Healer (The Healer Series) (31 page)

I try to step back and view my history with Thomas from my current point of view, not the lovesick teenager I was. Rhett’s story seems logical, but certain things don’t fit. “We knew Thomas for seven months before anything happened. Why would he have waited so long to sell us out?”

Rhett stands and brushes the grass off of him.
“I think he cared for you, and I think he tried to fight what he was taught to do. Your family provided him with a taste of what a real family is like. You guys felt like he added something special to your lives, but it was the other way around. You added to his.”

The image of Thomas holding the baby, the first night he walked my dreams, ricochets through my mind like a bullet.
Was it his baby he held or
… My breath hitches. Was it the woman’s baby that lay covered in blood, lifeless before the vampire? Was Thomas protecting the baby or was he helping the vampire? “I saw him holding a baby in my dreams the first night I met him. I ignored it because it didn’t make any sense.” I shake my head. “I should’ve told Lucy. She would’ve known what it meant.”

“My gut says he was involved in Lucy’s death, but I can’t be sure. I do, truly believe he struggled with what to do
, Aldo.” Rhett picks a rock up and tosses it.

“But he betrayed us anyway?”

“I think he tried to disconnect from you, but when you showed up at his house that day, you forced his hand.”

“How so?”
I stand and face him.

“
I don’t think Lucas knew Thomas had found a female healer.”

I remember the day I went to Thomas’s house and Lucas’s odd greeting when I introduced myself. “Maybe he
played a role in all of this.” My mind struggles to wrap around the idea that Thomas, the man I fell so deeply in love with, could ever do anything to hurt me or my family. Maybe it was Lucas. “But Thomas came back into my dreams trying to trick me into revealing where I was physically?”

“Yes.” He nods.

I sit back down and run my hand across the soft blades of grass. Neither of us speaks for what seems like hours, but I know it’s only been minutes. Tears stream down my face as I sob quietly.

Rhett sits beside me and rubs my back gently
, allowing me to get it all out.

My sorrow seems
to be aimed at the loss of Lucy more than at Thomas. In the time since Thomas left me at the bus depot I have accepted that he and I would never be together. As much as I wanted to blame Rhett for that initially, I know it wasn’t his fault. I glance up at Rhett, who is watching me lost in my thoughts.

Things are falling into place now. The day Lucy died, I fought to stay in my subconscious, and then there was the snap. That must have been the moment this all be
gan. This crazy, yearlong coma. “Do you think I’m crazy?” I ask afraid he may say yes.

“No. I think you were hurt and you had the ability to hide here
, away from that hurt.”

“Yeah, but even here I’
ve been sad. I could never find Thomas, I’ve been away from my brothers and…” I pause. “What about Beau?” I whisper, cringing at the thought.
Am I a mother or did I make that up too?

“Well, as you know, Hudson and your best friend Lila dated. She got pregnant. Congratulations, you’re an aunt.” Rhett grins.

Sobs erupt from my body like a damn bursting. I’m not
a mother who couldn’t take care of her baby. It always felt wrong, off, and now I know why. He wasn’t mine.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you thought you had
a son and it’s hard to hear you don’t—”

“No. It’s a relief,
” I sob. “I couldn’t love him like a mother loves their child. I thought something was wrong with me, like I was—”

“A monster
?” Rhett interrupts me.

I gaze up at him.
The irony isn’t missed on me. I cover my face with my hands. “I made myself believe I had a baby?”

“Aldo
, in the real world you were still absorbing information and knew what was going on in your surroundings. You just took that information and manipulated it to fit in your world.” He pauses to allow me to speak, but I can’t. For the first time since he began this story, I feel relief. My body relaxes as the hundred pound weight falls off of my shoulders crashing to the ground with a hard thud.

“
I didn’t abandon my son,” I cry and laugh at the same time. “I’m not a horrible person.”

“No. The idea that you had a son gave you more motivation to search for Thomas.”

My sobs grow as I let go of my own self-loathing. I don’t have a son, that’s why I couldn’t feel like a mother should about her child. “What else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Where does the rest of it fit?” I take a deep breath and try to calm myself.

“
Well, you know you took the job as a stripper because you thought vampires were sleazy.”

It sounds so ridiculous when he says it. Why would I associate those two things together?
“I can’t believe I made a world where I became a stripper.” I shake my head.

“I thought you were pr
etty good at it.” He winks and heat flushes my cheeks.

“
Funny. I never pegged you as someone who enjoyed watching natural disasters,” I snort and he laughs at me. “What about Alina?”

“
Alina, I think represented your friend Lila, who is now your sister-in-law. She was kind of like your substitute friend while you were in here.”

“Hudson got married?” I question in disbelief.

“Yeah, as soon as they found out she was pregnant.”

“So Lila knows what we are?”

“Apparently.” He shrugs. “The little girl, Ella, I think she represented Heidi. You never let that guilt go, so it played out here just like everything else.” The idea of Ella and the sadness that came with her evaporate from my mind. She wasn’t real. Even knowing Ella never existed, I know I will always carry Heidi’s image and the guilt associated with her as long as I live.

“Can we walk again?” I
turn away from the lake.

Sure.”
We begin to make our way back up the hill towards the barn. When we enter, Bruno pokes his massive head out of his stall as if he’s waiting for me. I rub his nose, leaning my head on the side of his neck.

