Linked (29 page)

He
stopped the moment he saw me in Ash’s embrace, and there was a moment of eerie
silence as he stood staring at us. The expression that tore across his face
slashed my heart in two. At first he looked absolutely stunned, but then his
jaw set tightly, and his eyes scrunched up until he was glaring at Ash with a
look of pure hatred. By the time his aqua-marine eyes met mine, all he had to
offer was a cold, disbelieving stare. Knots of despair pulled tightly in my
stomach.

I
couldn’t read his emotions, but his stance was tall and predatory. I let go of
Ash and adjusted my robe so that my shoulder was no longer exposed. I could
sense Ash’s body tensing next to mine as he scrutinized Jason; immediately
taking an abrasive stance as well. The look that passed between the two of them
was long and challenging. Sparks of hostility and resentment shot around the
room like a string of exploding firecrackers.

Moving
in front of Ash, I stammered breathlessly, “J-Jason wh-what are you d-doing here?”

That’s
when I noticed he had a couple presents and a simple, yet elegant bouquet of
yellow Gerbera Daisies in his hands – the same kind of daisy as the one in the
pressed flower picture at the retreat. My frozen heart melted.

His
gaze switched from Ash to me, and in a low, bitter voice he said, “I heard from
Madison, of all people, that you’d had a birthday on Monday. I didn’t know
about it, or I’d have called. I have a couple gifts for you though and thought
if I dropped them off today – that would be better late than never. Or so I
thought,” he added. With raised brows and a tight jaw, his eyes slowly surveyed
the wall to wall flower bouquets. “But, clearly I’m interrupting
something
here.”
he put heavy emphasis on the word
something
, “I can see I shouldn’t have
come.”

“Oh
no. I’m glad you stopped by,” I breathed and tried to smile. I slid my hands
nervously into the big pockets on my robe. “I really appreciate it. And it’s
good to see you.”

“Lexi,”
Ash said possessively, “don’t you think you should introduce me to your
friend
?”
This was said more as a command than a question. Seething with obvious
animosity, they exchanged menacing looks. With knees slightly bent, feet
shoulder width apart, and backs straight, they appeared ready to throttle each
other. There’s no way I could have seen this coming – this most awkward and
uncomfortable moment of my life thus far.

Spinning
on my heel, I looked at Ash. Through clenched teeth I said quietly, “You need
to go.” Loudly, I said, “Ash that’s Jason,” I turned back around and looked at
Jason, “and Jason this is Ash.”

Jason
started to advance, but thank goodness Ben, who was now a master on Guardian –
Ray-pac rules, stepped in. Apparently, he understood this rule quite well.
There could be no handshake between Jason and Ash unless we all wanted to
witness some serious violence. Jason would know without a doubt that Ash was a
Ray-pac. Since it was a full moon, and neither of them were linked, Jason
couldn’t sense anything. It would take touch, so there was no way we could let
those two shake hands.

Ben
jumped in and said, “Oh yeah Ash, I’m glad you stopped by to see me. I’ve got
those um...CD’s you wanted. Why don’t you come back and take a look?” He
grabbed Ash’s arm to lead him to the back bedroom, and all I could think about
was how blatantly obvious that lie was since Ben’s CD’s were lined up in the
living room.

After
sending another savage look in Jason’s direction, Ash said, “Fine, but I came
to see Lexi.”

“Ash,”
I said with warning in my tone.

He
turned to me, softened his gaze and said clearly, “If you need me, babe. I’ll
be close by.” With a final nod he turned and strutted out of the room.

Wide-eyed,
Ally was still standing behind Jason. Over-the-top expressions had been flying
across her face, but she’d remained quiet throughout the entire exchange. With
a look of disbelief she mouthed, “Good luck.” Placing her hand on Jason’s
shoulder, she said in a tone that was a little too upbeat, “It was nice to see
ya again Jason. Don’t be a stranger.” With that she excused herself and
disappeared down the hallway after Ben and Ash.

With a
fixed gaze, Jason watched me as I slowly made my way towards him. Despite his
bleak expression and casual attire, he was striking as ever in a pair of faded
Levi’s and a blue WWU sweatshirt. I wanted desperately to reach out and touch
him. But even more desperately, I wanted to explain away what he’d just
witnessed between me and Ash. Except, I didn’t know exactly what he’d witnessed
or what had just happened. I knew I felt guilty and extremely sick to my
stomach now. What had felt good and right with Ash, now felt wrong and
disastrous.

