Home (Running With Alphas Book 7) (4 page)

Three weeks following Cain and Sarah’s departure, an emissary arrived from the Shaderunner pack. With her were letters for Snow, several months’ worth of Taylor’s antirejection meds, enough prenatal vitamins to last the rest of her pregnancy, and even a paperback copy of
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
. Tucked behind the cover was a short note, written in neat cursive:

Pardon the missing paragraphs/pages. I took the liberty of removing everything that would terrify you. –Sarah

Taylor wished she could tear a hole in the fabric of space, just to jump through and give Sarah a huge hug. Despite only briefly meeting Sarah, the experienced mom had made her feel like she wasn’t so alone in her pregnancy and it had been just what Taylor had needed.

While she was eager to take her prenatal vitamins, Taylor did find herself faced with a whole new dilemma. Were her antirejection meds safe for the babies? Unfortunately, Sarah hadn’t sent her a copy of
What to Expect When You’re Expecting After a Heart Transplant
, and so she spent a solid week agonizing over the decision. In the end, she put them away in the brand new cupboard Glenn had crafted for her, deciding to take her chances and wait until she was finished breastfeeding. It wasn’t just fear for the twins that had given her pause, it was also hope—hope that Sarah had been right and that somehow, her shifter pregnancy would help her heart condition.

Over the next month, winter took hold of the valley, covering the forest in a light snow and turning the lake frigid. Taylor didn’t mind the snow. Her cabin was always warm and—completely of his own volition—Caim had taken to tending to the chores around the yard, including looking after the quail. The latter was no small miracle, seeing as how the only thing he was vocal about was how dumb it was that Taylor didn’t just eat the birds.

In the mornings, as the nocturnal pack was retiring for sleep, Caim would join the others in the den. Alder was practically living in the cabin, though the situation wasn’t totally ideal. Snow had her own room at the den, but as she and Taylor had grown closer, she’d taken to sleeping in the cabin. Most days, they’d eat dinner together and lay down to sleep just as the sky was beginning to lighten. With Alder’s daughter close by, there wasn’t much intimacy outside of kissing and cuddling, which was probably why Hale had been scarce.

While she missed both Hale and sex, there was an undeniable level of joy and comfort Taylor took in their small family unit. During the nights, Taylor and Snow would trade stories and joke around like long-lost sisters. But during the days, Snow would often wedge herself between Taylor and Alder, not unlike a small child, and promptly pass out. It was then that Taylor almost felt as though she were Snow’s mom. It was surprising to her just how much she enjoyed that feeling.

Content as she was becoming, Taylor couldn’t shake the feeling that the good days were numbered.

They
always
were.

It was in early February when Taylor realized that things would have to change. She and Snow had just left the cabin to collect a bucket of water from the lake. Caim gave them their space, watching them from the front yard of the cabin.

In their usual rhythm, Snow skipped ahead several paces, and then waited for Taylor to waddle forward.

“What was school like?” Snow asked, as Taylor caught up.

“I guess it wasn’t so bad. I probably liked it better than most kids, but that was because it got me out of the house.”

Snow skipped ahead again. “And college?”

“College was wicked fun,” Taylor said with a grin. “I loved being able to pick my classes.”

“What were you studying?”

“Well, I wanted to be a social worker. I was planning on helping kids in the foster care system, or at least try to.”

“Do you ever wish you didn’t have to leave?”

They arrived at the lake. Taylor took a moment to stare across the water, which was illuminated by the final vestiges of sunlight.

At some point during the past few months, she had told Snow a relatively uncensored version of the events leading up to meeting Alder. How she had been attacked and had killed a government official and how Alder had protected her. According to Snow, it was the most romantic story ever. Now, explaining how she had ended up in a relationship with both Alder
and
Hale, that had been much more awkward.

“I suppose I miss it sometimes. A lot less now,” she said, rubbing her swollen belly for emphasis. “I wouldn’t trade these two for anything.”

