Death by Misadventure: 210 Dumb Ways to Die (3 page)

46. Stupidity Insurance.
A life
insurance periodical reported on the case of a Tennessee man who
got drunk and froze to death under a pile of snow in February 1981.
The man’s insurance company refused to pay his family the $1000
death benefit provided by his insurance policy. The company argued
that the man's death was not an accident and that he voluntarily
exposed himself to the cold weather. The Tennessee courts, however,
ordered the company to pay the benefits, with interest, concluding
that if the man went, "to sleep or became intoxicated while the
weather was safely mild... the cause of death was... the sudden and
unexpected change in the weather," and not the man’s
fault.
Best's Review, October
1986

47. Designated Roadkill.
Underage drinker, Phillip Birch, 19, was too drunk to drive
his pickup from Little Rock to his home in Mayflower, Arkansas. His
blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit in that
state. Instead of driving, Birch rode in the truck's bed. While on
the highway, the truck hit a bump, tossing Birch onto the highway
where he was run over by an 18 wheel transport truck. A member
of the local district attorney's office doubted that anyone would
be prosecuted in Birch's death, "I wish we could blame somebody
other than this poor deceased boy... but he just drank too much...
he made some poor choices."
Commercial
Appeal (Memphis), November 25, 1995

48. Huff, No Puff.
Police
believe that 35 year old movie theatre janitor, Bill
Rhodes, died from "huffing", or sniffing chemicals. Co workers
found Rhodes with a bag over his head, which also contained a rag
smelling of some sort of chemical. The case was unusual because of
Rhodes' age. Huffing is more common among younger people looking
for a cheap "high." Sniffing chemicals causes hallucinations, and
brain damage, by disturbing the oxygen balance in the
brain.
Charlotte Observer, June 9,
1995

49. Just Say No to NO
²
.
Four young adults, 2 men and 2 women, aged 18 to 20, killed
themselves trying to get high from nitrous oxide, or laughing gas.
Their bodies were found in a small dental storage room with an
empty tank of the anaesthetic. They had suffocated from a lack of
oxygen.
Saint Paul Pioneer Press,
August 9, 1988

50. Ernest & Junius.
Junius
Huggins, 67, bled to death from an accidental cut by a wine bottle.
Investigating police found 6,100 other bottles of home made wine on
Huggins' property in a building spray painted with biblical verses.
Pieces of an illegal distillery were also found but there was no
evidence that Huggins was actually selling the stockpile of wine.
According to the investigating officer, Huggins activities were
suspicious, "But he's dead. There's not a whole lot of need for me
to pursue it."
Charlotte Observer,
April 17, 1990

Deathstyles of the Rich and
Famous

51. Killer Carpet.
Millionaire,
Virginia Mayes, 76, drowned in shag carpeting. The wealthy and
reclusive widow apparently fainted getting out of bed in the middle
of the night and collapsed face down in her carpeting. Mayes' fall
was not heard by her two servants also asleep in the mansion. The
medical examiner ruled the death, "postural asphyxia... an asphyxia
related to a position of the victim's
body."
Miami Herald, June 12,
1983

52. Cigar Warning.
Comedian,
Ernie Kovacs, 42, died in a late night car accident in 1962. Kovacs
had several drinks at a party held at director Billy Wilder’s house
when he decided to drive himself home. Authorities believe that
Kovacs lost control of the car while trying to light a cigar.
Kovacs died from mortal head and chest injuries, his body was found
hanging out the open passenger door, an unlit cigar near his right
hand.
Dead before their time,
1996

53. Miserly Misery.
Two
eccentric elderly sisters died in their Florida home after refusing
to buy heating oil. When social workers complained that their
delivered meals remained on the sisters’ porch untouched for two
days, Police forced their way into the women's ramshackle
two story house. Charlotte Robenstein, 83, her older sister,
Marion Seelig, and their cat all died of some combination of
exposure, pneumonia and malnutrition. The bodies were found amid
dusty piles and boxes of cash and valuables estimated to be worth
between 20 and 50 thousand dollars.
Miami Herald, December 3, 1982

