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Authors: Shawn Vestal

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BOOK: Daredevils
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Afterward, Dean pulls back the sheet and looks down at her, at himself.

Loretta knows what he is doing, and says, “Mine broke when I was riding a horse.”

Later, after Dean is snoring, she goes to the bathroom down the hall and takes the latest folded-up letter from Bradshaw and the bottle she had hidden, the bottle with the solution of vinegar and ammonia that Tonaya had told her about, back when they were sneaking out together, the thing that always works, Tonaya said.
Nothing can survive that shit.

It burned her there, hurt her worse than Dean had done, and she
tried to wash away the burning and could not. What if there was a baby she had washed away? How soon did it start? Sitting on the toilet, she unfolded the letter.

Lorry honey I cant wait for this part of things to be over, but I do want you to know it is working out good. Real good. Hang in there and we will be set. More than you can imagine. D trusts me more every day. My thoughts are about you. I love you lorry, and you need to just wait for me now, just give me time, and soon it will all be over and we can go wherever you want to.

She tears the letter into tiny pieces and drops them into the toilet between her legs. She wonders exactly what he is doing, but has enough of an idea: taking money from Dean. She hopes he's being careful, because Dean keeps exact track. He talks to her, on his nights with her up until now, of the Council of Elders and their demands, and of how much they want, and of how much he will give them, and of how large this difference is growing, how he will turn over $2,291.66 for January; $1,891.34 for February; $1,996.12 for March—
Not a cent more, little sister, I swear it
—because that is half of his earnings, and because he has decided that the Law of Consecration is being abused by the Elders.
That is half, little sister. How can you
say that is not a generous tithe?
And yet she knows the Council of Elders does not deem it so.

She has not said anything to Bradshaw about the gold. Dean talks about it, tells her about it, boasts about the precision of one-ounce golden eagles—the fifty-dollar coins—and their solid, righteous weight. He tells her everything about them, except where they are. She wants to take it from him. She wants him not to have it, and she wants to be the reason.

She flushes the toilet. It wasn't so horrible. Nothing ever is.

 

EVEL KNIEVEL ADDRESSES AN ADORING NATION

What you need is a way in. In every circumstance, in every situation: a way in. The way in is like the ramp, like the lever, like the cocked hammer of a pistol. It is the way you turn an ordinary thing into an extraordinary thing.

The way in is always the same. You can spend years misunderstanding this, thinking that you have to find the way in for each new scenario, when it's always the same: the way in is to act as if you're already in.

To believe it before it's true.

It's like getting laid, America. The best way to do it is to act as if you already know—despite whatever the broad herself may think—that it's inevitable, that's it's happening, that there's no going back. You know she's gonna do it before she does. You don't seduce. You make it clear that it is completely unnecessary to seduce. That the fucking to come is not in question.

So the years roll along, and we perform our amazing feats, our miracles, and pretty soon the Grand Canyon dream is not so crazy. Is not such wild talk. And then there's a New York promoter getting on board. A Jew bastard naturally. But he's on board, and he
thinks he can make it happen, and he starts looking into it, and he finds out that the government—your government, America—will not allow such a thing because it owns the land on the canyon rims or some shit, and so the New York promoter, the flesh peddler, keeps after it, won't give up, and he finds another spot: the Snake River Canyon, right outside Twin Falls, Idaho. There's a farmer there who'll lease the land for the ramp and for the crowds. There'll be some permits to get, some locals to persuade, some dicks to suck, but the promoter is good at that, and pretty soon we're set to go.

The way in was money. He was gonna pay us $25,000 plus some of the gate. He had a plan to show the thing live in movie theaters, sell tickets all across the land. A man jumps a canyon! A mortal defies physics! And yet, that was not the way in. Money was the way in. Money—the notion of it, the idea of it, the magnetic force of it.

The promoter understood it and we understood it, and so we gathered in New York City, and he got a big cardboard check with a big fake number on it: $6 million. And he handed it to me, and from that moment on, it became truer than true, $6 million, in all the headlines and stories, and of course America would watch this, of course the country would turn its adoring gaze to us, obviously there was no way this could fail, because now this feat drank from the wells of death and money, and the wells of death and money are magic.

