Little Book of Fantasies (2 page)

Her eyes narrowed, and she opened her mouth to protest. That mocking smirk on his lips, the raised brow, and his arms now folded across his chest, all just dared her to test him. Prove him right. She clamped her mouth shut.

“Attitude counts double. You might keep that in mind for future reference. You still have three minutes.”

She willed herself to breathe through the throbbing of her bladder. The thought of a possible bladder infection as a result of this crossed her mind, and she groaned. “Why don’t you just tell me why I’m here? I thought you meant to kill me, but I don’t see any torture devices.”

He laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. Kaitlyn scrunched her face. “I know how much you hate it when I do that, but I like it. To answer your question, no, I’m not going to kill you. This is for you and, evidently, I don’t play a very big role in it except as tormentor. So, we’ll be improvising a little. And no, I’m not going to tell you anything. You have to guess.”

“Can you give me a clue?”

“Yes.”

She waited. He said nothing. Her bladder began to pound in earnest. She crossed her legs back and forth. Trying to think past her need to pee became more difficult by the second—her hands were beginning to tingle and the cuffs were becoming painful. “Why couldn’t you have chosen padded handcuffs, or something?”

“Because that wouldn’t make you think. Besides, these are more real.” He stepped around her, back to the bed again.

“I need to pee.”

“One more minute.”

“I need to pee now.”

“Gag?”

She shut her mouth. Guessing was not easy for her. “You keep saying I wanted this. I don’t remember ever telling you that.”

“You’re right. You didn’t. Hence the reason for my disappointment.” He pulled a coffee can from the bag and walked over to her.

Her eyes widened. She tried to move backwards. “I am not peeing in that can.”

He cocked his head to one side. “That’s up to you. You can pee on yourself, but I’m not going to clean up the floor.”

“Ewww.”

“Now, spread ’em.”

She spread her legs just far enough so that he could press the can between her thighs, under her pussy. “Can I have a little privacy?”

“You don’t want privacy. So, no.”

She turned her head and scratched her chin against her shoulder, closed her eyes, and hid her face. Whether she wanted to or not, urinating without assistance or permission was not an option, so she proceeded to drain her full bladder. To her amazement, her nipples pricked beneath his scrutiny. She finished, and he removed the can, never saying a word.

She snapped her eyes shut when she saw him come back to her and kneel at her feet. He used a wet wipe between her legs to clean her up. He kissed the top of her shaved mound. “You will have to excuse me if I make any mistakes in this fantasy. It might not be very dominant to kneel at my girlfriend’s feet; however, I find the sight of you like this to be very beautiful.”

She wanted to know what he meant by that, so she opened her eyes. He still knelt at her feet. His dark head bent back to show the love and affection in his dark brown eyes. There wasn’t the smart-ass smile from before. Instead, it was a smile of adoration. It made her nervous, her heart fluttered strangely in her chest. In three months, the two of them had never said I love you. The two of them here together, the way he looked up at her, made her think of how sweet he was every other day of the week. She needed to tell him how she felt.

The moment ended swiftly, and he stood once again. “Would you like to guess, or would you like me to just embarrass you, here and now.”

Did he just want to humiliate her? “I just don’t know. I wish I did, none of this makes sense. I’ve never said this is what I wanted, or needed, at any time that we’ve been together.”

He looked disappointed again. “It’s ok if you don’t want to play. I’ll tell you why you’re here.”

With her eyes, she followed his confident steps back to the bed, where he held up a plain, leather-bound book. He opened it and read aloud. “I’ve had this fantasy for a long time that I don’t dare tell anyone. Either from fear they will run, or fear they might try it. I’ve always had this strange fantasy of being kidnapped. Really kidnapped. Preferably by someone I don’t know very well, but someone who had the right amount of control to keep pushing until I could enjoy it. I want to be cuffed from a ceiling in real iron handcuffs so that way I can feel the bite of the sharp edge into my wrists. There needs to be a bed in the room, so my captor can lay me down and make love to me, after teasing me with all sorts of sensual devices.

