Dancing On Air (22 page)

A loud rapping on her door jerked her awake. For an instant she was confused and didn’t exactly know where she was.

‘Lisette, you must wake up. We need to be at the theatre.’

Lisette ran her fingers though her hair and tried to shake away the dream. ‘Yes, yes of course Aunt Marie. I won’t be long.’

‘Very well. But do hurry — there are a million things to do today.’

True to her word, Lisette did hurry and less than fifteen minutes later she emerged from her bedroom.

‘Ah, good,’ Marie said as she poured herself a cup of tea. ‘But you do look washed out and perhaps even ill. You are not sick, I trust?’

‘No, I am… I’m…’

‘Disappointed in your young lord. I understand, but you must realize that a man in Evander’s position would never be permitted to marry you — even if he loves you. It is the way society is structured. The rich marry the rich and become richer, it is the way of the world.’

‘It’s not fair or right,’ Lisette said quietly.

Marie shrugged her shoulders before pouring another cup and handing it to Lisette. ‘No, I suppose it is not fair. But just because you cannot marry him, it does not mean that you cannot be together.’

‘I told you last night, Aunt Marie. I will not be his mistress.’

‘Why not? It is obvious that you love him.’

‘Because I want the happy ending. I want to be able to hold my head up high and not be ashamed. I want my children to be born with all the advantages life has to offer, including their father’s name.’

‘Men of rank do not marry ballerinas, not even the principal ballerina. It is not done. So you can either be mistress to Lord Gainswith, a man who loves you and is willing to take care of you, or marry a nobody. He will give you respectability, along with poverty. What about your children then? Be clever child, take what you want from this life.’

Lisette took a sip of the steaming tea. It burnt her mouth but she drank it anyway. She turned away from her aunt and sat down on the nearest chair.

‘But why can’t I have both?’

‘La! You sound like a petulant child. Take Gainswith’s offer and be happy.’

‘My mother —’

Marie gave her an icy stare. ‘What do you think your mother would say? She would tell you to be with Evander, to follow your heart and the money. Do not put Mélisande on a pedestal. Your mother was a talented ballerina but how do you think we survived? Did you never wonder about your papa? You do what you can to survive and my sister knew that better than anyone.’

Lisette swallowed back tears. ‘You mean my mother…’

‘We were near starving in the
corps de ballet
and Mélisande managed to catch the eye of a rich man. Suddenly there was money, food and a decent place to live. His patronage brought her recognition and slowly she received bigger roles until she became the prima ballerina. By that time of course, the rich man was gone but others quickly took his place. Just remember your mother was no angel but she did what she did for your sake. My sister loved your father but he left her just the same. Your papa is a rich man somewhere in France but he will never accept you… I doubt he would even care.’

Lisette’s head reeled. ‘Why have I never been told?’

‘Because your mother wanted to protect you and I agreed to keep her secret. But you are old enough to understand and to see what life is truly about. Do not be a fool, Lisette. You can only marry a prince in the ballet, not in our world.’

The harshness of Marie’s words left Lisette feeling hurt and somehow exposed. However if her aunt was going to speak about the past, Lisette thought it was time she confronted her about Florentia’s accusations. ‘I spoke to Florentia before her accident. She implied that you…procure dancers for Lord de Vale. Is that true?’

Marie stiffened for an instant and then walked over to the chaise and sat down.

‘Florentia is a stupid woman and had no right to say such a thing. However if we are to be honest with each other, then the answer is yes. Vincent likes young ballerinas, there is no crime in that.’

‘But she said that she was forced.’

‘Then she is a liar,’ Marie snapped. ‘Over the years I have suggested to certain girls that Vincent would like to begin a liaison with them. This arrangement would last weeks to a few months at the most. The girls are showered with gifts and attention. How could this be a bad thing?’

‘But she said that she was beaten and that you take money for performing this service for Lord de Vale.’

‘Whether or not she was beaten, I have no idea. But Florentia loves drama and I’m sure the whole affair has been elaborated upon. As to a fee, yes — of course Vincent pays me. How do you think we have survived all these years? We would have been dead in the gutter long ago if it had not been for Vincent. Open your eyes, little girl. Life is hard and miserable and only the clever or the lucky survive it. You have talent and beauty, use it and live.’

Lisette shook her head and walked towards the door.

‘And where do you think you are going?’

‘Out. I need to be anywhere but here.’

‘Ah, the truth hurts. You are no better, Lisette, than your mother...or me. You can run away, but the truth is that, one way or another, you will be a rich man’s whore. It is the only way you will ever survive. You cannot dance forever and what will happen then, eh? Unless you have made provisions for your future, you will die in the street — forgotten, unloved and alone.’

‘Survive or not, I am nothing like you!’ Lisette took a little pleasure in banging the door shut behind her.

