Lifelong Affair (22 page)

'A
month is all I can spare this time,' Alex said regretfully. 'But maybe next
time we can stay longer.'

Next
time.It reminded Morgan only too forcibly that her marriage to Alex was a
permanent thing, and that it was a normal marriage through her own choosing,
her own
demand.
Alex had told her she could opt out of that any time she wanted
to, and yet to do that would end what marriage they had, end the only closeness
they had.

'Any time you can get away,' her mother
invited enthusiastically. 'We can't tell you what a wonderful time we've had
here with you, how lovely it's been to see you all. When Morgan told us she was
getting married, and to Mark's brother—well, we
-------
'

'Were
naturally concerned,' Alex finished softly. 'I can understand that. I hope that
seeing us together you're convinced that we're married because we want to be,
that I'm not a wife-beater,' he smiled.

'When
Morgan was younger—not much younger, I might add,' her father's eyes
glowed with merriment as he teased her, 'she deserved more than a few beatings.
She had the temper of a shrew!'

Alex
looked at her with amused eyes. 'Really?' he encouraged.

Her
father settled comfortably into the role of revealing her childhood antics.
'She was such a tomboy, always climbing trees, scuffing her knees. The complaints
we had from the neighbours!' he chuckled. 'Morgan was always bringing home
stray animals that would go and dig up their gardens.'

'Dad!'
she warned.

'Tell
me more,' Alex grinned. "It doesn't all like my elegant wife.'

Morgan
had to suffer the indignity of all her childhood exploits being told to Alex as
they are dinner, his throaty laugh often bubbling to the surface. To all
intents and purposes they were a happy family circle, and no one seemed aware
of Morgan's shattered emotions. She could put on an act for one day, maybe even
a week, but how was she going to get through the rest of her life like this!

'I'm
going to miss your parents,' Alex murmured as he undressed later that night,
pulling off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. 'I've enjoyed having them here.'

Morgan
kept her face averted, continuing to brush her hair in front of the mirror, the
lime green nightgown fitting smoothly over her breasts and thighs. 'I'm sure
they've enjoyed being here,' she nodded.

Alex
came to stand behind her in the mirror, his chest bare now, his black trousers
low down on his hips. It was impossible to do anything else but look at his
reflection, her gaze held mesmerised by his physical perfection. His hands came
down on her shoulders as he knelt slightiy on the back of her stool, his head
bent as his mouth nuzzled her nape.

'How
do you feel today?' he asked softly.

T
-----
  
she
 
was
 
stopped
  
from
 
answering
 
by
 
a whimper of
pain from the nursery. 'Courtney!' She evaded Alex's touch and stood up. 'He's
been upset all day,' she frowned. 'I'll go to him.'

Alex
followed her through to the adjoining nursery, leaning against the doorframe as
Morgan picked up the baby and began to soothe him. 'What do you think it is?'
he asked worriedly.

'He
had his routine injection on Friday,' she shrugged, the baby's cry quietening
to a choked sob.
^L
I think he just has a slight fever from it.'

'Should
he have that?'

'Of course he should!' she snapped angrily.
'There's nothing wrong with him. Why don't you just go away?' All the tension
of the day built up within her and exploded in one angry outburst. 'He'll be perfectly
all right with me. Go back to bed!'
But if he's ill
-----
'

'He's
just fretful, the nurse said he could be.'

'All
right, then,' he answered angrily. 'I think I will go back to bed, as you're so
confident you know what to do!' He closed the communicating door with
suppressed violence.

Morgan
sat down in the rocking chair with Courtney, softly thanking him for saving her
from another open confrontation with Alex as to why she wouldn't let him make
love to her. Because she wouldn't have been able to, she knew that as soon as
he touched her.

She
stayed with Courtney a lot longer than necessary, wanting to give Alex time to
fall asleep. Courtney had settled down again in only minutes after she had
soothed him, so she sat beside his crib for over an hour just watching him
sleep. He no longer seemed hot as he had earlier in the day, so she thought the
slight reaction to the injection had probably passed.

She
couldn't hear any movement from the adjoining bedroom to tell her if Alex was
awake or not, so she left it a little while longer, giving him time to fall
into a deep sleep.

Suddenly
the door between the two rooms opened and a harsh-faced Alex stood there. 'Come
to bed, Morgan,' he rasped harshly. 'I won't touch you!'

'Alex
---

'Just
come to bed,' he ordered bitterly, turning on his heel and walking back into
the darkness, leaving the door open. 'Morgan!' he ground out.She stood up,
tucking the blanket more firmly around the sleeping baby before going slowly
into the bedroom she shared with Alex. He lay far over his side of the bed, his
back turned towards her in silent reproach.

She
slept restlessly, somehow managing to keep away from Alex even when she did
doze, waking up with a start the one time she sensed herself moving across the
bed towards him. Daylight was breaking as she opened her eyes, and after the
lapse she had just had she daren't fall asleep again, but lay awake until she
heard Courtney's early morning cry, and hurried to his room before he woke
Alex, wanting no recriminating conversations this morning.

She
didn't see her husband until breakfast time. The four of them breakfasted
together, Alex having taken a day off work so that he could drive her parents
to the airport. It was a thoughtful gesture, and one Morgan knew her parents
appreciated. Unfortunately it also meant she had his company for the entire
day, and by his frosty manner towards her she knew she was far from forgiven
for the last two nights of avoiding his touch.

Her
mother came into the nursery to help her dress Courtney for the drive. 'He's so
much like Glenna,' she said tearfully.

