Flow (The Beat and the Pulse #6) (11 page)

“Yes, you are, you prick tease,” he snarled, pinning me in place. “You’re going to take it, and you’re going to like it.”

Pain ebbed through my head, and I began to struggle. “
Get off me!
”

“No one’s coming, Lori,” he said as he began rubbing his crotch against me. “Not for you.”

The only person I could think of in that moment was Hamish, but he wasn’t coming. Stu was right. I was alone. I couldn’t count on anyone but myself, so I had to do something about it before he…

Before he…

So I tried to fight.

I
couldn’t sleep
after the fight with Lori.

She’d practically doused me with cold water after her verbal smack around the face, and by the time I’d gotten home, my cock had woken up and was hard again. If I had been myself and Lori had been any other woman, I would have pushed a little harder until she snapped and we’d ended up tangled together. Me inside her until the sun came up.

But she was Lori…whatever that meant.

The next day, I still wasn’t over it, so I hit the gym in my apartment building instead of going to Pulse. Because avoiding Ash Fuller at a time like this was in the best interests of public safety. He liked to shake the hornet’s nest, and today, he’d get stung with my fist in his face. I knew a big fucking ‘I told you so’ would be the first thing he said.

I ran on the treadmill, upping the speed when my mind didn’t clear.

I cycled at full tilt, upping the tension when I couldn’t focus.

I lifted weights, but it only made my thoughts tumble.

Finally, I belted the shit out of a punching bag until I felt like dropping.

I was doing Lori a favor by getting out now. She’d been hurt enough. I didn’t have anything to offer except more heartache. Sickness and death was what reigned in the McBride household. Nobody wanted to deal with that, no matter what they said to the contrary. Nobody wanted to inherit a guy who might have hereditary cancer and didn’t have the chops to go get tested.

The problem was they were all excuses to get out of doing things the hard way. Because pursuing Lori would be an uphill climb. The view would be worth it once we reached the summit, but the journey might take too much out of us before we even reached base camp.

I had to stay the course.

It was the only thing within my grasp in the typhoon that was my life.

* * *

T
hat night at The Underground
, I belted the shit out of a fighter named Scorpion.

I did my duty, made my money, and still, my mind was full of Lori. I didn’t like the fact she was angry with me. Goddammit, I was so confused. I’d never not wanted to go after a woman before. How was it okay for me to pursue Josie with all the shit going on with my ma, but not Lori? What was the difference? Whatever it was, it was the greatest mystery in the world because even I didn’t know the answer.

The difference was Ma wasn’t dying then, and I wasn’t going through a cancer scare I wanted nothing to do with. The problem was I still would’ve tried to hang on to Josie despite all of that. Was it because I felt I could afford to lose Josie over the lie, or was it because I knew she’d understand and stick by me? Was I pushing Lori away because I cared too much for her and protecting her fragile heart meant more to me than my own happy ending?

What a mess.

Someone bumped their shoulder against mine, and I blinked hard, my mind coming back to the present. I was standing alone in the middle of the crowd, a target for hangers-on. If I didn’t make a move and get out of here, I’d get cornered.

Which direction would I go? Out back where I could go on putting my head in the sand…or to the bar where a fight of another kind was brewing for round two.

A group of women were eyeing me as I stood there, all of them the same as any other group of women in this shithouse. Clothing that barely left anything to the imagination, makeup an inch thick plastered on their faces, tits trussed up so high it was a wonder they didn’t poke their own eyes out, and each one of them looking to score with a cashed-up fighter. One-night stands were good for them, but bagging a boyfriend who liked to spend was the ultimate goal. It was a new kind of gold digger.

I never understood men who went for all that fake shit. Women like that thought every guy was the same, that they liked over-the-top moaning and one hell of a gag reflex. Shallower than a wading pool full of toddlers, the lot of them.

Before I could dodge the vultures, a redhead stepped forward.

“Hey, Goblin,” she purred, sidling up next to me.

Raising an eyebrow, I tried to think of a polite way to brush her off…but I didn’t move away.

She didn’t seem to notice, and her hand came to rest on my arm. “Nice fight tonight.” Her teeth dragged against her bottom lip as her breasts thrust forward, but all I could think about was the fact Lori wouldn’t do something so provocative. She was attractive just the way she was. Real.

Glancing toward the bar, I caught sight of Lori moving up and down like a whirlwind of destruction. She looked pissed as hell, and the customers were copping a serve. Probably my fault.

When her gaze moved across the warehouse, I was stuck to the spot. Her eyes inevitably locked with mine, and I almost faltered when I saw the unmasked jealousy and desire aimed right at me.
Fuck, Lori
.

I didn’t know what to do, so I let my gaze slide off hers. Turning back to the woman in front of me, I shook my head.

“Sorry, darlin’, but I’ve got somewhere to be.”

Ignoring her shocked expression, I stepped around her and weaved my way toward the bar. As the crowd parted, I realized Lori wasn’t there anymore.

Catching the attention of another girl, I asked, “Have you seen Lori?”

The girl eyed me suspiciously but nodded to the rear door. “Out back.”

Altering my trajectory, I followed her direction and pushed through the door beside the bar marked exit. It led outside to where a stack of empty kegs and crates were stored, the ground wet from rain that had fallen moments before.

That’s when I saw Lori being molested by the guy who managed the bar. She’d told me about him in passing— Slimy Stu with the wandering eyes. I didn’t like him then, but I hated him now.

