Embrace (6 page)

Chapter Six

             
I can't believe I'm actually here, the
Mercury Lounge
in New York City. Visiting this venue has been a dream of mine for a very long time and I just can't grasp that it's finally a reality. I remember being fifteen years old and laying around my room reading articles about my favorite bands and how a good deal of them named this very location as their favorite place to play.

             
Kyle used to tease me relentlessly about my obsession with music magazines. I had this habit of cataloging all my must see bands in alphabetical order, which he would purposely mix up just to get a rise out of me. As much as it annoyed me back then, it's now one of my fondest memories of my time with him.

             
Over the years my list of places to visit has grown, but the
Mercury Lounge
has remained in the top five through it all. What's even more amazing is the band I am here to see. A band whose music has seen me through some of the best and some of the worst moments of my life. A band that has given me strength when I couldn't find any and taught me that sometimes it's okay to just be fucked up.

             
“Right this way Miss.” A tall, bald headed man with a red goatee says, gesturing for me to step forward.

             
Not having the patience to wait any longer to get inside, I text Alec a few minutes ago to let him know I was going inside and that I left his ticket at
Will Call
. Glancing down at my cell, there is still no response from him. Hoping he got the message, I step forward and hand the man my ticket.

             
He scans the bar code and hands the stub back to me before directing me to a burly looking woman who has more hair on her chin than the man has on his entire head.

             
“Arms out.” She instructs, proceeding to pat down my sides when I comply. Once she is certain that I am not trying to smuggle in any weapons of any kind, she gives me a nod and gestures for me to go inside.

             
The entrance to the venue is exactly as I pictured it. A long, dimly lit hallway filled with autographed band posters that line each wall. I take a moment to look at each one as I pass, a bit in awe by my surroundings.

             
I reach the end of the hallway in the matter of minutes and finally step inside. Before me is a place like I have only ever seen in pictures. Dark red carpet and black walls cover every square inch of the establishment.

             
To my left is a large circular bar that sits just feet from the back wall. Directly in front of me there are a few round top tables and then to my right, the entire floor opens up and there is already numerous people crowded against the massive stage set up.

             
There are two balconies. One sits just above the bar. The other, hovers over a good portion of the open floor space. Deciding that the only way to get the full experience is to be on the floor in front of the stage, I make my way through the sea of people crowded around me and take a spot next to the far right wall about ten feet back from the stage.

             
Checking my phone, I decide to text Alec again just in case he didn't get my first message, before shoving my cell in the back pocket of my dark flare leg jeans. Deciding visiting this place denoted more than my usual garb, I paired them with a fire engine red tank that dips low in the front and shows off more cleavage than I am used to but fits my body perfectly. It bunches at the sides and has long pieces of fabric that trail down about mid-thigh, really pulling the dark color of the jeans.

             
As much as I wanted to throw on my favorite black Converse, Emma wouldn't let me out of the house in them and as such, gave me no choice but to wear her three inch heeled black boots. While they may look awesome with the outfit, I have no doubt that my feet will not be thanking me later for that decision. I decided to wear my hair down and Emma worked her magic on my curls giving my hair amazing body.

             
Though I am not sure why I went through all the trouble, considering my date for the night is my oldest brother. But on the off chance that I would somehow miraculously get up close with the band, I wanted to make sure I didn't look like I just rolled out of bed.

             
People continue to file into the venue and by the time the first opening act comes on, the entire place is packed from front to back. There is no doubt that this show sold out and honestly I can't help but wonder if they oversold. I feel like there are people touching me on all sides which honestly, freaks me out a little.

             
Pushing my backside into the wall, I push up on my tiptoes to get a good view of the first band. They are a bunch of young guys all dressed very similarly in plain black t-shirts. Their first song is fast and catchy and by the end of their set, I find myself rather enjoying them. The lead singer jumps around the stage like a lunatic and it's a wonder that he manages to avoid colliding with his other band members, but they are all very energetic and their excitement and sheer love for their music is so evident that I find their enthusiasm contagious.

