Lonely Heart (6 page)

It was still hard to believe she and Zachariah were separated. The ink was barely dry on their marriage certificate.

“I’m here. What choice do I have? My illusion of the perfect marriage and perfect man has gone out of the window, but…” Her eyes drifted down to her hand which lacked the gorgeous wedding ring he’d given her. In its place was a butterfly tattoo. “That’s life, right? Knocks you down just as you finally find happiness?” Her laugh was cynical. “Then again, it may just be a side effect of being me.”

I reached over, held her hand. “Is there any hope you’ll get back together? You guys don’t have the same issues as me and Luke. Zachariah wants the baby, right?”

“Oh yeah, he does. Getting pregnant wasn’t the problem. We started trying during our honeymoon. Our separation is about his ability to trust me and my lack of faith in him. I really screwed things up. It’s amazing how hindsight can kick you in the ass. If I had listened to my gut and ignored Ms. Belinda’s request, we’d be together.”

“I can’t believe he’s so pig headed he can’t move on.” To my surprise, Yasmine laughed.

“Zack and I both have stubborn streaks.” She sighed, absently rubbed her finger.

“Look at it this way, we now have a club all our own.”

Yasmine glanced over at me in confusion. “What club?”

“The Single Momma Club,” I rubbed my belly.

Mixed emotions went over her face. “I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry.”

“Laugh or cry about what?”

Yasmine and I looked up to see Ebony standing in front of us, hands on her hips. She leaned in to give me a hug.

“Hey! You said you couldn’t make it.” Being with both of my friends again made me complete.

“And leave my two best friends abandoned? I don’t think so.” She hugged Yasmine.

“I thought you and lover boy had plans for tonight.” Yasmine watched Ebony in disbelief.

She shrugged. “We did, but he understood this is one of those times I need to be with my girls.”

Yasmine and I glanced at each other, her expression mirrored my own. “You’re not obligated to leave him and sit with us,” I said.

“You should be with your man appreciating the fact you have a wonderful relationship,” Yasmine added.

“You guys are making me feel bad for being married,” Ebony said, the pain written over her face.

“Nobody’s trying to make you feel bad, trust me. You’ve got a good man; we’re proud of you. Do what you need to protect your relationship, that’s all I’m saying,” Yasmine replied.

“Believe me, I am. Taking those counseling courses is helping. If anything, we’re stronger than ever.”

“Good for you,” I meant every word. “Now, how ‘bout we change the subject before we get depressed? Oh, I know,” A wicked smile stretched over my face as my gaze went between them.

“Uh oh, I know that look,” Ebony laughed. “I’m not sure I like where this is going.”

“Care to join the Baby Making Club?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

Yasmine’s laugh was so loud she had to cover her mouth.

Ebony chuckled. “And take away from the shine you ladies have? Hey, somebody has to babysit.”

“She’s got a point.” Yasmine tilted her head in my direction. “I say we leave her and Brian to play aunt and uncle while you and I go out for a night on the town.”

I laughed. “Sounds good to me.”

“Oh that’s messed up,” Ebony said, shaking her head.

“Unless you think Uncle Brian can handle two babies?” I offered.

Our faces scrunched as we thought about it, then laughed.

“Okay, that’s enough about babies; you guys are trying to pass the baby cootie. What’s new with you guys?”

“My sister, Tiffany, moved in.”

Both ladies’ eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“When did that happen?” Ebony asked after the nail tech got her situated in an empty massage chair on the opposite side of me.

“Last week. It all happened so fast.” I filled them in on the details.

“The good thing is you have someone there to help you now,” Yasmine said when I finished.

“It’s a blessin’ for sure. She’s nearly done unpackin’ everythin’. Now all she needs is a job.”

“Maybe I can help. Is she good with animals?” Ebony asked.

“We grew up on a farm,” I reminded her.

Ebony laughed. “That’s right. I heard the animal clinic I used to volunteer at is looking for part-time help. I believe they need someone to clean cages, bathe, and walk the animals. The pay is decent. I’ll make a call in the morning.”

“I’ll let her know. Thanks for lookin’ out.”

“What are friends for? By the way, are you still having your blood pressure checked?”

