Irresistible Fear (24 page)

“I don’t know how to answer that Emily.” Tavin wouldn’t look at her, his eyes still closed. Emily frowned. “Well, you'd better figure out how to answer it Tavin and pretty quickly.” She was done playing around.
Tavin reached up and grabbed her hand, holding onto it as if it were the only thing keeping him from going under. Their hands fit together perfectly and his heat radiated up her arm. Emily finally sat down beside him and Tavin opened his eyes. “I just want to know the truth. Enough with the illusions, the lies. Give me the truth, whatever it is.” Emily looked around her at her beach, at the ocean that rolled on endlessly.

Tavin followed her gaze, staring off toward the horizon. “It is a dream. This has been created from your memories.” Tavin’s arm swept around him, indicating where they were. “This is here, because of you.” His voice halted and he looked at her again, seeing if she believed him. Emily nodded, encouraging him to continue. “But Emily. I am real. I’m not a figment of your imagination.” He softly touched the side her face, his fingers lingering on her cheek, cinnamon billowing around her in comforting waves. “You aren’t going crazy.”

Something broke inside of Emily. Something she hadn’t realized was bound so tightly. She collapsed in on herself with this admission. Sure, she was still angry, but those words confirming that she hadn't completely lost it, were too precious to her. The tears came then, flooding down her face and she did nothing to stop them. Emily felt an intense relief. And in her vulnerability she reached for Tavin, as had become instinctual for her to do.

Tavin seemed surprised by her emotional response and even more surprised by the kiss that followed. Emily’s lips found his and she felt like she could devour him. She tangled her fingers in his hair and felt his immediate physical response to her. He pressed his body to hers’ and wrapped his arms around her tightly. The heat from his body became a fire and Emily felt her anger recede. She loved him and she swore to herself that whatever he had to tell her she could handle as long as they were together.

Emily knew she wasn’t thinking rationally. She had devolved into that wishy washy girl who would throw everything away for a boy. What an idiot she was. But at that moment she didn't care. She needed to hear the rest of what he would tell her.

She pulled away, the trembling that had begun earlier, becoming a constant tremor. Tavin rubbed her arms and kissed her cheeks, her jaw line and finally the shaking subsided.

Emily moved out of Tavin’s arms and put some space between them. If she was going to fully hear what he had to say, she couldn't touch him. He was just too distracting. One thing was for sure; their physical attraction was definitely not the problem.

The heart broken expression returned to his face but this time, the voices inside of her that demanded answers would not be quieted. She needed to know, no matter what it cost her, no matter what it meant for this reality with him.

“What are you?” Emily asked again. This time, Tavin answered her. “I’m a demon, Emily.” She felt as if she had been smacked in the face. “A what?” Emily was sure she hadn’t heard correctly. Emily laughed, swearing he was joking with her. But she realized he wasn't laughing with her. Awkward.

Tavin shook his head and kept going. “I’m a demon. An Incubus. An Alp. The Boogie man. Whatever you want to call me. I am supposed to kill you Emily.” Wow, he wasn't pulling any punches. No gradual easing into the truth. Nope, he went right for the jugular.

Emily felt queasy. Kill her? Really? Whatever she had expected him to say, this definitely wasn’t it. Tavin, a demon? Emily frowned at his words.

Emily was by no means a religious person. But every summer at her Nan’s she had to attend the local church on Sunday. Her great-grandmother’s need for religion was often a bitter pill for Emily to swallow. She fell out with her Nanny’s gracious God a long time ago. Even still, she remembered Sunday school and the lessons on good and evil and demons very clearly fell on the side of big ol' evil.

Though Emily had always imagined them to be scary, horrible things. They in no way looked like the cute boy who currently sat beside her, his eyes filled with an emotion that no demon should ever be able to feel.

“A demon? Seriously? I'm supposed to believe this?” Emily asked scoffing at him. “I’m not making this up. I’m a demon. One of thousands who were created for one purpose…human destruction.” Tavin stopped and took a deep breath. Emily didn’t know what to say. This was complete insanity.

“I've been around a long time, Emily.” Tavin continued. “Since almost the beginning. I've killed a lot of people and I've done horrible things.” Tavin spoke gruffly; his tone was filled with disgust and self-hatred.