THE FEDERAL
MEN
July 26, 1953
S
HORT
C
REEK,
A
RIZONA

S
omething booms in the night. Three times. Explosions, far away. The echoes drift. Is it the Lord? Is it the enemy? Ruth is too warm, and kicks off the blanket. The booms are like dream noise. Like heaven noise, hell noise.

 • • • 

“Good morning, little birds,” Ruth's mother whispers. It is as dark as the closet with the door closed. “Come, come, little birds.” Her mother is a shape of darkness inside other darkness, leaning over Ruth's younger sisters in their bed. And now she is moving toward Ruth, leaning over, a light hand on her shoulder. “Come quickly, Ruth. I need you to get Alma and Sarah dressed and come downstairs.
Quickly
.”

 • • • 

Her father's beard is like a tree. Or a forest. Dense and thick at the roots, it spreads and lightens at the tips, where the light slips in.
When his jaw moves and he talks to the Lord, his face is a dense grove of slender autumn trees, rolling along as the earth heaves.

 • • • 

The entire family is here. Her father and her mother and her father's other wives—Aunt Olive and Aunt Desdemona and Aunt Eliza. All thirteen of her brothers and sisters. Her heavenly family. Ruth is eleven, the oldest among her mother's four children. They crowd on the chairs and on the benches of the long table and on the floor. Ruth sits in a chair, an arm around Alma and an arm around Sarah, and Alma hugs her stuffed doll with the hand-drawn face, and then their mother comes upon them from behind and enfolds them all in an embrace. The room is warm with still bodies, and silent.

 • • • 

Her father is praying, and Ruth peeks at him, watching his beard tremble. “And if today is the day of your son's return, O Lord, if this is the day the righteous have awaited, our Father in Heaven, then we ask you to find us worthy, though we know we are not worthy, though we know we are sinners, we ask that you forgive us our sins and take us up, lift us up.”

Is that what today is? Ruth presses her eyes closed. Somewhere outside of her, somewhere outside of this room, somewhere outside of the darkness that still covers this room, somewhere outside the visible world, she knows there is a force that opposes them. That opposes the righteous. But she does not understand what that force is. For days now, the grown-ups have been talking about the Federal Men. The Federal Men are being sent by the apostates, the false Mormons in Salt Lake, who are persecuting the true Saints
here in Short Creek. But now her father is talking about something else: The last days. The reckoning. The Second Coming. She holds her eyes closed as tightly as possible. Fear tingles and squirms around her heart. She should never have been peeking during the prayer. Inside of her father's prayer she begins her own silent prayer, begging the Lord's forgiveness for opening her eyes during her father's prayer. She is disobedient. She is headstrong. The grown-ups always say so
. Forgive me, O Lord.
She wants to close her eyes so tightly that it makes up for their opening.
Forgive me, O Lord, and I will
be your righteous servant eternally.
She feels it now throughout her body, a zing in the blood, a knowledge in the bones: it is the Second Coming. What if her family is raised up without her? What if she watches from below as they are saved, as she is swallowed up in the fire that will last a thousand years?

 • • • 

They walk to the schoolhouse, where other families wait, and where other families are still arriving. The grown-ups are dressed as if for church. The prophet stands in a circle of men, where her father also stands. Elden Johnson. Uncle Elden. He is shorter than the other men, but also taller, Ruth thinks. One eye is cloudy and one is clear. He wears his three-piece suit, his short white hair is neat, his mustache trim, and he smiles placidly. He speaks to God. God speaks to him.

Ruth's mother gives every older child someone to watch over. She is responsible for Sarah and Alma. “You watch them, little sister,” her mother says. “You don't let them out of your sight.” Every few minutes her stomach makes a noise that is audible to anyone nearby. She asks her mother, “What's going to happen?” and her mother says, “We don't know.”