“I’m bein’ monitored. My doctor is threatenin’ bed rest if it doesn’t get in check soon. At least all I have is a few weeks left of work, then I’ll be off my feet until it’s time to have the baby. Oh, speakin’ of which, I’ve got a new job offer.”

“What? Tell!” Yasmine said.

“The studio wants to put me in charge of wardrobe for another TV show.” Just the idea my name came up as a candidate for the position made me smile from ear-to-ear.

“That’s wonderful!” Ebony said.

I shared the news about the two contracts. It took an entire week to weigh the pros and cons of each position.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Yasmine asked.

I took a deep breath. “I’m goin’ for it. The pay is better, so are the benefits. God knows I need insurance to pay for the baby’s birth and doctor’s appointments. I just have to do a good job. Alexandria has faith in me or else she wouldn’t have recommended me for the job. Now I’ve got to have faith in myself.”

“Do you?” Yasmine studied me.

“Yes, I do.”

Or else, I’m screwed.

“Antonio, are you even listening?”

I blinked, but couldn’t erase the bored expression on my face fast enough. Listening to Gina’s monologue put me to sleep.

Maybe tonight wasn’t the best night to live up to my promise of spending time with her.

Irritation shot from her eyes. “If you are not interested in what happened last week, why don’t you just say so?”

How could I tell her the reason why she added bronze streaks in her hair or how long it took to find the perfect fingernail polish to match her sandals was inconsequential to my life?

Instead of replying, I kissed her.

Her arms went around my neck, pulled me close; the kiss deepened.

“Mmm…if you wanted me to stop talking, why didn’t you do this ten minutes ago?” Gina moved from her side of the sofa, sat on my lap, and settled my hands around her waist. There was no mistaking where she expected things to go from here.

After a few minutes, I was unable to build up any sense of desire. It wasn’t working. If anything, her hands in my hair and the slide of her lips from my mouth to the side of my throat did nothing but irritate me.

Why was I doing this?

“I still have that sexy number you’ll like. It’s underneath my clothes,” Gina whispered, then nipped my ear with her teeth. She stood and began a striptease.

I reached for her hands and stood, stopping her before she finished unhooking her shirt. I got a glimpse of black lace over bountiful breasts. Oddly enough, it did nothing for me.

I pulled her in and held her tight, trying to decide how to handle what happened next. If I slept with her now, she’d expect me to stay. When we first got together, every time we saw each other resulted in ripping off our clothes. But now the attraction had faded, at least on my side. Something was missing. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what. Whatever it was, Gina couldn’t provide it.

Even if I pushed that thought aside and got into it, when the action ended, we would cuddle and the subject of marriage or kids would come up. She needed to know how I felt about the matter, which of course, knowing Gina’s temperament, would start an argument. I was in no mood to deal with drama tonight.

In the end, it was cliché. The problem in our relationship was me.

How would I realistically make myself or any woman happy with my expectations?

I kissed her forehead. “Not tonight, Gina. I have to go.” I pulled away.

“Go?” Her creative use of expletives in Spanish made me flinch.

Never piss off a horny woman.

“Gina, you wear me out, I’ll be no good at work if I stay. We have a heavy workload tomorrow; my uncle needs me.”

My attempt to smooth my departure over got deflected by her temper.

Gina dragged my hand to the exposed swell of her breasts. “Does your uncle have one of these?”

“Gina…”

“Look, Antonio, I don’t know what the problem is, but you need to figure it out. You can’t keep all of this sitting around the house waiting for you to decide that you want it.”

“I know…look, I’ll call later, okay?” I kissed her on the lips quickly and made my way out the door, and to my car.

At the first traffic light, I rubbed my eyes.

I turned down sex with a hot woman who begged me to do her. Gina could have any man she wanted. Even my cousins fought over her. I didn’t have to; she came to me.

Was that where the attraction got lost on my end? There was no chase, no work involved to keep our relationship beyond the sheets interesting.

The attraction was there, but what else did Gina have to offer? She had a good head on her shoulders, knew what she wanted, and how to go get it. The clinginess I could handle, but when it came to conversation and keeping my interest…well, that’s when it all went downhill.

Damn, what was my problem? I would be thirty soon and knew exactly what I wanted. Could it be found? That remained to be seen.

