Read Gaudete Online

Authors: Ted Hughes

Gaudete (15 page)

BOOK: Gaudete
8.56Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Evans brings a can of petrol.

Holroyd anoints the pile, he douches the three bodies.

Windows are smashed out for vents.

Holroyd spatters a petrol fuse up the stair and out into

                                                          the churchyard,

Then drops a match on to it.

All evidence goes up.

EPILOGUE

In a straggly sparse village on the West Coast of Ireland, on a morning in May – a morning of gust and dazzle – three small girls came to the priest where he sat in his study gazing at an open page of St Ignatius.

They brought something wrapped in a black waterproof folder. A stranger, a man, who had gone off in a car, had left it on a boulder down by the sea-lough. The priest unwrapped the folder and discovered a tattered notebook. Looking closely at the densely corrected pages he saw it was full of verse. He became curious about the man. He asked the girls more.

They had been playing among the rocks, and there wasn’t a soul to be seen. Then they got a fright. One minute there was just rocks, and the next minute there was this man, right beside them, sitting on a rock, watching them.

Before they could run off, he spoke. He asked them the name of the lough. Then he wanted to know the name of that mountain across the lough. Then of that other mountain, and the mountain beyond it. So with all the mountains in sight, mountain beyond mountain, far away to North and to South, the girls had to name them or say they didn’t know. Finally the man asked them if they’d ever seen a miracle. They had not.

He made them sit down on the rocks beside him. They promised that whatever happened they would not move or speak or make the slightest sound. Then he put the back of his hand to his mouth. He pursed his lips against the back of his hand. The girls waited. Suddenly their nerves seemed to shrivel, like a hair held in fire. An uncanny noise was coming from the back of the man’s hand. A peculiar, warbling thin sound. It was like a tiny gentle screaming. A wavering, wringing, awful sound, that caught hold of their
heads and was nearly painful. It was like a fine bloody thread being pulled through their hearts.

The man stared at the lough and the sound went out over the water. On and on and on. And the girls sat, petrified, staring at the man. He was solemn-looking, long-faced, dark-faced, and his bald shiny head was lumped with scars.

He stopped his noise abruptly. The silence was even worse. The girls looked where he was looking. Something was standing up out of the water at the lough’s edge. It was a beast of some kind, gazing towards them.

Now the noise started again, but this time much more softly. The girls could feel it plucking at different places inside them. It made them want to cry. And the beast came up out of the water.

It was like nothing the girls had ever seen, unless it was like a big weasel. It came up the gravelly beach below the rocks with that merry, hump-backed, snake-headed gallop of weasels. It came on over the rocks. It disappeared and they thought it had gone. It reappeared much closer and bigger. And all the time the man kept on with his strange, soft, painful cry.

Till at last the creature was sitting there in front of them, the size of a big cat, its dark fur all clawed with wet, craning towards the man, sniffing and shivering, so he could have reached out his hand and touched it, and the girls could smell the wild smell of the fish of the lough.

Again the man was silent. He sat watching the beast. And the beast went on trembling and sniffing and craning towards him. It seemed to be getting ready to jump into his lap. One of the girls could stand it no longer. She jerked in her foot, and hunched herself tighter, and a whimper escaped her.

The beast stood erect and stared. It stood up on its hind legs, like a person, and stared at them, quite still, as if they were very far away. The girls saw its foreign eyes, its wide whiskers. They thought they were going to be attacked at last, and got ready to shriek. Instead, it turned away and dropped off the back of its rock, and went on down over
the rocks and over the beach and into the water. And all the time the man sat watching it without a word. The creature stood up again, in the shallow water, looking back. Then it had gone.

The priest listened to this story, and smiled at the excitement of the three girls.

‘If that is a miracle,’ he said finally, ‘To bring an otter up out of the lough, then what must that poor man think of the great world itself, this giant, shining beauty that God whistled up out of the waters of chaos?’

And as he spoke the priest was suddenly carried away by his words. His thoughts flew up into a great fiery space, and who knows what spark had jumped on to him from the flushed faces of the three girls? He seemed to be flying into an endless, blazing sunrise, and he described the first coming of Creation, as it rose from the abyss, an infinite creature of miracles, made of miracles and teeming miracles. And he went on, describing this creature, giving it more and more dazzlingly-shining eyes, and more and more glorious limbs, and heaping it with greater and more extraordinary beauties, till his heart was pounding and he was pacing the room talking about God himself, and the tears pouring from his eyes fell shattering and glittering down the front of his cassock.

The girls became dull, and the moment his words paused they vanished through the doorway. The priest hardly noticed, he was so astonished by his own emotion. He sat down, trembling and faint, as in a fever. He thought something supernatural had happened. Then he saw the notebook again, lying on the table, and he remembered the otter and the strange way it had come up out of the lough because a man whistled. He opened the notebook and began to decipher the words. He found a pen and clean paper and began to copy out the verses.

What will you make of half a man

Half a face

A ripped edge

His one-eyed waking

Is the shorn sleep of aftermath

His vigour

The bone-deformity of consequences

His talents

The deprivations of escape

How will you correct

The veteran of negatives

And the survivor of cease?

I hear your congregations at their rapture

Cries from birds, long ago perfect

And from the awkward gullets of beasts

That will not chill into syntax.

And I hear speech, the bossed Neanderthal brow-ridge

Gone into beetling talk

The Java Man’s bone grinders sublimed into chat.

Words buckle the voice in tighter, closer

Under the midriff

Till the cry rots, and speech 

Is a fistula

Eking and deferring

Like a stupid or a crafty doctor

With his year after year

Of sanguinary nostrums

Of almosts and their tomorrows

Through a lifetime of fees.

Who are you?

The spider clamps the bluefly – whose death panic

Becomes sudden soulful absorption.

A stoat throbs at the nape of the lumped rabbit

Who watches the skylines fixedly.

Photographs of people – open-mouthed

In the gust of being shot and falling

And you grab me

So the blood jumps into my teeth

And ‘Quick!’ you whisper, ‘O quick!’

And ‘Now! Now! Now!’

Now what?

That I hear the age of the earth?

That I feel

My mother lift me up from between her legs?

At the top of my soul

A box of dolls.

In the middle of my soul

A circus of gods. 

At the bottom of my soul

The usual mess of squabblers.

In front of me

A useful-looking world, a thrilling weapon.

Behind me

A cave

Inside the cave, some female groaning

In labour –

Or in hunger –

Or in fear, or sick, or forsaken –

Or –

At this point, I feel the sun’s strength.

I take a few still-aimless happy steps.

The lark sizzles in my ear

Like a fuse –

A prickling fever

A flush of the swelling earth –

When you touch his grains, who shall stay?

Over the lark’s crested tongue

Under the lark’s crested head

A prophecy

From the core of the blue peace

From the sapphire’s flaw

From the sun’s blinding dust

I watched a wise beetle

Walking about inside my body

I saw a tree

Grow inward from my navel

Hawks clashed their courtship

Between my ears.

Slowly I filled up with the whole world.

Only one thing stayed outside me, in the glare.

You beckoned.

BOOK: Gaudete
8.56Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Mardi Gras by Lacey Alexander
Romancing Tommy Gabrini by Mallory Monroe
A Mate's Revenge by P. Jameson
Last Light Falling by J. E. Plemons
The Spiritglass Charade by Colleen Gleason
Honeyed Words by J. A. Pitts
Village Affairs by Miss Read
Sasha's Lion by Hazel Gower
Stolen Heart by Bennett, Sawyer
Beneath a Trojan Moon by Anna Hackett