Irresistible Fear (42 page)

She had been raised with strength and conviction by the most amazing woman. Her Nan would have expected nothing less then her dogged determination to save the person she loved. Even as Lilith’s hands burned through her skin, ripped her soul out of her by the demon’s fingers, she felt a smile on her face.

Lilith’s eyes flashed and filled with a scary anger. Emily knew she was pissing off the female demon. Lilith wanted to see Emily’s pain and suffering. And it hurt, more than anything she could ever imagine. The pain washed through her body in waves and she was dangerously close to blacking out. But she’d be damned if she’d let that bitch see it.

No, she smiled. She grinned and maintained eye contact with those vicious violet eyes.

Lilith dug her fingers deeper, piercing her skin, into the muscle. They were like brands and Emily couldn’t help but gasp. She saw Lilith’s satisfication at her response. Emily’s death was slow and she knew Lilith was planning on dragging this out for as long as possible.

Emily had always heard that at your moment of death, one’s entire life would pass before their eyes. A systematic slideshow of the most important moments. It was true. Emily’s sight became fuzzy and even in this dream world, this place of intangibility, she felt death grip her in its iron clad grasp.

And she saw it, she saw it all. Her fifth birthday when her dad bought her her first bike. Emily remembered his dearly loved face, always covered in stubble. His slightly frazzled hair and far away expression. When Emily thought of him now, she wasn’t eaten with resentment and anger. No, instead she only felt an unending love for the father she had known.

There were other memories, of eating mint chocolate chip ice cream with her Nan on the pier by Nanny’s house. Of her first ride on a roller coaster with her mother, during one of her ‘good’ periods. Of playing with Jeremy at recess when they were nine.

And Sasha, laughing with Sasha, gossiping, giving each other manicures while watching Dirty Dancing for the millionth time. Every small and seemingly insignificant event in her life took on new meaning and filled her with an endless light.

Emily had spent so much of her life filled with anger, resentment, shame. She knew she had played the victim role well. And in these last minutes, she forgot all of that and was able to see the depth of love and caring she had truly experienced.

She was very lucky and she felt a twinge of regret at not allowing herself to appreciate the gifts she had.

These memories shifted in and out of her mind, quickly and clearly. Then she saw
him
. The first time she sensed his presence in her mind, a hot wind, a waft of cinnamon, eyes of piercing blue, staring at her from the darkest recesses of her dreams. Her chest ached with the love she felt for him.

Not for the first time did she realize how much Tavin had truly given her in the short amount of time they had been together. She couldn’t feel anything but gratitude at having the opportunity to know and be loved by Tavin. Despite the fact that essentially she was in this position because of who and what he was, she couldn’t be upset about that.

Maybe she had finally lost her mind completely, because her memories and feelings about Tavin were anything but rational. But he had opened her heart, which she had thought was locked away forever. He hadn’t just unlocked her heart, he had laid her vulnerabilities bare, taking down every wall.

She was so closed off and emotionally numb that relationships were almost impossible for her. But Tavin had laid her open and forced her to face the truth of who she was as a person. And ultimately changed her.

Emily could feel the fundamental difference in who she was. Being able to feel so deeply changes a person and Emily knew it had altered her completely.

“Stop smiling, you idiot! I’m killing you!” Lilth screetched into her face. Her demeonar was crazed and Emily knew she should be terrified of her, but she was so lost in her recollections of her time with Tavin that she couldn’t summon the feeling. This was perhaps a gift in a way. This time to remember with bitter clarity, the one thing she loved the most.

“You stupid human! You think it hurts now, you just wait. I’ll make you beg for me to stop.” Lilith’s voice was painful and Emily knew she flinched a little, but mostly she laid there, staring at the dark ceiling, removing herself; floating free.

And just when she didn’t know if she could take anymore, she was dropped to the floor. The red hot fingers left her skin and she felt the cold stone beneath her. Emily couldn’t move, not even a finger. She could do no more than continue to lay there, staring at the ceiling.