             
The second band is not quite as amped up. Fronted by a girl with bright red pig tails and more makeup than a person should ever wear, their sound is almost electric and her voice is so crisp that I can't help but be drawn into their performance as well.

             
But even though I am enjoying the show, it doesn't stop me from worrying about where Alec is. He was supposed to meet me here at seven and according the massive neon clock behind the bar, it's almost nine.

             
Glancing around, I can't see anything through the dark lights and the sea of people surrounding me. Even if Alec does show, the likelihood is he will never find me.

             
A buzz starts to work it's way through the crowd and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that
Raining Strange
is getting ready to take the stage. Red lights start flashing behind the dark curtain covering the stage and then in the matter of seconds, the curtain is ripped away and the lead singer's voice fills the air.

             
The crowd goes crazy as the band begins to play their opening number. Seeing them in person, just feet from me, makes everything around me seem like a dream. The people, the lights, the music, it just all seems so surreal. And yet I'm here. I'm living out a dream of mine and I can't even begin to describe the feeling that this moment gives me.

             
Just as the music really starts to pull me in and all my attention is focused on the stage, I feel someone slip in behind me. My stomach forms a hard knot when I realize it's Zayne. It has to be. I don't even have to look at him to know he's here.  I can tell by the way the tiny hairs on the back of my neck raise up. By the way my entire body suddenly feels on high alert. And by the intoxicating scent now invading my nostrils.

             
My mind races with reasons why he would be here but then I settle on the most likely. Alec must have sent him. Why, I'm not sure and I don't know if I should be completely pissed off or thankful. On one hand, I know I should avoid being anywhere even remotely close to Zayne. On the other, I can't deny the surge I feel having him so near.

             
I glance back to see him casually leaning on the wall directly behind me, his eyes on the stage. I literally lose my breath at the sight of him. His black t-shirt clinging to his impossibly toned body, his dark hair hanging across his forehead in a way that makes it near impossible not to reach out and brush the strands away from his flesh.

             
Not really sure what else to do, I turn back around and focus on the show. Singing along with every word and jumping around like a fool, by the end of the fourth song, I am not only a sweaty mess, but I am also acutely aware of the man still standing behind me. His very presence keeping me on edge and my body hyper aware of his every movement.

             
As each song plays, the less I care about where we stand in our relationship and the more I just want to turn around and take his mouth with mine. When I close my eyes and really focus, I can still feel the way his tongue moves against mine. The way his fingers feel trailing through my hair. The way his breath hitches when I glide my tongue along his lower lip.

             
I don't know if it's the venue, the music, the crowd, or just the knowledge that he's here, so close that I can touch him, that has me thinking this way, but once the thought crosses my mind, I can't shake it.

             
The very thin thread holding my will in place, finally slips when the singer pulls out his acoustic guitar and takes a seat on the edge of the stage. The minute the words to “Not Broken Anymore” by
Blue October
start pouring from his mouth, I have no control. It's not unheard of for bands to cover other bands songs but this song, let's just say it hits close to home.

             
It describes exactly how Zayne makes me feel. How one person can change everything. How you view the world, how you view life, and most importantly, how you view yourself. When I feel his arms slip around my waist and pull my back into his chest, I don't fight it.

             
My body is putty in his arms and nothing or no one will ever be able to change the way this man makes me feel. I relax back into his embrace and close my eyes, letting my senses overtake me. The feeling of his arms around me, the sound of the singer's voice floating through my ears, the smell of Zayne's cologne invading my nostrils.

             
Everything feels right. The past doesn't matter. The mistakes, the regret, the pain, the fear. In this moment, for the first time in a very long time, none of it holds any meaning over the way I feel about this man.

             
As the music continues to surround us, bouncing off of every wall, the urge to look at Zayne becomes too much to bare. Turning in his arms, I am completely unprepared for the feelings that flood through me the moment his blue eyes settle on mine.