54. Dumbster.
The crushed body
of Douglas Beatty, 36, a drifter, was found in a Pennsylvania
landfill site. It seems he went to sleep in a dumpster one spring
evening and was accidentally processed like common refuse. Beatty’s
family had been trying to locate him for 9 years to tell him that
he had inherited several thousand dollars.
Philadelphia Daily News, May 30, 1990

55. Hunk Flunk.
In 1984,
Jon-Erik Hexum was at the apex of his short career as the star
of
Cover Up
, a TV
show about international espionage and intrigue. The 26-year-old
Hexum played a Green Beret turned spy that traveled the world as a
male model. Hexum killed himself with a .44 magnum loaded with
blanks. Reportedly, he held the gun to his head and joked, “Let’s
see if I got one for me.” The blast sent a piece of skull into
Hexum’s brain. Doctors declared Hexum brain-dead six days later and
his family donated the young star’s organs for
transplant.
Dead before their time,
1996

56. Maestro Miscue.
Jean-Baptiste Lully (1632- 1687) was the “Music Master to the
Royal Family” in Louis XIV’s France. He died as the result of an
injury he sustained while conducting an orchestra. He accidentally
stabbed himself in the toe with the end his conductor’s staff.
Lully did not show the wound to doctors until gangrene had set in
and then refused to let the doctors amputate his toe. When the
gangrene had spread through his leg, he again refused a life-saving
amputation and died a few weeks later.
They went that-a-way..., 1988

57. B-Movie Death.
Actress,
Maria Montez, 31, moved from the Dominican Republic to the United
States to become a star. After two dozen forgettable “B” pictures,
Maria is better known for her unusual weight reduction regime and
its tragic results. To keep her weight below 125 pounds, Maria took
3-hour baths daily in steaming hot water and reducing salts. On
September 7, 1951, the young actress drowned after suffering a
heart attack caused by the heat of the
bath.
They went that-a-way...,
1988

58. Fatal Hide-and-Seek.
Primula
(Primmie) Niven (1918-1946) had only been in Hollywood a month when
she was killed by the town’s hi-jinks. Primmie and her movie star
husband, David Niven, had just moved from their native England and
were enjoying the hospitality at a party hosted by Tyrone Power.
The guests were playing a game called, “sardines”, where one person
hides, the lights are turned out, and the others must find and join
the hidden person until only one seeker is left. Primmie mistook
the door to the basement for a closet and fell down the stairs. She
died the next day from the resulting head
injuries.
They went that-a-way...,
1988

59. Cleric-al Error.
Controversial Episcopal Bishop, James Pike (1913-1969), died
trying to retrace the steps of Jesus of Nazareth. The Bishop and
his wife were determined to pray in the wilderness between
Bethlehem and the Dead Sea where they believed Jesus was tempted by
the devil. They did not follow a road and did not bring water
despite the ruggedness of the terrain and the high temperature (100
F). Their car got stuck in late afternoon and Pike soon collapsed
from exhaustion. Pike’s much younger wife pushed on and found a
work camp early the next morning. Army search teams looked for the
Bishop for six days before finding his body in a kneeling position
at the bottom of a 70 foot cliff. Authorities believed he had
fallen trying to climb the cliff some 3 or 4 days
earlier.
They went that-a-way...,
1988

60. No! Minister.
Conservative
Member of the British Parliament, Stephen Milligan, 45, enjoyed
masturbating while suffocating himself with a plastic bag. The
politician was found dead on his kitchen floor in lady's underwear,
with a plastic bag over his head and tied around his neck. The
coroner and police found no evidence of suicide or foul
play.
Agence France Presse, March 22,
1994

61. The Dying Wallendas
.
Karl Wallenda (1905-1978) vowed to continue the family’s high wire
tradition after two members were killed and one paralyzed during a
performance in Detroit in 1961. In 1972, another member of the
troupe was electrocuted to death in West Virginia. On March 22,
1978, Wallenda fell to his own death during a walk between two
hotel towers in Puerto Rico. Wallenda’s descendants continue to
perform death defying high wire circus acts in fulfillment of
Karl’s motto, “The dead are gone and the show must go
on.”
They went that-a-way...,
1988

