Finding Home - A Post Apocalyptic Novel (The Ravaged Land Series Book 2) (6 page)

“It’s just that none of this feels right,” I said putting my hands down into my lap.

“Killing someone never does. But things are different now… if you want to live you have to fight for it. And I fought for it.”

At least it hadn’t sat well with him either, or so he said. The way he had been so calm after pulling the trigger had confused me. It looked as if it had been easy for him and that it hadn’t bothered him in the slightest. Hearing him say it hadn’t been easy at least relieved a little of the stress that had built up in my shoulders.

“But you shouldn’t worry about it,” Penn said standing up.

“And why shouldn’t I?”

“I pulled the trigger. It’s on me.”

“But I didn’t stop you,” I said standing to face him.

“Ros, listen, he made his choice when he threatened taking you. He would have probably raped and killed you. People are going to die and we want the bad people to die, not the good people. The future is going to need the good people.”

“But you don’t get to choose who’s good and who’s bad,” I said stomping my foot.

“Dammit! He made the choice when he put his finger on that trigger!” Penn was nearly shouting. It was almost as if I could see the anger rising within him. Most of the time Penn was easygoing, peaceful, but right now he was clearly getting agitated. “I don’t even want to think about it any more. I don’t want to feel worse than I already do. It’s over. It’s done. You’re safe. I’m safe. The end!”

I turned to walk away. If that was the end of the discussion so be it. He was right about one thing though. It was over. There wasn’t anything I could do to change the outcome and bring that guy back. I’d never know if Penn had made the right choice. And maybe he was right about how things were now and that I’d just have to accept it. But it was hard. I didn’t want anyone to die. Death was final.

He grabbed my hand and spun me around. I slammed into his chest. Penn slowly wrapped his arms around me. At first it felt awkward, as if it was the last place I wanted to be, but then it started to feel comforting. It was almost as if I could feel something radiating out from him, and it was somehow relieving my worries. Part of who he really was started seeping out, and it felt… safe. I still felt bad about what he had done, but it felt good to have human contact. To have someone care about me and protect me. I had been alone for far too long.

“Ros,” he said looking into my eyes, “I’m sorry. Please try to find it in your heart to forgive me. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I… I do, I will… I mean, there’s nothing to forgive, I just feel really, really… shitty about it.” His glowing eyes were fixed intently on mine, and I started to feel uncomfortable. Why was he looking at me like that? I had told him the story about my friends, so he must be well aware of the fact that I had a boyfriend. Maybe the look didn’t mean what I thought it meant, but somehow it felt like something I couldn’t let happen. I slowly backed away and turned to go up the stairs. There wasn’t anything I could do to stop my hand from reaching behind me to feel if my gun was still securely in my waistband.

“And about the gun. I’ve been through a lot of training, also something my dad arranged. With my skills and accuracy I figured it would have been better for us both if I had the gun. I guess I should have told you about all that before, but I didn’t want to freak you out. Which I guess I did anyway.”

“I see,” I said offering him a weak smile. He hadn’t killed me with the gun. He’d had more than enough opportunities to kill me, kidnap me, whatever, and he hadn’t. His story seemed to make sense. At some point I’d have to be willing to trust people. While I didn’t like what Penn had done, he seemed as though he truly thought he was doing the right thing. Protecting us. Maybe he deserved the benefit of the doubt. “Good night,” I said as I walked up the stairs.

My feet felt heavier and heavier with each step. I was exhausted from the traveling, the murdering and the talking.

Tomorrow we’d get back on track and try to find HOME. Although, I didn’t even know what we’d do if we found it. I hadn’t planned that far ahead. Maybe Penn with all his training would have a few ideas as far as that was concerned.

* * *

The next day neither of us said much before we set out heading northwest from my house. We did the same thing as the day before, got to where my map ended and started slowly expanding and uncovering new territory. We were careful and as accurate as possible. I documented everything I could. I wished we would have had some way to keep track of how long we had walked for. It felt like miles and miles. If we had been walking at a pace of three miles per hour we could have been fifteen miles from my cabin. But that was just a random guess.

I turned my attention back to my maps and made some notes. My face was buried in my notebook when I slammed right into Penn’s back. Apparently he had stopped walking.

“Penn!” I said as if it had been his fault.

When he didn’t respond, I looked up and saw it.

Chapter six.

I grabbed his coat and roughly pulled him down behind some twigs that had at one point been some kind of shrub. The bare shrubbery provided little to no cover, but I figured it was better than nothing. It was far better than just standing out in the wide open staring.

“Is that it?” he asked quietly.

“Yes. We have to get out of here,” I said pulling him backwards.

“What? Why?”

I tugged harder, and he hesitantly followed. He clearly didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. It was probably still a good mile or more away but for all I knew they had cameras hidden in the trees. Maybe there were people in towers somewhere watching for wanderers, to try to recruit them… or kill them.

“We need a plan,” I said when we were far enough away that I couldn’t see the buildings any longer. I didn’t even stop to update my maps. I’d remember. The way to HOME was now permanently cemented into my memory. My heart raced at the thought of being so close to Dean, Owen and Sienna. And hopefully Ryan too.

After months of trying, it had only taken two attempts to find it with Penn’s help. It had probably just been luck. If I would have come out this far on my own, I would have found it too. After all, we had just picked this direction at random.

“I have a uniform,” I said wondering if maybe I could use that to sneak inside somehow.

“Why would you have a uniform?”