All
Morgan could see in the baby was Alex, but she nodded anyway, concentrating on
the tiny button at the neck of the sweater Courtney wore.

'We
really have enjoyed being here, Morgan.' Her mother took the baby as Morgan
cleared away the baby's toiletries. 'Alex has made us so welcome. And it's so
nice to see how happy you are together.' She played with Courtney as she
talked, so she didn't notice how pale Morgan was. 'I must say your father and I
felt some serious misgivings when you and Alex decided to get married—we
wondered if it wasn't just for Courtney's sake even though you told us you
loved Alex. And that would have been disastrous.'

'Yes,'
she agreed dully.

'But
anyone can see how happy the two of you are together,' her mother smiled.
'We're so pleased for you, Morgan.'

'Yes,'
she smiled again'.

'I
still can't say I like the rest of the family,' her mother grimaced. 'But at
least Alex had the sense not to stay in the same house as his mother.'

'Yes.
We'd better be going down, Mom,' Morgan suggested lightly. 'We don't have too
long to get to the airport.' She hated deceiving her mother like this, but the
pain of her discovery was so new she couldn't talk to anyone about it.

She
sat in the back of the Mercedes with her mother and Courtney, her father seated
beside Alex, although she was aware of his gaze on her often in the driving
mirror, as if her behaviour the last two days was bothering him.

And
no wonder—her coldness now was the complete antithesis of her manner with
him the last three months. She had always been pleased to see him, to be with
him, to make love with him, and now she couldn't even bare his touch, evading
his hands as he would have helped her out of the car with Courtney when they
reached the airport.

His
eyes flashed with anger before he turned to help her father with the luggage.

Heathrow
Airport was hardly the place for a tearful farewell, but as her parents went
through Customs Morgan couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears,
accepting the comfort of Alex's arm about her shoulders, unable to reject him
in her desolation. She suddenly felt very much alone, alien, as if her parents
departure had left her in a vacuum.

'Would
 
you
 
like
  
Mrs
 
Whitney
  
to
  
take
 
care
 
of Courtney this evening?' Alex offered on the drive home.
'We could go out to dinner.'

'No!'
She swallowed hard, biting back her vehemence. 'I don't want to leave Courtney
just yet, not when he hasn't been well the last two days,' she said more
calmly.

'I
just thought you might be feeling a bit of anticlimax now that your
parents have gone.' He shrugged. 'Courtney is well enough today, isn't he?' he
frowned.

'Well
... yes. But I just want to give it one more day to make sure.'

'I
was only thinking of you.'

'I know—and I'm grateful. I just
        
'

'Don't
want to be alone with me,' he finished grimly. 'What have I done, Morgan?' He
turned to look at her, an expression of bewilderment in his eyes. 'I thought
you were happy with me, that we were happy
together.'

'We
are,' she nodded, avoiding his gaze.

'Then
why—Never mind,' he bit out impatiently. 'I can guess!'

'Guess
what?' She blinked at him.

'It
isn't important,' he dismissed harshly.

But
it was, very important—she knew that. She was destroying what closeness
they had by her silence, and yet to question Alex, to be told the truth, could
destroy
her.

For
the first time since they had been married Alex spent the evening in his study
working. At least, that was what he said he was doing, and Morgan didn't doubt
that he could find work to do, but she knew it wasn't the necessity to work
that had influenced his decision. He was avoiding her too now.

They were still avoiding each other when they went to bed
early that night, each using the bathroom in silence.
  
Alex
  
was
  
wearing
  
the
  
black
  
silk
  
pajama trousers
now. and Morgan's own nightgown was more than adequate covering.

He
didn't even attempt to touch her as they lay side by side in the bed, neither
of them talking but neither of them asleep either. Alex punched his pillow into
a more comfortable position from time to time, but other than that his broad
back was presented to her in cold silence.

Morgan
tried to hold back her tears, knowing that if he heard her sobs he would demand
an explanation right now. But the tears refused to remain checked, falling
silently down her cheeks and wetting her pillow.

'This
is damned ridiculous!' Alex suddenly exploded, making Morgan jump with the
fierceness of his mood, then he pulled her over on to her back, looming over
her in the darkness. 'I can't—Morgan, you're crying!' he groaned as he
felt her tears with his thumb tips. 'Darling, what is it?' he demanded gently.
'What's wrong with you? Tell me and we can work it out.'

She
shook her head, sobbing in earnest now, putting up no resistance as he pulled
her close against his chest, clinging to him unashamedly.

'Morgan,
speak to me!' he groaned into her hair. 'Tell me what I've done.'

'Nothing.
You've done nothing,' she choked.

'Then
why are you crying?' He smoothed her hair back from her face, drying her checks
with his fingers. 'I've behaved badly the last two days,' he sighed. 'You're entitled
to say no if you want to.' His eyes darkened. 'But I just can't do without you,
I need you all the time. Darling .. .!' he lowered his head with a groan.

For
several seconds she let him kiss her, and then she couldn't stand it any more,
wondering if he were imagining she were Glenna. She pushed against his chest,
twisting her face aside to wrench her mouth from his. 'No!' It was like the cry
of a wounded animal.

Alex
was breathing hard as he looked down at her. 'No?'

She
shook her head silently, the tears flowing anew as she looked up at him.

He
closed his eyes for several long painful seconds, taking deep controlling
breaths as his fingers bit into the tender flesh of her shoulders.

'Alex,
I think I should go back to the States,' she told him in a trembling voice.

His
lids were lifted, his eyes narrowed. 'You're homesick? The visit from your
parents has made you aware that you miss it more than you realised?'