“Are you okay?” Rhett asks.

“Yeah. It’s just that you talk about everything like it’s a story, but it was real to me.”

“I’m sorry
, Aldo, I just don’t know how to—”

“I know you don’t mean to.” I shrug.
“It’s just hard to hear it.” I turn to him. “So you created all of this? The farm and the horses?”

“
Actually, no.” He smiles. “You did. Your gift is truly amazing. This was where we lived when I was maybe ten years old, before my father left. We were really happy here. You absorbed it from me and created it.”

“What about Mickey?” The gentle Asian man’s face flashes in my mind.

“Sarah and I posed as him.”

“What?”

“It was a way for us to be present without you knowing.”

I remember t
he odd grin Mickey gave me when he instructed me to shower in the bathroom across the hall. “Was it Sarah that set up that shower scene, pretending to be Mickey?”

Rhett rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that was her.
She told me you were upset and I needed to get to you immediately. I flashed myself right to you and ended up in the shower naked.”

I know Sarah did it to embarrass me, but I make a mental note to thank her later.

“What about the guards, Red and Green Mile?”

He laughs
and pulls a sugar cube from his pocket and holds it out to Bruno. “That’s what you named them?”

I nod.

“Initially, I added them the night we took you, for effect. But when they returned, it was by your creation.”

“Why would I
do that?”

“
Because their presence made you feel like you couldn’t escape. It was your way of keeping yourself here while I was gone.”

I
shake my head. “This is an amazing place.”

“I like that this is what you took from me.” He
follows my gaze.

“
You can set scenes too, right?”

“I can
, and I have added some things, like the lake. I know you like to swim.”

“What’s
with the horses?” I continue rubbing Bruno’s head.

“You absorbed that as we
ll. I have horses where I live now, named Bruno and Esmeralda.  It was actually very helpful having them here. It seemed to distract you a little.”

“Is there anything else?” I sigh,
exhausted by everything he is telling me.

“The
cracked mirror, seizures and earth shaking are your subconscious trying to break up your dream world.”

“So it’s giving me seizures?”

“More or less.”

I pet Bruno one last time
, and then walk towards the barn door. I lean against the frame, trying to decide if I want to cry or laugh. “If everything you told me is true, I’m a nut job. How can I go back and face everyone, knowing they know I’m so weak I hid inside my dreams. Not just hid, but created a world where I had a baby after having sex in my dreams, abandoned my nonexistent baby, chased after a man I swore my undying love to, who was trying to sell me to vampires and became a stripper. I’m certifiably insane.” I laugh at myself.

Rhet
t smiles slightly. “I’m glad you can find a little humor in it.” He stands in front of me and our eyes lock. “I’m glad you didn’t jump into the darkness.”

“I wanted to.”

“You have to wake up now.”

“I don’t know
.”

“Why?” H
is eyes widen with disbelief.

“Because I’ve obviously lost control here where I th
ought I had complete control, but I know I have no control out there either.”

“You do have control.”
He steps towards me.

“How so?”

“You can co
ntrol whether you wake up.” He steps closer to me and the air crackles between us, like electric current running through a downed power line. My heart beat grows faster, but I don’t try to stop it because there isn’t any point. His eyes get a distant look as if he’s lost in thought.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m scared you’re not going to wake up, and I’m scared you will.” The muscles in his jaw tense as he waits for my response.

I stare at him
. What does that mean?

My confusion must have shown on my face, because he added,
“I’m scared you’ll stay here and I’ll get blocked out somehow, but I’m scared when you wake up you won’t want me. Either way, I would have to exist without you.” He brushes my cheek with the back of his hand, gentle tingles sooth my hot flesh, fresh from crying.

The honest
y in his words shakes me to my core and my legs grow weak. His words echo in my mind, and I remember him saying he wouldn’t leave me when he argued with Sarah. Then I remember her words.
“You’ll get trapped.”

I grab his hand and hold it.
“Could you really get trapped here?”

“In theory.”

“Then you have to go.”

“I’d like to spend the day with you, just in case.
Unless, you don’t want me here.”

“
No. I want you to stay,” I smile. “Rhett?”

“Yes.”

“How do I know you’re real? How do I know I’m not creating this?”

“I’m real
, Aldo.” He leans in closer. “Let me show you.” He waves his hand, and we are down by the lake again. He’s changed it slightly. In place of the large oak tree, stands an enormous weeping willow, flowing in the light breeze as the sun glistens on the water’s surface.
Breathtaking
.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I feel a
weeping willow is more appropriate here?”

“It’s beautiful.” I smile.

“It makes me think of you.” Rhett squeezes my hand.

“It does?”

“The willow is slender and elegant. It’s soft and pliant, yet the wood is still tough. But its best quality is its roots. The roots are known for their toughness, size, and tenacity of life. You hold so much strength behind beauty. Just like the willow.”

My eyes pool with tears. “You’re wrong. I’m weak.”

“No, you’re not. You just forgot about those roots. You have such great strength. You just have to reach down and find it.”

“Thank you, Rhett.” I blink back my tears.

Rhett pulls my hand, and I follow him under the long, thick, flowing curtain of the weeping willow, holding my breath.

“Aldo, the last thing I
want to do is confuse you more.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Tell me what you want.” He stares into my eyes.