Girl's Guide to Kissing Frogs (35 page)

I sighed and looked down at my hands, filthy from crawling through the tunnel. ‘I can’t pretend to be anything other than cowardly and deceitful.’

‘There is no need to put on sackcloth and ashes. You are not a hardened voluptuary. Merely someone who has spent so much of her life in a world of make-believe that she cannot always separate the dreams from the reality.’

‘Can one live without caring what other people think?’

‘One ought to try.’

‘I don’t know that I’m strong enough for that.’

‘Then make yourself strong enough.’

‘Is it just a matter of wanting?’

‘Of course. Nothing determines your character but you yourself. Not fate, not inheritance, not circumstances. If you apply the self-discipline that enables you to be an accomplished dancer to your conduct, you will be strong.’

‘But it isn’t as straightforward as that. Rafe’s been ill. Depressed. He had a dreadful experience in a tank in Northern Ireland—’

‘Isobel told me about it.’ Conrad took from his pocket a notebook and pencil and wrote something on the first page. ‘I think I shall plant ferns here. Most will enjoy this damp shade. The
Athyrium felix-femina
group to begin with. She and her brother are devoted.’

‘Oh, yes. She feels as strongly as I do that everything that can be done
must
be done to help him recover. I don’t mean to sound conceited but he says I’ve helped him … perhaps he needs to believe that I’m better than I am. Wouldn’t it be selfish of me to salve my own conscience at the expense of his happiness?’

‘Hm. One can always put a favourable interpretation on one’s
own doings. Also the
Polystichums
and the
Cyrtomiums
.’ He was writing busily. ‘I wonder about the
Woodwardia fimbriata
?
I think I remember that it dislikes lime.’

I took off his coat and stood up. ‘What time is it?’

He looked at his watch. ‘A quarter after eight.’

‘I’d better go. Surgery begins at nine.’

He continued to write. ‘Can you get back to the path by yourself?’

‘Yes.’ I laid his coat on the mossy rock where I had been sitting. ‘Thank you. I hope I haven’t bored you with my problems …’

‘Do not delay and make yourself late. Goodbye.
Dryopteris
.
Asplenium
…’

‘Goodbye.’ I smiled but he did not look up.

‘God knows why I agreed to go,’ Rafe grumbled as he turned the car onto the road that led up to Hindleep. The woods were mere shadows now, unfriendly; a nothing colour like deep water. ‘I’m really too tired to be sociable. My fellow magistrates were determined to hang, draw and quarter every grandmother up for shoplifting.’

‘You don’t mean – not really?’

‘Of course not. Sometimes, Marigold, I wonder if you live in the real world.’

‘Sorry. That was stupid of me. I wasn’t thinking properly … it’s just that I get so tense on this bit of road …’

‘Oh darling, I’m a
brute
to snap at you when you’re so patient and sweet. Don’t take any notice of me. I’m just cross. The traffic coming out of Carlisle was appalling and there was a hold-up on the A69. It took me an hour and a half to get home. And this rain hasn’t helped.’ During the afternoon dark clouds had destroyed the beautiful day and it had rained for the last two hours. ‘The last thing I wanted was to get behind the wheel again. But it’s sheer refreshment to see you.’

‘Thank you.’

I hoped he would continue to feel the same way after we reached Hindleep. Arriving home at lunchtime, I had found a
blue envelope lying on the mat, addressed to me in an elegant, upright script.

Come to supper this evening. We have the rudiments of a
kitchen now and Fritz can work miracles. Rafe will be invited
also. Sebastian will be there but there is no cause for alarm.
Conrad
.

Though I dreaded seeing Sebastian again, it had not occurred to me to refuse Conrad’s invitation.

‘I must have been crazy to accept,’ said Rafe. ‘No doubt it’s catching. But Isobel said in her note that she’d never forgive me if I didn’t show. She’s been up there all afternoon and we’re to bring her home.’

This made me even less enthusiastic about the evening’s entertainment. I knew from some rather cool looks Isobel had given me at last night’s party that I was out of favour.

‘Goodness knows what she does at Hindleep,’ Rafe continued. ‘He doesn’t consult her about the restorations as far as I know. He’s impossibly autocratic. The last person I’d have thought she’d want to marry. I fear he’s going to be the husband from hell.’

‘Perhaps Isobel doesn’t want to be involved with the decorating. Does she like that sort of thing?’

‘Don’t all women? Don’t you?’

‘Oh, yes, I love it. Even on a shoestring. I wish you’d seen my flat. Luckily there were always lots of theatrical props going begging. Our bathroom was absolutely horrible, no window and white tiles like a morgue, so I stuck pink, red and yellow taffeta flowers from the flower girl’s stall in
Nocturne
all over the walls and painted the bath yellow. Then I took up the hideous lino and did the floor in pink and yellow stripes. It looked quite good in a bold, Matisse kind of way.’

‘It sounds … extraordinary. I hope you’ll like living at Shottestone.’ I heard doubt in his voice.

‘Of course I will. You know I’ve always loved being there.’

‘I’m afraid it doesn’t lend itself to flowers on walls and stripey floors.’