“This all started because of a dream I had many years ago. This dream was of me being kidnapped and taken to an old, run down train station. It wouldn’t matter if I screamed or tried to run away; no one would hear me, and no one could help. I was at the kidnapper’s mercy for days on end. It seemed like weeks when it was probably only one. He used me and brought me pleasure, day in and day out. He fed me, washed me, and, to my chagrin, made me pee in a can. I could keep nothing from him. I was his captive. As his captive, secrets were not allowed.

“The dream was fascinating. It stayed with me for many years. I’ve dated many men, but none that I felt could hold a candle to this sort of fantasy. Steven, on the other hand, seems like the perfect guy to see this through. He is more strong-willed than I. He loves to try new things, and he fascinates me even more at every turn. I find I truly want to do things for him, cook for him, clean for him, whatever it is that would make him happy. Considering what I do for a living, this sounds strange. I’m constantly in control, yet when I’m with him, I want to lose all that control.” He took a deep breath and continued.

Her mortification grew with each word. She’d denied knowing what was happening, refused to remember those words she’d written in her diary and her culpability of this whole experience. Now they haunted her.

“I think I should stop now. I’m getting turned on just writing this.”

Shameful tears coursed down Kaitlyn’s hot cheeks. She turned her head away from the mirror, too horrified to look at herself. “I can’t believe you read my diary.”

“You should believe that I would read your diary. As you even said, I’m more strong-willed than you. I knew you were keeping this from me. Why didn’t you tell me about it? We could have done this easily.” His voice sounded soothing, but there was nothing soothing in knowing that her deepest, darkest secrets had just been laid out in front of her.

“Get me down from here. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Wrong answer, Kaitlyn. May I remind you once again, that you aren’t in any position to argue with me?” He walked up to her and thrust his hand between her legs. To add to her shame, she had grown wet with the idea of him knowing everything about her. Seeking out his answers, even when she would not give them to him.

She clamped her legs shut. “Stop it. I said I don’t want to talk. That also means I don’t want you to touch me.”

He licked the tips of two of his fingers. “Too bad. This says otherwise. There is nothing wrong with what you wrote.

We haven’t been together long; this would have made the perfect scenario for the two of us.” She didn’t say anything so he continued. “I guess it wouldn’t have been much of a fantasy had I dragged you here with your knowledge, would it?” Still, she said nothing. “So, does the man in your fantasy tie you up everyday, or is there something different he does?”

Bile rose in her throat, no answer would come out. Complete humiliation finally set in. Her arousal only made it worse. Her tears wouldn’t stop, her frustration built. “Just get me the fuck down from here and leave me the fuck alone,” she demanded.

He turned on his heel, opened the rail car door, and stepped out into the night, leaving her completely alone and still tied up.

“ARGH!” She kicked her legs in frustration and pulled at her wrists until her arms ached.

“Bastard!” she screamed at the closed door. She wished she couldn’t see her reflection in the mirror. Tears burned her eyes. She had no idea if he would come back tonight, or not. What if he left her here for the night and went home? “Who the fuck leaves someone hanging?”

She kicked again. “Get me down from here!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Of course, no one is going to hear me screaming. Wasn’t it my fantasy to be tied up in a place where I couldn’t get out?” Tears of pain, and anger, coursed down her cheeks. “Stupid diary. Stupid fantasies. Stupid men who can read.”

A little voice in her head rang out as her voice of reason.

He did everything you told him to do.

“Yeah, but he didn’t have to do it so well.”

You never would have bought it if he had discussed it with you first. That’s your problem, Kate. You lose men constantly over things they should have known, but never would have, if they hadn’t looked for the information themselves. He’s only doing what you wanted him to do.

“He still shouldn’t have read my diary. That is none of his business.” Her argument sounded lame even to her own ears. It’s not like she kept the diary hidden. It sat on the nightstand, pen in place where she left off. Why? Because she was always too lazy to put it away.

Secretly, she had wanted him to find it. If he found it, that meant he’d probably read it. Then he might do it. At least he wasn’t like her other, wimpy boyfriends who would have run at the mere thought of being asked to give instruction. Or worse, if she’d tell them what she wanted, they refused to do it because it wasn’t their idea.

