Embrace (3 page)

             
I nod, taking a couple of deep breathes trying to calm myself. Suddenly the reality of the situation kicks in and I feel myself closing down. Pushing away from Carver, I wipe my face on the bottom of my tank and quickly stand.

             
“No. It's nothing. I'm sorry Carv. I've just been really stressed out here recently and I guess I just had a mental breakdown for a moment there.” I say, turning to give him an apologetic smile.

             
“Grace don't.” Carver says, grabbing my hand when I attempt to walk away. “Don't shut me out.” He pleads, standing and pulling me to him.

             
“I love you Grace. You are my best friend and I love you. Let me be here for you.” He says into my hair, wrapping tightly around my shoulders and engulfing me in his arms. “It's okay to not be okay sometimes. We all have our breaking points.”

             
His words only cause more tears to come. Mainly because he is right but also because I have realized my fatal mistake. It doesn't matter how much I push people away or shut them out. At the end of the day it doesn't change how much I love them or how much it would hurt to lose them.

             
I spend the remainder of the night in Carver's arms. He doesn't judge me or give me a hard time about Zayne. Instead he just listens. He listens to every detail of what brought me and Zayne to this point and just when I feel like he could think no less of me, he offers me the comfort and the reassurance that only a true friend could.

             
He doesn't tell me that I am an idiot or that everything will work out in the end. Instead he asks me one question and in that one question he's asking so much more.

             
“Is he worth it?”

             
Honestly I don't know at first. Is Zayne worth the risk? Would it be better to love and then lose when you're loving a person like him? Can I overcome my past enough to allow myself to truly love and be loved in return? Can I take the risk of letting Zayne in only to realize that I am not strong enough and end up pushing him away again?

             
In the end, the answer doesn't change. I know with one hundred percent certainty that a life like this is no life at all. I want to laugh and love, hurt and heal, experience the good moments along with the bad. And even cry myself to sleep in the arms of my best friend when the pain feels too great to bare.

             
I want to live.

             
“Yes.” I whisper into the darkness. “He is worth it.”

             
And he is. He is worth all of it and so much more. But this doesn't have to do with just Zayne. It has to do with Emma and Carver, Becca and Jake, my mom and Ian and Alec. It has to do with everyone in this world that I care about. But most importantly it has to do with me.....

Chapter Three

             
“I just don't understand how you can eat that.” I turn my nose up at the Sushi that Alec seems to be thoroughly enjoying.

             
“You picked this place.” He reminds me, taking another bite of the raw fish and rolling his eyes at my disgusted expression.

             
I look around the small Japanese restaurant that resides just two blocks from Alec's office. I have never been to a place like this before. Long white tables with low sitting chairs, nothing but blacks and whites decorating the space.

             
“I did, but in my defense, I had no idea that raw fish was the featured course.” I remind him, taking a bite of my salad.

             
He smiles at me from across our small two person table and shakes his head. “I forget how little you actually know about New York.”

             
“You mean how little I actually know about anything.” I reply dryly.

             
“I didn't say that.” He argues, wiping his mouth with his napkin and laying it back into his lap. “Besides, experiencing New York for the first time is always the best. Each day you find new things to discover. I remember when me and Zayne first got here. I felt like I was living in some alternate universe for a good year.”

             
My heart rate quickens at the mention of Zayne's name and I have to mentally force myself not to show any reaction.

             
“Yeah, I'm there.” I agree. “I don't think I could do it without Em though.”

             
“Having someone with you that you know you can trust and depend on is always a good thing. If not for Zayne, who knows where I would be today.” He says, brushing a lock of hair across his forehead.

             
“You two seem very close.” I comment casually. Trying not to be obvious that I am purposely fishing for information, I can't help but seize the opportunity to push the conversation further.

             
“You seem confused by that.” He says on a small laugh.

             
“Well I was at first. I mean, he seems so closed off and serious all the time. But after I really thought about it, it makes sense. You are kind of that way too. I just don't think I ever really thought much of it because you're my brother and I've known you my whole life.” I say on a shrug.

             
He nods. “I know he may not seem like it, but Zayne is a very caring person. He has shown me on many different occasions the sacrifices he will make for the people he loves. He's been through a lot though and he doesn't let people in easily.”

             
The direction of the conversation has me literally sitting on the edge of my seat. I want so badly to bombard Alec with questions about Zayne, but knowing that I can't, I approach it like I am just simply curious and not dying to know everything there is to know about the man.

             
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to keep the question as casual as possible.

             
“It's not my story to tell baby girl.” He replies with his signature line.

             
While the answer frustrates me, I can't help but appreciate Alec's ability to stay away from talking about other people's business. It's a quality I wished I possessed myself. Problem is, I am way too nosy.

             
“Well what about you then?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. He raises his eyebrows, clearly not understanding my question.

             
“You said you wouldn't know where you would be today without him. What did you mean by that?” I ask, hoping that I can continue the conversation without being overly obvious.

             
“I'm not getting into that with you Gracie.”

             
“Why? Because I am too innocent? Because you think I don't know anything about anything?” I lean back in my chair and lock my gaze on my oldest brother.

             
For all the things I love about Alec, there are just as many things about him that drive me absolutely insane. Treating me like I never made it past the fifth grade is at the top of that list.

