Ignited (13 page)

Asher met his expectant look with despair. “You have to do it, Gabe.”

Asher didn’t explain why he couldn’t help me, and Gabe didn’t insist. He returned to crouch in front of me. Asher rose and crossed the room to the window. He stood silhouetted against the closed blinds with his back to us, closed off and miserable.

Gabe touched my cheek again. “Focus, Remington. You can make up with him later.”

Gabe’s energy flowed toward me, and I had to focus or be overwhelmed by his power. How could I have forgotten the heat of it? It scorched through me, and I grabbed hold. The pain had been constant and terrifying, worse so because I’d tried to hide it. My inability to heal myself had eaten away at me, and I’d begun to lose hope that I would ever feel okay again. But with Gabe’s power, the impossible became surmountable. I focused on my heart first. Scar tissue had begun to form, and I attacked the cells. I pictured a perfect heart, thumping away at a rapid, steady beat, and the muscle healed, pumping blood in a beautifully normal rhythm. My head took longer, but eventually that injury healed, too.

When I’d finished, I loosened the hold I had on Gabe’s wrist—when had I reached for him?—and felt his energy receding. His skin had grayed with exhaustion, and I realized a lot of time had passed. The room had emptied out of everyone but Gabe and me. Someone had turned on lamps when night fell, and I could see the lines of weariness around his green eyes.

“It’s gone, Gabe. The pain is gone.” A relieved laugh burst out of me, and I dropped my head on his chest. “Thank you,” I whispered, overcome.

“Anytime,” he said into my hair. “Anytime.”

I waited for everyone to fall asleep before I left through the back door of our “borrowed” house. It had been a long evening, full of searching glances and questions that I couldn’t answer. The whole day had sent me spiraling, and all of my carefully crafted walls showed cracks. I had retreated to one of the bedrooms soon after Gabe helped me heal myself. Now, with everyone crashed out, I could be alone, the way I wanted.

The backyard faced the hillside, and there was no view. In one corner of the yard, the wooden fence butted up against the side of the house. I gripped the top and pulled myself up. I stood on the upper ledge and used it to climb onto the gabled roof. Once I’d gauged where the best view would be, I stepped lightly across and over the highest point to the side that faced the ocean. I sat on the slant, planting my feet so my butt wouldn’t slide down, and then I laid back to stare up at the sky. Nobody could see me up here.

Sometime tonight, as I’d pretended to sleep, I’d realized that whatever happened, I was going to have to leave. As I’d stared around the room of people I’d loved, it had struck me that they all could have been killed. My presence put their lives in danger, and I couldn’t keep on like this indefinitely. It wasn’t exactly my fault, but people got hurt around me like collateral damage in a war I didn’t want to fight. It might kill me to do it a second time, but I was going to let my family go once we found my father. And if it kept the Blackwells safe, I would let them go, too. For good. When I left them behind, I would not return.

“Mind if I join you?” Gabe said.

I rolled my head to the side to see him coming over the top of the roof like I had. I sighed, not the least bit surprised. “I do if you’re going to yell at me for being on the roof.”

He mirrored my position a foot away from me. His teeth flashed white in the dark. “I promise not to yell at you.”

“How did you know I was up here?” I asked.

“Easy. Whenever you’re upset, you go outside,” he said, staring up at the sky.

I frowned. “I do not.”

He put his hands behind his head and smiled. “You do. Forests, oceans. It doesn’t seem to matter as long as you’re outside.”

I thought about his words. My brows rose when I realized he was right. In Blackwell Falls, I raced to the beach or the forest. Same with San Francisco. Somehow the sky acted like a balm. Maybe because I’d been raised in New York’s steel and concrete forest with the views hemmed in by skyscrapers. It was odd that Gabe had noticed my habit when I hadn’t.

“I notice everything about you,” he said softly.

Whoa. Can’t go there.
I snapped my mental walls into place, sorry when it caused him to grimace in pain. I didn’t want anyone reading my mind tonight. The silence went on, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

I studied the constellations and let my mind go. The pain had kept so much at bay since Laura’s death. How could I grieve for her when it hurt to think, breathe, be? But now, with the pain erased, the sadness consumed me in a tsunami that wiped out all illusion of control. A tear escaped. Then two. I sniffed and lowered my arm over my face.