Emily cocked her eye brow at him. “Okay...well you certainly don't look like any demon I've ever heard of. You look pretty normal to me.” She didn't even want to start addressing his admission about killing people. Yeah, she'd deal with that later.

“Well, this isn't want I typically look like. I've...altered my image to make myself more pleasing to you.” Tavin blushed. He seemed embarrassed by this. Which was so strange, given he'd just told her he was a freaking demon. Why in the world should he be embarrassed by the fact that he changed the way he looked? Boys, demon or not, were an enigma.

“Well, what do you really look like then?” Emily couldn't help but ask. Tavin stiffened. “I don't want to show you that Emily.” She touched his arm and his skin seemed to quiver under her fingers. “Well, too bad Tavin. If I'm to swallow any of what you're spouting at me, I need to see and hear all of it, alright.” Her words were a lot braver than she felt.

Tavin met her eyes and then he seemed to blur, like looking at someone through old, wavy glass. She couldn’t really see him, only a general outline of shape. There was a darkening. The sky overhead filled with clouds and the sun disappeared. The air felt thick, like the way it did before a storm. The smell of cinnamon was gone and replaced by something else. A heavier smell, sweet, almost like the smell of rotting food. It made Emily gag and she put her hand up over her nose.

They were suddenly surrounded by a hazy red light and the heat became intense. She felt the sweat trickle down her back and dampen the waistband of her pants. She could barely see and she looked around wildly for Tavin. Where did he go?

She suddenly felt the tell-tale tingling that indicated his presence. It started slowly in her hands and arms and spread all over her until she was filled with an electrical charge. She knew that he was standing behind her. She felt him there. But she was suddenly scared. Emily knew she had asked for this but she didn’t want to be horrified by the boy she loved.

“You wanted to see the real me Emily, well here I am.” His voice sounded almost belligerent, like he was proving a point. He seemed to be daring her and Emily was never one to pass up a dare. She was the same girl who stuck her tongue to a flag pole in the middle of January just to see if it would stick after she and Jeremy watched
A Christmas Story
in middle school.

Her eyes found his shoes, which were the same as he had been wearing before; black Chuck Taylors with gleaming white laces. Emily's gaze slowly traveled up the length of him. The same long, thin legs wrapped in denim jeans. Black sweater that fit him snugly.

Her eyes finally found his face and she recoiled despite trying to control her reaction. Tavin’s face was completely distorted. It was Tavin, but it wasn’t. His black hair was longer and he still possessed some elements of his human face. But it was his eyes that scared her. His beautiful blue eyes, the eyes that were so unique…so him…were gone. They were replaced by gaping holes where they should have been. Emily didn’t know whether he could see her or not. The holes were filled with crawling, moving things. Things she didn’t want to get too close to.

Emily looked away, the sickening sweet smell of decay overwhelming her. She knew she was going to be sick. She ran to the end of the pier and wretched over the side. She heaved until her stomach hurt. When she was done she remained hunched over, unwilling to move.

She hated her reaction. Some part of her felt guilty, knowing that this was why Tavin hadn’t wanted her to see him. Emily’s anger was now turned inward. She was upset with herself and her inability to handle any of this. There was so much more she needed to know. But right now she grappled with the reality of him. Her Tavin. He was horrible.

She heard his footsteps approach her. Emily knew he stood near her, but giving her the space she needed. She had closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him again and feeling bad for it. He was right. He disgusted her, she was scared of him. She didn’t know if she could get pass that. How foolish of her to think that love could save everything. What a naïve twit!

He didn’t say a thing. Just stood there. His presence obvious in the heat he gave off. After a time, Emily realized that the horrible stench was gone and she was enveloped in cinnamon.

Emily opened her eyes and looked up at him. Tavin had put on his human face again. But she noticed that his eyes were hard…cold. She had obviously just proven every fear he had of showing her who he truly was. She felt like such a disappointment.

Emily wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and sat up. She rested her back against one of the posts of the pier, too weak to stand. The sky was its normal, perfect blue and the day was beautiful again. A perfect dream. Only it wasn’t perfect. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” Emily’s words obviously surprised Tavin. His eyes softened and he made to move towards her but then thought better of it. “You’re sorry? Don’t be silly.” His voice was harsh. He was angry. Emily could tell.

