Knight in Shining Suit (59 page)

I didn’t have anything to
say to that. One, because it was true; two, because I didn’t know
Paris would defend Astrid with such vigor; and three, because I
didn’t know Paris would be bold enough to talk to me like
this.

“
Did I… do something to
you, Paris?” I asked.

She sighed. “No.” There
was silence on the other end of the line. Then she said, “I talk to
you like this, Ryder. At least for the past year, you’ve made me
feel like I didn’t have to conform to the rules of our society.
You’ve always allowed me to be who I really am. Not the dumb little
heiress that everybody expects me to be.”

I took a minute to process
what she said. Then I said, “You’re not a dumb little heiress.
Don’t even allow anybody to make you feel like you are. Even
me.”

“
Good.” I can hear the
smile in her voice. “That’s why I’m telling you now that what you
did with Astrid’s company… your funeral.”

I sighed. Why does
everybody keep telling me this? “Why?”

“
You lost one year of your
memories, Ryder. We’ve been telling you who Astrid was in your life
and how much you loved her. I get that you don’t know her now and
you don’t trust her. But even then… you should have trusted
us.”

They were right. They were
all right! Even Jake warned me I was going to regret
this.

I underestimated the
degree of my feelings for Astrid. Darn! I didn’t even know I was
capable of falling in love.

I always thought I was not
going to marry for love. I thought I would find a woman that
was…
suitable
.
And then I would marry her, have kids with her and be a happy
father. I would be a good husband. It’s a give and take
relationship. If she’s faithful to me, there is no reason for me to
play around. Plus, I know how kids feel when their parents go their
separate ways. I’ve been there. I wouldn’t want my kids to go
through that.

I wasn’t expecting Astrid
to happen; that I would find someone that I can drown myself in. I
didn’t know I would feel so strongly for a woman, that the sight or
even the thought of another man touching her would boil my blood
and make me abandon reason.

I never knew I could go to
bed with a woman and would want to hold her until morning. That I
could forever drown in the scent of her. That only one night of
sleeping with her in my arms would make the other nights without
her unbearable.

Whatever pieces of Astrid
that I recalled from the past year is just enough for me to know
that she’s the woman I’ve been looking for. My match, the woman
that I needed.

Damn! I hurt
her!

For the past few days,
Astrid has been in my thoughts every waking hour. When I go to bed
at night, her memory lies down beside me. I wanted to see her smile
and hear her laugh again. I wanted to hear her scream my name in
bed again.

I wanted her to keep
stocking up my fridge and tell me where things were in my house. I
wanted to open the front door of my house and she’s the first thing
that I would see.

But I threw all that away.
I drove her away.

I hit the brakes of my
car. I had been driving more than a hundred miles an hour, not
caring if I will hit something. Maybe I was tempting fate again.
Maybe I wanted to get into another accident and hopefully hit my
head so hard, the cloud that veils my memories of Astrid would be
gone.

I don’t know where I was
or where I was going. I was driving without a destination or a
purpose. In truth, I wanted to get away. If I went home, I knew I
will be restless knowing that she’s just across the street from me.
Ten bucks say I will not be able to resist for ten minutes. I will
cross that street, break her friend’s door down, and carry her to
my house and no one will be able to stop me.

But she needs some space
right now. And I need to think. I need to… I don’t know…
strategize!

I stopped the car on the
side of the road and took deep breaths.

I realized that I don’t
need to regain my memories to know that I am in love with Astrid.
Because even now, with all these holes and missing puzzle pieces in
my head, I still want to be with her. And I want her to love me
back. I want her to forget what an ogre I have been to her the past
few months.

I didn’t tell her that I
remembered a little bit of her. I should have. But I didn’t. I
wanted her to know that with or without my stupid amnesia, we could
still work. We could still be together and I could still make her
happy.

Well, congratulations for
a job well done, Ryder!
I thought angrily.
I messed up my chances yet again.

I don’t know when I will
gain my memories back. There is a chance that I don’t recover them
at all. That’s why I don’t want her to keep loving the man I used
to be… the man in my past. I want her to fall in love with this man
in front of her now, and later realize that I’m still the same
person. That nothing changed. And nothing will change between
us.

This afternoon, when I
reminded her that I’m still her boyfriend, a sense of joy and pride
swept through me. I felt like I’m the luckiest guy in the world
because she is mine.

I realized I didn’t want
to change that. And no amount of amnesia could take Astrid away
from me, or me from her.

I will make amends for
everything that I did to her in the past. But for now, she has to
forgive me.

God, I was so stupid!
Astrid has a good heart. All I needed to prove to her was how sorry
I am about the way I acted and ask…
or
beg…
for her to give me one more
chance.

Because I love
her.

There!
I admit what my pride and my logical brain prevented me from
admitting before. I don’t know how, but even without gaining back
all my memories of her, I fell for her anyway.

And even if she doesn’t
accept that, I realized that she has to know at least. I cannot
have her thinking that I only wanted her for a playmate. I may have
forgotten her, but I’m still the man she fell in love with. And I
will never use her or take advantage of her.

But how will I do this?
She must freaking hate me right now!

I am not going to wait. I
will tell her now. No guards. No masks. No prides.

Right now, she could be in
her room, crying her heart out because of me again. No, I promised
myself I wouldn’t hurt her anymore. She can do whatever she wants
with what I am going to tell her. But I will say it to her anyway…
I love her.

