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Authors: Patricia-Marie Budd

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Salve!

Fired Detritus Fisherman Claims Discrimination!
HNN—Melissa Eagleton Reporting

Early last week, one of HNF’s detritus fishermen was fired for having attempted to smuggle in a boatful of refugees. He claimed these men were homosexuals who feared returning to their home country. The manager, Malco Neumann, responsible for terminating Wolfgang Gaidosch’s employment, claims otherwise. These men, he says, were in fact heterosexual terrorists looking to find a way to infiltrate our border. This is a—far more believable story than that of a—of a strai trying to save the lives of gay men. Wolfgang Gaidosch claims that Malco Neumann is using the refugees as subterfuge, an excuse justifying dismissal. According to Gaidosch, Neumann concocted this lie to hide the real reason for his dismissal: discrimination. Look to my right and watch our screen as Gaidosch lashes out with unfounded allegation against his former boss. “Malco knows that Geoffrey Hunter, the CEO of Hadrian National Fisheries, is strai-friendly, so Malco doesn’t want him to know the real reason for firing me. He called me a
*BEEP*
strai and then fired me.”

At the center of this heated debate is Geoffrey Hunter, former CEO of Hunter Fisheries, who is now CEO of Hadrian National Fisheries. Geoffrey Hunter has taken sides with the detritus fisherman. His comments, too, were recorded: “The real reason for Wolfgang Gaidosch’s termination is Wolfgang’s sexual orientation. He is openly straight. As soon as Wolfgang told me his story, I knew he was telling the truth; I could see it in his eyes.” Using his position as CEO of HNF, Geoffrey Hunter has not only rehired Wolfgang Gaidosch, but promoted him to manager of Wharf 12. This was the position of the manager who had fired Mr. Gaidosch. When questioned, Hunter had this to say about Malco Neumann: “He has been transferred to the main office in Antinous to assume a position he applied for previously.” When asked whether he would have rather
fired Neumann, all Hunter had to say was: “There are no grounds for firing Neumann. He acted in accordance with the law. It is within his right to dismiss a man who is straight, just as it is within my right to rehire and promote the said individual.” As you are aware, Geoffrey Hunter is famous for his marriage to Dean Stuttgart, an openly strai man. Hunter’s ex-husband, according to confidential sources, seems to support the contention the two men have divorced, and they hid—his founding family status until—until advantageously—revealing it at their son’s murder trial. It is believed that as a result of his marriage to this strai, Geoffrey Hunter has always been a strong supporter of his re-ed workers. Many speak of the reforms he brought in when he owned the company and even more after he sold controlling interests to HNF. Due to Geoffrey Hunter’s tireless efforts, all detritus fishermen, the majority of whom are from the re-ed class, receive medical benefits. HNF detritus fishermen are the only DF workers in Hadrian to receive medical benefits. It is perhaps—a dangerous precedent to set—suggesting greater value be placed on—the work of re-eds over—natural citizens.

Geoffrey Hunter, CEO of Hadrian’s Detritus Fisheries, disagrees, believing the number of abuses against heterosexual employees to be much higher than we realize. Malco Neumann’s firing of Wolfgang Gaidosch, Hunter said, opened his eyes to the profuse discrimination against the straight detritus fishermen under his employ. “We are so used to an acceptable standard of hate that we don’t even notice when we say something hurtful or discriminatory against our straight brothers and sisters.” As a result, Mr. Hunter has decided to run a series of sensitivity workshops for all of his employees, including higher management. Viewers, you may remember from the previous
Salve!
that such workshops were being recommended by Quadrant Four’s Ombudsman spokeswoman, Pazima Zulu. Mr. Hunter had seen that episode and contacted Zulu for more information. The incident involving Neumann and Gaidosch, he said, helped to expedite the sessions. When asked why he was going to such extremes to protect strai employees, his response was simple: “Everyone deserves to feel safe in the workplace. When employees are accepted for who they are in their work environment, productivity cannot help but improve.”