             
He reaches out and cups my cheek in his hand, his thumb working small gentle strokes across my face, before gliding down and trailing slowly across my lower lip. I take a sharp inhale, seeing the desire burn in his eyes as he stares down at me.

             
But when he mouths the words “not broken anymore” along with the music, my heart instantly melts in my chest. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I feel like right here and now, he's telling me exactly what I want to tell him. He is the one person that has the power to piece me back together. Could I be that for him as well?

             
Leaning down, he gently whispers in my ear. “God how I've missed you.” The feeling of his hot breath on my neck, along with his words, causes an involuntary shiver to run through my body.

             
I can't find it in me to speak. Words don't really seem to hold much meaning in a moment like this. There is only one way I can think of to show him how I'm feeling.

             
Gently wrapping my hand around the back of his neck, I pull his face down to mine before pressing my lips to his. He starts out tentatively, working small gentle kisses across my mouth, his hands cupping my face.

             
My heart beats rapidly in my chest and I struggle to control the butterflies swarming in my stomach. Every inch of my skin feels like it's on fire as I plunge my fingers into his hair and knot them in his dark locks.

             
When my lips part on a moan, he loses some of his control and eagerly searches for my tongue with his. I happily comply and within seconds we are locked in a passionate kiss, in the middle of a venue packed with hundreds of people, while one of my favorite bands play in the background.

             
The moment is everything I want and yet everything I wanted to avoid. The heat, the passion, the want coursing through me is enough to cloud my vision and blind me from everything but what is right in front of me.... Zayne.

             
I love him and right now, there is not one damn thing I can do but embrace it.

Chapter Seven

             
“What are you doing here?” I finally manage to ask the minute the lights flip back on and the crowd starts to disperse at the end of the show.

             
“Alec had some business to deal with and couldn't make it. He didn't want you out here all alone so he called me to see if I could take his place.” He says, dropping a hand to the small of my back as he leads me through a sea of people making their way towards the exit.

             
“And he couldn't have called and told me that himself?” I raise my voice over the noise level of the crowd.

             
“I asked him if he had given you a heads up but he said he only had time to call me and he wanted me to make sure that I told you how very sorry he is.” He says, not meeting my eyes when I glance back towards his face.

             
Turning my attention forward again, I focus on not stepping on anyone's feet or running into anyone on our way out the door. As soon as we exit onto the busy sidewalk, Zayne grabs my arm and leads me to the edge of the building before stopping and turning towards me.

             
“It's kind of my fault actually. I can't really handle any of the business related to our China merger, which you already know why. Since it's such a huge undertaking, Alec has spent hours working to make sure everything happens as smoothly as possible. Apparently they hit a bit of a hiccup this afternoon and Alec had been stuck in a meeting for three hours when he called me to ask me to meet you here.” He says, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and pressing his back against the brick wall behind him, giving him almost a bad boy look and making him even sexier.

             
“So.... What you're telling me is that instead of being able to come out and enjoy a concert on a Friday night with his sister, my brother is stuck in the office because you couldn't keep it in your pants?” I say, my voice dripping with playfulness and yet I know he doesn't miss the edge to it.

             
I try to fight a smile but when a slow playful one creeps across his face, I can't hold mine back. “Yeah, pretty fucked up when you think about it.” He says, shaking his head on a light laugh.

             
“You officially suck as a best friend and as a business partner.” I say, cocking my head to the side and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

             
I don't know when I found the humor in this whole situation but honestly, it feels better to joke about it then to be upset over it. What's done is done and I am really trying to live in the present.

             
“I think I officially suck in a lot of ways. The most important of all, being how huge of an idiot I have been when it comes to you.” He says, gauging my reaction.

             
“I'm listening......” I say, giving him a smile and hoping that keeping a playful demeanor will keep the mood light. I'm not sure I can handle deep and serious right now. Not when it's already damn near impossible to stand here with him and not pronounce my undying love for him.