And if she choses to start
over… even without our memories together… I would make that chance
count. Instead of waiting for me to regain my memories of her, we
would just make new ones… happier ones.

I took a deep breath and I
prayed for a little bit of luck. Looks like I was gonna need it.
And then I shifted the gear to reverse and turned the car back
around.

34.

SOMETHING BORROWED:

A bride must complete her
outfit by wearing something that is not hers. Suggestions would be
a tiara, hair clips, gloves, jewelry, and the list goes on and
on.

Astrid.

M
y heart pounded in my chest. But I knew that I shouldn’t
panic. This was Bryan! He was one of my best friends before we
decided to become more than friends. I knew him. Once in his life,
I loved him. And he loved me. He will never hurt me physically…
or
will he
?

“
Bryan…” I breathed. “Are
you okay? You look… drunk.”

He laughed. “Oh, I am more
than that! And I like it!” His eyes gleamed with mischief and I got
even more scared.

“
Wha-what do you want?” I
asked him, taking a step backward.

“
Ha!” He sighed angrily.
“You still don’t know what I fucking want?” He took a step forward.
“What’s the matter, Astrid? Is your Prince Charming breaking your
heart?”

“
No…” I
started.

“
Liar!” He shouted. “I
know everything, sweetheart!” He looked at me angrily. “Why do you
put up with him? Why do you allow yourself to hurt over and over?
You’re erased from his memories. Accept that! Move on!”

I was shocked. My family
didn’t even know about Ryder’s accident. How could Bryan
know?

“
How… how do you know
that?” I breathed. Half of me wanted to know the answer, and the
other half is thinking of a way out.

“
Oh, little Astrid. I
know! I know everything about you! I care for you! Ryder… just
wants you for a playmate and has conveniently forgotten about you.”
He laughed. “You were heartbroken for months. You didn’t even tell
your family about his tragedy… well, now, it’s more
your
tragedy! Because
the only person being hurt by all this is you.” And he laughed, an
evil laugh that made me want to smack his face, but I didn’t want
to provoke him.

“
I don’t… understand how
you… know all this.” I whispered, taking a step back, and fidgeting
at the table beside me, trying to get hold of something that I can
use as a weapon against him, in case he decides to go
psycho
.

“
Your young employee…
Rose… she’s a talker… especially after sex!” Then he laughed
loudly.

And whatever control I
have in my body, that was gone in an instant. I got so mad at him I
couldn’t help it.
He’s Geena’s
husband!

“
You son of a bitch!” I
said to him angrily. “How could you cheat on Geena?”

He laughed. “You expect me
to be faithful to her? I don’t even love her. There was only one
woman I could have been faithful to.” He looked at me
sadly.

“
You weren’t faithful to
me!” I hit back.

“
I would have been! If you
threw me a bone! I have needs, Astrid! I’m a man. How could you
have forgotten that? If… if you didn’t… then we would have been
married by now. I would have been happy! I would have made you
happy! And you won’t be here, eating your heart out because of
him!”

I shook my head. “Don’t
pin this on me, Bryan. If you really loved me, you would have
waited. Ryder would have waited. He was willing to. Because I was
more important than anything else.”

I saw wrath in his eyes.
“Ryder, Ryder, Ryder! You worship him like a god and he doesn’t
even remember you! He even pulled out his investment on your
business! He doesn’t care! Now, here you are! Homeless! Where is
he, Astrid? He walked out on you! I would have fought for you! I
would not have given up so easily!”

Tears stung my eyes. I
wanted to shout at him and deny everything he just said, but I know
he was right. Ryder didn’t remember me, and he didn’t even care
that I would be homeless after he pulled out his investment in my
business.

My defenses crumbled for a
minute. And Bryan saw that window. I hate it that somehow, he still
knows me. He still knows when I am being weak or defensive, or when
I was lying.

In two long strides, he
was able to close the gap between us. He grabbed my waist and
pulled me to him.

“
Forget Van Woodsen,
Astrid! I’m here now! And I will never let you go again!” he said.
His breath smelled of alcohol, smoke, and something else I could
not place. Up close I could see just how red his eyes were and how
his cheekbones were protruding, like he lost a lot of weight since
the last time I saw him.

I watched in horror as his
face descended towards mine. I took a deep breath, pulled back and
used all my efforts to push him away. When his grip was still too
tight, I started hitting frantically, scratching and screaming. For
the first time, I realized that my pretty long nails have another
useful purpose.

I got him on the cheek, he
staggered back from the pain and that gave me a little room to get
away. I ran behind the counter, putting some distance between
us.

Bryan touched his cheek.
It was bleeding a little bit from the scratches I gave him. But
instead of getting mad, he only gave me an evil grin. The kind that
says I actually turned him on rather than discouraged his
advances.

“
That’s the Astrid I like!
Feisty!” he said, starting for me again.

“
Don’t come any closer!” I
shouted at him.

“
That’s impossible,
sweetheart. I’m attached to you. You pull me like a moth to a
flame!” He took another step forward.

There were some figurines
or plates on the counter, I didn’t check to see exactly what. But I
just kept throwing things at him, sending each piece shattering to
the ground.

I hit him hard on the
shoulder. He stared back at me, his eyes narrowing from the pain.
“That’s it! You’ll regret that!” And he lunged forward.

I ran, but he was too
fast.

He grabbed me by my waist
and lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He dropped me hard on the
counter. I whimpered from the pain as I felt my back hit the hard
countertop. He held me there, pinning both my shoulders
down.