Not everyone agrees with Hadrian’s National Fisheries CEO, Geoffrey Hunter. The newest addition to HNN,
Salve!
’s production manager, Darien Dumas, sees “sensitivity training” as a waste of Hadrian’s tax fund. Our
money, he believes would be better spent ensuring the successful reeducation of our youth rather than pandering to the hurt feelings of a few strais.

Vale!

“Mimi, I can’t.”

“Why not?” Mimi sighs. “Oh, Dean, how did you become so stubborn?”

As Dean leans back in the blue plush reclining seat in his grandmother’s living room, he covers his face with his hands. Mimi, seated next to him in her rocker, shakes her head. “Look,” she points to the wall screen. She and Dean are watching
Salve!
and, using a remote (“My eyes are too old for a voc,” she claims), Mimi pauses the show on Geoffrey’s image. “Weren’t you listening? Didn’t you just hear him? Even without you in his life prodding him, he is standing up for the reeducated. He rehired that man. He doesn’t care that the man is straight. He just sees a loyal worker who has worked hard for his company for fifteen years. Granted, he should have fired the other man, but that would have been deemed prejudice. That’s the irony of the bigoted world.”

“Mimi, I know. I saw. I see.” His face is still in his hands, but his elbows are now on his knees, as if his head were a weight too heavy for him to bear.

“And on top of that, he is planning sensitivity training for his staff. Now that’s got to be a first for Hadrian!”

“I know. I know.”

“He still loves you. It’s so obvious.”

“Mimi, please.”

“Do you love him, Dean?”

“Of course I do. You know I do. I always have—I just can’t—”

“Can’t what, dear? Tell him?”

“I’ve changed. I can never go back to pretending. I need to express this other side of me.”

“I understand, dear, but—”

“No buts, Mimi. I spent the first forty years of my life pretending to be someone I’m not. I can’t go back to that now. Geez, Mimi, you’re always quoting Shakespeare. Wasn’t he the one who said, ‘Be true to yourself.’”

Mimi nods approvingly, “‘This above all: to thine own self be true, / And it must follow, as the night the day, / Thou canst not then be false to any man.’
Hamlet
, Act I, Scene 3.”
12

Dean laughs, shaking his head. “Line numbers?”

“Oh, don’t be silly; of course I don’t know the line numbers.” Looking upwards coyly, “Or do I? 72, 82, 92?” After, laughing at her own jest, she adds, “I’m just kidding; of course I don’t know the line numbers.” Serious again, she says, “That was Polonius to Laertes; a father’s advice to a son. Another lovely bit of irony, Polonius, such an underhanded government worm, actually saying something profound. But that was Shakespeare; he certainly had his finger on the pulse of man’s paradox.”

Dean smiles and reaches for his grandmother’s hand. “I am being true to myself, Mimi.”

“Are you, really? I know everyone thinks you’re straight. That’s what you’ve told all of us—”

Dean refuses to let her finish. “Yes, Mimi, I’m attracted to women. I’ve always known that.”

Sensing Dean’s irritation, Mimi decides to lighten the mood with a little cajoling. “And that little girl? Are you dating her?”

“Cantara and I are just friends. Besides, you know she’s only twenty-two.”

Now posturing annoyance, Mimi says, “Oh, you make me sound like an ageist.” Coyly, she adds, “I’ve dated younger women in my day, too, you know.” Looking up at the ceiling, tapping an index finger on her front tooth, Mimi tries to remember. “The youngest was—a good twenty years my junior.”

Dean blushes. “Mimi, please.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. She’s a consenting adult, and if she wants you, why not?”

“I’m—ah—” More than embarrassed, Dean finds this conversation has him in knots. It’s hard enough talking about sex, but to have this discussion with his grandmother is downright disconcerting. Unable to come up with
a reasonable explanation, Dean murmurs, “I’m just not ready for a relationship. I mean, I don’t have time, and then re-ed—”

Mimi, no longer posturing, becomes quite stern. “Stop using that excuse. I know being around women still makes you uncomfortable, but you can work through that. It’s just an excuse—unless you’re still lying to yourself.”

Perturbed, Dean enquires, “What do you mean?”