             
“I appreciate you always trying to protect me but damn it Alec, I am not a child. Stop trying to shelter me from everything.” I say, holding firm.

             
“Fair enough.” He says, resting his elbows on the table in front of him and letting out a long sigh. “When we first arrived in New York, I got a little swept up in the night life. I ended up getting caught up in the wrong crowd and before I knew it, I was being tied to some pretty hefty criminal charges.”

             
“No, I'm not giving you any details.” He says, acknowledging the shocked look on my face. “I didn't do anything wrong but I quickly learned that sometimes you are just simply guilty by association. Anyways.....” He says, straightening in his chair.

             
“Zayne found a way to clear my name and at no small expense of his own. Ultimately he had to turn to his dad for help. You don't know anything about his family but I'll just tell you that turning to his dad for help definitely did not bode well for him with his mother. In fact, they have been somewhat on the outs ever since then.”

             
This news strikes me as odd considering Zayne never mentioned that he and his mother were having issues. I mean, I know all about the rift between his parents, I just didn't realize that the rift extended to him as well.

             
“So let's just say that when push came to shove, Zayne showed me that I truly can count on him no matter what the situation.” He says, signaling the waiter for the check.

             
“You're really not going to tell me what actually happened?” I ask, staring at him in disbelief.

             
“You know enough to get the jist.” He says, handing the waiter his credit card when he approaches our table, not even bothering to look at the bill.

             
“You're impossible you know that?” I laugh, shaking my head at him.

             
“Last time I checked, you take after your oldest brother more than you realize.” He jokes back.

             
“I guess you're right. Not that I'm complaining though. If I have to be like someone, I guess I should be glad it's you.” I say sarcastically, a large smile across my face.

             
After the waiter returns with Alec's credit card, he grabs his suit jacket from the back of his chair and leads me out onto the busy sidewalk. We make small talk as we walk back towards
Fredrick Tower
, having parked my car in their parking garage.

             
As much as I want to steer the conversation back towards Zayne, I refrain, knowing that it will raise some major red flags for Alec if I do.

             
Pulling his suit jacket back on and straightening his tie, Alec turns to me just as we reach the entrance of his building.

             
“Thank you for joining me for lunch.” He says, pulling me into a tight hug before releasing me.

             
“I think it should be me thanking you.” I say on a laugh. “But you are welcome all the same.”

             
“Same time next week?” He asks.

             
“It's a date. Only this time, I think I'll let you choose the restaurant.” I say, holding my hand over my forehead to block the sun so that I can see his face.

             
“You got it.” He replies, nodding at me before heading up the stairs and disappearing inside of
Fredrick Tower
.

             
I reach my car in the side lot in the matter of minutes but realize immediately that I don't have my keys, having given them to Alec to hold for me on the walk over to the restaurant.

             
Pulling out my cell, I pull up Alec's number on my phone but then a voice coming from behind me halts my actions.

             
“Grace?” His voice comes out soft and questioning.

             
I turn to see Zayne standing just feet from me. His body draped in the sexiest suit I think I have ever seen. I can't stop my eyes from trailing the length of him, not missing how every inch of fabric seems to form to his body perfectly.

             
“What are you doing here?” He asks, seeming almost hopeful.

             
“I... I was having lunch with Alec.” I stutter out, still shaken up by his surprise appearance. I hadn't prepared myself to see him, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He does work here after all.

             
“I see.” He says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. “How are you?” He asks, his eyes meeting mine for the first time.

             
“Can we not do this Zayne?” I ask, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

             
“Do what?” He asks, his words coming out clipped.

             
“There's no need to stand here and have an awkward, forced conversation. You don't
have
to talk to me.” I say, glancing down to my phone and then back up to Zayne.

             
“I know I don't
have
to Grace. I want to. Why would you think I wouldn't?” He asks, taking a step towards me.

             
“Oh I don't know. The fact that you have shown up at
Vitos
on several occasions and haven't even looked at me, let alone spoken to me.” I say, not able to contain the hurt in my voice.

             
He shifts uncomfortably and then meets my eyes again. “I miss you Grace.” He says softly, his words barely audible.

             
I take a sharp inhale, not prepared for the onslaught of emotions that hit me full force at his words. Just as I open my mouth to respond, I catch sight of Alec quickly approaching.

             
“Hey.” I say to him, trying to casually warn Zayne of Alec's arrival.

             
“Zayne. Grace.” He says, nodding towards Zayne when he finally reaches us. “What's going on?” He asks.

             
“I was just saying hello.” Zayne responds first, his voice coming out even and casual.

             
“I was just about to call you.” I chime in. “I forgot to get my keys back from you.”

             
“Yeah I realized that when I got to my desk. Here you go.” He says, holding the keys out to me.

             
I step forward and retrieve them from him before turning my attention to Zayne. “It was good to see you again Zayne.” I say, nodding to him before turning back to Alec.

             
“Thanks again for lunch. I'll call you later.” I say, turning towards my car.

             
“Sounds good baby girl. Be careful.” I hear Alec say as I climb into the front seat.

             
I make it a point not to look back at Zayne but as I pull away and watch the two men disappear from my rear view mirror, I can't help but feel extremely disappointed that our conversation got interrupted when it did.

             
I can't be sure but it seemed like Zayne really wanted to talk and while I know that I should just let things be, I also know that doing so is much easier said then done.