Embracing You, Embracing Me (19 page)

While I was having a mental breakdown,
Amber stood up, marched to the phone and hit redial, knowing that Gabriel’s
number had been the last one dialed the night before. It began to ring on the
other end and Amber simply held out the phone expectantly.

I was operating on auto pilot as I stood
and glided toward her, feeling disengaged from my body. My hand shook when I
grabbed the receiver and placed it to my ear.

Just as I was about to panic and hang up, I
heard a click and then, “Hello, this is Gabe.”  

It was so good to hear his melodious voice.
I paused, still toying with the idea of hanging up, but Amber kicked me in the
shin before I could. “Ouch, umm, yeah, Hi Gabriel, it’s Roshell,” I stammered.

“Hey Roshell, I’m so glad that you called.
How have you been?”  

We maintained an awkward conversation with
trivial details, my mind scattered, before Gabriel changed the dynamic with a
direct and unabashed statement. “I have really missed you, Princess.”

My stomach did a somersault. “Really? You
have?” I hadn’t been sure what to expect but his obvious pleasure at talking to
me was a shock. I had to be brave and return the sentiment. He had to know that
I was just as happy. I leaned against the wall for support. “I missed you,
too.” It was the first time that I had ever said something so honest to him. It
was long over-due.

Gabriel didn’t miss a beat. “I really want
to see you. Tonight. Would tonight work for you?” I looked questioningly at
Amber who was vehemently nodding her head in affirmation.

“Uhh, sure. Tonight would be fine. How
about seven?”

“Seven is perfect, I’ll see you then.”

I spoke up quickly. “Gabriel, wait! I need
to tell you something first.” I paused nervously, it had to be said. “I got
married a few years back and I’m in the middle of a divorce right now,” I
blurted out.

Gabriel was silent, then “Wow, that’s new.
Are you doing okay? Maybe you don’t want company after all?” He sounded
disappointed.

I rushed to correct him, “No, I do want to
see you, I just thought that you should know is all.”

“Is there anything else, Princess?” I could
hear the smile in his voice.

I closed my eyes and suppressed a groan. Of
course there was something else. Wasn’t there always? I had to give him full
disclosure before I agreed to meet with him. “Yes, just one other thing, I have
a child.” I chewed my nail and waited for a response.

Again there was a pregnant pause. “Okay… so
are we on for seven or what?”

I was a little disgruntled that he hadn’t
given any real feedback to my announcement but figured we would catch up once
we were face to face. It was better that way anyway because then I could read
his facial expressions. “Sure, I’ll see you then.” I hung up.

Amber’s eager expression was nearly
comical, except I wasn’t really in the mood to laugh. “I think I might throw
up!” I said.

Amber started laughing. “No, you’re not.
What you are going to do, is go take a shower and decide how HOT you want to look tonight.”

AMBER:
Yikes! I was doing my best to help Roshell with her fashion crisis
but as she gradually became more and more frantic as seven o’clock drew nearer
I had to exit the room. It was either that, or strangle her.

She had already changed her hairstyle from
down, to up, to partial up, and then back to down. After twenty excruciating
minutes of rummaging through both of our wardrobes trying to settle on an
outfit, I hit my limit.  

It’s fairly safe to say that I am somewhat
ambivalent about keeping up with the newest fashions, because I work with
horses every day. Jeans, a t-shirt and some boots are pretty much all I need.
This level of insanity over an outfit is ridiculous to me.

“I give up!” Amber threw her hands in the
air. “You’re on your own. I think my brain is fried.” She stomped off in
frustration.

I didn’t take it personally; I knew that I
was way beyond obnoxious at that point. I was obsessing on my appearance to distract
from worrying over how the evening would go. I took a deep breath and forced
myself to settle on my favorite jeans and a three quarter sleeved, crisp white
collared shirt that dressed up the jeans just enough. I ran the brush through
my hair one last time before joining Marissa and Amber out on the front porch
where they were swinging in the chair hammock.  