 • • • 

Outside the darkness lifts, slow and gray. Inside the schoolhouse, they are singing hymns. “Arise, O Glorious Zion.” “Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel.” They pray silently. The grown-ups talk somberly, greet one another as if at church, and though there is a somber cloak around the day, there is something strangely joyous as well, and this puzzles Ruth, or it makes her fearful, because she believes it means they are anticipating the Second Coming with joy, feeling sure of their own righteousness in a way she is not. An eternity without her family, she thinks. An eternity of her own reward.

A shout comes from outside, and then Brother Miller is scuffling into the schoolhouse. “They're coming down Partham Road,” she hears him tell the prophet and the brethren who surround him. “Eight or nine cars.” The Federal Men, she thinks. The Federal Men. She does not know what that means exactly. She knows what
federal
means, and she knows they are from the government, and she knows they are coming because the apostates are sending them or controlling them—but she has no idea what they might do, what she should fear. Outside, the sun is low and stretched, and Ruth wonders if it is already beginning, the Second Coming, if the sun is coming apart or moving away or approaching. Her stomach makes the noise and she feels as if her body were outside of her now. As if she were hiding inside of it, separate from it. One hot squirt of urine dampens her underwear, and she rubs her legs together to soak it into her clothing.

 • • • 

The families walk out into the street. They cluster and sing. The cars of the Federal Men creep slowly toward them, and Uncle Elden stands in front of the group, watches them come. Alma and Sarah
stand at Ruth's sides, her hands on their shoulders. When the cars get close, Ruth sees that one of them has a sign on the door:
ARIZONA STATE POLICE
. She knows the difference between state and federal. She learned it just last month, in her civics class at the Hurricane school. She wonders why the state police are here if these are the Federal Men, and she wonders why everyone says “the Federal Men” if it's actually the state police. A man in a brown uniform with a star over his heart climbs from the car, hitches his belt upward against his belly, and begins to squawk through a bullhorn. Alma begins to cry. Ruth holds her closer, shushes her, but her eyes sting with tears, too.

 • • • 

The men line up, hands behind their backs, ready to be handcuffed. The prophet is speaking to the Saints, telling them to put their trust in the Lord. “See what the world calls brave men,” he says to the Federal Men. “You are cowards to come down so upon us.” He stands there in his three-piece suit, neat, trim, hands locked behind his back, the man who speaks to God. Ruth's father is near him, Ruth's father is looking at Ruth's mother, communicating something urgent by eyesight, and then one of the Federal Men comes behind him and begins to move Ruth's father away, directing him by his locked hands as if guiding a boat with a tiller. His face clenches furiously. Ruth sees him close his eyes, close his whole face against it all, weaker than the thing that is crushing him, weaker than she has ever seen him.

 • • • 

They take all the fathers away. The mothers weep and plead, and the Federal Men hush them, and gently hold them back while they
take all the fathers away. Someone is following the Federal Men as they take all the fathers away, shooting photographs with a large camera that hangs heavily around his neck. The man chews gum. Ruth watches him as he aims his camera at Sister Taft, her children huddled around her on the bench outside the school, the man with the camera moving, crouching, training his lens on Sister Taft and her children, flash popping, and as the last of the men is taken away, someone begins to wail sharply, a sound rising above a smaller sound, a lower sound, the sound of children crying all around her, crying quietly beneath the one piercing wail. Ruth's stomach never stops making the noise now. Something is alive inside her, and her outside feels dead. Her mother comes to her, face tight, and Ruth wonders if she knows, too, that this is the Second Coming, and her mother kneels before Ruth and wraps little Sarah in a hug, and that's when Ruth notices that the wailing has been coming from her little sister all along.

 • • • 

Then they take the mothers away. The children go into the school. The room is too small for all the children. They pack together. Ruth feels the heat of the children around her, but she does not look at them or talk to them or think about them. She stares at the shirt in front of her, at one fraying thread of a boy's shirt, and she keeps one hand on the shoulder of Sarah and one on the shoulder of Alma. Someone is smoking, a foul odor. Three of the Federal Men and two women who look like worldly schoolteachers are looking at the children and conferring with a man who is sitting at the teacher's desk. The man makes some marks, and the woman escorts a few children from the room, and they start again.

