Eternal (29 page)

We set up the food as a buffet on the counter. There weren't enough chairs around the table, so Len, Caeran, and I went over to sit on the banco.

“Man, we'd like to go home today if it's OK with you,” Len said. “Hard to believe, but it's time to think about registering for the fall semester.”

She was right. We'd been here a chunk of the summer.

I swallowed. “OK.”

“We'll stay in touch,” she added.

I nodded. My stomach had clamped down. I got up and refilled my tea mug. Left my plate on the counter.

We were leaving. I wasn't going to see Savhoran again before we did.

I strolled out onto the
portal
and looked at the garden. I'd miss it, even though I hadn't been able to sit out there as much as I wanted. Maybe because of that.

I'd miss all of it. Grubbing in the garden,
Mad
ó
ran
‘s wonderful meals, the people. Even Mirali, who I was pretty sure didn't like mortals. Even Pirian.

Well, maybe not Pirian.

I finished my tea, took my mug back to the kitchen, and went to my room to pack. It didn't take nearly long enough. I slipped down the
portal
to the room that Savhoran had been using. Opened the door, hoping for a glimpse of something to remember him by.

It was tidy. Bed made, nothing sitting out. The room looked unoccupied.

Disappointed, I carried my bag to the front entryway and set it down near the door. I heard music from the great room, so I went in to listen.
Mad
ó
ran
was playing the guitar, fingerstyle, very good.

We'd had a few musical evenings. I wished there'd been more.

I sat on the couch and watched his fingers dance over the strings. He was good at everything. Really made a girl feel inferior.

“There is one thing that humans are better at than we,”
Mad
ó
ran
said.

“Oh, sorry. Forgot to shield.”

“You have children far more easily.”

I nodded. “This is the reason for some of our problems.”

“Yes, but they are problems we would dearly love to have. Ours are the opposite. And for Savhoran, it is a very big problem.”

He finished the piece and put down the guitar. “You see, it is our females who have difficulty conceiving. Human females do not.”

I nodded. “Actually, we spend a lot of time trying not to.”

“An attitude we cannot fathom. Do you see why this causes Savhoran confusion?”

I frowned. I could see why it confused the ælven in general. Why Savhoran?

“With you, he could easily father a child, something every ælven dreams of.”

I did
not
want to have this conversation again.

“We talked about that. I'm not ready to start a family.”

“You are very young, even for your kind. Yes, I understand. But, you see, a family with you is likely his only chance. He cannot couple with an ælven female without putting her at risk, and any child of such a union would suffer the curse.”

He picked up the guitar again. I sat thinking for a bit, listening to the gentle music. Slowly it dawned on me: the fact that
Mad
ó
ran
had mentioned this issue meant that he thought Savhoran had been thinking about it. Had they discussed it?

My gut turned a slow flip. I pulled a notebook out of my pack and started writing a note to Savhoran. Had to start over a few times.
Mad
ó
ran
politely ignored the balled-up rejects I tossed on the floor.

I managed to put together an apology that wasn't whiny. I wasn't sorry that Savhoran had killed the alben, but I was sorry I'd forced him to feed on me. I was positive there wasn't any other choice. I didn't say that in the note; he knew. I didn't make any excuses or try to justify what I'd done. I just apologized.

I carefully tore out the page and folded it. Wrote Savhoran's name on the outside. Held it for a minute, then put it on the coffee table by
Mad
ó
ran
.

“Would you give that to him when he comes back?” If he comes back. I pushed that thought away.

“Of course,”
Mad
ó
ran
said. “And I am fairly certain that he will.”

I heard a door open, and Len and Caeran came in from the entryway. This was it. I stood up.

Mad
ó
ran
put down the guitar and stood too. Len came over and gave him a big hug. He said something ælven to her, and she nodded.

I'd barely started to learn ælven. Maybe now I never would.

Mad
ó
ran
came to me, offering a hug. I took it. Needed all the hugs I could get.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” I said.

“You are always welcome here, Amanda. Len and Caeran are here often. I hope you will come with them sometimes.”

“I'd like that.”

He picked up a book from the table and offered it to me. It was the ælven book we'd been using.

“To help you with your studies.”

“But this is your only copy!”

“Perhaps you can make a copy for yourself. It would be good practice.”

I held the book to my chest. “I'll take good care of it. Thank you.”

We shuffled outside. Instead of Len's car, a dark green Camry sat out front.

“That's right.” I looked at Len. “Your car. Was it totaled?”

“Close enough. We had it towed to a junkyard that wanted it for parts. Caeran and I went down to Las Vegas yesterday and found this at a used car place.”

Bigger and nicer than the Subaru. The upholstery was clean, the back seat was deep and wide, and it didn't smell funny.

Caeran must have bought it. How rich was he, anyway? He had like three changes of clothes that I knew of.

We said a last goodbye to
Mad
ó
ran
and drove off. I stared out the back window until I couldn't see the hacienda anymore.
Mad
ó
ran
stood there watching the whole time.

I thought over the text of my apology again and again. Would it piss Savhoran off? Had it been a mistake? Too late now.

I fell into a funk, thinking about him. A couple of times Len said something to me and I had to ask her to repeat it. Finally I closed my eyes so they'd think I was asleep.

We got into Albuquerque late afternoon. Thunderheads were building over the city. Good chance of rain.

I went into my room and sat on the bed, feeling out of place. Staying with Len and Caeran had been fine for the summer, but indefinitely? This was their house. I didn't really belong.

Back to the dorm, them. Woohoo.

College seemed so far away from what we'd been doing over the last couple of months. Contemplating classes felt bizarre.