“You have nothing to be sorry about Emily. This, all of this, is my fault.” Tavin's voice was rough and he turned his back to her. Emily couldn't deny what he said, because this was his fault. That angry part of her reared its ugly head and her next words were meant to hurt and maim. “You're right Tavin, this is your fault. You stole the one beautiful thing I had and now it's...tainted.” She spat. Tavin's shoulders fell with her words.

“And you're supposed to kill me? What the hell does that mean? Should I be fearing for my life or something? Though I don't know why I should listen to anything you have to say. Because I'm feeling anything but trusting right now.” Emily swung her legs around and let them dangle over the edge of the pier.

Tavin sat beside her, leaving plenty of distance between them. Emily watched him out of the corner of her eye as he pulled at a frayed string on his jeans. A nervous but completely human gesture. If he hadn't just shown her otherwise, she would have thought him a regular boy.

His words came slowly, as if he were unsure how to verbalize what he needed to say. But Emily found herself drawn in by the tale he shared with her.

“I was born to Lilith, the first wife of Adam. I’m sure you know who Adam is.” Tavin looked at her for confirmation. Emily nodded. “Sure, Adam and Eve. Garden of Eden. Gotcha. But who’s Lilith? I thought Adam’s wife was Eve?” She asked.

Tavin continued. “Well, the Bible, as you know it, doesn’t mention Lilith but in a few places and never makes mention of her true identity. Lilith was created by God as Adam’s first wife. They were equals in all things, for they were both made in the image of God. Lilith has described her time with Adam as idyllic. They were in love and lived in this beautiful place with everything they could ever need or want. They were confident in their love for each other and the love of their God. But then things... changed.”

Tavin stood up and moved to the edge of the pier, once again looking out at the water. Emily stayed seated but followed him with her eyes. “They had a disagreement. A conflict about…well, what happens between a man and woman…” Tavin’s voice trailed off. He seemed embarrassed.

“You mean sex?” Emily asked bluntly. Tavin looked back at her, a small smile on his lips, his cheeks a flaming shade of red. “Yes, I mean sex.” He turned away from her again. “Adam had always wanted to be ...well, dominate when it came to that and Lilith wouldn’t allow it…ever. So she fled from the Garden. It isn’t really known where she went and she has never spoken of that time.”

Tavin sighed. “Lilith was gone from the Garden for a thousand years. The Earth became populated with people and her bitterness and anger at being denied the life she wanted became too great. So she began to procreate.” Emily frowned.

“You know, have babies...with human men. She created her own demon army. I was the first of her children. The first Incubus.” Emily was startled at his words. Tavin hadn't been lying when he told her he had been around a long time.

“Then what happened to her?” Emily was curious despite the fear his story unfurled inside of her. Tavin shrugged. “She became the Queen of the damned…the mother of all demons. And she was hunted. God could never abide by her treachery and flagrant disregard for his rules. She and her children were an abomination and needed to be struck down.” Emily shivered.

“Three angels were sent after her, to
persuade
her to stop her from creating any more demons and to return to the Garden. She was to submit to God’s will and maybe, just maybe, they would let her live. I’ve got to give it to Lilith though. She wasn’t about to submit to anyone, even the Holy Creator himself.” There was a grudging respect in his voice. Emily could tell he appreciated this aspect of his mother, as much as he hated to admit it.

“Three angels huh? Did they catch her?” Emily asked, wondering what strange twists this story would take next. Tavin nodded. “Yes, three angels hunted her all over the earth, bound by their oath to find her, destroy her children and return her to God.” There was a clear hatred in Tavin's voice. “Which angels hunted her?” Emily asked. She had heard of the arch angels and knew some of the names from Sunday school. Tavin shook his head. “I don't want their names on my lips.” Tavin said acidly. His feelings for his mother's pursuers deep and intense.

“They found Lilith finally, after a hundred years. When they tracked her down to the deserts of Mesopotamia, she refused to give herself up. The angels were enraged. They attempted every means necessary to secure her compliance. Some of these means were less than…
angelic.”
There was the laugh again, bitter and hard.