Gabe slid closer, his body heating mine from shoulder to thigh. His arm tucked under my neck, and he pulled me into his side despite my pathetic protest. One large hand curved around my head and tucked my face into his chest. His actions confused me, but then I hiccupped and realized that I’d been crying louder than I’d realized.

“Go ahead and fall apart a little, Remington. Nobody is here to see it, and I won’t judge.”

His fingers drifted through my hair, stroking the strands from my neck to my back. His other hand stayed behind his neck, as if to prove that he wasn’t making a move on me. This was about offering comfort and nothing else.

“Let me be your friend,” he said.

His offer unhinged me. My fingers clutched at the lapel of his jacket, and I sobbed into his neck, the first real cry I’d had since Laura passed. I thought of my stepmom’s smile and the way she’d loved me, even when I was sure I didn’t deserve it. I remembered her laugh, and the fierce look she’d used to admonish me even though she’d hated to do it. She was a mother who preferred hugs over discipline, and I had soaked up every ounce of her affection. I missed her desperately, and I couldn’t believe that I would never see her again.

My throat ached when the tears faded. I hiccupped so hard that I shuddered with it. I sucked in a breath and it sounded squelchy.
Oh, frick. I probably have snot coming out of my nose, and do I have a tissue? No. Of course not.

Gabe laughed, and my head bounced on his chest with the movement.
Damn it.
When I felt strongly, he could read my mind even with my defenses up. He tucked his hand in the sleeve of his coat and swiped it across my face, wiping up the whole mess.

I covered my face with my hands, dying with mortification. “I can’t believe you just did that. Tell me you did not just wipe my snot like I was six.”

My head bounced some more as he snickered. “I had to. You were obsessing about it.”

I’m going to die,
I thought.
Melt into a puddle and slide right off the roof.

Gabe squeezed my waist. “Chill out, Remington. You’re missing out on an amazing sky.”

I considered obsessing some more, but if Gabe wasn’t embarrassed, why should I be? I settled against him and gazed up.

“Is this weird?” I asked a while later. “Us being here like this after everything?”

Gabe hesitated, his hand pausing mid-stroke through my hair. “Does it feel weird?”

“No,” I said after thinking about it. “It feels like us. Like we were in San Francisco.”

Gabe pointed at a constellation. “Big Dipper.”

I moved my head to follow the line of his hand. “No way. That’s the Little Dipper.”

“Bullshit. I know my constellations, and that is the Big Dipper.”

“Just because you were around when Copernicus lived doesn’t mean you know your stars,” I said.

Gabe stilled under me. “You think you’re so funny, Remington. I’m not that old, you know.”

I tilted my head to smirk up at him. His face was closer than I expected, a mere inch separating our lips. I jerked back and sat up, brushing my hair from my face. “I should go in,” I said, casually. “We need to get some sleep before we go for Round Two tomorrow with the gang.”

I stood and held out a hand to him. He let me pull him to his feet and followed me back to the edge of the roof. He climbed down first and waited while I stretched a foot off the roof, reaching for the fence. Gabe’s hand wrapped around my ankle and guided me to the ledge. When I would have jumped down, his hands encircled my waist and he lifted me into the air with my feet dangling. A gravity-less second later, he set me on the ground and stepped back. He rocked on his heels and stared at me until I squirmed.

I used to think that Gabe was a more beautiful, slightly older version of Asher. But Gabe had seemed too perfect, too handsome, too much. I’d thought him incredibly arrogant, and I’d disliked him for a long time. Then I’d thought Asher dead, and somehow Gabe had become my friend as we grieved together. As I reacquainted myself with his features, I grasped how wrong I’d been. Gabe looked beautiful, but he was too human to be perfect. How odd to realize that now on a day when he’d displayed all his Protector strengths. I shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable under his perusal, and reinforced my defenses.

“What’s going on with you and Asher?” he asked.

I had been dreading that question. It had too many layers to it. Layers I couldn’t deal with. I sidestepped it, wiping my mind of every thought. “What do you mean?”

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Things are different between you two. Tense.”