No, Steven was different. He could handle it. He could take as much as he gave. The day they started dating, he had said to her
, “Always be honest. I hate liars.”

She had been honest, except for this. She couldn’t tell him, but couldn’t let go of her little fantasies. In her fantasies, she had full control. There were no surprises. It just never occurred to her that her fantasies could ever be reality.

She looked in the mirror. Her cheeks were red from crying, but her vision blurred as exhaustion began to creep in. Her arms and shoulders ached, and now even her wrists hurt. Her rib cage strained with each breath, and she had to pee again. No privacy for a full weekend. No way out. The second he had told her he wouldn’t hurt her, it changed everything. In the mirror, she could see that her vulva was still puffy–it was obvious that, although her arousal had somewhat faded, she still wanted this. Needed him. “It would be like me to fall in love with a man who won’t take no for an answer.”

* * * *

Steven kicked at a rock as he stormed around the abandoned train station. It wasn’t truly abandoned. He waved to the train station manager. He was a kinky, old fellow himself, so when Steven had asked about the possibility of using the train yard, the man just laughed and handed over the keys.

Something had broken him, and that something was Kaitlyn’s submission. He’d worked so hard over the years to keep his dominant nature a secret. He’d done everything within his grasp to see that she wouldn’t have to go through the same humiliation, and awkward friendships, that so many others had. Yet Kaitlyn—innocent, little Kaitlyn—had written countless tales in her journal. All of them giving her submission to her partner.

He’d seen it in her from the moment they met. The way she didn’t hold eye contact for very long. The way she did as he asked without question or grumbling. He loved testing the waters a little in bed, and with little things outside the bedroom. “Honey, could you get me a glass of water?” or “I bet you could serve up a really great dinner.”

Sneaky, yes, but it was all he could have. Now, the more he got to know his Kaitlyn, the more he wanted to control her, dominate her, show her everything in her little book of fantasies, and explain the details. He shoved his fingers through his hair. This was a bad idea. The whole weekend was a bad idea. Too close. He was just too close to sitting her down and asking her to wear his collar.

He would just go back in there and tell her flat out he couldn’t do this. Take her down from her bondage and send her back home. She deserved that much. She didn’t deserve his hand reddening her ass, or his commands on how to behave, react, what to say, and how to say it. His groin tightened at the thought of her on her knees in front of him, awaiting his demands. He turned around mid-stride and stalked back to the train car.

* * * *

Kaitlyn had been silent for a few minutes. Talking to herself had solved nothing. Everything depended on him. When Steven returned, she would apologize and be the woman she wanted to be for this night. A woman at his full beck and call.

The rattle of the sidecar door grated as someone pulled it to the side. Steven’s dark hair was mussed from running his fingers through it. The dark circles under his eyes told her the lateness of the hour. He was usually in bed by eleven; it had to be well after by now. His booted foot stepped up onto the wooden floor. His eyes never met hers.

“I have to pee.”

He sighed. His shoulders slumped. “Here, let me get you down so I can take you home. I understand this is a bit much for you, and I should have thought about that first. I apologize.”

As he reached above her head to grasp the cuffs, she slid her foot up the inside of his thigh. “Please don’t.”

He lowered his head and met her gaze. The pain was clear in his dark gaze. It took her breath away. He seemed to be searching for something. Honesty? “You don’t need to do this.”

Emotion, guilt, and remorse rode heavily upon her, hampering her speech. “It is you who didn’t have to do this. You are offering me a chance of a lifetime, and I’m being a total bitch over something that really isn’t that big of a deal. Just…when I heard my own words tonight, it scared me. I felt as though you were prying, but how else could you have pulled this off without doing just that. No, I should be thanking you, and I want…no, I need, you to continue.”

She blinked away tears as they threatened to fall again. Instead of replying, he grabbed her face between his large palms and brought his head down for a fierce kiss. He inhaled sharply and pushed his tongue past her lips. She allowed the invasion, weakening to his demands. His tongue pushed her own back in her mouth. He bit at her bottom lip, kissed the tip of her nose, her closed eyelids, which only made them heavier with desire.