             
God, what is wrong with me? One minute I want nothing to do with him, the next I am mapping out the rest of our lives. Imagining what our children will look like and where we will live. I shake my head trying to reel myself back in.

             
“I messed up Grace. I never should messed around with Ashley, I know that. As much as I wish I could take it back, I can't. But more than that, I'm sorry I ever let you walk away.” He says, reaching out to trail the back of his hand down my cheek.

             
My breath hitches and I try to search for something to say but words fail me. In this moment, I can't think of one damn thing to say. All I can think about is how amazingly beautiful his blue eyes are, how my insides turn to mush when his mouth pulls up on one side in a hesitant lopsided smile, and how my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest at his words.

             
“I know I don't deserve it Grace, but I was really hoping maybe we could start over. You know, the right way.” He says, shifting his weight from leg to leg. “I was hoping that you would agree to go on a date with me.”

             
“What?” I blurt, completely taken aback by his request. I don't know what I was expecting, but having him ask me on a date was definitely not it.

             
“A date Grace. You know, like dinner or something.” He says, a light laugh blending behind his words.

             
“I know what a date is.” I say, still mildly in shock. “I'm just surprised that you're asking me on one.” I say, not trying to hide the confusion I feel.

             
“Why is that so surprising? Isn't that what one does when they are interested in a person?” He asks, a playful and yet confused smile turning up the corners of his lips.

             
“I mean yes, I guess so. But... Well... Isn't it strange that after everything we've been through up to this point, that you are just now asking me on a date?” I ask.

             
“Yes, I suppose it is.” He says, straightening his posture and reaching out to take my hands in his.

             
“There are a lot of things I regret where you are concerned Grace, the biggest one being that instead of treating you like you deserve to be treated, I made you feel like you were just another notch to me. You
are not
just another girl Grace. You are so much more than that. I want a chance to show you that. I want a chance to wine and dine you, to hold your hand and walk you home, to make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Because that's what you are to me Grace.” He says, tucking his hand under my chin and lifting my face up to meet his.

             
“Give me a chance to do things right. Will you go on a date with me Grace?” He asks, his smile lighting up his entire face when I shake my head yes.

             
My insides burst into complete giddiness as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a tight hug, my feet leaving the ground. I can't help but laugh at the sheer joy I feel in this moment.

             
“But.” I start to protest, suddenly remembering one very important issue.

             
He gently sets me to my feet and pulls back to meet my face, hesitation in his eyes. “But what?” He asks.

             
“What about Alec? Aren't you afraid of him catching us together?” I ask, taking a step back so that I can see him more clearly, his face somewhat shadowed in the darkness.

             
“I'm sure that I can figure out somewhere to take you where running into Alec won't be an issue. We are in New York after all.”

             
“That doesn't mean anything. I have ran into you twice without expecting to and I've only been in New York a few weeks.” I say, shaking my head at him.

             
“Twice?” He questions, his tone falling serious.

             
“Me and Emma had a shopping day. I saw you across the street from
Robyn's Cafe
on the corner of fifth.” I say, my cheeks heating.

             
As if realizing the exact moment I must have spotted him, his voice comes out even more hesitant.

             
“I'm sorry Grace.....” He starts, but I hold my hand up, my fingers landing on his lips, silencing him.

             
“Please don't.” I say, trailing my finger across his bottom lip as I pull my hand away. “You don't need to explain. I just need to know that by me agreeing to go on a date with you, all other interactions with women remain purely platonic, at least until we figure out what the hell is going on with us.” I say, taking a deep breath before continuing.

             
“Look, I don't know everything about your life, but from what I have gathered, you've been through a lot, we both have. It's hard enough for me to even be here with you, like this.” I say, gesturing between us.

             
“I can't deal with my own issues and sort my feelings out when I am constantly competing with other women.” I finish, feeling relieved to have gotten that out without sounding completely idiotic.