He had her pinned against the wall, clawing at her clothes while she thrashed against him pleading with him to stop. For a split second, I was frozen, shocked at what I was witnessing, but then my vision turned to red, and I snarled.

Lunging, I grabbed the fucker’s shoulder, hauling him off her. He stumbled, and I put myself between them, my back to Lori like I was a shield.

“What the fuck?” he cried.

Fisting my hands into the front of his shirt, I lifted him clear off the ground and smashed him back into the opposite wall. His head smacked against the brickwork with crack.
Pansy-ass bastard
.

“You know me?” I asked, practically foaming at the mouth.

The guy nodded, his eyes wide with fear.

“Then you know what I can do to you. If I see you so much as stand near her, talk to her, look at her,
fuck
…if you even so much as
breathe
near her, you’re fuckin’
gone.
”

He nodded wildly, and I could almost smell the piss as he wet his pants. Letting him go, he fell to his knees and scrambled away from me.

“If I ever see you at The Underground again,
I’ll put you down myself
,” I roared after him as he fled.

The door slammed, and that’s when I was suddenly aware that Lori was breathing heavily. She was barely holding it together.

Turning, I found her curled up against the wall, her ass sitting on the wet ground. Kneeling in front of her, she was shivering…but I wasn’t sure if it was from shock or the cold. Maybe it was both. I knew I was shaking because I was a hair’s breadth away from going after that guy and ripping him a new asshole.

“C’mon,” I said. “I’m takin’ you home.”

“But… My shift…” she said haltingly.

My shoulders tensed as I held out my hand. “Fuck your shift. If they have a problem with you leavin’, they can come talk to me.”

She stared at my hand for ages before she placed hers in it. Standing, I pulled her up with me, and as she fell against my chest, her hands fisted into my T-shirt. A heady sense of relief washed over me, and I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her body against mine.

I wanted to tell her she was okay, that everything would be fine, but I couldn’t make the words come out. Instead, I guided her back inside so she could get her things, and then out the back way to avoid gossiping eyes jumping to conclusions.

As I was bundling her into my car, I realized we hadn’t exchanged a word since I pulled Slimy Stu off her.

That was a bad omen.

* * *

T
he air was
heavy between us all the way back to her place.

When I pulled the car into a spot in front of her house, I killed the engine and waited, unsure of what to say.

It had started to rain on the way over, and with the windscreen wipers stuck halfway up the windshield, the gentle pattering of rain on the roof of the car was the only sound in the otherwise silent interior.

We were sitting so close…yet so far from one another. Even after what had almost happened to her less than an hour ago.

Lori was the one to break the awkward silence.

“No one was coming for me,” she whispered. “He said no one was coming…”

Raindrops tapped against the windscreen, and the interior of the car felt impossibly small.

After a moment, I said, “I came.”

She snorted and turned her face away so I couldn’t see her expression.

“I was angry,” I said. “I thought I was dealin’… I don’t know what I was thinkin’ last night.”

“I need to learn how to fight,” she said, ignoring me. “I’ve been working in that place totally unprepared. I’ve been lucky. You could help me learn some self-defense. You’re a champion fighter.”

I swallowed hard. That was a bad idea. A real fucking bad idea.

“You could teach me.”

“Lori…”

Her gaze returned to mine. “Please. I don’t know who else to ask.”

I knew plenty of people she could learn from, but she now saw me as her savior, and that was the only reason she was asking. I wanted us to be more, but if we were together like that—me teaching her to fight in close proximity—I wouldn’t be able to separate my feelings. She’d made it clear it wasn’t what she wanted.

In hindsight, after the euphoria had worn off in the cold light of day, I wasn’t sure I could give it to her. I was stretched thin as it was.

“I can give you plenty of recommendations,” I said, staring out into the night. “I know a guy who owes me a favor or two, and he’s good.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” she bit out.

The double meaning didn’t go unnoticed, and I didn’t do anything to deter her. My heart began to beat faster, blood thrumming through my veins like I’d just gone another round in the cage.

“Hamish…” She sighed, her hands worrying the strap of her bag. “I was wrong to push you away. I was scared because Storm… He hurt me so bad it made me afraid of it happening again.”

“Lori, please…” I began, my throat feeling thick.

“I don’t know how else to do this,” she went on, her words beginning to run into each other. “Because what would someone like you see in someone like me, right? I’m such a mess. This could be one-sided, but you tried to kiss me, and I pushed you away when I should have let you.” She turned, edging around as far as the seat would allow her. “I want you, Hamish. You make me… You make me want to squash my fears and live again. Fuck the line. I want to cross it and never look back. I want to cross it with you.”

My hands tightened around the steering wheel, and I bowed my head so I didn’t have to look at her.

“I can’t.” The words tasted like poison on my tongue, but it was too late to take them back.

The air was so close there was no way of missing the moment she drew in a sharp hiss of breath. If that was the sound of her heart breaking, I guess I just shattered it.

“What changed?” she asked, her voice full of accusation. “What changed between last night and now?”

“Nothin’.”

“Nothing?” Her voice was full of disbelief. “It didn’t feel like nothing.”

“Do I need to explain it?” I asked, hating myself already. “You said it yourself. You see it every night. Guys like me only want one thing and it isn’t bein’ friends with a woman.”

She scoffed, her mouth opening and closing like she was lost for words.

Finally, she decided to ask, “So this was all a game to see how long it would take until I let you fuck me?”