‘You needn’t worry. I shouldn’t dream of changing a thing.’

‘Don’t be silly, darling.’ I heard relief replace the doubt. ‘Shottestone isn’t a museum. Things will need replacing from time to time.’

‘I shall certainly ask your permission first.’

‘Perhaps that would be as well. Marigold?’

‘Yes.’

‘Is that fellow Lenoir going to be there this evening?’

‘I think so.’

‘I know I’ve no right – yet – to sound like a jealous husband but I didn’t like the way he kissed you on the mouth like that. And the business about your engagement … Was it a joke, in very poor taste, or were you and he – Christ! Look out, you fool!’

Two headlights shone in our faces and there was a squeal of tyres as Rafe pulled hard to the left to avoid the lorry that came round the bend in the middle of the road. There was a grating sound as we scraped against the rock of the hillside.

‘Bloody idiot! I’ve a good mind to go after him … except there isn’t anywhere to turn round.
Damn!
That’ll be another hundred pounds at the garage.
And
the inconvenience. Last time they lent me a three-wheeled van. I looked perfectly ridiculous turning up at the magistrates’ court in it …’ With increased wrath, ‘What’s so funny?’

‘Sorry, it’s hysteria … I was so frightened … I hope there isn’t much damage.’

Rafe drove the rest of the way to Hindleep in a silence which I did not dare to break. I had prepared a speech that afternoon, in the intervals between taking greasy plates mounded with chips and red cabbage to depressed-looking customers. I had so phrased the speech that it was essentially truthful without, I hoped, making me sound like … what was Conrad’s expression? A hardened voluptuary. But it was not easy to deliver it to an already hostile audience. When we drove into the courtyard I began in a rush, ‘Rafe, I need to talk you. I’ve been an
awful fool though I never meant …’ but he had already jumped out. I saw him by the light of the headlamps, which turned the rain to slanting gold threads, bending down to examine the wing, his face taut with annoyance.

Someone opened the door beside me. ‘What fettle, Marigold? I have the umbrella. Come in quick before ze rain wettens you.’

Fritz and I ran up the steps into the house. The hall was looking marvellous now, the panelling restored, the windows repaired, an old Persian rug on the polished flags, a fire burning in the hearth. Something large stood in one corner beneath a tarpaulin.

‘Is it another piano?’ I asked.

‘Not a piano. I was at the moment of unrappening ven I hear you come. I shall undo so you haf a lovely surprise.’

He started to unfasten the buckles that held the tarpaulin in place. The object beneath ended in a long point like a prow.

‘I know! It’s a boat. For sailing on the lake!’

‘Wrong!’ Fritz laughed with pleasure. ‘You vill never guess.’

He was right. I never would have. Fritz drew away the tarpaulin.

‘A sleigh!’ I stepped back to admire it properly. ‘How perfectly beautiful!’

It was about ten feet long and made of a bright silver metal, perhaps polished steel. The prow, or whatever the front section was called, had been moulded into the head and neck of a swan.

‘Conrad buy it from a sale in New York. But it is Russian. Wonderful, eh? Or I must say canny.’

‘I don’t know if that quite describes it.’

‘I go to fetch him.’

While Fritz was looking for Conrad, I admired his most recent acquisition. Two glass lanterns, prettily ornamented with garlands of silver ivy leaves were projected on brackets each side of the swan’s neck. The seat behind was deeply buttoned in blue velvet.

‘Oh, it’s divine!’ Isobel had come into the hall. ‘What a shame we have to ride about in dreary old cars.’

She was wearing a white wool dress with a red patent-leather
belt, which emphasized her small waist and curvaceous bottom and red patent high-heeled shoes. Her wardrobe must be enormous by now since she never wore the same thing twice.

‘Hello, Isobel. You look jolly nice.’

‘Thanks.’ She smiled but I was not altogether convinced. ‘So do you. Original, I must say. Been at the dressing-up box again?’

‘Yes, I have actually.’ My knee-length skirt was made of white pleated organza with sleeves of the same stuff. Both were trimmed with crimson ribbons. The bodice was crimson too, decorated in curlicues of gold braid. ‘Do you really like it? It’s a costume from
Daphnis and
Chloë
. It’s coming apart at the seams which is why they got rid of it. But it’s one of my favourites.’

‘All you need is a tinsel crown and a fairy wand.’

‘Good evening, Marigold.’ Conrad had come to inspect the sleigh. He wore a black jacket, a pleated lawn shirt and a paisley bow tie. And trousers too, of course. You would never have mistaken Conrad for an Englishman, but no one could have accused him of ostentation. Perhaps discreetly prosperous would best describe his style. Rafe’s everyday clothes were well worn without actually being in holes, usually green or brown. Actually, I rarely noticed what Rafe was wearing, but he always looked distinguished without making any concessions to fashion, which he probably thought vulgar.

I stroked the swan’s neck. It was as cold as the snow it had once skimmed over. ‘Has it really spent its youth dashing over frozen wastes somewhere utterly glamorous like the Urals?’

‘I know nothing of its provenance,’ Conrad said, ‘except there is a label behind the seat which says “Made in Moscow”. I bought it on an impulse. No one else seemed to want it.’

