Last Song (Chasing Cross Book Five) (A Brothers of Rock Novel) (rockstar contemporary romance) (15 page)

“Do you want to play
shows?” Johnnie asked.

“I want to play in
Chasing Cross,” Rick said. “Whatever energy you have right now I want to have
that as the five of us. The way it’s meant to be.”

“Then it’s up to you,
Rick,” Johnnie said. “We have to finish this tour. From there we’re set to hit
the studio to write some new music. They’ll be no more touring until after the
new year. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say right now.”

“What do you want me to
do?” Rick asked. “Just show up at an arena?”

“There’s an idea,” Davey
said.

“You know how to get in
touch with us,” Danny said.

Rick felt his heart
tearing. Danny was the first to walk away, followed by Davey. Chris and Johnnie
lingered for a few extra seconds and Rick knew it was his chance to say
something. To say anything.

“I never left,” Rick
said.

“But you walked away,”
Chris said.

“I had to take care of
myself for a second.”

“We know,” Johnnie said.
“Just know that whatever hell you lived in, Rick, we did too. We lived in a
hell where part of our band, part of our hearts has been missing. The fans are looking
for you. The interviewers desperate to know about you. If you ever felt for a
second that nobody cared about you... you’re a dumb person. We’re waiting for
you, Rick. We...”

“... love you,” Chris
said. “We’re goddamn brothers in this band. We get pissed off. We walk away. We
come back. Danny and Davey are hurt and worried you won’t come back at all.”

“It’s not just your
feelings right now,” Johnnie said. “It’s ours too. Every night I look back and
see someone else behind that drums, it kills me little by little. Keep that
mind, Rick.” Johnnie made a fist and tapped on the table a few times.

He and Chris then left
the restaurant and joined the rest of Chasing Cross.

Rick watched as they all
climbed into a black car and drove away. Coming to meet the band Rick wasn’t
sure what to expect, but it needed to be done. It hurt like a son of a bitch,
but maybe the hurt was supposed to be there. It was meant to make Rick feel
alive.

As Rick thought about
everything, a waitress came to the table. He smiled and started to wave her
off. He had no appetite for food.

“I’m sorry to bother
you,” the young waitress said. “But the rest of Chasing Cross signed this...”

She had a paper place mat
full of local ads turned over to the blank side. There were four signatures.

“I just need the drummer
for Chasing Cross to sign this,” she said. “If you don’t mind... please...”

Rick stared at the
autographs.

I just need the drummer
for Chasing Cross to sign this...

(17)

The more Rick thought
about things on the flight back to California, the more empty he felt. By the
time he got off the plane, got into a cab, rode back to the house he bought, he
looked at the time and felt his heart twist into a big knot.

Chasing Cross was on
stage, playing, right then. Thousands and thousands of fans were in the crowd,
cheering, singing, dancing, forgetting about their lives for a couple hours.
That’s what the shows were for. They were for playing and they were for
forgetting.

It was the longest car
ride of Rick’s life. He felt trapped and in torture. The longer it took, the
worse he felt. His mouth was dry and his nerves were pinched. He looked out the
window, trying to chase the thoughts away, but he couldn’t stop thinking about
it. He couldn’t stop thinking about Johnnie at the mic, singing, leading the
band and the crowd. About Danny and Davey shredding on their guitars, bringing
a eardrum shattering sound of rock n’ roll. About Chris and his intense bass
lines, thumping to shake everyone to their core. About the drummer…

Rick his felt his fingers
tingle. It had been more than a couple days since he played drums. It had been
well over a week now since he played with his new band, but they didn’t care.
They knew what everything was up to Rick. They weren’t in it to actually write
new music and create something. They just liked to hang out, drink, and jam.
That was their sole purpose, but Rick knew it wasn’t his. His purpose was
something else. Maybe not quite the direction Chasing Cross seemed to be
heading, but it wasn’t taking a major step back into a grave he had dug for
himself years ago. There was no point in going backwards because everything would
end up the same.

At a red light, Rick felt
his entire body shaking. He was anxious. He was nervous. More than anything
else, he wanted a drink. No. He needed a drink. That’s what it was. He needed a
drink. He needed a bottle. Yes. A big bottle of something strong, like a good
whiskey. The kind of drink that could dig into a man’s soul and set those
demons free.

Rick licked his lips.

They were dry. His mouth
was dry. A drink would cure all that, wouldn’t it?

Rick closed his eyes, but
it did nothing to help. Closing his eyes gave him the image of himself twisting
the top off a fresh bottle of whiskey, then chugging the harsh amber drink,
letting it fill his stomach, his heart, and his mind. That was one thing that
never let him down, right? It always did its job. That was the attraction about
it...

“Shit,” Rick whispered.

His heart raced.

The cab driver looked in
the mirror and Rick looked away. They were only about ten minutes from his
house, but what would happen then? Rick couldn’t imagine stepping into his big,
empty house. He was pretty sure he had gotten rid of everything. His nose and
terrible urge would seek out anything he may have missed, or he’d break down
and go to a store. It was simple. It wasn’t illegal. He could get a small
bottle and drift away for the night. Save tomorrow for the decisions of life.