             
“You don't have to explain Grace. I told you....” He says, once again lifting my face to meet his. “I want to do this right this time. I don't want anyone else, I just want you.” The last part comes out as a whisper against my lips as he slowly lowers his face to mine.

             
Placing a featherlight kiss across my mouth, he pulls back and gives me a breathtaking smile. “So.... yes to the date then?” He laughs when I roll my eyes at him but then playfully warns. “Eyes.”

             
“Yes to the date.” I say, returning his wide smile and rolling my eyes once more just to make a point. He crinkles his forehead in dislike and then as if deciding not to push his luck, shakes his head.

             
“How does tomorrow work for you?” He asks, entwining his fingers with mine and pulling me out onto the sidewalk.

             
“Kind of short notice don't you think?” I ask, allowing him to lead me towards the venue's parking garage.

             
He fakes offense and I can't help but laugh at his playfulness. “Fine.” I say, sighing in fake annoyance. His shoulders vibrate with laughter and he tightens the grip on my hand. As much as I want to pretend that such an innocent act doesn't stir a desire deep inside of me, the truth is, it leaves me with an aching burn that I know only one thing will soothe.

             
Within minutes we reach my car, and while I am relieved that we seem to be on the same page about taking things slow and doing things right this time, I can't help but feel extremely disappointed at the same time.

             
Even though I know it's not what we need, a large part of me hoped that he would throw me over his shoulder and give me no choice but to go home with him where we would then proceed to spend the whole night in his bed 'reconnecting'.

             
“Hey.” He says, pulling my attention back to him. “Where did you go?” He asks, cocking his head to the side.

             
“Sorry.” I apologize, feeling my cheeks flush. While I realize he can't read my mind, sometimes I feel like he knows exactly what I am thinking, and given what I was just thinking, I can't help but feel embarrassed.

             
He shakes his head and smiles.“So tomorrow. Pick you up at seven?” He asks, taking a step towards me, leaving less than an inch between our bodies.

             
“Seven, okay.” I agree, feeling overly distracted by the heat now surging through my body at our closeness. “You need me to meet you somewhere?” I ask, knowing that he would never want to be spotted outside of my apartment picking me up.

             
“Not necessary. Just be outside at seven.” He says, leaning down until our noses are practically touching.

             
“Okay.” I breathe, unable to control the quiver in my voice.

             
He smiles a knowing smile and then gently trails his lips along mine. Before I have a chance to react, he pulls back and reaches around me, nudging me forward when he pulls my drivers door open.

             
Surprised by the action, I step out of the way and then glance back at him. “Thank you.” I say, trying desperately to hide the disappointment in my voice.

             
He's trying to show me that I am not just one of his whores, I remind myself, but it doesn't quite dull the sting completely.

             
“I'll see you tomorrow Grace.” He says, leaning inside my door and placing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

             
“See you tomorrow.” I agree.

             
Taking a step back, he closes my door and then gives me another sweet smile before turning and walking away, no doubt towards his own vehicle.

             
I can't help but watch him take step after step until eventually he disappears from my rear view mirror. Taking a deep breath and turning the key in my ignition, I jump when my cell phone starts ringing and vibrating in my back pocket.

             
Leaning forward and retrieving it, I click the screen to answer it, seeing Alec's name flash across the screen.

             
“Hey baby girl.” He says when I say hello. “How was the show? Did Zayne find you? I'm so sorry that I had to send him, I know you don't know him that well but I needed to know someone was there to keep an eye out for you.... Did he explain everything?” He hits me with multiple questions at once.

             
“The show was amazing. Yes, Zayne found me and yes he explained everything. And it's okay. I know how extremely busy you are.” I say, propping the phone against my shoulder and shifting my car into reverse. “But for the record, next time something like this happens, you don't need to send someone in your place. A quick phone call that you aren't going to make it would be more appreciated.” I can't pass up the opportunity to give him a hard time. Even if sending Zayne was the best decision he could have made, I would never tell him that.