“Quite simply, love, there is no shame in being bi.”

“Mimi, you don’t understand.”

“Yes, I do.”


No
, you don’t!” Dean winces; he hadn’t meant to be harsh. “Sorry, Mimi.” Sighing deeply, wiping his eyes dry, Dean explains, “I’ve taken up a cause. My being straight is a part of that.”

“Seriously, Dean, do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? I’ve taken up this cause, too, and I’m gay.”

“I, know, but—”

“But what, darling? Are you afraid people won’t take you seriously enough if you’re
only
bi?”

“Why is your voice like a whip?”

“Oh, my, dear; I wasn’t that curt.” Smiling slyly, she adds, “Or is it just the truth that hurts?” Mimi gives Dean a moment to calm himself. “Did I ever tell you my wife was bisexual?” Dean looks up, surprised. “Oh, yes; we didn’t always used to be so uptight sexually in this country. Gender fluidity was the basis upon which this good country was founded. It was okay to be gay; it was okay to be bi; it was okay to be transgender,” and smiling, she adds, “and, yes, it was even okay to be straight. Those crazy laws only came in after the Birtwistles and the Nassers managed to convince the rest of us—” pointing to her sternum, Mimi raises her eyebrows as if to say, “Me excluded,” and harrumphs, “that an alliance with heterosexuals would be our downfall.” Sighing now, she adds, “And somehow excluding heterosexuals meant excluding bisexuals as well.” Shaking her head in disbelief, she continues, “It didn’t help that attacks against the Wall were relentless in those days. And then 6-13 happened! I thought we’d never see the light of reason again.” Mimi sighs. “With all of those radical changes over the past forty years, well, that’s all people know now. It seems like everyone has forgotten the ideals we really founded this country on.” Shaking her head, she asks, “Can you believe people actually believe the story that Mark and Julie Reiner were the only heterosexual couple to join
us and that they sacrificed their sexual love for each other? Humph. Well, let me tell you, they
weren’t
platonic.” Chuckling now, Mimi says, “I guess all this ranting is just my way of saying it’s okay to be bisexual. You can be bi, Dean, if you are. And then,” she pauses briefly to allow Dean to let the thought sink in, “choose to be with the person you love.”

“I wish it was that easy, Mimi.”

“It’s as easy as it is difficult. It always is when it’s the right thing.”

“I love you, Mimi,” Dean says, and looking up at the screen, he adds, “And I love Geoffrey.” But shaking his head, he concludes, “I’m just not ready to go back.” Looking Mimi’s way, he adds, “And when I finally am, I’m not sure whom I’ll choose to be with, if anybody. I’m—needing this independence.”

“That I understand. Just don’t deny yourself the opportunity to love again.”

“I promise, Mimi, I won’t.”

“All right, I guess that’s the best I can get out of you for now.” Dean stands and turns towards the den. “Time to go study again?” Smiling, she adds, “I so admire your dedication.” Clucking her approbation, she concludes, “You’re going to make a fine nurse.”

Dean turns and laughs. “How do you know that?”

“By the way you take care of me, dear. You should consider geriatrics.”

“I might at that, Mimi. I might at that.”

“All right, then.” Mimi picks up her remote and shuts off the wall screen. Rising slowly, hindered mostly by stiffness and pain, she crosses over and kisses Dean on the cheek. “Goodnight, my beautiful grandson; I’m off to bed.”

“Goodnight, Mimi.” Dean watches her hobble down the hall. Her body has deteriorated quite a bit over the last two years. “But you’re still smart as a whip,” he mumbles to himself, “still smart as a whip!”

*****

12
Shakespeare, William. The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Act I, scene iii, lines 564 to 566. OpenSourceShakespeare. Retrieved from:
http://www.opensourceshakespeare.org/
views/plays/play_view.php?WorkID=hamlet&Act=1&Scene=3&Scope=scene
.

Salve!

Reeducating Reeducation: A Salve!
Interview with Jason Warith
HNN—Melissa Eagleton Reporting

“Parents, before we begin, it is incumbent upon me to warn you of the delicate nature of tonight’s special. We will be discussing the new anti-heterosexual laws and the impact they have on Hadrian’s youth. Our producers have rated it PG 14—parental discretion is advised.

