!” he squeaked. “I think I ’eard someone ’iding in the servants’ privy, ma’am!”
“Good gracious!” gasped the High Steward.
“I’ll show yer if yer likes, ma’am!” said Patchcoat. “Foller me!”
Patchcoat disappeared down the stairs.
“Aha! Now we’ve got them! Wait for me, girl!” cried the High Steward. “Will you kindly excuse me, Your Highness?”
Sir Percy nodded eagerly and the High
Steward dashed after Patchcoat.
I sighed with relief.
“Phew!” I said. “But I don’t know how long he’ll be able to distract her for. So we’d better get a move on.”
“Indeed!” said Sir Percy. “In you go, Cedric. You have nothing to fear. I am right behind you!”
I slowly opened the door to the princess’s private quarters. We found ourselves in a splendid parlour with a roaring fire and several large comfy chairs. There were a couple of doors leading into other parts of the private quarters. I guessed one of them probably led to the princess’s bedchamber.
I put down the tray of lemonade on a low table near the fire.
“Now pass me the potion, Cedric,” said Sir Percy, rubbing his hands together in excitement.
“Yes, Sir Percy.”
I took the bottle of love potion from my apron and handed it to Sir Percy. He pulled out the cork while I poured a glass of lemonade.
“Excellent!” said Sir Percy. “Here goes.”
“Just a few drops, remember,” I said.
“Indeed,” said Sir Percy. “It’s very powerful stuff.”
He dripped a small amount of the potion into the glass of lemonade – just as we heard footsteps out on the landing. The door handle rattled.
Sir Percy was so startled he accidentally shook about half the bottle into the glass.
“Bother! Oh well. The longer the potion lasts, the longer I have to win her over. Quick, make yourself scarce, Cedric! As soon as Her Highness has drunk the potion I shall appear! We must ensure I am the first person she sees.”
He quickly scuttled off and hid behind a tapestry hanging on the far wall. I flung myself under a long bench on one side of the door.
From my hiding place I could hear a commotion on the landing. There seemed to be
two
people at the door. One was Peggy. The other sounded a bit deep and gruff for the princess.
“No!” I heard Peggy say. “You can’t go in there, sir!”
“Rubbish!” said the gruff voice. “I’ve waited long enough. Outta my way!”
The door burst open and someone stomped past me across the room. I dared to peek and saw a pair of legs striding
towards the table with the tray on it. Then I heard the clink of glass followed by a rather unladylike slurping.
I stared at the legs again. They were wearing black armour.
Black armour?
And then I spotted a pink silk dress slip out from behind the tapestry.
“No, Sir Percy!” I shouted, crawling from my hiding place. “Stop!”
It was too late.
“Your Highness!” he declared. “It is I, Sir Percy the Proud. Your future husb—AARRGH!”
Sir Percy stared in horror at the person who had just walked into the chamber.
It wasn’t the princess. It was Sir Roland!
“Ah! Oh! I – um – hello, Sir Roland!” he babbled. “What an – um – an unexpected pleasure! I was – er – just – um – I mean, I – I can explain…”
Sir Roland’s jaw dropped. He stared at Sir Percy in utter amazement. Uh-oh. Things did NOT look good for Sir Percy. Any second now, Sir Roland was going to blast him with the biggest torrent of ridicule. Once the story got out Sir Percy would never, EVER live it down.
But Sir Roland didn’t say a word. His eyes had a strange, glazed look. I thought it was just the shock of seeing Sir Percy in a dress. But then I noticed the lemonade glass on the tray. It was empty.
That slurping sound… Oh no!
A weird dreamy smile started to spread across Sir Roland’s face. He raised both arms and started to move towards Sir Percy.
“My beloved!” he sighed soppily. “Come here!” Sir Roland puckered up his lips and lurched at Sir Percy.
“Look, let’s be sensible, Roland, old chap!” Sir Percy whimpered. He grabbed a chair to fend off his besotted arch-enemy. “W-why don’t we j-just sit down and talk about it, eh?”
“Aw, don’t be shy!” simpered Sir Roland, whacking the chair aside. “Your darling Rolykins only wants a little kiss!”
Rolykins?
Sir Percy dropped the chair and started to run.
“C-Cedric, help!” he shrieked, stumbling over his skirts as Sir Roland chased him round the chamber.
“Hur-hur! Playing hard to get, are we?” cackled Sir Roland. “You little minx! Let’s have a cuddle!”
I made a rather feeble attempt to grab Sir Roland but he was too quick for me.
“Aargh!”
RRRIP!
Poor Sir Percy had tripped on his hem, tearing a hole in the dress and tumbling headlong into a corner of the chamber.
“Now I’ve got you, my lovely!” sighed Sir Roland. He puckered up his lips again.
Sir Percy was trapped.
“Cedric!” he wailed, as Sir Roland leaned forward to try to plant a great beardy smacker on his cheek. “For goodness’ sake! Do something!”
I had to act fast. In a flash I saw that Sir Roland was standing on one end of a small rug. I bent down and yanked the other end of it with all my might. Sir Roland gave a great bellow of surprise as
he lost his balance and toppled in a heap. Luckily my master rolled out of the way just in time.
“Hurry, Sir Percy!” I cried. “Now’s your chance!”
Sir Percy didn’t need telling twice. With a squawk he hitched up his dress, sprinted across the room in terror, and leaped for cover behind a large couch. His pink pointy hat flew off and landed nearby.
“Ungh? Where am I?” said Sir Roland, groggily getting to his feet. “What happened, boy?”
“Er – I think you tripped, Sir Roland!” I said, desperately buying time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sir Percy’s hand
creeping from behind the couch towards the pointy hat.
The goofy, dreamy look came back into Sir Roland’s eyes.
“Ah, yes, I remember,” he gurgled softly. “Where is she? Where’s my sweetheart?”
He scanned the room. Sir Percy’s hand grabbed the hat and shot back behind the couch in the nick of time.
“Oh, she – she’s left, Sir Roland,” I stammered.
“
Left?
” quailed Sir Roland. He began to sob. “Waah! My beloved has left me! Waahaaaaaah!”