Something told me he’d know if I lied, and I wasn’t ready to tell the truth. I gave him a frank stare. “Look, I don’t really want to talk about it. Okay?”

I hoped I hadn’t offended him. He looked frustrated by my answer, but didn’t push. He nodded, and we started toward the house. “Did you call him after Chicago?” I asked.

“No. I decided to show up here instead.”

Did that mean he knew how much Asher had changed? He’d opened the door when I remembered.

“Give me your jacket. I’ll wash it.”

He laughed again and bumped his fist under my chin. “Head case.”

I ducked away and ran into the house.

C
HAPTER
E
LEVEN

I
t was Lottie who called everyone to the kitchen the next morning. We gathered around the island with its tiled countertop, standing because there were no seats. The rumpled state of everyone’s clothing showed that we’d all slept in the clothes on our backs. Someone had a made a coffee run. To-go cups and pastry bags were set on one counter. I sniffed the air, wishing I could inhale the coffee and the much-needed caffeine. Gabe pushed one of the paper cups in front of me.

“Thanks,” I said.

It was sure to be black, my least favorite way to drink the brew. I resolved to make do, but when I took a sip, it tasted sweet and creamy, already doctored to my preference. I glanced up in surprise, but Gabe had turned away. My attention switched back to the room. To say things were tense was an understatement.

Across the island, Asher held himself apart from everyone, his muscles tight and his green eyes defeated. I’d expected him to appear angry but not resigned. He looked like someone who’d given up.

Oh Asher. Please don’t close yourself off.

Lucy stood to his right, looking petite beside him. If last night had changed things between us, I couldn’t tell. She’d shifted from outright anger to avoidance, dancing away from me whenever I got within two steps of her. Her black curls were flattened to her head on one side, and black smudges ringed her brown eyes like she’d had a restless night.

Only Lottie wore an immovable mask, from her place between her brothers. She had a take-charge attitude that I appreciated. Someone needed to step up and lead us, and I was glad to take a backseat. To my right, Gabe watched Asher with confusion, his brow cocked like he was trying to puzzle something out. I reinforced my mental walls to ensure he couldn’t read my mind. He slid me an arrogant, amused look out of the corner of his eye to let me know he’d felt it, and I ignored him.

Erin stood to my left, shifting her weight back and forth. Her eyes darted from person to person, her smile nervous and more than a little shaky. She had to be wondering what the hell she’d gotten herself into. She leaned against the counter, gripping the edge like a lifeline. I hugged her waist to offer some measure of comfort.

“It’s okay,” I whispered low so the others wouldn’t hear. “Nobody will hurt you.”

“But don’t their kind lose control around Healers?” she whispered back.

Her body shook under my hand, and I felt like an ass for not looking after her the previous night. She probably hadn’t slept, waiting for one of the Blackwells to attack her. She’d been raised to believe they were all monsters. Just because she’d helped me find Asher and healed him last night didn’t mean that she’d forgotten everything she’d been taught.

“Erin, they aren’t like the others. They can control it. Right this minute, they all have their guards up.” Well, Gabe and Lottie did. I couldn’t tell with Asher anymore. I didn’t know if that was because he no longer used it or if he was too human to have one. “Trust me. They would never hurt you.”

“We’re all too afraid of Remington to chance it,” Gabe observed in a wry tone.

Damned Protector hearing.
His breath
whoosh
ed out when I smacked him in the stomach. “Shut up, Gabriela.”

The old nickname shot out of my mouth before I realized. Lottie choked and threw a hand over her mouth to cover a smile.

“Gabriela?” she asked Gabe with a raised brow.

He lifted a shoulder, completely unbothered. “I’m not afraid of my feminine side.”

I laughed. The sound startled me, and I coughed. I hadn’t really laughed since my father had been taken. Obviously I’d shocked the others in the room, too. My cheeks heated under their appraisals, and Asher’s stare was the worst of all. He looked at me like I’d betrayed him, his eyes wounded. My first instinct was to bow my head in guilt.
Screw that.
I raised my chin instead. There were a lot of things I was guilty of, but I had never cheated on him with Gabe or anyone else. He didn’t get to judge me.