 • • • 

Did the fathers and mothers go up into heaven?

 • • • 

They take the children away in twos and threes. The brothers and sisters are crying. Ruth watches silently, and Sarah and Alma watch silently, and Ruth stares at the chalkboard, stares at the leftover sentence on the board, written in cursive:
Why does the man run?
Brothers argue and sisters argue, but they are taking the children away in twos and threes.
Why does the man run?
A remnant of a lesson. Ruth thinks there must be an answer. She thinks that if she stays very still, maybe this won't be happening. When the women and the Federal Men finally get to Ruth's family, they begin to take her brothers and sisters away.

 • • • 

“All right, then.” One of the women is smiling, smiling at Ruth, and then smiling at Sarah, and then smiling at Alma, and then smiling again at Ruth. Sarah and Alma are trying to hide inside of Ruth. “Why don't you two come with me for a bit?” Ruth shakes her head, and wraps each arm more tightly around her sisters.

The Federal Man watches. The man with the camera is back, leaning against the wall. He chews gum. The Federal Man whispers something to him and he smiles.

Ruth can't figure this out. Did the fathers and mothers rise up to heaven? Did all of the children stay behind?
Why does the man run?

The woman wears pointy glasses and her hair seems sculpted into a wavy bun. She smells of fancy lotion. “Come on now,” she
says, trying to carve the children away from Ruth's side with her hands, gently, gently, viciously. “It's okay. You two come with me.”

Ruth holds tight. She says, “No.” The word is like a lump of food she needs to spit out. The woman doesn't stop. The Federal Man says, “You'll be all right, girls,” and Ruth manages to spit out the lump more forcefully: “No!” She wonders if she can hold her sisters tightly enough.

The woman and the Federal Man stop, but do not retreat. The woman's hands are still touching Alma and Sarah, still resting on their shoulders, still poised to reach in and carve them away from Ruth.

“No,” Ruth says, and then she says it again. “No.”

She stares at them. These people. She prays for the Lord to stop them. To kill them. She asks for that, for the Lord to kill them. She asks that this not be the Second Coming. She says, very quietly, “No, no, no, no, no.”

 • • • 

In the home of the man and the woman whose name she cannot remember, Ruth sits on a sofa with her sisters. They are together, at least. Ruth's mind keeps softening, drifting. Sarah and Alma sit beside her, legs straight before them, faces wrung white. Ruth wants to tell them to pull inside of themselves—she thinks of a turtle. She wants to tell Sarah and Alma to pull inside of themselves and just stay there. Ignore everything outside the shell. Just stay in there and wait. But the man and the woman whose name she cannot remember are sitting there, one in each chair, the chairs that match the sofa, the chairs and the sofa clean and new and fancy, like everything in the house. Carpet runs to the walls and tucks itself in like a made bed. There is cut glass on the cupboard doors,
and teacups inside. The woman whose name Ruth cannot remember is saying something Ruth cannot keep track of, in tones that are sweet and pretty and false. Ruth cannot focus on her words, but now the woman seems to be waiting for something. They are together, at least. If only she could tell them, if only she could find a way to let them know:
Pull inside, sisters. Pull inside and wait
. The woman is kneeling down in front of the chair that matches the sofa, and Ruth thinks she is going to pray now, and Ruth thinks she should not pray with these people, that praying with these people would be a sin, probably, but then she realizes that the woman wants to give them a hug, then she realizes that one of her sisters is crying again. Which one is crying? Alma is crying. Ruth wants to tell her—
Pull inside and wait
—but she can't. The woman is kneeling there, and she is saying something softly, and her arms are open, and she smells like lotion, and Alma is crying, and Ruth wants to tell her but she can't, so she just says, “Go ahead,” because it doesn't
matter.

BOOK: Daredevils
11.88Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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