Jason
stood with new formality, like he was an outsider looking at me in a new light.
I’m not sure what he saw, but the way his eyes studied me, had me feeling like
we were complete strangers. I felt uncertain and scared. But knew I had to take
the initiative if I had any hopes of turning things around.

“I’m
really glad you stopped by,” I said softly, keeping my voice as even as
possible. “I didn’t even tell Jessica about my birthday, because I didn’t want
anyone to fuss about it.” He just grunted and scoured the room in a manner
which depicted he wasn’t buying it. Incapable of resisting my urge to touch
him, I grabbed his wrist and held on. Flinching, he looked at me like he was in
pain, so I released him and asked with confusion, “Did that hurt?”

“Not
physically,” he said bluntly.

“Oh,”
I said fighting to control my feelings of panic. My touch repelled him that
much because I’d been in Ash’s arms? His imagination regarding me and Ash must
really be running wild. Music blared from the other end of the house. Probably
Ally making sure Jason and I had some privacy during our conversation. Standing
tall, but shaking, I said haltingly, “Jason, what you saw, or what you think
you saw between me and Ash when you walked in – well, nothing really happened.
My feelings for you…”I drifted off.

“You
don’t need to explain yourself or your relationships to me.” He reached out and
held a cluster of my curling, wet hair between his fingers. I wondered if he
even believed me that nothing had happened between Ash and I. “It’s not my
business,” he said gruffly, but his voice hitched. “I’m just surprised I didn’t
know anything about it,” he added and let go of my hair.

“There’s
nothing to know,” I said impatiently. “I need you to believe me. Ash and I,
we’re close, but it’s not like that. That was the first time…” I stopped and
caught my breath. This was not coming out at all how I planned. “We are
friends,” I said, raising my voice higher as his eyes wandered around the room.
I wanted to add that we had not been friends with benefits, but kept my mouth
shut. Jason appeared to be tuning me out, anyways. As his eyes stopped on the
keyboards and my new red helmet, they narrowed and a dark expression manifested
itself on his face.

Ignoring
my words, he rolled up his sleeves. “I’m happy for you Alex. Really, I am. It
looks like you’ve found someone who adores you and isn’t afraid to show you how
he feels. And…” he raised one brow and added in a cool, sardonic voice, “By the
looks of this room he’s not afraid to pamper you either; although, you deserve
to be treated—”

“It’s
not like that Jason,” I interrupted in an aggravated voice. “Listen to me,” I
pleaded and grabbed onto his arms. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. “I am
not with Ash. My feelings for Ash are complicated, but they are nothing like
how I feel about—”

“Alex!”
He stopped me mid sentence with a strangely calm but callous voice. He forced
the two wrapped presents he was holding and the modest bunch of daisies into my
hands. Placing the palm of his hand on my cheek, he said with gritty
resolution, “I wish you every bit of happiness. It’s obvious he’s devoted to
you. You need to let go of the past, live in the present, and seize the
happiness the future can offer you. That Ash apparently gives you.”

This
was all a bad joke, right? I couldn’t even explain to Jason why a future with
Ash was even more impossible than he could imagine. I’d lied about so many
things for so long. My life was a mess, all at my own doing. What had happened
to me? “Jason,” I whispered as the tears pooled in my eyes. “You’re not
listening to me.” I started breathing hard, and the gifts were teetering in my
hands; I was on the verge of losing it.

“Shhh,”
he said and put his finger on my lips, “it’s you who’s not listening to me.” I
shook my head, and the tears began sliding down my cheeks. “You and I will
always have a connection, we both know that,” he said with unrestrained
emotion. “I’m glad to see you’ve finally accepted that we can never be
together, and you’re moving on.I’m grateful you’ve found Ash. An Innocent is
just the right kind of guy for you – really.”

“No…”
I started to respond and stopped as his words sunk in. “What did you say?”

“I
said I’m fine with you and Ash together,” he reiterated in a voice as smooth as
silk. “An Innocent is just what you need.”

The
realization of those words hit me harder and with more pain than any physical
blow he could have inflicted upon me. I would have welcomed any physical damage
to my body over hearing those words. On the verge of throwing up, I didn’t
move. My stomach ached and my skin itched like I was breaking out in hives. My
heart had been annihilated.

