Read Long After (Sometimes Never) Online
Authors: Cheryl McIntyre
Long After (Sometimes Never) (8 page)
Since the day Annie showed up at my dorm room, we’ve spent a lot of time together. It was weird at first because I didn’t understand why, after months of ignoring me, she was suddenly coming around. Not that I’m complaining. As weird as her sudden appearance was, it was also comfortable and welcome.
I finally ended up getting a mumbled, generic explanation about she and Loden taking a “break.” I had no idea what that meant and really didn’t give a shit, because Annie was back. That’s all that mattered.
We’ve spent the time going to movies, out to eat, and hitting local parties. There have been weeks that I’ve seen her more than Guy and Park. And I’m…I’m good with that.
Annie scoots into the passenger seat and drops her purse between her feet. “Are you drinking tonight?”
“Probably not. Why?”
“Oh, good.” She smiles and sighs as she leans her head back against the seat. “I need to get drunk.”
I cock a brow and grin. “Rough day?”
She shrugs, not elaborating. “Are we going to Guy’s?”
“No. Park and Jessie’s. Hope said there’s a little party going on over there.”
“Oh. She didn’t call me,” Annie says softly. I glance over at her and she’s staring out the window, hiding her face from my view.
“I told her I’d bring you.”
Annie turns to regard me,
a smirk turning up the corners of her lips. I shift my eyes away from her mouth and watch the road. “How’d you know I’d definitely come along?”
“You haven’t turned down one of my invites so far this summer.” I nod at her knowing expression. “You and Loden should take
breaks
more often,” I add.
She shifts in her seat and I know I shouldn’t have mentioned him. He’s like this dark cloud hovering over our heads. I don’t know how long their break will last. Is it just while he’s away for the summer? Or is
it permanent?
I park at the curb and head around the car for Annie’s door, but she hops out before I get there. She gazes up at the apartment building and I take the opportunity to look at her. Her hair is smooth and stick straight, hanging down her back. There isn’t a lock out of place and for some reason that makes me smile.
She adjusts her shirt, running her fingers over the front from below her breasts to the hem. Then she repeats the gesture, this time with her hair.
When she glances at me, I raise my eyebrows and look at her expectantly. “Ready?”
Her cheeks flame as she nods. “Yeah.”
I chuckle and touch her arm, right above the elbow, guiding her toward the door. From my peripheral vision, I notice her peer down at my hand against her and then up at me. I refuse to acknowl
edge her. I keep walking, climbing the steps.
The
apartment door opens as soon as we hit the landing and Hope practically attacks Annie, pulling her in for a hug. Annie freezes, surprised, her arms stiff at her sides for several seconds before she slowly lifts them, returning the hug. Even I’m taken aback by the gesture. Hope’s never been the huggie type.
“I’ve missed you,” Hope whispers.
“Me too,” Annie says, her voice tight, either from emotion or because Hope’s cutting off her air, not sure which.
I clear my throat obnoxiously, but seriously. What am I? Chopped freaking liver? I throw my arms out when Hope eyes me over Annie’s shoulder. “Where’s my love?”
Laughing, Hope releases Annie and steps in, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. “Don’t worry, I’ve missed you the most.”
I pat her back, chuckling lightly. “Of course you have. I’m awesome.”
Annie snorts and I narrow my eyes at her. “Awesomely stupid.”
Hope heads back to the door, shaking her head. “Do you guys ever stop?”
“What’s that?” I ask Annie, pointing at her face, and ignoring Hope’s comment. Annie’s hand shoots up to her face quickly, searching.
“What? Where?”
I take a step, bringing me closer to her, my chest grazing hers as I lower my head. “You’re jealousy is showing.”
She glares at me, pivoting on her heel. “Jealous of what?” she throws over her shoulder. “Your stupidity? Or your dumb haircut? Or maybe,” she continues, pausing halfway through the threshold, “your ability to drive me insane?”
I grin at her and she rolls her eyes. “Hope likes me more,” I sing.
Annie scoffs. “She just said that to make you feel better.”
I hear Hope’s voice filter into the hallway. “I hate you both equally.”