“It’s like a jumpsuit, from when I almost got in. I don’t think I was supposed to leave with it, in fact, I don’t think I was supposed to leave there alive at all.”

He looked confused, “Why would they want to kill the people they are trying to recruit?”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him away faster, I wanted to get away from HOME as fast as we possibly could. Before someone came to shoot us and I wouldn’t have a chance to get my friends back.

“It’s just a theory but if you don’t fit in with their ideas, I think they kill you.”

“That’s nonsense.”

“I hope you are right but something is definitely off about that place. Let’s get out of here,” I said letting go of him so I could move quicker. I didn’t care how paranoid I appeared. I knew more about HOME than he did, he’d just have to trust me.

If they had spotted us, they likely wouldn’t have recognized me with the new hair. At least I didn’t think they would have, but either way they wouldn’t like us snooping around.

“How are we going to get your friends back?”

“I’m not sure. For now, we’ll go back to the house… come up with a plan. We have to do this right. No mistakes.”

It seemed to take forever. We walked slower back to the cabin than when we had started out fresh and rested for the day. I was beyond thrilled when we made it back just before complete darkness set in. Penn went out back to gather wood for the night. I went inside, kicked off my shoes and slipped out of my coat. Then I paced. I was trying to think but my brain wasn’t working. I was too pumped up having just found HOME and the possibility of seeing everyone again was overwhelming.

Would they remember me? Of course they would remember me… right? Or maybe they would have just moved on with their lives. Maybe they were happy at HOME. What if they didn’t want to leave? Would I have to stay there just to be with them? I didn’t want to stay there. They had to know it wasn’t a good place, but if that was the case why hadn’t they left?

Maybe they had.

Maybe they were long gone and Penn and I would get inside only to be stuck there. We wouldn’t be allowed to leave. And if we tried we’d be killed. It was a risk I’d have to take. I had to do whatever it took to try to find them.

Penn walked in and started up the fireplace. He kicked off his boots and hung up his coat. I watched him as he peeled off his T-shirt and wrapped a blanket around his toned body. He told me once he didn’t like the T-shirts he had to rotate through. They were either too small or too big and that he felt more comfortable wrapped up in the blanket. I thought he was crazy. If someone ever came snooping around he’d want to be dressed.

“So any ideas on what the plan should be?” he said sitting on a chair near the fireplace. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“I haven’t been able to come up with one yet. I can’t think clearly,” I said rubbing my temples. The fire blazed and crackled behind me, heating the small room quickly.

Penn started asking me questions about HOME. Some I’d already told him but he wanted to hear it again. He asked me about the process of getting in. I had to retell him everything in detail, twice. I told him about the checkpoint, and then d-con, the helicopter ride, and then what I had seen of the main base. Then I reminded him about the jumpsuit and that maybe somehow I could use that to get inside. He nodded and stared at the floor as I spoke. I suggested again that he could stay here and keep the house safe, but he laughed and said that wasn’t going to happen.

“Well, then I think there is only one way in,” he said sliding the blanket off his shoulders and tossing it to the side. He stood up and put his hands on my shoulders, “We go in just like anyone else would.”

I swallowed hard. It would be too risky, and what if someone would recognize me? It was a possibility wasn’t it? Did I look that different? Stepping back on their territory was like not only wearing a target on my back, it was also like having a neon arrow floating above my head flashing and pointing right at me.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” I said turning my back to him so he couldn’t see my face. I hated showing any weakness around Penn. When he first came here I had been the one in charge, and I was trying desperately to keep it that way.

“Of course you can. You told me you used to have long blonde hair and now you’ve cut it and dyed it black. There’s no way with all the people they’ve seen they’d recognize you.”

“But if they did…,” I said flopping down on the sofa. Penn sat down next to me and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. I looked into the flames as if it were some kind of crystal ball and it would reveal what I should do. But it didn’t.

“You want your friends back, right?”

“You know I do.”

“Then it’s a risk you have to take. And I’ll be there with you,” he said staring at the fire.

I got up again. My body felt itchy, as if there were ants crawling all over me. I couldn’t decide if I should sit or stand. Or do jumping jacks. Penn watched me as I paced back and forth. “OK, let’s say we go to the checkpoint, then what?” I said stopping only for a second to look at him before I started moving again. I was running all the possible scenarios I could think of through my head.

“We go with as little as possible, keeping most of our necessities here—”

“Do we take my gun?”

“No.”

“But….”

“They’ll confiscate it right? We can’t lose the gun if we have to come back here,” he said not knowing I already had two other guns hidden away. I figured he’d be upset if he knew he could have had his own gun this whole time to use for his own safety. “You’ll have to hide it somewhere and we’ll just hope we don’t need it on our way to the checkpoint.”

I nodded knowing that he was right, but I wasn’t thrilled by the idea of going out unarmed. Penn could protect himself, he seemed skilled in all sorts of things, but I didn’t have any skills. I couldn’t even run fast.

“After we go to the checkpoint, we let them take over. We say as little as possible. You’ll need a fake name just in case.” He ran his hand through his hair and put his finger on his chin. He lightly tapped as if he was trying to think of the perfect name. “How about Melaney?” he said with a soft smile.

“Why Melaney?” I said trying to decide if I could pass for a Melaney.

“It was my sister’s name,” he said looking at me with the flame from the fire reflecting in his now slightly glassy eyes.

I didn’t know if I should feel honored or worried that he wanted my fake name to be the same as his dead sister. I decided to go with the former. The last thing I needed was to have more doubts and questions about Penn.