What
could I say to someone who’d just declared he was fine with me being with
someone else? If he wasn’t hurting or feeling any jealousy by now he never
would. If his feelings had ever run any deeper than friendship, he’d be torn
apart right now. But he stood there looking so very calm and stoic.

I knew
we were finished.

But
the worst part was that
we’d
never even gotten started. I’d been stuck
in my own freakish dream. How pathetic. Obviously, this was not a lucid dream
where I had any control, either. The dream was over, and the nightmare had
begun. I was an idiot. Not that he was flawless by any means – he was just an
ass. But this was it. End of story.

Taking
me off guard, he leaned in and kissed my forehead once. My body was shaking
when he pulled away. He touched my nose with his fingertip and said, “Be safe
Alex.” Then he turned and walked out the front door.

How
many times had he done that to me before? Turned and walked out the door. Too
many. But I knew he wouldn’t be doing it again. This was the last time. As the
front door slammed, I crumpled to the floor and sobbed. That’s how Ally, Ash,
and Ben found me. Ally took the presents, set them aside, and pulled me into
her arms. I welcomed her embrace and cried on her shoulder.

Ash
said angrily, “What did he do to you? I’ll take care of him,” he added
viciously and stalked towards the door.

“No…no…no,”
I stuttered and looked at him through tear-stricken eyes. “He didn’t do
anything to me. Actually, he told me he was glad you and I had each other.” I
blubbered some more.

Ally
held me tight, patted my shoulder and said, “Shhh. You’re gonna be all right,
honey. Let it out; it’s okay.”

Everyone
was silent for a couple minutes while I whimpered. Eventually, Ally helped me
to my feet, and Ben handed me some tissues. I wiped my face, blew my nose and
said, “I’m okay. Really, I am.”

Ash
walked over to us, so Ally released me, stepped aside and grasped Ben’s hand.
Ash took one look at my face, pressed his lips together, and his own face
turned a deep shade of red as he violently shook his head side to side.
Pivoting, he placed both hands flat against the wall and leaned forward,
propping himself up. He smacked the red accent wall with his hand, not once but
several times. He struck it so hard I flinched with each pounding “thud.”

“Jeez
Lexi, why didn’t you tell me you were in love with him? I mean, I’m not saying
I would have liked it, but at least I would have understood that.”

My jaw
dropped, and my breath caught in my throat. Out of the corner of my eye I
noticed Ben and Ally twitching nervously. Looking up, my eyes met Ally’s. She
shrugged but nodded.

I
clung to the back of the couch. “I didn’t think I was,” I whispered. Ash shot
back around and studied my face. I gazed into his bright green eyes, swallowed
hard. “I’m sorry,” I said.

He
closed his eyes, dropped his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose while
shaking his head slowly. When he lifted his head, his face softened and he came
right up to me and pulled me into his arms. He held me tight and brushed my
hair back away from my face. “You’ve broken my heart, but I’m not mad at you,”
he whispered into my ear.” He sighed and said aloud, “Does he know?”

“It’s
too late for Jason and me,” I said with certainty, and clung to Ash.

“It’s
never too late.”

How
not right was this? Ash trying to console me about Jason. I drew back and said
in an exhausted voice, “Yes, sometimes it is.” Pulling me back into his arms,
he massaged my back tenderly. Ben and Ally excused themselves to get ready for
morning classes.

“You
should probably head north,” I said to Ash in a voice that sounded a million
miles away. “I don’t want the Ray-pacs to doubt your loyalty to them.”

“I
don’t want to leave,” Ash sighed.

“I’ll
be okay.” I smiled. “I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront with you about Jason,” I said.
“He never came up in a discussion, and my relationship with him has always been
complicated. But he’s always made it clear that he and I were nothing more than
friends, especially since it’s basically against the ‘code’ or something for
Guardians and Amethysts to pair up romantically.” I rubbed my forehead.

“Lexi,”
Ash said in a disgruntled voice, “I can’t tell you I’m not frustrated or that
I’m not hurting right now, because I am.” He glanced down at the floor and then
met my eyes again, “Do I think Jason is the right guy for you? No, I don’t. But
I understand feelings can be…well, they can be tricky.”