Amber looked up, took in my appearance, and
gave a look of approval. “I like it! I was thinking that Marissa and I should
go for a walk. There’s still plenty of daylight left, and Gabe should be here
any minute. It would give you guys a little while to get reacquainted without
this little turkey stealing the show.” She ruffled Marissa’s hair.

“Yeah, I guess that would be okay, but then
we would be all alone,” I said with a pinched expression.

Amber rolled her eyes. “Roshell, it will be
fine. Would you just chill out! You’re making me want to jab a large stick in
my eye.”

I giggled. Amber always knew just what to
say to get me to see how ridiculous I was being. “Alright,” I answered, stepping
through the front gate to pull Marissa’s stroller out of the trunk of the car.  

Amber loaded Marissa up and they started
down the gravel road. I watched from the porch until they were out of sight. I
was about to head back into the house when I heard a car approaching on the
main road. As it came closer, I noticed that it was a car I didn’t recognize
and relaxed until it slowed down and pulled into Amber’s gravel lane. With a
sharp intake of breath, I put my hand to my stomach and willed my nerves to
settle.

This had to be him. It hadn’t occurred to
me that he would have a different car. But of course he would. It had been
three years since we last laid eyes on one another. A lot had changed for the
both of us. Still, it was odd to see him in anything other than the Mustang.

This vehicle was some sort of older SUV. It
looked to be a four- wheel drive jeep. It was light blue and loud, like it had
glass packs put on it just to make it sound cool. That was definitely his
style. His ride had always been an expression: loud, bumping music and a flashy
presence.

I squelched the overwhelming desire to run
and hide, but stood my ground on the front porch while he parked.

It was taking him a little longer than
expected to get out of the driver’s seat and I wrestled with etiquette: do I
stay here and look cool or do I rush out and greet him? Then he opened the back
door and grabbed something before rounding the back of the vehicle towards the
house.  

It was then that I noticed he had pulled
out crutches and was now hobbling down the sidewalk, favoring his right leg
which was in a chunky white cast.

“Oh my gosh.” I ran down the stairs and opened
the front gate to help him through, “What happened to you?”

Gabriel just smiled, ignoring my lame
attempts to help him out. “It’s part of that long story that I mentioned on
Amber’s machine earlier today, I’ll tell you all about it once I sit down.

“In the meantime, you should probably just
give me some space so that no one gets hurt; I’m still getting used to these
things and don’t seem to be real graceful with them so far.”  

“Oh, sure, I’ll just get the door.” I
dashed up the stairs to prop open the door, trying my best not to stare at him.
He looked so incredible. His skin was bronzed from the sun, and his hair seemed
to have extra blond streaks. It was shorter than I was used to, cut close to
the scalp in the typical military style, and even though I missed the thick
waves, I had to admit that it made him look older and devastatingly handsome.
His arms were thicker and more toned, which I assumed was from his training,
making his presence all the more intimidating.  

Once he settled on the sofa, I purposely
chose to sit in the recliner to put a safe distance between us. “Can I get you
something to drink? Water? Soda?” I was a total wreck on the inside and hoped
to God that he couldn’t tell.

Gabriel propped his crutches against the
arm of the couch and leaned back, making himself at home. “No thanks. I’m
good.” He leveled his gaze until he locked eyes with mine.  

There it was. As strong as it had ever
been. It was as if three years hadn’t passed at all. It was just the two of us
again. There was so much emotionally charged energy vibrating between that gap
and I could nearly hear the room buzz with it.

My lashes fluttered and I looked down at my
hands, fidgeting with the arm- rest cover on the recliner. “So how did you hurt
yourself?” I couldn’t think of anything else to say and I desperately wanted to
fill the awkward silence.

Gabriel was smiling as he watched my
familiar nervous fidgeting.

“Before I tell you, I want to ask you a
quick question.” He paused until I nodded in agreement. “What day did you get
into town?”