“With that said, welcome to another
Salve!
interview special. Tonight’s guest is the Golden Boy of Reeducation himself, Jason Warith. He was hand-picked by President Stiles just days after her inaugural ceremony as Head Director for Reeducation. His first commissioned task was to run a series of reviews and evaluations at each of Hadrian’s ten camps: both girls’ and boys’ Northwest, Northeast, Southwest, Southeast, and the military Midwest camp. Jason Warith has visited each camp and scrutinized the standard procedures used by each to reeducate our youth. Subsequently, the first unwarranted method to be abolished was the use of corporal punishment. We all saw the bloody paddle Gideon Weller wielded against those poor boys, and few amongst us regret the loss of that disciplinary tool; some still believe it was necessary—the majority of the population, however, does not. Next, Jason Warith banned electric shock therapy. This decision didn’t go down without a fight from many medical practitioners who quickly pointed out its success rate at deterring opposite sex attraction. Warith responded by citing numerous anecdotal stories and research studies that clearly demonstrate men and women still feel opposite-sex attraction after shock treatment protocols. In spite of the overwhelming evidence, his opposition still insisted upon the return of its usage and contends that electric shock therapy has rendered opposite-sex attractions and activity difficult, if not impossible. More importantly, though, we’ll discuss the new anti-heterosexual laws in place as well as Bill 52
proposed by Senator Nasser and General Birtwistle. So, without further adieu, allow me to re-introduce all of Hadrian to the Head Director for Reeducation, Mr. Jason Warith.

“Mr. Warith, welcome back.”

“Thank you, Ms. Eagleton. I’m honored to be invited back. May I call you Melissa as I did the last time I was on the show?”

“Yes, and, if I recall correctly, you said I could call you Jason. I wasn’t sure whether I should take such a liberty now that you hold such a distinguished governmental position.”

“Please, I’d prefer Jason. I’m still not comfortable wearing shoes ten sizes too big for me.”

“Now, why would you say that? I think President Stiles was right in choosing you for this position. Who better?”

“A great many. I am only too aware that President Stiles chose me for this position due to my association with the Middleton case and my role in the Frank Hunter trial.”

“That’s not the only reason she chose you. According to Adrian Adams, Director of the Southwest Reeducation Facility, the President couldn’t have chosen better.”

“Adrian’s being much too kind. In fact, the President would have chosen better had she chosen Adrian Adams. He’s open to change and recognizes the dangers inherent in our role as reeducators. I’m lucky to have him as my mentor.”

“You speak as if you are still in practicum under him.”

“In many ways, I still am. I may be Head Director for Reeducation, but Adrian Adams has the years of experience and wisdom required for this job. That’s why I asked President Stiles to make him Assistant Director. I need his wisdom and experience to guide me if I’m to reeducate reeducation effectively.”

“Yes, I love your catch phrase. Reeducate Reeducation. What made you come up with that?”

“I think we all know the answer to that. After the horrors of the Northeast Reeducation facility were revealed, we’d no choice but to rethink how we go about reeducating bisexual youth.”

“Not all bisexual youth—only those who insist on experimenting with opposite sex attractions.”

“True enough, Melissa, but even you must agree that the majority of
our youth in reeducation are in fact bisexual. Cases like Todd Middleton, pure heterosexuals, are rare.”

“Touché. Our geneticists have seen to that.”

“Assuming they truly can detect the heterosexual gene and eradicate it like they claim.”

“Why question that?”

“I was in court the day Faial Raboud examined Geneticist Avery Gillis. He couldn’t guarantee that every child born in Hadrian has the homosexual gene.”

“But they’re so close, Jason; surely we can safely say that being straight is a choice in Hadrian.”

“Melissa, our greatest geneticists can’t provide us with 100 percent accuracy; that means some members of our society are born straight.”

“Well—”

“Well, nothing, Melissa! Who in their right mind would choose to be straight? What could such a choice bring other than misery, the threat of exile, peer abuse, and loss of family?”