Or those other two
, she mentally added, thinking of her mates.

“I wish I could go to school,” Snow said. She clasped her hands behind her back and began to gently sway. “I always wanted to be a doctor, or even a nurse, like my mom was.”

Taylor wasn’t sure what to say. Typically, when a twelve-year-old professed her desire to go to college, it was a given that you encouraged them to do so. But in Snow’s case…

Snow must have read this on her face, because she hastily added, “I know I could never do that. I guess I think about it sometimes, because I’m not really a wolf, you know? If I were totally human, I could probably go to school, like a normal girl. Right?”

Taylor could only nod.

Snow bent down to fill the wooden bucket with water. “I guess I just have to accept that this is just who I am. Eventually, I’ll become someone’s mate and have pups. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m not sure that’s what I want for myself, you know?”

She looked up at Taylor, vulnerability shining in her blue eyes. Taylor awkwardly crouched down to sit next to her.

“Have you spoken to your father about this?”

“No way,” Snow said emphatically. “He’d freak out if he found out I wanted to live in the human world. It’s stupid anyway. I know I can’t seriously live there.”

Snow stood and offered her hand to help Taylor up. While Taylor was trying to think of something to say, Snow changed the topic entirely, expressing excitement over the upcoming renovations to the cabin and asking if she could have her own room. Taylor let her change the subject, though she couldn’t mentally dismiss what she had heard.

She couldn’t help but wonder what she would do if she were Snow’s mom. And what if one of her own pups ended up being like Snow? Would she teach her daughter to simply accept her lot in life as an alpha’s mate, or would she do everything in her power to ensure that she could follow her dreams, whatever they may be?

Hours later, after the howls had died down from the nightly hunt, Alder stopped by to deliver her meat.

“What’s wrong?” Alder asked immediately.

The forlorn look on her face had everything to do with the fact that he had brought turkey and not the venison she’d been craving, but she nonetheless decided to seize the opportunity to talk to him about his daughter. Snow had just left to go fishing with Glenn and probably wouldn’t be back for at least an hour.

“Can you put that in the pot?” she asked, pointing at the raw meat. “I’m just going to grab something.”

On the second shelf of her cupboard were a composition book and a collection of half-empty pens. She tore a scrap of paper from the notebook and scribbled on it until the ink began to flow. Then, she wrote down a ten-digit number.

Before she could turn around, Alder came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle. Instinctively, she leaned into him.

“What’s that?” he asked, peeking over her shoulder.

Taylor turned around to face him. She took one of his large hands and pressed the piece of paper to his rough palm.

“It’s a phone number. It belongs to Mrs. Smith—Doreen Smith. I haven’t spoken to her in a few years, but she promised never to change it.”

“Who is she?”

The answer came easier than Taylor had thought it would. “She’s my mom. Not my biological mother, but the woman who raised me. I had a lot of foster families, but this one, this woman, she was…” Taylor gave a shrug. “She was my mom.”

He looked down at the paper and then back up at her, his brows furrowing. “Do you want to call her?”

Taylor shook her head quickly. “No. I mean, it would be too much trouble to get me to a phone. No, this is for Snow.”

Taking his hand, she guided him over to the fireplace. Ignoring her nagging hunger, she sat down and pulled Alder with her.

“I love being your mate,” she began. “I sort of fell into this life, but it was serendipity. You, Hale, our pups…it’s everything I never knew I wanted. But I’m only able to appreciate our life because I know what’s out there and I know that it wasn’t for me. Snow doesn’t have that frame of reference.”

Taylor took a deep breath before continuing. “Mrs. Smith lives in Virginia. She owns a ranch not far from the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains and she’s a good, kind woman. There’s a high school nearby and it’s only about an hour from Sweet Briar College.”