I squeeze past Annie, my front pressing into hers as I wiggle between her and the doorframe. “Now you pissed her off,
” I murmur into her ear. I go for teasing, but my breath hitches as our bodies touch, and it comes out slow and whispered. Her eyes flick up to mine, her lips parting, before she drops her head and pushes past me.
I’m trying to come up with something to say to diffuse whatever the hell that was that just happened when someone screams. I see Guy and Jessie run past the kitchen. The music cuts off in the living room. I move toward the panicked voices, Annie’s eyes meeting mine in question.
Jessie, Park’s roommate, flies around the corner. “Mason, Chase,” he pants, his expression grim. “Some guys jumped Park down in the parking lot. Lucy said they beat the hell out of him.”
~*~
I’m leaning against the wall outside Park’s hospital room with half the people who were at the party. All the people closest to Park. Two nurses have asked us to clear the hall, pointing in the direction of the waiting room. We ignored both of them. Park went down for some head scan or something. We aren’t going anywhere until he’s back.
My eyes trail Annie as she paces back and forth in front of me, her hands clasped together. Back and forth. Back and forth.
I close my eyes, shutting out her endless pattern, and my thoughts drift. How could anybody do something like this? How can a human being use his bare hands and beat another person to within an inch of their life?
Park may not make it through this.
I inhale sharply, my breath shuddering, and my eyes snapping open with the thought. He’s one of my closest friends. He can’t…
Back and forth. Back and forth.
“Can you stop?” I hiss. “Annie. Stop. Sit down.”
Just sit the fuck down. Please
.
“I can’t sit down,” she murmurs, her voice so quiet, I nearly miss it.
“Then stand. I don’t give a shit. But stop pacing.” I suck in a quick breath, trying to calm down. “It’s driving me crazy,” I utter.
Her eyes, wide and scared, rake over me slowly, carefully, and I feel like the biggest asshole. She’s as freaked out as I am.
Shit
. As we all are.
“I’m not good at this,” she breathes.
Seeing her like this, helpless and scared, it makes my stomach clench. “Come here,” I demand, needing her close. Needing to make this right. She takes two hesitant steps, putting herself in front of me and I hold out my fist.
“What?” she asks, confused.
“Rock, paper, scissors.” She doesn’t remember, I realize. But when we were younger, and her mom first married Guy’s dad, we fought over everything. From what we watched on TV to what music we listened to down to what board game to play. Annie and I always disagreed, mostly because I always chose the exact opposite of whatever she wanted just to piss her off.
We settled it with rock, paper, scissors.
“Why?”
“Because I said. Come on.” I
smack my fist into my palm. Her gaze lifts from my hands to my eyes and I see it. That flicker of memory.
“But…what are we playing for?”
She remembers. I grin.
“For fun.”
Annie lifts her hand, mirroring my position as she shakes her head. “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot,” she says, her voice even, soft.
I go with rock because Annie is so incredibly predictable. She
always
chose scissors first.
I raise my fist above my head triumphantly. “Rock beats scissors,” I say, smiling widely at her.
She smiles, shaking her head once again. And something inside feels lighter.
I made her feel better
.
“Again?”
She nods, trying to hide her growing grin by rolling her eyes. But it’s too late. I saw it. And she isn’t pacing. Mission accomplished. I’d pat my own back if I weren’t in the middle of an exciting game.
I’m in my room, getting ready for Chase to pick me up. We’re going to see Park’s band play. It’s a special show. Park’s first since he was released from the hospital last month. I pause as that thought registers. Loden will be back soon.
This summer has flown by much too quickly.
I’ve been so busy I haven’t really had time to think much about Loden. We haven’t even talked this summer.
Now it’s just a
few more weeks before he comes back for school and I’m nervous. Nervous what will happen between us. Nervous what he’ll do if he finds out I’ve been spending most of my time with Chase.
Chase, of all people. I swallow tightly. He can’t find out.
I just finish changing when my new roommate, Hannah, comes bouncing into the room with a basket of laundry. She’s small and energetic with shoulder-length, dark hair, and the widest, most innocent green eyes I have ever seen. And she’s much nicer than Gretchen. She smiles a lot, though she hasn’t talked to me much over the summer. I’m not sure I ever saw Gretchen smile—not once in the whole year we roomed with each other. She had been more of a frowner, prone to scowling.