“Of course, when put that way, I can’t see why anyone would want to be straight. So why do you think bisexual youth choose to act on their heterose—strai tendencies?”

“Quite simply, because they experience them.”

“Yes, but they also experience same-sex attraction.”

“Of course they do, but asking a bisexual (anyone between a 1 and 5 on the Kinsey scale) to ignore his or her opposite sexual attractions is just as futile as asking someone to ignore his or her same-sex attractions.”

“Surely any 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale can ignore them. What’s so funny, Jason?”

“The Kinsey scale was a behavioral scale, which means—”

“I understand that, Jason, but here in Hadrian, we use Kinsey’s scale to refer to the level of attraction a person feels, which would correspond with behavior if such behavior were allowed.”

“I’m certain most 4s and 5s can and do ignore their opposite sex attractions. It’s probably easier for them than it would be for the 1 to 3s.”

“Whether it’s easy or not, it remains imperative that bisexuals deny and avoid opposite sex environments and attractions.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Jason, please. Opposite sex attraction leads to het’ro sex, which in turn results in unwanted pregnancy.”

“Not always.”

“Okay, sometimes,
but it does,
and that’s the central point. Het’ro sex
is
designed for procreation, whereas homosexual sex isn’t. It’s safe sex when it comes to avoiding pregnancy. The prohibition on heterosexual sex allows and empowers society to curb and ameliorate the threat of overpopulation.”

“You see, Melissa, that’s the intellectual foundational base upon which reeducation must be founded: the stabilization of human population. Rather than claim opposite sex attractions are wrong, we need to acknowledge their existence. This is the only way we can then begin to educate our youth effectively on how to control their sexual desires so our same-sex attractions can take precedence for the good of humanity. We can’t beat sexual attraction out of a person. We can’t terrorize individuals, forcing them to be gay. All we can do is reason with our youth and help them better understand the principles upon which Hadrian was founded: not just Hadrian as a homosexual community; not just to provide a safe haven; not just to reclaim the natural balance of the planet; but also to ensure a stable and sustainable human population. We can no longer tell people that they can’t be straight. Rather, we must return to the first principles upon which our country was founded and encourage responsible citizenship that respects the need to avoid sexual acts leading to procreation—we all know there is only one sexual act that causes pregnancy; penile vaginal intercourse.”

“Thank you for bringing us to that point, Jason, since it leads right into my next question. What do you think of Dean Stuttgart’s comments urging heterosexual sex be made legal?”

“Dean Stuttgart is asking for something straight citizens already have. Nearly all forms of heterosexual sex are already legal, with the exception of one act: penile vaginal intercourse. It is that one sexual act that I believe must remain illegal. All other forms of coitus are harmless.”

“Yes, but we all know what happens in the heat of the moment. Sexual energy builds, partners get carried away, and the next thing you know, they’re procreating—Seriously—?”

“Are you still talking to me?”

“No—Yes—All right. Jason, all forms of het’ro sex need to be illegal. There’s no point debating it. Our time is limited, and we still have a number of issues to discuss. Another controversial topic is the new law that
allows mandatory medical examinations and procedures on het’ro women accused of having had penile vaginal intercourse. Should this be done?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Absolutely not. No one should be forced to undergo any medical examination or procedure without his or her consent.”

“Yes, but if she’s had strai sex, she could be pregnant.”

“Possibly, but it’s not fair to impose testing based on a supposition. You have to prove the girl had penile vaginal intercourse and has missed her period. Additionally, it is imperative to respect due process and the rule of law.”

“Oh, but you know as well as I do that no woman would admit to being straight given the stigma and consequences surrounding heterosexuality. That leaves our government very little choice but to act on Hadrian’s behalf—and that of humanity. Next question: Should we allow for opposite sex marriage in Hadrian?”

“Why would you even ask that after our previous discussion? If heterosexuals are not allowed to have sex, what is the point of marriage?”

“So you think marriage is only about sex?”