She could tell Alder was opening his mouth to object and she held up her hand. “I’m not asking you to ship your daughter off to live with a stranger. I just think you should talk to Snow and find out what she wants. After that, if you think I may have a point here, the two of you can go talk to Cain and Sarah. And if you all agree on this,
then
give Mrs. Smith a call. Tell her you’re a friend of mine and I know she will help.”

You’re the one who wanted this
.

A nagging voice inside Taylor’s head taunted her as she walked with Alder to the main room of the den. There, he was going to confer with Hale and a handful of beta pack members one final time before setting out for Shaderunner.

“How far is it again?” Taylor asked, trying to sound casual.

“Without the truck, it’s going to take about two, two-and-a-half weeks to get there, then about the same to get back.”

And that’s not counting if they decide to take Snow to live with Mrs. Smith
.

Alder had caved and had a long, meaningful talk with his daughter. Snow had confessed her desire to go to high school and eventually, college. She’d told her father that she didn’t want to become anyone’s mate and she definitely wasn’t interested in being a mother. To everyone’s amazement, Alder had accepted his daughter’s wishes and agreed to help her convince Cain and Sarah to let her live with Mrs. Smith.

Not fooled by her nonchalance, Alder placed a hand on the small of her back. “I don’t have to go now. We can wait.”

They’d had this conversation already. Alder wanted to wait until after the pups were born—sometime in May, by everyone’s calculations—but Taylor was opposed to the idea.

“I told you before, the sooner you go, the better. Snow is going to need a lot of time to get adjusted to human life before she starts school in the fall. Besides, I’m going to need you here when these babies come. I highly doubt Hale will be much help.”

Alder gave her a lop-sided smile. “I think you’ll be surprised at how good he is with pups.”

Still skeptical, she said, “Just be sure to come home before they get here.”

As they arrived at the main room, Alder bent down to give Taylor a long, lingering kiss. “I love you.”

He said it all the time, maybe even once or twice a day, but this time the words felt different. Maybe it was her blasted hormones acting up, but she felt like he meant it more than ever before.

The moment was over too soon. Snow came flying out of nowhere, barreling into her father with arms wide open. After giving him a fierce hug, she turned to embrace Taylor.

“I’ll tell Mrs. Smith you said hi,” she gushed.

Alder put a heavy hand on her shoulder. “Nothing is decided yet, Snow.”

She made a face at him and Alder seemed to be preparing to reprimand her when Fenix called him away. When they were alone, Snow turned to face Taylor again.

“He says that if I do go to live in Virginia, I can come home every summer. I was thinking I could spend half the summer here and half the summer with my other pack. I really want to meet my little sisters,” she said, rubbing Taylor’s belly.

“I’d love that, Snow.”

Giving Taylor another big hug, Snow said, “You’re going to be a great mom, you know that?”

I hope so
.

Less than an hour later, Taylor stood on the outcropping at the mouth of the cave. Flanked by Hale and a furry Caim, she watched as Alder and Snow disappeared in the distance. She knew that she still had Hale, that Alder would eventually be back, and that in the springtime, she would have two children of her own, but knowing all of this did nothing to make the loss of her little family any easier.

A cold wind swept through the valley, accompanied by a light flurry of snow. Hale draped a warm fur over her shoulders.

“Why don’t you come inside, Taylor?”

Her head lolled to the side. “I didn’t get much sleep. I think I want to go back to the cabin and take a nap. Caim can take me.”

Mercifully, the big, black wolf crouched down to let her climb astride his back. She was tempted to pat his head, but resisted the urge.

She waited until they were halfway to the cabin before she let herself cry. Even as she climbed off Caim’s back and opened her front door, she was still sniffling pitifully. She was about to close the door, but for whatever reason, she turned her head back to glance at Caim.

“Come in and hang out with me. I don’t feel like being alone.”

She could have asked Hale to come with her, but she hadn’t wanted him to know how much she was hurting. She hadn’t wanted him to see that a part of her had wished it had been
him
leaving, rather than Alder. It wasn’t that she loved Hale any less. He just wasn’t the supportive mate she needed right now.