The next day, we went to the campus to get registered. Caeran came too; he was going to take classes this year. Len wanted his support on the research project. I spent a long time looking at the courses at the school of business, and picked out three that I thought would help me figure out how to set up a foundation for the ælven.

We got all our school stuff together: textbooks, notebooks, etc. That took another day, then I had nothing left to do but mope. Two more weeks until classes started.

I dialed Savhoran's cell. It rang in the house: they'd never got it back to him. Caeran shut it off and looked at me.

“Savhoran's apartment should be secured. Will you help?”

“OK.”

I hadn't been in the apartment before, so I was curious. All three of us went.

There were no decorations of any kind, no personal things. Heavy blinds over all the windows. Some very utilitarian furniture and some pans and dishes in the kitchen that looked brand new. Savhoran hadn't invested anything of himself in this place. The most personal item we found was his cell phone charger.

He hadn't intended to stay. Or he hadn't decided.

“Jeez, this is awful,” Len said to me. “What do you say we fix it up?”

I shrugged. “OK.”

We went to the home store and bought paint, wastebaskets, and a few nicknacks. Len had me pick them out, and without my realizing it a theme emerged. I chose sage green paint, curtains with leaves all over them, a graceful flower-shaped candle holder, and a small statue of a squirrel. Without any deliberate intention, I was making a forest scene.

All I was thinking was: what would Savhoran like? Maybe he would like it, if he ever saw it.

Len and I spent the next couple of days painting. Boring, laborious work but it made me feel better. When we were done the place looked a lot nicer, even without furniture.

We fixed that with a trip to a bedding store. Got a nice foresty comforter set, pale green sheets, curtains, and a comfy futon chair for the living room, big enough for two if they were friendly.

“There ought to be a TV,” Len said, standing by the chair and looking at the blank wall opposite.

“I don't think Savhoran watches TV,” I said.

“So? You do.”

“It's not my place.”

Len sat on the futon chair. “Actually, Caeran and I have been talking. He paid a year's rent in advance on this place. No sense in it sitting empty. We love having you, but I've been getting the feeling you need more space. Why don't you stay here until Savhoran comes back?”

“He's not coming back.” I swallowed. Hadn't said that out loud before.

“I don't know. He's still at
Mad
ó
ran
‘s.”

I looked at her. I wanted to hope, even though it hurt.

Len smiled. “He's working things out, that's all. The ælven always take a long time to think about things.”

I looked around at the apartment. It still smelled like paint, but it looked pretty good. I'd been trying to make a nice home for Savhoran. I couldn't help making it a place that I liked too.

Two days later I moved in.

I still spent a couple of hours over at Len and Caeran's every day, studying the ælven book and working on making a copy by hand. Didn't dare take that precious book to a copy machine, and I didn't feel right taking it out of the house. My copy wouldn't be beautiful, but I'd be able to use it.

Len insisted that I have dinner with them every night. I didn't argue much on that one—Caeran was a pretty good cook.

With afternoons and evenings taken care of, I was only in the apartment nights and mornings. That was still plenty of time to be lonely.

I cried a lot. Thought about Savhoran. Wondered what it would be like to try to just have a normal human life, now that I'd been exposed to the ælven. I suspected it was impossible.

Savhoran was all I wanted. I couldn't imagine dating a human guy after this. Maybe I'd just had bad luck, but most of the guys I had dated were total drips.

I would help Len and
Mad
ó
ran
with the science project, since I didn't have much else to do. Other than that, I was pretty much on hold.

Days went by, becoming weeks. Classes started. I did all right in the business classes, and even got curious about the stuff I was learning. It was organized and made sense, a comforting contrast to my life for the past few months.

Evenings we'd all study together at Len and Caeran's. One night after banging my head against an assignment, I went back to the apartment, put my key in the lock, and and stopped.

It was already unlocked.

A tingle of fear went down my spine. I took a step back from the door. Run first or call 911?

The door opened and Savhoran looked out.

I squeaked and threw myself at him. Not the best idea, but it was spontaneous.

He put his hands on my waist and gently pushed me away. His eyes were still haunted with sadness.

I tried to pull myself together. “It's so wonderful to see you!”

That got a faint smile out of him. “I am glad to see you, also. I have come to offer you my atonement.”

“Atonement? Why?”

“For what I took from you.”

I took a deep breath. “That was a gift. You don't owe me anything. Hell, I'm the one that owes you!”

“Please, Amanda. Let me do this.”

He looked weary. I bit my lip and shut up.

Savhoran took something out of the pouch on his belt and put it in my hand, then wrapped both his hands around it. He spoke in ælven, not to me but sort of over my head. I didn't understand most of it, but I caught “thanks” and “may the spirits.”

He let go of my hand and stepped back. I looked at his gift: a tiny deer no longer than my pinkie, perfectly carved out of bone.

“It's beautiful. Madóran's been teaching you.”

“I have carved for centuries.”

I looked up at him and swallowed. “Thank you.”

“You owe me no thanks.”

“Just let me be grateful, OK? Because I can't help it. I'm grateful to know you.”

To my alarm, tears started leaking out of my eyes. I turned away and headed for the bedroom.

“I've been crashing here. I'll get my stuff out of your way.”

I carefully set the carved deer on top of the brand-new dresser, then took out my bag, dumped it on the bed, and opened the top dresser drawer. I wiped at my face and tried not to sniffle.

“No need,” Savhoran said, coming to the doorway. “I do not mean to stay.”

Ouch. I took a shaky breath.

“It's your place.”

“It is Caeran's place. You have more need of it than I.”

“But we fixed it up for
you
.”

I sat on the bed and buried my face in my hands. Stupid, stupid! No better way to drive a guy away then to whine and cry. I struggled to stop.

“Amanda.”