‘Not many people would have anywhere to put it,’ said Isobel. ‘Can you see it cheek by jowl with a hostess trolley or a cocktail cabinet?’

‘Are you going to buy a horse to pull it?’ I asked Conrad.

He shook his head. ‘A horse requires a stable and a groom and regular exercising. And we have no field to graze it.’

This was disappointing. I had imagined spanking along snowy lanes, buried to my ears in fur rugs, listening to the tinkling of harness bells and the swish of the runners on ice.

‘You could use it as a toboggan to go down the hill,’ suggested Isobel.

‘I fear only as far as the first bend. There is no method of steering it.’

Rafe came in, his shoulders dark with rain, his golden curls flattened over his forehead.

‘The wing
and
the door will have to be resprayed. It’s the outside of enough.’

‘What’s the matter?’ Isobel kissed him. ‘You’re looking terribly grumpy.’

‘Some lunatic came down the hill much too fast and shoved me into the cliff, that’s all. A bloody great juggernaut, careering round the bend as though it was the Monte Carlo rally.’

‘That will be the lorry that delivered this.’ Conrad indicated the sleigh. ‘As he was careering on my instructions, you must let me pay for the damage.’

Rafe flushed. ‘Thank you, but no.’

‘Don’t be silly, darling,’ said Isobel. ‘It’ll be a fleabite to Conrad and you know you’re always complaining about making ends meet.’

Rafe looked incensed but, before he could answer, Sebastian strolled into the hall. Though I had known he would be there, actually seeing him at Hindleep gave me a shock and I felt my hair stand on end – just the roots, fortunately.

‘Hello, Marigold.’ He kissed me politely on both cheeks, then he held out his hand to Rafe. ‘That was a delightful party last night. Congratulations on your engagement. I’m sure you’ll both be very happy. I hope you’ll forgive my little joke. Marigold and I are old friends, as no doubt she’s told you.’

I had forgotten that Sebastian could be charming when he chose. He had never bothered with me.

‘Thank you,’ Rafe muttered, not able to rid himself of his temper immediately.

Sebastian continued to smile pleasantly at him. ‘This is such beautiful country. Conrad tells me your family have been here longer than anyone.’

‘Well,’ Rafe allowed Fritz to relieve him of his damp coat, ‘I wouldn’t quite say that. There may be one or two families who have the start on us. But the Prestons have lived at Shottestone since the fifteenth century.’

‘Really? I envy you. It’s a superb house.’

Rafe was obliged to make an effort to avoid appearing boorish. ‘Are you staying long in Northumberland?’

‘I have to be in Geneva tomorrow, unfortunately. The fifteenth century, you say? It must be fascinating to have such strong links with one’s ancestors …’

While Sebastian and Rafe talked, the latter visibly unbending, I marvelled at Sebastian’s diplomacy. I knew that scenery and pride of place meant less than nothing to him. He was indifferent to everything outside the world of ballet, yet he was plying Rafe with questions about his forebears as eagerly as a novice pursuivant of the College of Arms.

‘Come along you two.’ Isobel took hold of Rafe’s arm with one hand and Sebastian’s with the other and led them off to the drawing room. ‘The champagne’s beginning to boil.’

‘What did you say to Sebastian to make him behave like that?’ I asked Conrad. ‘Are you a mind controller?’

‘I used a little psychology.’ Conrad looked rather pleased with himself which I felt he was entitled to do. ‘On our way to the Castle I told Sebastian that his success with women had preceded him and that you had been desolated to learn that you had been supplanted in his heart. Naturally as we were speaking man to man I put it less delicately, but that was the substance.’

‘I suppose you had a reason for rolling my pride in the dust?’

‘Of course. In gaining the upper hand it is wise to have regard for the pride of one’s adversary. Sebastian can tell himself and
others that you have become engaged to another man from pique. I applied my understanding of Sebastian’s psyche further and warned him that Golly was extraordinarily devoted to you. Being a woman strong in her affections, she would take it ill if you were made unhappy. I advised him not to make difficulties for you if he wished to be successful in coming to terms with Golly over the opera. Sebastian wants this contract desperately and he will do anything to get it.’

‘You don’t mean to say it was as easy as that?’

‘Things become easy only when you have perfectly understood them. I also suggested that he might turn the situation to his advantage by inviting Rafe to put some money into the company as a graceful farewell on your behalf.’

‘But Rafe hasn’t got any money. He doesn’t make a secret of it, so it’s all right for me to tell you.’

Conrad stood silent for a moment, as though considering. I liked the contrast between the pronounced cheekbones that gave his face an almost feminine beauty and the masculine nose like a Moghul prince’s. ‘The Prestons, while not possessed of a king’s ransom, are most comfortably situated,’ he said, just as I was wondering whether a turban would suit him. ‘They own two thousand acres of good farmland, for one thing, and much real estate, besides an impressive portfolio of investments.’ I must have looked astonished. ‘You really did not know this?’

‘How
could
I know? I shouldn’t dream of asking Rafe. Naturally I didn’t think they were starving, but he always seems so keen on economy.’