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Authors: Melissa Toppen

Embrace (2 page)

BOOK: Embrace
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Even though I am ecstatic about my gift from Alec, I can't help but feel disappointed as well. A part of me really wanted it to be from Zayne. I know that sounds petty and stupid but isn't that how it's supposed to be?

             
I want him to do something, anything. I want him to fight for me. I want to know that I am worth fighting for. And while his constant presence at
Vitos
stirs a hope in me, it's not enough. I don't want him to just show up night after night and then just disappear again.

             
I want him to walk up on that stage and tell me that he can't live another moment without me in his arms. I want him to tell me he loves me and that any risk is worth taking if it means he gets me. I want all of this and yet I want none of it at all.

             
I don't want the constant fear or doubt. The worry or the heartache that will follow me everywhere I go. The only real question is which is worse; wanting something from him that he can not give or getting something from him that I can not take?

             
Either way, we both lose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two

 

 

 

              “Gracie. Gracie get up.” I hear Emma whine as she shakes my body that is curled under a mountain of covers. I groan out, swatting her away with my hand before rolling onto my side.

             
“Come on Grace. It's nearly noon and like it or not, you owe me a day.” She pouts, the bed shifting under her weight as she plops down next to me.

             
Feeling overly guilty for being such a neglectful friend, I give in and roll back over, prying one eye open to peer up at her. “Fine.” I sigh out, successfully prying the second eye open. “What did you have in mind?” I ask, pushing the covers down to my waist and stretching my arms above my head.

             
“Well since this is my only day off this week, I thought maybe we could go shopping or something. There's some awesome boutiques around the city that I have been dying to check out.” She gives me a wide smile, knowing she will need to butter me up to get me to agree to a shopping trip.

             
Feeling like I owe her one, I opt to not give her a hard time and quickly agree. “That sounds great. Maybe we could see if Alec is free to do a late lunch while we're out.” I suggest, not missing the flicker of dislike that crosses her features for only a fraction of a second.

             
“No offense to Alec but I was hoping we could just do a girls day..... I mean if that's okay?” She asks, picking at her fingernail and not meeting my gaze.

             
Something about her reaction seems off but I try not to think too much of it. Usually Em would jump at the chance to see Alec. “Okay.” I say, pushing myself into a sitting position.

             
“I will see if he's free tomorrow. No biggie.” I say on a shrug. “I just wanted to thank him in person.” I say, leaning over and retrieving the concert tickets from my night stand. “He sent me these yesterday.” I hold the tickets out to her.

             
She takes them from me and then her eyes widen as she realizes what they are. “Oh my god Grace.” She breathes out. “These are amazing. I can't believe he got them for you.” She says, handing the tickets back to me.

             
“I know. I am so freaking excited.” I squeal, taking another long look at the tickets before sitting them back onto my night stand. “Do you think you will be able to go with me?” I ask, knowing that it's very unlikely with her schedule right now.

             
“I wish I could but I am ninety-nine percent sure that I have a show that night.” She says, giving me an apologetic smile.

             
“No worries.” I say on a shrug. “I know you're not a fan anyways. Worst case, I'll drag Carver out with me. I have barely seen him since we've been here. Does the man do anything other than work and sleep?”

             
“It doesn't seem like it.” She laughs.

             
“Is he still seeing the girl from the club?” I ask, pushing myself out of my bed and crossing the room to my closet to find something to wear.

             
“I don't think so. Apparently she is crazy jealous and the fact that he has two female roommates did not go over well with her.” Emma says, turning her position to face me.

             
“Well that sucks. She should have at least met us before deciding if it was worth freaking out over or not.” I say, pulling a pair of jeans and tank out of the closet and tossing them on the edge of my bed.

             
“Yeah right. With the way you and Carver act, she probably would have clawed your eyeballs out in the first five minutes of meeting you.” Emma laughs, standing to make her way towards the door.

             
“I'm gonna go change and then we can head out.” She says, exiting the room after getting a nod of acceptance from me.

             
Deciding that a lazy shopping day with Em does not merit a shower, I dress quickly and then head to the bathroom to freshen up and brush my teeth. By the time I enter the living room, Em is ready and waiting for me. Dressed in a casual floral sundress and strappy sandals, her brown hair pinned back in a sleek ponytail, she looks amazing per usual.

             
Damn her and her need to always look so perfect. She has a way of making even the simplest outfit stand out in a crowd. Especially standing next to me in tattered jeans and a red tank, my long waves tied up in a messy knot.

             
“Um, should I change?” I ask, gesturing between her outfit and mine.

             
“Don't be ridiculous. You look great.” She says, grabbing her purse from the kitchen counter and heading towards the door. I shove my cell phone and credit card in my back pocket and follow her out of the apartment and down the stairs.

             
After three hours of following Emma around the city, I am more than a little relieved when she suggests that we grab a bite to eat. Settling at a patio table at
Robyn's Cafe
, I am flipping through the menu when I hear Em take a deep inhale.

             
Glancing up, I notice immediately that something is off and quickly follow her line of sight. It isn't until I spot a man and a woman walking down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street that I realize why she is so bothered.

             
I know without even being able to make out his face that it's Zayne. There is no mistaking his body, the way he walks, the way he carries himself with such confidence. He's dressed casually in jeans and a white t-shirt and has his arm linked with a tall blonde that looks like she just stepped out of a Victoria Secret catalog.

             
Her long hair bounces behind her as she walks, a knee length casual dress accenting her perfect curves. I watch her face light up when Zayne speaks to her and I don't miss the smile turning up the corners of his mouth as he turns towards her, giving me a perfect view of his face.