I was a little perplexed as to why he
wanted to know. “Let’s see, it was five… no, six days ago, why?”

Gabriel acknowledged my answer with a nod.
“Just curious. I was fighting fires with my unit, just east of Prineville, when
I stepped in a fox’s den and broke my ankle. I know it sounds pretty lame, but
there is so much smoke up there that visibility is non-existent. There have
been quite a few injuries over the past week, but mine was the first one
serious enough that they decided to fly me out via helicopter.

“What a way to get out of the rest of the
assignment, huh?”  

I was wide eyed, listening, imagining the
scenario. “Darren had mentioned that you were fighting fires and didn’t exactly
know when to expect you back, but had thought that it would be a few weeks. He
insisted we call you that night, but after we left the message he remembered
and filled me in.”

Gabriel leaned with his elbows on his
knees. “Don’t you think that it’s quite a coincidence that I break my ankle
just a couple of days after you get into town. I am flown out of the forest to
the military hospital where they patch me up before releasing me to recuperate?
I get in early this morning which happens to be the morning after you leave a
message on my machine?”

I thought about it for a moment, scanning
his face. “I guess it is a little bit of a coincidence”

“Okay, how did you and Darren end up
hooking up?” he questioned further.

“Amber and I ran into him at the store
yesterday and he just kind of invited himself over,” I said simply, shrugging
my shoulders.  

“Okay, so you just happen to ‘accidently’
run into my best friend, then he ‘forgets’ that I am out of town so the two of
you leave a message on my machine, meanwhile, I get lucky enough to break my
ankle within days of your arrival. Next thing I know I am standing on one leg
in my kitchen listening to your voice fill the room.”

Goosebumps rose up on my arms as I
processed what he was saying, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It is kind of
weird,” I agreed, rubbing my arms to fend off the sudden chill.

“So where is your baby right now? Tell me
all about him or her.”

We were shifting gears. Okay. “Amber took
her for a walk in her stroller, you just missed them, but they’ll be back shortly.”
I hesitated. “Her name is Marissa and she just turned a year old. She has curly
hair and is probably the cutest baby on the planet. Of course I might be
slightly biased.”

GABRIEL:
Man it’s good to see her. The mere mention of her child caused
Roshell’s entire demeanor to blossom and she glowed as she spoke. Motherhood
obviously suits her. Her hair was shorter and her face slightly thinner as she
had matured but she still emanated a vibrant energy that I was responding to.

“I can’t wait to meet her.” Gabriel said.
“When you told me that you were in the process of getting divorced I was a
little stunned but figured that I could live with it. Hell, it’s been three
years. A lot can happen in that amount of time. I’ve had my fair share of
relationship disasters, but I have to admit that I was more than shocked when
you said that you had a child. I don’t know why, lots of our friends have
children already. I was pretty sure that I could handle one of those obstacles,
but for some reason being married
and
having a child was like a double
whammy, and I hesitated on the phone even though I still wanted to see you. I
thought about it for most of the night, but what I realized, was that it didn’t
matter.”

I searched his blue eyes. “It doesn’t
matter?” I asked, a little astounded.

He held my gaze. “Nope, none of that
matters to me. I’m just glad that I broke my ankle and now we can hang out.”  

I bent forward and covered my mouth,
stifling a giggle. “I’ve never heard anyone say they were glad that they broke
any part of their body.”

“Yeah, well, I am. Now there is only one
problem,” he said. “You’re too far away. I need you closer.”

This caught me off guard. His blunt,
unhindered statement was unfamiliar. It didn’t fit our pattern. In the past, we
had always avoided the direct approach to anything, and kept most conversations
comfortable and safe. Other than the few times he had questioned where our
relationship was heading, we typically portrayed an ambiguous attitude towards
each other. No proclamations or admissions of feelings. It had always kept us
guessing about our true feelings. This forthright position he was suddenly
taking was throwing me off balance.