I learned pretty quickly that Hannah’s innocent appearance is just that. Appearance. She smiles at me as she pulls freshly laundered sheets from the basket. Her phone rings, and while she’s in the middle of placing her baby blue sheets on her bed, she puts it on speaker. Then she and her boyfriend proceed to have phone sex. After my mouth drops open, I decide it’s as hilarious as it is awkward, because Hannah’s in sweats, struggling to make her bed the entire time she’s laying out this elaborate, erotic scene for him.
I press my lips together to keep from laughing as I slide my ear buds into place. I turn the music up until it’s loud enough to drown out her breathy, whimpering, voice. And I wonder, could I ever be like that? Be that carefree to have phone sex? I can’t imagine Loden ever participating in it. It goes against that perfect image we silently try to maintain. I bite down on my lip as I imagine doing that with Chase. My cheeks heat because I can envision it clearly. Too clearly.
My phone lights up on the dresser and I scoop it up quickly. It’s a text from Chase
saying he’ll be here in thirty minutes. I’m grinning as I type my reply—which is something about him not being able to count that high—when I look into the mirror and see Loden standing in the open doorway.
He’s back. Early.
I pluck the ear buds out, letting them fall. Hannah discreetly ducks past him, closing the door behind her as he moves purposefully to stand before me.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he breathes, wrapping his arms around me.
I don’t say anything for several seconds, still shocked he’s here. “I missed you, too,” I whisper finally.
His arms tighten and he hugs me firmly to his chest. “I’m so sorry. I know I can be a jealous asshole, but I’m going to work on it. Tell me we’re okay.”
I close my eyes, trying to think. My heart is racing. I have fun with Chase. I do. I really, really do. But Loden…he’s my
future
.
“I love you, Annie. I need you. Tell me.”
My breath hitches. I open my eyes and nod. “We’re okay.”
Loden steps back, holding me at arm’s length as he grins at me. “Let’s celebrate. I’ll take you out to dinner.” He pulls me back in as he adds, “And then we can go dancing.” His voice has gone husky and I know he’s remembering our first date.
“O-okay,” I agree. “I need to finish getting ready.”
He looks at me then, his eyes trailing down my body, taking in the dress I put on for Park’s show. “Were you going somewhere?”
I shake my head stiffly. “Nope. Just a late start today.”
“All right,” he says, his brows drawing together. “I’ll be back in an hour. I need
to run home to the new place real quick. Be ready.” He kisses me gently and then walks out of my room with a smile. I slump against the dresser as I pick up my phone and text Chase.
This is for the best.
Hannah comes back in, still on her phone. I watch her in the mirror as she lies back on her now made bed. She’s happy and relaxed. I sigh. No. There is no way I could ever have that
kind of relationship with Loden.
I open the passenger side door and offer my hand. Kayla takes it with a smile. She interlocks her fingers with mine and we walk that way, hand in hand, toward the restaurant.
I met Kayla through Ella—back before Ella thought I was going to accost her dog. At the time, I had been interested in Ella and barely noticed Kayla. Then she turned up in my Lit class this semester and we started talking.
Annie disappeared on me again and it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out the Loden equation. When she was dating him, she stopped hanging out with everybody. They broke up for the summer and she started coming around. Loden comes back, and Annie’s MIA once again.
Kayla’s a good distraction.
I like her. She’s nice and she’s sexy as hell. But there’s something about her that holds me back from making this exclusive in the way she wants.
Shit. It might not even be anything about her, regardless of how much she gets on my nerves. In fact, I’m pretty damn sure it’s me.
“What are we doing after we eat?”
“Uh, I don’t know…” I let the end of my sentence float off into space because I had no intention of doing anything with her after this. I want to go get in a late workout and maybe swim a few laps if I have time. Ever since Park met his girlfriend, Lucy, over summer break, he’s bailed on nearly all our workouts.
With Guy and Park both in their own apartments, I ended up going back to my old pattern, which consists of me sleeping in every chance I get, but I still try to get my swim time in.