But she could hear. She heard Lilith scream. A primal and animalistic sound. “No!” She screamed over and over until it became Emily’s entire focus. She tried to move her head, to roll over, to know what the next attack would be. But she was paralyzed, stuck to this cold floor.

The screams continued; deafening and horrible. Emily heard a loud boom and suddenly the ceiling began to rain down on her. She was hit with stone and rubble. Emily tried to shield her face, but found she had no energy to do much more than close her eyes against the torrent of debris.

Emily recognized that she had shut down, going some place inside of her where she could feel safe. Everything then began to move in slow motion. Emily could have sworn she felt hands grab her, strong and familiar hands. Then she was being quickly carried.

Emily couldn’t open her eyes, couldn’t move. Even inside her safe place she knew she was being cradled carefully against a hard chest. She should probably be fearful, not knowing where she was going, but she was beyond caring.

Finally, the world stopped moving and she found that she had been laid down on a thick blanket. Emily continued to lay there, still feeling someone’s presence with her. She cringed inwardly, waiting for the attack, for the final piece of torture that would end it all.

She felt the hands touch her. One hand in the middle of her chest, the other flat against her forehead. Emily sank deeper inside herself, waiting. She anticipated the pain again, but was surprised when it didn’t come.

Instead she felt a pleasurable warmth. The fingers on her chest seemed to melt into her skin and a string of heat passed from those fingers, deep into her core. The hand on her forehead squeezed slightly and Emily felt her head clear, her energy restored.

She finally opened her eyes and her heart leapt into her throat.

He had found her! He had come back! Emily felt tears prick her eyes and they spilled out of the corners. Tavin wiped them away tenderly.

“Tavin.” She whispered, her voice gone. Emily blinked, almost unwilling to believe the miracle of seeing him. She struggled to sit up, pushing up on her elbows.

“Take it easy Emily. You’re very weak.” Hearing his voice was like taking a cool drink of water on a hot day. His face was so gentle and he carefully cupped her face in his hands. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.” His voice was rough, as if he had been yelling.

“I don’t understand. How are you here?” Emily cradled his face as well and they sat like that for an endless moment, touching each other, each afraid the other would disappear.

Tavin smiled; his quirky, sardonic grin. “There’s nothing quite like the element of surprise.” Emily made a choking noise and moved her mouth to his. Her lips melded to his as if they were fated to spend eternity like this. Tavin’s arms went around her and he crushed her to him with amazing strength.

Emily kissed him with the desperate passion she had bottled up since he had left. She felt as if she were truly home. Behind her eyelids, she became aware of bright light. It was so bright that it hurt her closed eyes.

She squinted, opening her eyes marginally. The light came from Tavin. His eyes were still closed, his face close to hers. And he was glowing. Tavin was glowing. A beautiful white light engulfed him and his beloved features shown with a perfect brilliance.

“Tavin.” She gasped, staring at him in wonder. Tavin opened his eyes, startled at the interruption. He frowned, not knowing why she pulled away. Then a dawning realization transformed his face. He looked down at his hands glowing in that beautiful light. “What’s going on?” She asked him, watching him as he inspected himself carefully, a look of pure joy replacing his confusion.

“I can't believe it.” He whispered, awe in his voice. “What is it? Is everything okay?” Emily asked him. For a moment she was scared again. She was extremely confused and the almost eerie glow was disconcerting.

But then she watched Tavin's face as it became even more radiant in his happiness and she realized she had nothing to fear by what was happening to him. Whatever it was, was something spectacular.

Tavin pulled her to him again and held her. His chest rose and fell quickly and his arms were shaking with fine tremors. “Tavin. Tell me. What is happening to you?” She asked him again, though not pulling away.

Tavin looked down at her. Emily gasped. His eyes had become even more brilliant. She didn't think that was possible. But staring up at him, she was stunned and breathless by the change in him. He was different. Fundamentally so.

Tavin smiled, a beatific smile full of hope and wonder. “Emily.” He said softly. Emily stared at him as he sat up straight, putting his shoulders back. Behind him unfurled the most amazing set of wings she had ever seen. They were a blinding white tinged in an almost glistening silver.