“No, Melissa, I do not. I do, however, believe sex is an integral part of marriage. Two people choose to partner for life because they love
and desire
each other.”

“True enough. Next question:—”

“I feel like you’re shooting me with a Gatling gun.”

“Sorry, Jason. We have so many questions to get through. I will try to slow down. Next question: What about Bill 52 and the proposed penalties for anyone running a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) for citizens under the age of consent?”

“Many have rightfully called Bill 52 the anti-strai propaganda law.”

“Yes, well, Senator Nasser’s new bill proposes all persons found guilty of promoting the heterosexual lifestyle to our youth should be sentenced to no less than five years of forced military service.”

“It seems to me, Melissa, that Senator Nasser and General Birtwistle, his most prominent supporter, are more interested in creating ways to increase Hadrian’s military than they are distressed about the ‘heterosexual menace,’ as they like to call it.”

“They also recommend a five-year military sentence for anyone who
‘offers premises and other related, fixed, or movable assets for purposes of heterosexuality or promoting heterosexuality,’ including landlords who rent space to GSA groups.”

“Even against parents who support their children? I assure you, Melissa, I’m not impressed—”

“And then, there are the first two citizens, Alicia Graham and Tikaani Cloud, who are on trial under these new laws. It’s alleged they participated in carnal knowledge ‘threatening the order of nature’
13
—”

“What does that even mean, ‘threatening the order of nature’?”

“Aiding and abetting the population explosion. If Alicia and Tikaani are found guilty, they’ll be exiled or offered Black Henbane. Do you feel this is appropriate?”

“I would rather see—”

“But they’re heterosexual. That’s illegal.”

“Let me be very clear, Melissa; being heterosexual is not illegal in Hadrian. It never was, and I pray it never will be. Even the new anti-heterosexual laws don’t make being heterosexual illegal. In fact, ironically enough, this new law is less harsh than the original one that denied any heterosexual contact, including hugging, kissing, and walking arm-in-arm. All this new law does is specify penile vaginal intercourse, ‘aggravated heterosexuality,’
14
as illegal. It’s this act, as we all know, that’s punishable with exile or assisted suicide.”

“So you must agree with their sentence, then?”

“I may not like it, but
if
they’re sentenced,
if
they’re proven guilty, that will be their fate. But how’s that to be done?”

“If they’d pass Bill 52, then a forced medical examination would quickly determine the presence of sperm inside the woman’s vagina.”

“Only if the medical exam occurred within a reasonable time limit. If the two haven’t had sex for at least five days before the test, there’s no sperm left alive. Alicia and Tikaani have been in military custody for over two weeks. If you can’t definitively prove they had penile vaginal sex, you’ve no right to exile or impose assisted suicide.”

“The condition of her hymen—”

“Don’t even go there, Melissa. To do so is to put every woman at risk. There are numerous nonsexual activities that can cause the hymen to
break. Accusing all women with a broken hymen of penile vaginal intercourse is dangerous, uninformed, and misleading.”

“You’re right, Jason. I apologize. Let’s move on. What about Alicia’s brother, the young man accused of having sheltered the couple? As you know, viewers, Alicia’s brother, Jacques Provencher, is also on trial, having been charged with offering ‘premises and aid to active heterosexuals.’ Under the new law, ‘to harbor active heterosexuals,’ turning a blind eye to their dangerous activities, is punishable with five to seven years’ service in Hadrian’s military. Since Hadrian has no penal system, nor is the government looking to form one (‘to do so,’ according to President Stiles, ‘would be to waste tax dollars on crime when it is needed to capture carbon and save the planet’), all those convicted of ‘aiding and abetting the destruction of the planet through the willful act of shielding procreators’ will be required to make amends through mandatory military service. And what about the government’s plan to sweep the sewers of Hadrian for heterosexual youth?”

“Melissa, please, you haven’t allowed me even to answer your last question.”

“Sorry, Jason, but we’re running out of time. The upsurge in runaway heterosexual youth attempting to avoid reeducation, or those who have been kicked out by parents, has increased. Do you think this is the unfortunate result of legalizing heterosexuality?”

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