Now I
’ll need some way to get rid of all this extra energy I have if I’m not working out. I glance at Kayla with the thought. I’m sure she and I could come up with an alternative way to relieve my excess energy issue.
“Why? What’d you have in mind?”
I open the door and usher her out of the brisk night air. She twirls a thick lock of her dark hair around one finger and shrugs her shoulders.
“There’s a party.
”
I’m always up for
a party, but that wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for. The hostess greets us and we follow her to a booth in the back. Kayla slides in beside me and I stifle the annoyed sigh that’s dying to burst from my lips. I hate this about her.
Hate it.
I need my space while I eat and I’d rather be able to look at the person I’m with. Seriously. Who the hell likes to cuddle while they eat dinner?
She hooks her arm through mine as she opens her menu. I fight against the urge to shake her off me. It doesn’t matter. I already know what I want. It’s the same thing I get every time I go out. But Kayla will read the menu for the next ten minutes, looking at all the stuff she really wants, before ordering another fucking salad.
“What are you getting?” she asks with her attention still on the open menu in front of her.
I want to bat my lashes and tell her I’m thinking about getting a salad with dressing on the side and ice water to drink. But this would cause her to stare at me blankly until I explained it was a joke.
This also irritates me.
Damn it. This is why I’m single.
“Burger and fries,” I reply.
“Mm, that sounds good,” she says.
I arch a brow that she doesn’t see because she still has her nose buried in the menu. I stare out the window and wonder how long I’ll keep doing this. How long will I keep her around? How long will I keep scrutinizing everything she does?
“I think I’ll get a salad,” she finally decides.
Oh, the mockery that erupts inside my head.
Outside I smile and nod, and pretend this hasn’t happened at every meal in every other restaurant we’ve been to over the past few weeks.
~*~
After I make a phone call, in which I beg Guy to join us and to which he denies my request because
he already has plans, Kayla and I go to the party. It’s at a frat house, Sig something another—I don’t keep up with all that shit.
I
had texted Park to come hang out with me because if my only form of conversation is Kayla, this night is going to drag. I didn’t hear back and I know that means he’s busy with Lucy.
Kayla interlocks our fingers as soon as we’re out of the car. The front door is standing
wide open. There’s a guy puking over the porch railing and I chuckle. When the first thing you see is someone upchucking large quantities of alcohol, you know it’s a good party.
I
should have stopped and got my Super Soaker
.
The music is techno. Not my favorite, but better than that pop shit I deal with at most parties. I fill two cups, offering one to Kayla, and lean against the wall while I chug half of mine down.
“You want to dance?” Kayla shouts over the music. I glance around at the overly filled living room, looking for the designated dance floor. And my eyes land on Annie. She has her arms wrapped around Loden’s waist and they’re dancing much too slowly for the fast-beating song. Her face rests on his chest as if she’s listening to his heartbeat—which makes me want to gag.
I nod and Kayla sets
her beer down. I bring mine along as she tows me behind her. Her hands slide up my chest and hook around my neck.
“I love this song,” she says close to my ear.
I ignore the comment, turning my head to the side so I can down another mouthful of my drink. I try to keep my eyes off Annie, but it’s been weeks since I’ve seen her.
I hope she doesn’t plan on avoiding me until next summer. That’s going to get old real quick.
She hasn’t even gone to talk to Guy as far as I know. Looking at her now has my breath hitching in my throat and my blood boiling at the same time. I don’t like being a part-time friend at her convenience.
I look away and try to focus on Kayla, but it isn’t happening. My thoughts keep forcing their way back to Annie. Maybe she’s just been busy. She always h
as so much going on.
I don’t realize I’m staring at Annie’s face until her eyes open and her lips part in surprise. I offer her a grin and she smiles for half a second before she turns away, looking up at Loden. He doesn’t notice the way she’s gazing at him because he’s too busy watching me.
I nod a hello. Annie says something and he glances down at her.
And then Annie’s entire body tenses at his reply. I stop moving with Kayla, my hand dropping away from her side. All my attention focuses on Loden’s hands and the way they’re pressing into Annie’s hips, his fingers digging into her skin. It takes me a second to register what’s happening. I want to make sure I’m actually seeing what I think I’m seeing.