             
He leans down and whispers something in her ear and I can see her shoulders rise and fall with laughter. Trying to fight the venom rising in my throat, I swallow hard and try to force myself to look away.

             
“What a jackass.” I hear Emma say, but I still can't tear my eyes away from the moment unfolding in front of me.

             
Zayne says something else to the woman and then smiles widely at her before relinking their arms and leading her a little further down the sidewalk and then around a corner, where they both disappear from view.

             
Turning back towards Em, I find her staring at me intently, a look of disgust plastered across her pretty face. I don't have a chance to comment as the waiter appears to take our order and I can tell that Emma is dying to say her piece by the time he walks away.

             
“Just say it.” I sigh out, fidgeting with the wrapper to my straw. “I am an absolute idiot for ever getting involved with him.... Yeah, tell me something I don't already know.” I fight back the angry tears welling behind my eyes and finally look at my friend.

             
“Actually I was going to say that he is an idiot for ever letting
you
go.” She says, reaching across the table to pat my hand.

             
“You are the most amazing and caring person that I know. Don't let someone like him make you doubt your own worth.” She says, giving me an encouraging smile.

             
“Thanks Em. I appreciate that, I really do. But can we please talk about something else?” I ask, wanting desperately to just erase the last five minutes.

             
It would figure that once again, in a city this large, that the one person I would see is the only person that I don't want to. I just don't understand how this keeps happening to me. Again, I must have seriously pissed someone off upstairs or something.

             
“What do you want to talk about?” She asks, plastering on a bright smile like nothing out of the ordinary just happened.

             
“Wicked. Tell me all about it. How does it feel to perform on a stage in New York? Are there any hot guys?” This is all it takes and within seconds Emma is filling me in on every little thing about her new job.

             
Apparently cute guys are in not in short supply in the theater world. It would figure too. Seems like some people get it all. Looks, talent, confidence. While others, like me, seem to have gotten the short end of the stick.

             
Emma drags me around to a few more shops before we finally call it a day. While I tried desperately to not let Zayne's appearance with another mystery woman ruin my day with Em, I can't deny that it did put quite a damper on our outing.

             
I couldn't keep my mind from wondering about who the woman was, what she was to Zayne, or what exactly they had been doing since they disappeared around that corner all those hours ago.

             
Now, sitting on the edge of my bed, cell phone in hand, it takes everything I have not to call him and give him a piece of my mind. Problem is, I have no right to. I walked away from him, what did I expect?

             
I know that ending things with him was necessary. I am not foolish enough to believe that what we had could actually mean something real to him or even last for that matter. I mean, how successful can a relationship be when it's forced to be kept secret? And what kind of future could that be for the parties involved?

             
A part of me really wants to come clean to Alec. To go to him and just confess that I am in love with his best friend and that I don't know what to do about it but everyday without him leaves me feeling more lost and alone than I have the strength to get through.

             
Then the excuses would be gone. Zayne wouldn't have Alec as a crutch anymore. He would be free to decide if he truly wants to be with me or if me walking away was exactly the right move.

             
But then where would that leave his relationship with Alec? And would it be worth the irreversible damage it would do to their friendship when the the likelihood is that it would never work between us?

             
Even if Zayne came for me or confessed everything to Alec, would I be able to open myself up enough to let him in? Or would I simply shut him out the way I already have?

             
“Grace.” I hear Carver's voice through the door and a light knock sound against the wood.

             
“Come in.” My voice comes out broken and I try to compose myself as to not let Carv see that I am upset.

             
The door creaks open and Carver steps inside. His tall, lean torso covered in athletic shorts and a black t-shirt. He crosses the distance of the room in three long strides and plops down on the bed next to me.

             
“I wanted to see if you wanted to order pizza.” He says, pausing to look at me. “Everything okay?” He asks, nudging my shoulder with his.

             
I don't know why but that one question partnered with the way he spoke it, so kind and gentle, breaks the thin line holding my emotions together.

             
Without a word, a sob rips from my throat and tears begin to fall rapidly down my face. “Grace.... What.... Are you okay?” Carver stumbles out, clearly shocked by my unexpected breakdown.

             
Carver has never seen me get emotional like this and even through my sobs, I can tell that he is unsure as to what he should do.

             
“I hate him.” I sob out, for the first time not trying to hold my emotions in. I don't care that Carver is witnessing my breakdown or that Em is in the next room over and could walk in at any moment and find me a heaping mess of tears.

             
I don't care about anything right now except the overwhelming feeling of loss and the absence of Zayne in my life. I don't care that I have only myself to blame or that this pain is one hundred percent self inflicted.

             
None of that matters, nor does it change a thing. Regardless of how I ended up here, the point is that I'm here. That no matter how much I tell myself that I am okay, the truth remains that I am not. I am not okay because I am too afraid to let myself be.

             
“I can't lose him Carver. I can't lose him.” I say, leaning forward and dropping my face into my hands. Within seconds I feel his arms close around me, pulling me into his chest.

             
“Gracie what are you talking about?” He asks, squeezing me tightly as my sobs shake through my entire body. “You're scaring me Grace. Talk to me.” Carver pleads, pulling back to look at my face.

             
He wipes away my tears with his thumbs and then lifts my face upwards to meet his. “It's him isn't it? The guy from that day out front. Zayne?” He questions, wiping away another tear that escapes my eye.

BOOK: Embrace
11.23Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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