My phone buzzed, alerting me to a text message. I hoped it wasn’t Gina sending me naked pictures to show what I gave up for the night. Instead, my youngest cousin, Fernando invited me to meet to shoot some pool. Perfect. I needed the distraction.

****

“Dos cervezas y dos tortillas de pollo, por favor. Gracias.” Fernando smiled at the server, ogling as he watched her walk away.

I had to admit, the view was nice.

“How much you want to bet I’ll have her number by the end of the night?”

I laughed. “Nah, I need my money. What have you been up to?”

“Looking for a job. Man, the school promised job offers would be lining up after graduation. All lies.” He shook his head. “I take that back. If you’re white, you got a job. Us,” he pointed to his skin, “…and blacks? Nada.”

Fernando attended college to become a computer programmer, as his older brothers did. At the time they graduated, jobs were easier to find. But today’s economy and the amount of people going after the same degree made the job market tight.

“Ramon or Javier can’t get you in where they work?”

Fernando cut his eyes at me. “They barely made it in themselves. There’s only so many positions open for the Latino spots.”

The server returned with our Coronas and tortillas.

“Gracias, mami. ¿Cuál es sú número?”

I chuckled and sipped my beer. Out of Tio Alejandro’s three sons, I got along with Fernando the best. Ramon and Javier focused on nothing but themselves. Fernando was more inclined to be helpful. Over the years, he expressed interest in working for their father, but he’d been discouraged because he wanted to follow in the footsteps of his older brothers. Being a follower was a trait he needed to work on.

“So like I said, no job, no dinero.” He continued, pocketing the number the server scribbled on a cocktail napkin.

I chuckled. “That’s why you wanted the bet. Who’s paying for this meal anyway?”

“I’m good for it.” He swallowed more beer. “I feel like I wasted my time going to college. After all of that hard work, there’s nothing to show except a degree on a sheet of paper.”

“If you’d listened to me…”

He waved his hand in exasperation.

“… you’d always have a job and be running the shop by now.”

“Please, everyone knows you’re Papi’s favorite. You’re a shoo-in for the position.”

“Maybe, but I’m not his son. If you ignored those knucklehead brothers of yours and followed your instincts, you’d be set.”

He scowled and drank his beer. “I’m going to have to beg him to train me now.”

“Have the conversation, I’ll handle the rest. Esta bien?”

“Really? You’d do that?”

I slapped him on the back. “We’re family, Fernando. Just because your brothers are selfish doesn’t mean I’m the same. You know I’ve got your back. Handle your business.”

He nodded, a renewed sense of purpose on his face. “Thanks.”

Before long, we had finished our meal, were on the third round of beers, and had a tied score at the pool table.

“Are you still talking to Gina?”

Startled by the question, I missed my shot. “That was low.” I punched him in the arm as he walked by to line up his shot. “Why do you want to know?”

He took his shot, watched it bounce off the side of the table. “I’ve seen her around lately and she’s been by herself. She doesn’t seem happy.” He shrugged. “I figured you guys may be taking a break again. What happened?”

“I ask myself the same question,” I mumbled, and lined up my next shot.

“Are you breaking up with her?”

“It’s possible.” I pointed my pool stick in his direction. “If I hear you spreading rumors around I’m gonna kick your ass.”

His hands went up in defense. “My lips are sealed.”

I made the next shot before it hit me. “You want my leftovers.”

“¡Dios mio! No… I’m just… if you guys break up again, maybe you can let me get a shot at her.”

Unable to help it, I laughed. “You’ve got balls man! Tu tienes los cojones grande.”

He blanched. “Not really. It seems you guys aren’t going to last much longer. I want to be first in line, that’s all. I have no plans of stepping in the way.”

“Fernando, está bien; I’m not mad. Honestly, I don’t know what we’re doing. Gina is a good woman and we have fun together. I can’t see us doing anything long term.”

“Are you serious?”

I nodded and lined up the next shot; missed. “Sometimes, some things aren’t meant to be.”

If my doctor found out I came here alone, he’d probably put me on immediate bed rest. Not to mention Yasmine and Ebony would have a cow, then tie me to my bed without doctor’s orders.