But before I can react, Loden releases her, causing Annie to stumble back a step as if she had been struggling against his grip, and confirming my suspicion.
Kayla puts a hand on my arm, wondering what the hell I’m doing, but I can’t even acknowledge her. I’m stuck, frozen in place as my body wars with my mind. As my eyes battle my thoughts, trying to convince me that I didn’t see what I know I just saw.
Loden pushes through the crowd and it takes Annie a second to follow after him. I grab hold of Kayla’s hand and drag her along as I make my way through the crowd.
“What’s going on?” Kayla asks. “Where are we going? Are you okay?”
I glance at her over my shoulder. “I just need to check on something,” I say, giving her the vaguest answer I can come up with. When I look back, I can’t find Annie. I pause, shifting my gaze from one side of the room to the other. I continue on to the kitchen where the kegs are set up. There’s a game of quarters going on at the table, a few guys doing shots at the bar area, and a couple of girls sitting up on top of the counters, talking.
No Annie.
I turn around and head for the staircase. I’m assuming it leads up to the bedrooms. My heart rate kicks up into overdrive. If he took her up there to carry on what I saw in the living room…
Maybe I misunderstood.
Maybe I want something to be wrong in their relationship. Maybe I imagined it.
She didn’t ask for help. She didn’t yell. Hell, she followed after him. I must have gotten the wrong impression. But I have to be sure. I won’t feel right until I’m positive.
“Chase,” Kayla sighs. “What are we doing?”
There are six doors, all closed. I nudge Kayla against the wall near the landing. “Wait here for a second. I’ll be right back.”
“If you want to mess around we can go back to my place. My roommate went home for the weekend.”
I shake my head. “I’ll be right back,” I repeat. She rolls her eyes at me, but stays where I leave her. I stop in front of the first door and press my ear against it. Holding my breath, I listen. I’m met with silence. The second door gives the same response. Third door is slightly ajar so I peer inside. It’s a bathroom and there’s a girl hugging the toilet while her friend holds her hair.
Moving on to the next door, I repeat the process. When, again, I get nothing but the quiet hum of wood against my ear, I start for the next door.
Voices make me pause. I concentrate on listening as I step back to the door I just abandoned.
“I didn’t do anything,” Annie says. Her voice is lifeless, void of any emotion.
“Bullshit. You were watching him while you were dancing with me.”
Silence.
“I see the way he looks at you.”
Annie gasps and my blood runs cold.
“I told you
, that’s the one thing I won’t put up with.”
“Loden,” Annie says, her voice quiet, but I can hear the panic in her tone. I shove the door open and move into the room.
Loden has his hands in Annie’s hair and for one agonizing second, I think I really did misunderstand everything I’ve seen and heard tonight. It looks like he’s about to kiss her.
Until I detect the fear in Annie’s wide eyes and the anger etched into his features.
“Oh, that’s just fucking great,” Loden spits. He removes his hands from Annie’s hair and I notice it doesn’t fall right, like maybe he had been gripping it for awhile. Like maybe he had been pulling it.
“You all right?” I ask Annie.
She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t move. Her only reaction is to stare at me, the fear not leaving her eyes. I take another step closer and that jerks her out of whatever thought she was trapped in.
“I’m fine. We’re fine.”
I let my eyes move away from her and find Loden. His hands are in his own hair now and he’s pacing the length of the bed.
“Why don’t you let me give you a ride home?” I suggest, not knowing how to deal with this situation. I don’t want to make shit worse, but I’m not about to walk away, either.
She bites her lip, shaking her head. She brings her hands up to rub her arms like she’s cold and I see something that has me across the room before I even realize I’ve moved.
I put myself between Annie and Loden and place my hand on her back, ushering her toward the door.
“What are you doing?” she asks incredulously. If she could see her arms the way I can, she wouldn’t even ask me.
“We’re leaving.”
“I can’t—”
I stop and take her face into my shaking hands. “It’s taking everything in me not to beat his fucking ass. Just come with me.”
Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
“Fucking go,” Loden yells. “We’re done.”
Perfect. I drop my hands, wrapping one around Annie’s and pull her out of the room. I take Kayla’s wrist in my other hand and I don’t let go until I have to open the car door.