Yes.

The cab pulled into
Rick’s driveway. Rick paid the driver with a gracious tip and got out. He had
one small bag with him. The cab pulled away as Rick stared at his house.

He couldn’t do this.

He couldn’t go inside.

He couldn’t become that
version of Rick again.

Rick walked to his porch
and threw his bag down. He charged back down the sidewalk and started to run.
He knew where he needed to go and he wasn’t going to stop until he got there.

There was only one thing
that could chase away the pain and the demons for good. For the first time in
Rick’s life it wasn’t a bottle that did it.

A few minutes later Rick
stood at the front door, catching his breath. He hesitated, knowing that maybe
Sarah would have a better life without him. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t
resist it. He needed her, not just tonight to chase the pain away, but forever.
That’s the kind of feeling that ran through Rick’s body as he knocked on the
door.

Forever.

The only other time he
felt like forever existed was with Chasing Cross, and even then, even in the
mess he perhaps created, Chasing Cross wasn’t gone. Forever existed, even if it
slowly veered off course.

Sarah opened the door and
Molly joined her at her side, offering one A warning bark, but once the dog
recognized Rick, she began to wag her tail and fight to closer to get him.

“Rick... I didn’t know
you’d be back so soon...”

“I need you,” Rick said.
“Right now, Sarah, I need you. I need to get lost in you. I need to hold you. I
need...”

Sarah grabbed Rick’s
wrist and pulled at him. He came forward and his hands just naturally touched
her waist and held her. His body was against hers a second later, and to Rick’s
surprise, Molly trotted away. No barking. No interrupting.

Rick’s forehead touched
Sarah’s. Their eyes locked and the connection was even more present.

“I haven’t stopped
thinking about you since you left,” Sarah said.

“I wasn’t gone that
long,” Rick said.

“Long enough...”

Rick kissed Sarah. The
longing and lingering feeling on his lips was suddenly gone. It wasn’t a drink
Rick needed, it was Sarah. Their mouths parted and they kissed each other
deeper, the urge.

Sarah’s hands were
holding tight to the front of Rick’s shirt. There was no getting away. He loved
it. His hands slid around and down, grabbing Sarah by her perfect ass. He
pulled and made sure this time she felt him. He was hard and ready and he
wanted her to feel it to understand what she did to him.

As Sarah moaned, Rick
tasted her breath and wanted more.

“Sarah... where...”

He was almost flustered,
losing control of himself. He wanted to tear her clothes off and place her on
the couch. Or the floor. Or the piano or the dining room table again. Anywhere
he could have Sarah. It just wouldn’t stop.

Sarah broke their kiss
and released her grip on Rick with just one hand. Her other hand still held
Rick’s shirt as she pulled him to the steps and led the way.

Once they were in the
bedroom, Rick knew there was no stopping the inevitable and he took full
control of it. He faced Sarah and kissed her. His hands quickly made their way
under her shirt, finally able to explore. No sweaty running clothes in the way
this time. His left hand touched her stomach as his right hand cupped one of
her breasts. His fingertips playing with the top of her bra, wanting to feel
her in his hand. When he couldn’t take it any longer, he lifted Sarah’s shirt
up and off. She put her hands up, allowing it. Seeing Sarah like this, open and
free, trusting, made Rick feel needed.

Rick’s hands touched the
straps of Sarah’s bra. He slid both off her shoulders. Then gently he kissed
Sarah’s shoulders, one at a time, flicking his tongue. He kissed down her chest
to where her bra still covered her beautiful chest. Sarah wasted no time then
as she pulled Rick’s shirt up. Before he could get his t-shirt off his right
wrist and to the floor Sarah already had her hands at his pants. Rick groaned
and looked down, watching her hands working fast. She opened his pants and slid
her hands down. A few seconds later Rick managed to step out of his shoes and
his jeans at the same time.

When Sarah tried to touch
him again, he put his hand to her wrist and smiled.

“No,” he whispered. “Not
yet.”

“Rick...”

Rick pushed Sarah to the
bed and sat her down. He then came at her, forcing her to lay back on the bed.
His hands touched her sides and moved to her back. Sarah arched her back for
him. He unsnapped her bra and brought it forward. Sarah put her arms out and
Rick eagerly pulled, finally able to see Sarah’s chest. She was simply
beautiful. The color of her skin, the tender look of her breasts, the perfectly
round shape of her erect nipples and how they felt against his fingers. Sarah’s
hand clamped on the bed as she shivered against his touch. With his right hand
he cupped her left breast. His left hand gently held her right breast in place
as Rick kissed her. His tongue caressed against her nipple, left to right,
loving the taste and feel of her warm body and also the way she thrust at him.
Rick moved his thumb up and slowly placed his hand over Sarah’s breast. He then
switched to the other side, needing to taste everything his tongue could
possibly reach.

The more he kissed Sarah,
the more the rest of the world slipped away. The more the old demons began to
die once and for all.