“Tavin...you have...wings.” She gasped. Tavin took a deep breath and kissed her again. “I know...I just never believed it would happen.” Emily shook him slightly, wanting a straight answer. “Tell me what's going on Tavin!” She said desperately.

Tavin closed his eyes. “I've been Redeemed.”

Chapter 44

“Re- what?” Emily asked in bewilderment. What the heck was he talking about? Tavin opened his mouth when a loud splitting noise interrupted them. They both jumped up. Emily saw the wall in front of her crumble and fall to the floor. Tavin threw her behind him, shielding her from whatever waited for them behind it. Emily couldn't resist, even in that situation, reaching out and touching the luminescent feathers that now protruded from Tavin's back.

She smoothed her fingers along their edges and sighed at the texture. It was indescribable. They felt alive like electricity coursed through them. Emily pulled her hand away, not sure what to make of all of this.

Emily tried to peak over Tavin's shoulder, to see what this new threat was but he blocked her sight. Then his body went rigid and Emily pushed from behind him to stand by his side. ''Get back Emily.” Tavin growled. Emily looked up at her once demon now apparently angel boyfriend and frowned. “Um I don't think so. We do this together, alright.” Tavin's eyebrows shot up at her tone but he couldn't hide the smile that played around his lips.

Then his attention was drawn back to a new presence in the room. The light that radiated from Tavin was eclipsed by an even greater brilliance. Standing before them were three of the most beautiful beings Emily had ever seen.

She couldn’t tell if they were male or female, their beauty seemed to transcend gender. And it really didn’t matter. They wore fierce expressions and aside from their magnificent beauty, they were actually kind of scary.

The massive expanse of wings that billowed behind each of them, gave their identities away pretty quickly. Wings that looked a lot like the ones that now sprouted from Tavin's back. These were angels.

“Ah, Mesteema. Welcome to the brotherhood. I knew we could count on you.” The angel in front stated in what could only be described as childish glee. He, for he was definitely male, actually clapped his hands together. Emily was more than a little shocked by his less than angelic actions.

Tavin only nodded, otherwise ignoring his comment. The angel was obviously not deterred by Tavin’s lack of response. “So how did you do it? Do tell! That I'm sure is one hell of a story, pardon the pun.” He chuckled at his very bad joke.

What was this angel's deal anyway? Emily watched Tavin as his jaw tightened. He clearly didn't like the angel's flippant tone either. Tavin reached out and grabbed Emily's hand and held her tightly. Emily tried not to wince at the strength of his grip.

The angel watched the sudden gesture and his eyes narrowed in knowing. He turned to Emily, finally addressing her. “So, this is the human girl at the center of everything. Aren't you an interesting little thing?” His words were meant to be coy but his tone sent a shiver of unease down her spine. She didn't like this being at all. He freaked her out, a lot.

The angel stared at Emily in a way that was very disturbing. He seemed to be...studying her. “But there's something about her. Funny, I never realized how much you look like...”

“Enough...this is not why we're here.” Another voice called from behind the first angel, effectively ending the other angel's musings. The angel who had been staring at Emily frowned and his attention drew away from her. Whatever he had been about to say was lost. She was intensely curious and that nagging bit of instinct screamed that whatever he would have said would have been monumental.

The moment was lost though, so Emily turned her attention to the other two angels toward the back of the room. They were clearly not amused with his verbal slip up.

The first angel gave an exaggerated sigh. “Yes, yes, I know...we're here about the bargain.”

Bargain? What was the angel talking about? Tavin took her hand and held it tightly. “You said that I ...that we could be together. I believe that
was
the deal.” His voice was challenging but tinged with uncertainty.

Emily was completely lost and trying to make sense of what was unfolding in front of her. The first angel turned to look at her again and his eyes were no longer amused. His eyes were cold and she felt nothing but dread. These were obviously not nice, kind angels. These three looked as if they were made to fight, their bodies thick with muscle and full of intimidation.

“You’re right, that was part of the deal. The caviet is that you have to fulfill your end before that is possible.” The angel stated briskly, leaving no room for argument. Tavin drew himself up, obviously planning on arguing anyway.