Caim remained on the porch, canine eyes staring back at her blankly. She put her hands on her hips.

“I don’t bite, you know.”

Leaving her door ajar despite the draft, she went to her fireplace and tossed on a few dry logs before stoking the old embers.

“You could not bite me if you tried.”

Taylor pretended not to be startled by the deep voice that came from behind her. It was one of the few times she had heard her nephew speak and she never ceased to be amazed at how mature he sounded, despite being only a little older than Snow. Without turning around, she pointed towards her pallet, a subtle reminder for him to cover up. She had just stoked the embers into a steady flame when she heard the rustle of fabric settle.

Taylor hadn’t realized that she was still crying until she turned around and saw Caim. She couldn’t contain a loud snort of laughter at the sight of his egregiously nappy hair. It was strange to be laughing and sniffling at the same time.

Walking over to her cupboard, she grabbed a comb and held it up. “Do you mind?”

Caim gave her a sour look, but didn’t decline. Standing nearly as tall as either of his uncles, she had to make him sit down so that she could effectively tame his wild locks.

She worked quietly for a few moments, her sadness ebbing away as she focused on one knot, and then another. It was Caim who spoke first.

“I do not know why you are crying,” he said in a low voice. “My uncle will be back for you.”

“Your sister will be back, too.”

“I will be gone by the time she returns,” he told her. “I will never see her, my mother, or my father again, but I am not crying.”

Taylor smoothed out the front of his hair, before tackling the bigger knots in the back.

“You must be very tough,” she said softly. “I’ve lost a lot of families. Growing up, I met a lot of kids who had as well. Most of them seemed so tough to me. They never cried and I always did. It didn’t even matter if I liked the family or not, but it was always harder if I did.

“I lost a family a few months ago. I did something sort of bad—not really my fault, but I’m not sure if people would have understood. Anyway, I cried a little, but not as much. This time, I didn’t cry a whole lot either. I don’t think I’ll cry any more.”

Caim tilted his head slightly. “Are you becoming like the others, then?”

“What, the other kids? No way. They were jaded—disillusioned. They believed that it was just their lot in life, to lose their families over and over again. I think I was starting to believe that, too…”

“But you don’t?”

Her lips curved. “When I met Alder and Hale, when I became a part of the Halcyon pack, I gained a new family. And I realized that even when you lose people you love, there are always others out there, waiting for you.

“I know you have a family out there, Caim. Maybe they’re looking for you or maybe they’re waiting for you to find them. But hey, you’re way tougher than me. You probably already knew that, didn’t you?”

Caim’s hair had been combed into lustrous black waves. Taylor braved a finger under his chin and lifted it so that she could get a good look at his face. His amber eyes captured the firelight and he stared up at her with a burning intensity.

“There you go, handsome. Now if you could just shave your face up a little—”

Abruptly, he jerked away from her. “You will not cut my fur.”

After that, she managed to get him to eat, but he ultimately refused to stay inside and wait out the snow with her. Though he wouldn’t admit it, she knew that he was afraid of hurting her as he had Sarah.

Hours later, Taylor awoke from her nap and looked out the window. A fresh layer of snow had blanketed her yard, but there were no signs of Caim’s tracks. Upon further investigation, she saw Fenix in his hawk form, perched atop one of the large oaks that overlooked the cabin.

Taylor found out the following day that Caim had left, heading north. She tried to convince Hale to go after him, but with Alder already gone and the situation still tense with Whiteriver, Hale refused to budge. According to Hale, Caim’s presence there had never been anything but temporary. He was an alpha and he would have to form a pack of his own. Perhaps because she had inadvertently nudged him away, Taylor felt guilty. It seemed cruel for someone so young to have to make his own way in the world.

Without Alder, Snow, and Caim, Taylor’s days felt incomplete. All that was left for her to do was prepare for the day when she had two children of her own, and it was coming all too soon.