Lisette bit back the tears as she hurried down the stairs. Fuzzy images of her mother appeared in her mind’s eye. It was almost as if Lisette was staring through a pane of frosted glass. The pictures began to solidify and Lisette concentrated. She and her mother were in an apartment. There was a small metal balcony that overlooked a street. They were dancing. Mélisande was twirling Lisette around and around. The room was filled with soft light and there was a scent of...of.... Lisette squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. It was the scent of freshly baked bread and lilacs. Her mother was laughing and then hugging Lisette tightly to her breast. No, whatever Mélisande had done, Lisette knew that she loved her. She had done what she must to keep her child safe...just like Florentia had. And Lisette would not allow her aunt’s hate and self-righteousness to distort her memory of her mother.

Lisette walked down Beggar’s Mews and towards the only place that was ever really home: the Imperial.

Lisette opened the door of her dressing room, her mind still spinning with her aunt’s confession. Immediately she was hit with the heady scent of roses. The room was filled with dozens of pale pink roses. Instinctively, she knew that they were from Evander. On any other day they would have filled her heart and made it skip a beat, but not today. They seemed faded and, in some sort of way, tarnished. Perhaps her aunt was right. Why should she think that she could escape her circumstance and dare to fall in love with someone above her station in life? Why would she think that she was that blessed or special? The reality was that either she accepted Evander’s terms or she would walk away. She picked up a small card that was attached to the nearest vase and instantly recognised his bold script.
Forgive me
. The words were simple and straightforward. Lisette knew that Evander loved her. Was it enough?

She sat down before the mirror and glanced at her reflection before reading the note again. Yes, yes she would forgive him. How could she not? Taking a breath, she searched her heart for the right answer, one that she could live with; one that would allow her to meet her own eyes in the reflection of a mirror. She knew that she was asking Evander for more than she should. She was nothing, a no one — the illegitimate daughter of a French ballerina and he was the son of a duke. She had no right to even dream they would marry. But her heart could not let it go.

‘I cannot, no matter how much I love him. I will not be his mistress,’ she said softly. She held the note to her heart for a moment before slipping it into the drawer. ‘Better to live alone than with regret.’

However, as she sat in her rose-scented room, she wondered if she had truly made the right decision.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Lisette found her world cold, dim and topsy-turvy. She went about her life as though she was a sleepwalker. Hardly anything truly touched her and what did appeared harsh and brittle. It had been over three weeks since she told Evander that she would not be his mistress. She had told herself that it was the right thing to do. She hardened her resolve but wondered, were he to walk through the door, if her steadfastness would crumble to dust. Lisette never got to test her theory — he had never come. Lisette had broken off their liaison; she had walked out on him, refused to see him when he came to her home. So why did it feel as if Evander had abandoned her?

All Lisette could do was to go through the motions of her life. She practiced her routines, ate, slept and performed in a never-ending cycle. With glowing reviews and growing adulation, she quickly became London’s darling. But it did not break through the shield that buffered her from reality. Lisette danced, smiled and waved each night. Her performance was perfect in every detail. But with each passing night she felt more like an automaton, a hollow, unthinking machine that executed a series of pre ordained moves.

Sally and some of the other girls had tried to break through Lisette’s barrier. However, whenever she encountered them she smiled, thanked them for their concern and excused herself. Even Aunt Marie had attempted to engage her, but Lisette shunned the older woman’s company whenever she could. Lisette realized that she could not forgive or forget the hateful words her aunt had said about her mother. There was also the disturbing revelation about her aunt’s understanding with Lord de Vale. Aunt Marie said that the girls acted of their own free will, but Lisette sensed that there was something darker and more sinister to the whole story. With a silent chasm opening between them a little farther every day, Lisette had all but moved out of their shared apartment and spent most of her time in her dressing room. At her request, Tommy had installed a large bolt on the inside of her door. So now, most nights when the theatre was silent, Lisette would bolt her door, bed down on the chaise longue and pray that Evander would not come and haunt her dreams.

Evander had been gone nearly four weeks; in that time he had done more than his fair share of soul searching. He had locked himself away at Temperly, at first to think and then to plan. No matter how hard he thought, the answer was always the same: he wanted Lisette. He loved Lisette and was prepared to do anything to get her. Once he had accepted this, everything else fell brightly into place. The yoke of indenture fell away from his shoulders. For the very first time in his life, Evander felt he was his own man and the only one in charge of his destiny. His parents, in particular his father, would bellow and browbeat him, but it didn’t matter because Evander had made his own decision. His father had always bordered on being a self-absorbed bully, and his mother, although kind, had preferred the company of her social calendar than that of her children, which was probably the reason that he and Alistair had such a strong bond — they had really only had each other.

He wondered what his brother would say when he discovered what he had done or — more to the point — what he was about to do. A smile tugged at his lips as he walked out of Temperly’s front door and down the long drive towards the village. The world looked different today — brighter and more alive. His breath balled in the cold air as he strode forward with determination. Evander had changed in every way. He felt it in his heart and soul. And being brave enough to stand up and take what he wanted was at the basis of it all. No, that wasn’t exactly true. Loving Lisette was the cause. He walked a little taller as he turned down the lane to Temperly Edge in search of Vicar Davis in the village church. The banns had been read over the past three weeks and now all he had to do was arrange the final details of the ceremony.

His mind was set and for once he could see a happy life stretched out before him, a life he could only attain if he secured his heart’s desire: Lisette.