Rick then had his hands
just below Sarah’s breasts. He traced imaginary lines with his tongue down to
her pants. He was happy he caught Sarah at night because there were no buttons
to have to bother with. Her black pants slid right down, revealing a pair of
black panties to match. Rick had his hands over both and pulled with ease.
Sarah lifted her body and she began to appear right before his eyes. The
smoothness of her stomach continued down her body. Rick couldn’t help groaning
when he saw Sarah’s moist center. He guided her pants and panties off and then
placed his hands to her legs. When his fingertips touched her, she jumped and
cried out.

Rick throbbed in his
pants, wanting Sarah more than ever, but this moment was what it was all about.
This was everything Rick had been longing for.

He looked up Sarah’s
perfect, naked body as he offered two of his fingers to her. He slid inside
Sarah, feeling her warmth, watching the way her back arched again. She let out
a shaky breath and Rick continued to enjoy her. He moved forward and over her,
staring at her body, and then her face, waiting for her to look at him. When
she did, her left hand clawed at his left shoulder.

Sarah thrust up at Rick’s
hand as he began to speed up. She clawed Rick’s chest and stomach. She pulled
at his boxers, her small hand finally wrapping around his thickness, squeezing,
and pulling.

Rick felt Sarah’s hand
slide down his shaft. She touched him root to tip, knowing when to squeeze,
knowing when to open her hand, knowing how to pleasure him. She was simply
perfect in every way possible.

As Rick made circles with
his fingers, Sarah squirmed and offered herself more. She lifted and lowered,
her lips quivering. She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn’t
find the breath or the words to say it. Her hand pulled at Rick, hinting what
she wanted from him.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,”
Rick whispered. He moved his mouth down to Sarah’s lips and kissed her. “I’ll
take care of you.”

Rick moved down, forcing
Sarah’s hand off him. He couldn’t believe what he was doing. He was always the
one commanding the scenes. He was the one on bottom, the one waiting,
receiving, getting, enjoying. Now, all he wanted to do was touch and taste
Sarah. He wanted to show her what it meant to feel beautiful, to feel wanted,
to be the only person in the world that mattered.

With his lips slowly
moving down her chest, Rick continued to savor the warmth between her legs. He
loved the way her body reacted. Sarah tried to control herself, but her hips
continued to move, thrusting at him over and over. Rick used the tip of his
tongue and came down Sarah’s right breast. He circled her erect nipple, and
then flicked it with his tongue. It left Sarah moaning and breathing faster.
Rick kissed and suckled on her warm skin, torturing himself with the fact that
his mouth wasn’t big enough to savor the taste of Sarah’s whole breast.

When Rick pressed his
fingers deep into Sarah one more time, she cried out. He smiled as his mouth
continued lower. He slid his fingers from her welcoming center, allowing his
fingertips to travel up to her smooth skin. He left traces of her moisture on
her body to show her what she had to offer. Rick wanted her to feel both
beautiful and confident. As he kissed down Sarah’s stomach, he watched her
stomach flutter with fast, jumpy breaths. She was nervous as hell... and so was
Rick.

Mark it down. It was the
first time in Rick’s life that he was nervous with a woman. He was nervous
because this wasn’t just sex. This just wasn’t two people enjoying the company
of their bodies. This was about Rick’s heart and how, even though he didn’t
want to, he fell for Sarah.

His tongue reached just
under her belly button. His hands were at her hips, holding her steady, making
sure Sarah knew what he intended to do to her. As his tongue made it down a few
more inches, Rick tasted soft skin. Right then Sarah crunched up and let out
shaking moan. It was quickly cut short by lack of air. She put out a shivering
right hand and touched Rick’s shoulder. Her entire body quivered in pleasure
and Rick was in shock as he watched Sarah come.

“Oh, baby,” he whispered.
“Yes...”

He brought his right hand
back between her legs and softly touched her. He rubbed the outside of her
body, wanting her to be completely satisfied. She thrust again and again, her
orgasm continuing for what could have been hours for all Rick cared. He just
wanted to see Sarah look this way. To see her pleasured. To see her opening to
him.

Sarah finally reached
forward and grabbed Rick’s wrist. She let out a few heavy breaths.

“I’m sorry,” she
whispered.

“For what?” Rick asked.

“I just... well, I
finished...”

Rick smiled. He kissed
Sarah’s lower stomach and then moved up her body in a hurry. He looked Sarah
deep in her eyes.

“Sarah, that was just the
first... of many...”

**

Sarah felt as though she
could come again. Hearing Rick say sensual, romantic things was almost too much
to handle. Sarah didn’t deserve Rick or at least that’s what her mind kept
telling her as he kissed her.

Between her legs though,
that was a different story. She needed him. The touch of his fingers and just
the idea of his mouth tasting her was enough to send her flying over the
climatic edge. She felt inexperienced and stupid, but it had been a long time.
And besides that, it had been longer since a man actually wanted to touch her,
to pleasure her, and look at her the way Rick looked at her...