62. Gone in 60 Seconds.
Film
producer and director, Toby Halicki, 48, was killed during the
making of the sequel to his 1974 car chase movie,
Gone in Sixty Seconds
.
Halicki was directing the film's climax, which called for the
toppling of a water tower. But the tower fell too early and Halicki
was hit by a utility pole that was pulled down by the falling
tower. Halicki was pronounced dead on arrival at a nearby hospital
in Tonawanda, New York.
Reuters,
August 21, 1989

63. Eraserhead II: The Donut Shop.
Actor, Jack Nance, 53, was best known for his role as the star
of the 1978 classic cult film,
Eraserhead
. Nance also appeared in
other David Lynch productions including the television
series,
Twin Peaks
.
Nance died within one day of instigating a fight with two young men
at a Pasadena donut shop. Nance was punched a number of times in
the head during the altercation but apparently did not seek any
medical attention. David Lynch commented that his friend was in bad
physical shape but when, "people irritated Jack... he'd be verbally
abusive... Jack always said he wouldn't be too hard to
kill."
Los Angeles Times, January 4,
1997

64. Playwrong.
Tennessee
Williams (1912   1983), the brilliant and passionate American
playwright became quite dependent on prescription drugs in his
later years. He apparently died after playing with a pill bottle
cap in his mouth. He inadvertently swallowed the cap and choked to
death in his Manhattan apartment.
Miami Herald, March 10, 1983

Love & Paraphilia

65. Always Wear a Helmet.
Seventeen year old, Joseph McNulty Jr., an aspiring
race car driver, ended his racing career before it really got
started. The high school senior suffered fatal head injuries when
he leaned out of a school bus to talk to a girl. McNulty's head hit
a telephone pole as the bus was pulling away from Bay Shore High
School on Long Island, New York.
Newsday, May 3, 1996

66. Love Potion.
Gail Buscher,
43, of Lakeworth, Florida, died after using an unregulated
aphrodisiac she and her boyfriend bought at an adult bookstore. The
solution is not regulated because it is not sold as a drug but as
an "incense" or "room odorizer." These commonly available products
contain isobutyl nitrite. This poison creates a high by dilating
blood vessels and increasing the heart rate. A spokesperson for the
Florida Poison Control Centre explained, "It's very dangerous.
People don't realize that the high feeling they're getting is
because they're depriving themselves of oxygen." The mother of
three expired after spending three days in a
coma.
Associated Press, April 17,
1985

67. Play It Again, Jimmy.
Jimmy
"The Beard" Ferrozo, 40, an assistant manager at a Miami strip
club, was crushed to death between a naked dancer and the club's
ceiling. Ferrozo was having a few drinks with a
23 year old dancer after closing when one thing lead to
another and the two found themselves on top of the club's piano.
The piano was on a hydraulic lift system used in the opening of
another dancer's routine. The life of Ferrozo’s companion was saved
by the few inches of space provided by Ferrozo's body. According to
police, the young dancer, "was so intoxicated... she just remembers
waking up and being pinned on the piano."
Miami Herald, November 24, 1983

68. Deadly Romance.
After a few drinks, Renee Brown, 37, thought it would be fun to
surprise her boyfriend by arriving in the middle of the night
wearing only her nightgown. On the way over, Renee slipped and
knocked herself unconscious. Misfortune turned to tragedy because
Brown lived in Minnesota and was walking barefoot in February.
Brown’s frozen body was discovered by her children’s baby sitter.
The overnight temperature had dipped to minus 23
degrees.
Saint Paul Pioneer Press,
February 3, 1994

69. Rio Frio.
Although it is common for people to gain illegal entry to the
United States by swimming across the Rio Grande, swimming is a much
less common means of slipping across the country’s northern border.
A love struck Enrique Mendoza, 24, drowned trying to swim the 500
metres between Canadian and American islands in the frigid waters
of St. Mary’s River between Ontario and Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.
The water temperature was barely above freezing. Detroit police
said that this was Mendoza’s second attempt to be reunited with a
Minnesota woman he met while she was on vacation in Mexico. Mendoza
was turned back previously when the couple tried to cross the
bridge between Windsor and Detroit.
Toronto Star, May 26, 1997